Do you love yourself? Self-Love is regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic). It is the instinct or desire to promote one's own well-being. It has many benefits include lowered blood pressure & relief of symptoms of depression.
Recently a lady is Houston married herself for her 40th birthday. It's not a New phenomena. I talked about it a POST about the newest threat to marriage a few years ago. It's not my cup of tea but I have to admit it is a cool way to express self-love.
She was going to celebrate her life anyway. She decided to celebrate it by make a vow to herself to dedicate herself to herself. Of course, her celebration brought about ridicule. On Facebook I saw some eye opening critiques on her event.
We have some dumb ass people in the world. Stupid.
She paid money for that...
She will be divorced within the year
Some are stuck on the word marriage. Their understanding of the event maybe limited. She living & loving in her truth. She loved the event and that what is important.
I can always tell people who don't truly love themselves.
1. People who whine about their insecurities constantly, Some give up while trying to work on themselves. Some do nothing about what they dislike about themselves but feebly complaint about them. 2. People who hatefully complain about others. Especially who who do love themselves, are working on loving themselves, and/or the ways the self-lovers use to love themselves. Clearly these people do follow Mark 21:31.
Because no one would hatefully express their feeling towards themselves. Yet people can voice the ugliest opinions about the choices of others even when those choices don't affect them at all. It ok to disagree with the choice but to be disgusting or insulting in the disagreement is not loving at all.
Yes, Outspoken_Diva loves herself. I love myself to work on myself as much as I can. I have caused many of my darkest days of my past. One day I decided to be responsible of many of my brightest days. I had to learn to pour into myself some how everyday. Sometimes the quotes I share are for me. Somedays I need to diffuse with a good song about releasing myself from people and things that want to hold on to me. I had to be honest to myself about my likes, dislikes, & opinions. I had to learn to hold firm about my likes, dislikes, & opinions even if I stand alone with them. I had to learn to love the Same Stuff, Different Day, mundane things in life. Hey, it's not something hectic that I have to figure out how to deal with so I might as well love it. Daily, I learn to love the work in progress that I am.
I am not what I should be but I Love I am not some the Outspoken_Divas of Yesterday and Love the trials they experience to give today's me wonderful lessons to learn . Tomorrow, I am going to Love me today for all the Love I Love at this moment.
Self-Love is a curriculum we think we've mastered but it is really a life-long lesson. Everyday there is something we have work on.
We just have to love ourselves enough to take the infinite course.
I love my clients. I told my long-standing ones about my newest blog series for February and a couple of them came flocking over here to read about it.
One of them made a request. Well, I'll grant that one. I know why she wants me to share my story. She thinks my story is funny. I think it is boring. When I met her, she couldn't cook. It is weird to me for anyone old enough to move out of their parents home and not know how to prepare a meal. I've known several people who don't know to cook. She was my first client that couldn't cook. Well, choosing healthy recipes for her was hard back then. But now she cooks a lot. I've actually eaten a few of her meals I have provided recipes for her. They have been very tasty.
Okay, I was probably 6 years old being able to prepare my own breakfast & lunch. I'm not talking about make bowls of cereal. I could make my peanut butter toast by then. Also, my sister never would cut my sandwiches diagonally so, I took on that task. So, my attitude behind learning to cook was formed early. Growing up my grandmother cooked during the week and my mother & youngest aunt cooked on the weekends. One constant rule in our home has been, if You don't like what was prepared, You fix You something else. On New Year's Day, my family eats chitterlings (the small intestines of a pig, although the intestines of cattle and other animals are sometimes so named when used as a foodstuff). As long as I never acted as though I had an interest in them, I didn't. At age 11, I decided to eat chitterlings. They were gross. They tasted as they smelled. They had a rubbery texture and didn't chew. To finish them, I eventually I had to add black-eyed peas, greens, & cornbread in eat a bite. After that meal, I added that to the long list of foods I don't eat. At age 12 my aunt got married, leaving me the youngest person in the house. I also was the only person that didn't eat chitterlings in the house. I had a month and a half to learn to make me something that matched cornbread, greens & black-eyed peas. I decided on baked chicken parts. Being 12, my mom & grandparents thought that my venture was precocious and agreed with it. Well, three weeks before New Year's Day, I was home by myself with my brother. I had the bright idea to be proactive to fix dinner. I decided on some chili. Put the canned chili in the pot, seasoned it, and warmed it up. My family was so proud of me. Then we all sat down to eat dinner.
