Ghosting! It's Interesting, Isn't It?

I read a major cultural publication refer to it as a millennial phenomenon and that gave birth to this post. I might be a Gen Xer that agrees with Baby Boomers that Millenials have done weird things to brunch. But I am the first to say their need to give names to everything is great. Ghosting, the practice of ending a personal relationship by abruptly and without explanation withdrawing from all contact is not a new action. Even though most times ghosting is in reference to the dating world, this word could be used in other places in life. Technically, for example, an absentee parent ghosted their family or a business partner can ghost with the money. Disagree with me in the comments. We can discuss other ways people ghost in life there. I'll leave this post to dating relationship & promise not to make other styles of ghosting post. I Promise!!!

Yes, I've ghosted men and been ghosted by men. I'm not bragging about being a ghost a time or two, because I know my ghosting was an immature way to show my frustration in a dating rapport. If I am not being heard and feel won't be heard, instead of saying that and leave, I cut off all communications. I'm doing better. Y'all pray for me as I continue. And when I disappeared, I stayed gone. It's the ghost hunter types I left that eventually track me down via mutual people or places in our lives. Those guys were genuinely concerned about my well being and my heart melted into learning to talk before I leave. Oh, staying is still not the goal, well maybe once. And I'm still single.

And yes, being ghosted is a crappy & confusing feeling. I can call & text only up to a week, for me to catch the clue. I prefer closure and even with being ghosted I figure out how to move on and close doors. Yet, it's my luck that my "ghost" always want to come back to haunt. They somehow snatch open the doors I did the emotional work to shut and say "Boo" by apologizing & wanting to catch up. I've never had a guy who ghosted on me to stay gone. That annoyed me. But I guess you never know you are truly healed until you fully face the problem. And any person who ghosts is a problem.

I am chuckling! Of course, me ghosting a guy & me being ghosted by a guy would have different outcomes. Outcomes are just as different as the reasons and excuses we have for ghosting. But ghosting actually needs to be ghosted. We all need to be adults and communicate, so we can work things out or break up. Lots of feelings and hearts wouldn't get bruised and much time could be saved.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!

Issa ~vs~ Lawrence (Looking For Yourself Edition)

If you don't watch or are behind on the HBO show, Insecure, might as well leave.

I blog for the people whose thoughts are different aka Me. I saw a lot of people making mention that Issa in Season 3 was in the same position as Daniel in Season 1. Both left their jobs, have a dream project and hit a wall trying to do so.

That's True But...

Did anyone notice it took Daniel, 5 years on the couch with depression & unemployment checks to figure out to stop looking at the wall, get off his butt and go get a job? It took Issa weeks, maybe a month to hit the wall, take the bump, grab her resume and apply for work, along driving for Lyft & being an apartment manager.

Both hit the wall, but how they handled the wall are totally different. And here is a small lesson. The wall is still there, but if you move on to other things may be the solution to taking it down will come to you. And possibly not, but it's more productive than staring at it.

But that's my thoughts. It's not the popular finger wag that Issa Season 3 is in the position as Lawrence Season 1. Child, it's not my first time, not being trendy.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!

Define Single & Go On With Your Life

I always say any sociologist and psychologist worth their research should study social media at least 3 days of the week. That's where I found this gem that made my wheels of my mind turn. Thank you T.T a*k*a June Bestie a*k*a ShadeTina for posting this.

Everybody has their definition of being single. I believe marriage is 100/100, so I am single until I am married. I can be Single & Dating and Single in a Committed Dating Relationship. Engagement is two single people with intentions to be married.

Each stage requires increasing percentages of myself. No relationship stage has set percentages needed for advancement but I do know 100% of me is required for marriage. That's my definition. And researchers, I will want my credit

That's why I chuckled hard at this meme. Yes, mind your business while folks are holding interviews. Or as I say in Offline Land, "See stuff and shut up". Datable candidates & mates don't fall out the sky. Truth be told there is no dating measurement stick. Nobody on the dating field moves the same. And unless cheating or lies are involved, all moves are legal. Heck, that's why the interview process exist. We're just checking out how a potential move around the dating space.

*sigh* I think you guy's memes prove why I'm single. Oh Well!!!

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!

Talk About Hubba Hubba

Ever see a meme that makes your spirit loudly say, "Oh My Gosh". I honestly think I had a moment when I saw this one. I might need a cool drink of water. *blushing*

Understand is a verb that means to perceive the intended meaning of words, a language, or speaker. Understood is its past tense form. But it's present tense form, Understanding can also be a noun & adjective. As a noun, it means the ability to understand something and as an adjective, it means sympathetically aware of other people's feelings.

In a world where Nene Leake's quote runs rampant, doesn't it feel good when someone shows their "ability to be sympathetically aware of how you feel"? It does to me. My friend, who's blog name will be, Houston lives be a quote I love, "Learn to Listen, Listen to Learn".