It was the saltiest stuff known to man. The only person who enjoyed it was my grandfather, who salted all his food. Lesson learned: Don't put salt in canned chili. Three weeks later, I baked chicken parts perfectly. And since then I have been responsible for my own New Year's Day meal.
Now I cook most of the meals in my home. Trust me, I still have had some failures.
Fact: I had to go to college to learn how to properly fry chicken.
Baked chicken has progressed into learning how to make stuff like these.
Beer Can Chicken
White Bean & Turkey Stew
Shrimp & Spinach Wrap
Malt-O-Meal Muffins
My nephew (here making a cake, I taught him to make) may not ever believe (or know) I oversalted the chili. First thing I taught him to do was squeeze lemons for a Lemon Meringue Pie at age 3 (wake me up at 6:30 am, I will put you to work).
This pie is actually his sister's pie, that I taught her to make a few years ago. She now also, makes very tasty meals.
And that was the start of my cooking journey. I've come a long way from over salted chili & baked chicken.
Don't know what those two dishes will lead to learning to cook next but, I'll be ready to make it
It baffles me that February is Heart Month and we cheering Go Red all the while will celebrate Black History Month with Soul Food spreads & luncheons at work, church, etc. Shouldn't while we are celebrating the accomplishments & achievements of history makers in our culture, we might educate our future about healthier ways of cooking the food black enslaved ancestors? The information is out there. Many of us cook soul food dishes based on r recipes at home.
I remember a few years ago a church I know was celebrating its Go Red Sunday. The ladies had on pretty red dresses, suits, hats & other accessories. Many of the gentlemen had red ties & pocket squares commemorate the day. The Nurses Guild was set up to give free blood pressure readings and pass out heart-healthy pamphlets after service. Also after service, the church partook in a family-style meal cooked by all the families. I saw what was being served and wanted to scream.. Beans with ham hock, greens & cabbage with fatback swimming in it with cornbread that almost looked like pound cake were served with fried chicken & pork chops. Then I overheard one lady ask the lady who made the beans,
"I thought you didn't cook with ham hock anymore".
"I don't cook with it at my house. I use smoked turkey wings. But you know these folks ain't trying to eat nothing like that", the bean maker said.
I want to cuss at that point. Did she poll everyone in the church and they said no to the healthier recipes? No, she didn't poll anybody. She didn't want to go out on a limb and help the congregation's heart, blood pressure & waistline with a lighter fare. She would rather serve this
and not rock the boat by bringing this.
I bet the Nurse's Guild saw some very high BP readings that Sunday.
Well, readers, I am rocking the boat. As a nutritional consultant, I am tired of being perplexed by this occurrence. What food people put in their bodies is my business. So this February, I am posting healthier Soul Food recipes on this blog. All recipes will be foods I know how to make personally provided from sources I trust. I will even have meatless & dessert posts also. I'm not saying Soul Food is bad. It's not but we need to learn to cook it in lighter ways. Black people are not slaves anymore. Black people or anyone for that matter, don't have to eat like slaves anymore either.
Yeah, I can't make this stuff up. There are apps called "Invisible Boyfriend" & "Invisible Girlfriend" Their websites are https://invisibleboyfriend.com/ & https://invisiblegirlfriend.com/. Their claims are:
....gives you real-world and social proof that you're in a relationship - even if you're not - so you can get back to living life on your own terms.
All the news outlets from CNN to MTV are talking about.
Yes, for $24.99 a month one can make up a sweetheart.
If you think Jan Brady, a little girl on TV was making up a suitor, you would be shocked. No, there are people over the ages of 18 & 21 out here making up lovers. They are some bold enough to flat out lie or hype up their rapport with some unsuspecting fool. I remember this chick I hung out with at LU that did that. For the purposes of this blog, I will call her Gobble-Gobble. I know one guy and suspect two others, Gobble-Gobble tried to deceive people about her interactions with them. I found out she lied about one a year later when he became one of my neighbors in a coed dorm. One night before a party, he brought it up & told me none of what she told people happened. His story was exact to what was told to me. I learned she told that one to a lot of people that went back and told him. And No, I never told her what dude told me. I wonder if those other guys thought or knew she was hyping up their interactions. I hope not. I love the people who unintentionally make a Lie True. But then I also like when they also make unwittingly bring out the Real Truth. Talk about having Dual Powers!!! LoL
Also there are ladies that claim to be the girlfriends or have slept with male revuers (strippers for the new people). I have heard many of them complain on Facebook about ladies lying on them. It was one of the reasons I didn't tell my friends about PAL (read mentions of him HERE and HERE) for months was because I didn't want No One to think I was lying about knowing him outside of his job. That's how hardcore & excessive these women lie, He & I just have a friendly rapport and I was nervous. Not an image or phenomenon I want to be a part of.
My mother thinks that people are going to use the app like I use my "Fake" wedding bands.
Hey, I have them to ward off undesirables. Like this fool
Yep, that says Big Nasty. More like Old Nasty
There might be some that will use the app to fool some guy that doesn't get the clue that they are not interested. They might as well. For $24.99, I would use that app every way legally possible. LoL
My ring set was just $3.99 on clearance. I will stick to my silent method of ward away the romantically unwanted that come my way.
I don't know why it is shocking that these apps exist. We should have known it was a matter of time. Few months ago I saw this on the internet.
I immediately thought, he had to much time on his hands. Now he has an app to go along to support his selfies. And then there are these "Boyfriend Pillow"
You can either knit one for you or buy one at retailers like Walmart or Amazon. Now these people are just trying to be comfortable in the bed. Those arms could keep you are little warmer at night. I wonder if that product could've been the idea that inspired the apps.
Well, I hope people use these fake sweetheart apps wisely. Boy, the tech world is a beast. Any and everything can be an app. I won't be downloading it (you can check my phone). Anyone have an issue that I am single, tough. But to who do, Have Fun!!!
Reading Night, Monday will be canceled this upcoming week. I am watching the Light Girls Documentary. Not just because I am light-skinned. I am also watching because all aspects of Colorism (a form of prejudice or discrimination in which human beings are treated differently based on the social meanings attached to skin color) or Massa still ruling us need to be talked about. I watched Dark Girls and that was powerful. I feel like Light Girls will be just as profound for me.
What is Light Girls?
Distinguished filmmaker Bill Duke produced the documentary film, DARK GIRLS, which premiered on The Oprah Winfrey Network last year and the show sparked a much-needed international conversation on colorism, self-esteem, and healing. The movement continues with the sequel, LIGHT GIRLS.
LIGHT GIRLS is an in-depth study of the advantages and disadvantages of being a light-skinned woman. Does light skin make for an easier life? LIGHT GIRLS explores skin color from historical, sociological, psychological, and scientific perspectives. This documentary is a global analysis of skin color addressing the following contemporary issues: bullying, skin bleaching, and this popular #teamlightskin versus #teamdarkskin rivalry on social media.
This is not just a conversation, but a movement that requires action, accountability, and responsibility. LIGHT GIRLS emphasizes the importance of healing and taking action. Please, don't just join the discussion, but join the movement!
I am hoping this documentary educates the origins & dispels stereotypes about those of us of lighter hues. Like "Light Skin Privilege", I am not saying it doesn't exist. I will say it is not as widespread & automatic as people think.
Have you ever heard of "Not Black Enough"? Go to all the makeup counters (drugstore to high-end) and guess who has to mix and match foundations to get their color right in some brands. Also, the most popular Light Skin black people are stuck up and mean to Dark Skin black people. So, there are no pompous Dark Skinned black folks. Ha!
My life is full of colorism. The funny part is as prominent as it was, I was slow to the conversation. In my home light skin & dark skin were never said around me until I was 8. I first heard that term on the playground when I was called light-skin (and thought I was better than). One reason is my family. Like most black families, our skin tones are vast. I call my family a Black American Rainbow.
These are my cousins on my grandmother's side of the family. We call ourselves the 4th generation (there are in-laws, one 5th generation person & family friends on here). All our grandmothers & grandfathers are siblings. That is just one set of my relatives and not even all of them. So, it floored me when one of my relatives started dating a guy who had a skin tone that one of my older relatives disapproved of and voiced their horrible feelings. The blinders were off and could not be put back on. I decided that day to be on "wish creed" with that person & their opinion on who I decided to date's skin tone. Also, I was bullied because of my skin tone. I told y'all in another BLOG about my experiences with this person. This person is dark-skinned and had issues with my light skin. I didn't recognize their problem (Heck, I was also fat, nerdy, and had a big bust) until my niece was born when I was an older teenager. Everyone was doting on her and that person said "But she's bright". The lightbulb came on and I got it. Hey, Hurt people hurt people. Even now people still say horrible things about me being light skin. I only have one light-skinned friend. Why do I know this? People that are not my friends have pointed this out. Oh, and I have been accused of hanging with mostly dark skin people to be the cute one in the group. Yes, I have gone off and cussed those people out. That lie will not be in the atmosphere. Out of my eleven best & close friends, only one is light-skinned. So the heck what? I hang out with all kinds of people. That is known and seen
.