It upsets me when I say to anyone, that they aren't listening and they quip back, "I Hear You". People can hear you and not absorb anything you said. But when a person listens to you, they are learning about who you are. Oh, and what is the definition of learning? To become aware of something by information or from observation is learning. So, to be understood means that person is learning about you and they are listening. Doesn't that feel so good?

Don't believe what I'm saying. Go argue with your boo and watch how unattractive they are during and afterward.

I think I'm going to cuddle with that meme. It's Sexy!!!

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!

Dry Face Open (Answering Questions)

You ask and I answer. It's that simple. The same person had questions, so I'll answer them in the same post.

Q: Glad you like Kelli, now. And with that said, Do you think Dro & Candice on Insecure are in an open marriage?

A: That's another topic talk about on the HBO show, Insecure that I see differently. Yes, I believe Candice & Dro are in an open marriage. I don't think Candice knows about Molly. Friends of the couple may be a no-no for them. Molly is Dro's friend and it's easy for Dro to hide a sexual rapport behind friendship & hanging out.

FYI:
This is another reason why I am an opponent of any open relationships (swinging, multi-partner relationships, hybrid relationships, or polyamorous relationships). Too many possible rules or outcomes. One Rule to Monogamy = No Cheating = You & I Only

Q: You canceled the Skin & Makeup series before I could ask about a No-Makeup look. What products do you use for one?

A: No makeup means No makeup for me. Sorry, I don't have a No-Makeup makeup look. I don't understand their purpose. I am make-up free aka dry face most days. But when I wear makeup, others know I have on makeup. My best advice and what I actually do is look up makeup Youtubers that have your same skin type & tone. Many beauty influencers have some type of No-Makeup look video.

Got a question, send it to me at C.OUT.SPOKEN.DIVA@gmail.com. It will be answered.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!

Let Me Talk About Kelli From Insecure

If you don't watch or are behind on the HBO show, Insecure, why are you here?

It's not a secret in Offline Land that I didn't start off as a fan of the character Kelli from Insecure. Oh yeah, welcome to the Uber Woke, Plus Size Edition part of my mind. I have major problems with fat girl tropes in Entertainment,

• Low Confidence
• Jolly & Comedic
• Extremely Mean
• Boisterous
• Loud
• Non-Dating Sidekick
• Oversexualized/Under-sexualized

and Kelli was hitting several of those points when we met her in Season 1. I was having a hard time discussing the show with others because they were enjoying her in this one dimensional form. I couldn't get passed that we were only seeing her funny sarcasm & high intellect in sex in the show.

Then we heard her mention a podcast and saw her attempt a marathon in Season 2 and it seemed like the writers(with one being the lady who plays Kelli, Natasha Rothwell) wanted to give us more insight into Kelli's world.

I know Kelli is not an A character for the show, but we needed more story points from her. She has a nice job on accounting. Kelli has ties in the housing market. She's not oversexed but owns her sexuality. She seems to now be Ms. Crunch Numbers by Day & Madame Turn Up by Night.

And she has other emotions that don't involve comedic happiness. I wanted to hug her after the baby shower. Now, can we find out why Amal & she do not like one another? And I wonder should we be waiting on a chance to hear an episode of her podcast. It's like seeing her with her hair up was a good added level.

Glad, they're pulling back the layers of Kelli. Now to uncover why is Tiffany so bougie. And hoping it doesn't have a long stereotypical history in classism and colorism. Shallow is rarely memorable. Every character should get some levels of depth. You know something to fall for.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms

Only Good For...

Dear Black Pro-Life Coalition & Afiya Group,

"Abortion is Self-Care" is debatable to me. I will say I understand what you were trying to say. But I do agree with the statement, "Abortion is not healthcare." I am speaking to the battling billboards you both have that are discussed HERE

Oh but your billboards are still extremely tone deaf. You are arguing about what is wise for the reproductive & emotional health of Black women in Dallas via abortion. Abortions are not the Only thing Black women do. If you want to argue what is self-care & healthcare, where are the billboards to encourage regular well-woman check-ups for Black women?

Where are the billboards to take a flu shot in Oak Cliff? Where are the billboards to promote the self-care tips to sleep more & drink more water in Plesant Grove? Where are your billboards that encourage healthy mental health for Black women?

Your messages are clear. And it is very damaging to Black women. Only focusing on whether Black women should have abortions is Not healthy for Black women. Both of your messages encourage stigma & shame because, in the heart of two areas of Dallas where Black women live, the medical advice you care about is abortion. Just like the only beverages, Black people drank in the 90s was malt liquor. Oh, the billboard messaging of yore...

*sigh*

Well, this Black woman chooses to ignore you both. That is my self-care option for me to be mentally healthy. Because mental care is health care, also. And choosing not to let sneaky poisonous billboards dictate my self-worth is the best therapy for me.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!