But these are the only images some folks think I only live. I hang out with people whose personalities & lives mesh with mine well. Of course, the people who have pointed out that I only have one light-skinned friend don't have personalities that harmonize with mine. Never will I ever perpetuate the myth light skinned people don't get along with one another.
I just hope these documentaries help heal our society. By our society I mean not just African American or American but Human Beings.
Hope you watch it also. I will Live Tweet during the documentary-like I did DarkGirls. So if you want to join the discussion, I'll be there. Oh the song, is one of my favorites. No matter the skin tone, she ain't giving up no booty. LoL
Can someone explain to me why everyone with a child is now a baby mama or a baby daddy? I don't understand how a negative term started describing all the bad & good parents.
I feel like pop culture doesn't know know the origins and characteristics of the terms.
Baby Daddy is the trifling biological father of a woman's child. One who is has never married or been in a long-term, intimate relationship with the child's mother This man does very little for the welfare of the child(ren)
Baby Mama is an irresponsible mother who has not married her child's father, She very neglectful to their children. Some even use the child as pawn to be in the man's life.
Baby Daddy Characteristics
He makes All The Petty decisions (Made sure the kids have name brand clothes), But leaves The Hard Ones for the mom (Go to Parent/Teacher Conferences)
Has to be told or remind to do his fatherly duties
He pays child support and not a penny more.
He says the statements, "At least, I take care of my kids" "Hey, I'm trying to do right by y'all" or "I'm doing stuff most guys ain't doing"
Baby Mama Characteristics:
Child Support pays for her name brand clothes & hair but the kids yet clean are dress in second hand clothes
Has drama or get upset with the new/actual girlfriend, new/actual wife, father's family & father's friends
She says, "I'm gonna always be around. I have his child".
Please note these of limited to traditional gender roles. These characteristics can reverse genders, also. These are also not the same people as Deadbeat Parents. Though thought to be similar, deadbeats do nothing for their children. Some act as though they do not have any children. Baby Daddies & Mamas do at least the bare minimum required to raise a child.
And if you follow U.S. tabloid media, the terms baby mama and baby daddy have even begun to be applied to married and engaged celebrities. I remember when Kanye West & Kim Kardashian were interchangeably called those terms before they were married. Yet, they were in a relationship. Maybe it is for the popular gains. There is a show on ABC Family about a guy who is raising his child (result of a one night stand) that was left at his door. What is the name of this show?
Maybe because so little worth is thought of single parents that even famous celebrities don't even think much of themselves. I still cringe at this song by R&B singer Fantasia.
Here is a woman raising her child the best she can and she still refers herself as a Baby Mama. Refers to this song as an anthem. Well, I am a non-parent so, I won't feel the need to sing it at all.
A Term people used to describe the negative acting mothers or fathers of illegitimate children, is now in general use to describe any single parent, Are these terms so tainted that pop culture does not understand? Maybe because it is a easy to say term and if paired with our microwave, impatient culture, it just became a term easier to call these people,
Mother of the/my Child
Father of the/my Child
Boyfriend
Girlfriend
Fiance'
Ex Wife
Ex Husband
Widow
Widower
even if they are positive behaving people raising children.
Even the sanctity of marriage does not save one being called these terms. Oh trust me, I have even heard a married cousin refer to his wife as his baby mama. I also know for a few ex-wives to refer to their ex-husbands as baby daddies.
I know it's just me. And I will be the lone person not using the terms Baby Daddy or Baby Mama unless it is to speak of a single parent engaging in negative behavior while raising their children. A responsible single mother & father are respectable people with children. They are just not married for whatever reason. Works a job (or few) to make sure that the bills are paid and the children are taken care of. They don't care about the new people in the other parent's life and are polite (at least until the girlfriend or boyfriend or spouse becomes disrespectful). They support the children and their needs. They don't cause unnecessary problems. They let the other parent see the kids (if the other parent are responsible) They are just out there trying to do the right thing by the children and that is the most important thing. Single Mothers & Fathers goes to their kids' schools to really find out about how they are doing and not to cause ruckus or problems by trying to fight the teacher. They interact with their kids frequently whether they do or don't live in the home. Just like married parents. Actually is it amazing how some married parents have characteristics like the original definition of baby daddies & baby mamas. Interesting!
Images like this
will Never be acceptable to me. They need to hold signs that say Parents or Mama & Daddy.
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