Tired of Asking, Ain't I a Women

I am purposely releasing this at the start of March. Black History Month is just ending. Women's History Month is beginning. I am a Black Woman and I don't get to choose to be one or the other. That is not a privilege bestowed on me. And even in 2020, that fact slaps me in the face, as if I asked for it to do so.

Who has seen "The Circle" on Netflix? If you haven't let me warn you. A Black Feminine woman was used twice as catfish profiles but one never enters the game. Also, be prepared for the "She's too nice. I know the type. She's fake." discussion. Black Feminine women do make appearances on another Netflix social experiment show, "Love is Blind".

But one has her name picked on by one contestant & gets gaslit and insulted by another contestant. Cute & fun shows but that optics I couldn't shake. Then there is "A Fall from Grace" from Tyler Perry. If he insists on writing everything, can he do some thorough research? I am the child of a black woman that was in banking. Momma worked with other women of all races & cultures in that industry. Nobody is more vigilant at checking their bank accounts than women in banking. Love doesn't make folks that kind of stupid.

FYI: Not knowing who Sojourner Truth
is a major issue.

And even though he has apologized & she accepted the apology (Thank you to his mom) and she seemed to be wrong for asking such questions in the clip of a whole CBS interview, Snoop Dogg, the rapper decides to publicly call Gayle King a “funky dog-head bitch” & threatened her because of her rather crass questions. Which triggered the male humans that look like him, who were just days ago were saying they love protecting the future black women in their lives, to fling out the b-word, bed wench, and other profane descriptions to a 60+-year-old black woman. But none of this is not as bothersome as Terry Crews & Heidi Klum talking about reports on Gabriele Union being removed from America's Got Talent. Yes, disrespect from a Black man & a white Woman. In a world where PR help is refused & the statement, "STFU is Free" is not understood, both of these people negate her reported experience with comparative comments about their own. Then they were offended that people were telling them they were wrong. Crews did apologize. But didn't his wife, a Black wife advised him not to speak on the issue in the first place. And to think, March just started.

And people wonder why I wrote this POST and this POST!!!

I know my sistas & I are Sojourner Truth's dream. Her dream is unfulfilled, because unfortunately, we are still asking her 1851 question, Ain't I a Woman, in 2020. Society pours out all their stats about how they see the unfair treatment & perceptions of Black women, yet is still blind to its findings. And it expects us, Black Women to pick up some chalk & a dry-erase marker and teach them their data. One day, we will close the doors to our classroom and they will learn. One Day!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Separated Melodic Lacey Picture Styles(Answering Questions)

I think I created a monster. But I told you guys to ask so... Well, I answered all the questions on a video. SMH I know, I am a Blogger, not a Vlogger. Trust Me, I Know!!! Yet, I decided to do 3 videos answering all the questions like this, this year. Only Three...No More Than 3!

Sabrina & Calvin
From the show, Sistas

Oh, here are the links to all of the music I mentioned in the video. Of course, click on the title, Enjoy!!!

Love Will Lead You Back by Taylor Dayne

Somewhere in My Lifetime by Phyllis Hyman

You Don't Know My Name by Alicia Keys

Never Make a Promise by Dru Hill

(Rape & Incest Warning)

Beauty by Dru Hill

My Latest Greatest Inspiration by Teddy Pendergrass

Don't forget, if you have any questions, email them to C.OUT.SPOKEN.DIVA@gmail.com. I will answer them.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!!!

Rollercoaster Feelings for Tyler Perry

If you think Acrimony is a good film, know that I know you are Crazy or Hate Black Women. Take Your Pick. But with the same brain, I will say that when you heard "I Hope You Dance" sung at a funeral didn't at least make you say, "Awe" and make your heart smile, you might be cold-hearted.

*sigh*
Tyler Perry and his work may be good examples of why I have a blog. Most think-pieces don't represent my voice about this topic. Most hear only the voices of the lovers or the haters of Mr. Perry. Then there is me in the middle, liking some of him and disliking some of it. Praising him and wanting him to do better at the same time.

Applause goes to Tyler Perry for putting actors & actresses on the screen that we didn't know or saw very little of. How often did we get to see the faces of Lamman Rucker or Tasha Smith before they were on a Tyler Perry show? Who outside of Gospel music knew who David and Tamela Mann were before a Tyler Perry production? And everybody praises that grand studio he built. I do too. It is beautiful. In my grandfather's sister, V's voice, "It is Nice"! Wait you may not have ever heard her voice. Imagine Ms. Hattie from "Love Thy Neighbor" saying that in an outfit like her outfits and I promise you that character is my Aunt V to a tee. I almost thought he actually knew Aunt V. *still wonders sometimes*
I praise Tyler Perry for putting characters on screen that look like people I knew and tell their stories too. My Aunt V was married to a man, Uncle H that could screw the English language like Mr. Brown of "Meet the Browns". Most of my life, I lived next door to a curmudgeon like Curtis Payne from "House of Payne" Those people helped color my world. I could still have a cracked ankle trying to walk home had it not been for Uncle H. Mr. Flowers(blog name) may have fussed at people picking up his pecans that fell onto the sidewalk. But I also know a few churches' youth departments that that non-church going man donated to. These people exist and all of us are not embarrassed to see them.

Now with the good compliments, I must chastise Tyler Perry. *sigh* Maybe chastise is the wrong word. But let's talk about what needs to be worked on. I know Oprah said, "Writing is Cathartic". It is! But at what point does he truly heal from his mother & father's marriage? He has saved her several times and the story is done. Stop picking at that wound. And when black women aren't helpless, we are very wrong. I remember watching " Why Did I Get Married Too" and the ladies were leaning on each other in Patricia's house and all of them were wrong in their marriage. Only one of the husbands, Gavin was wrong. It is like he only knows two types of modern women. And I watch his show, "Sistas" (the only drama series of his I watch) and I think he might be trying to do better. But since he insists on writing everything and filming a fast pace, can he at least get a few random focus groups in to help with realistic dialogue & situations? I know he wants his audience to hear his voice, but his audience can see what he doesn't know also. And he needs a wig consultant! I will say he has even donned a dumb wig himself a time or two. But Madea shouldn't be the only character in a decent wig. Stop That! And I want him to keep up the good work at not playing the good guy. I was tired of him doing that. "A Fall From Grace" was a start. Rory should have been told off, at least once.

Again Writing is Cathartic!!! Tyler Perry will probably never read this. But my story, words, & thoughts matter. Maybe the future will see that there weren't exactly two opinions on his stuff.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Settling These Salt-Free Alternatives Debates

*taps mic*
I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR CORRECTING ANYONE THAT DO NOT KNOW LAWRY'S IS SALT.

There are two types of food ignorant people that I try my hardest not to backhand. As a nutritional consultant & person who uses her common sense, the statements  "Oh I don't cook with salt, I use Lawry's" and "I stay away from fast food"(while holding a Starbucks cup and a Chipotle wrap) grate my nerves. Lawry's first ingredient listed is salt. So, they are using salt.

And if you are at a restaurant and no one takes your order while you are seated, that is fast food. I told you this when I ranked healthier fast food options. I am saying it again as I talk about salt-free alternatives. Oh, and non-black people, Adobo, soy sauce, & liquid smoke is full of salt also. I didn't want you guys to feel excluded.

I believe that most are addicted to salt. Yes, it makes food more stimulating and satisfying. But it’s not necessary for abundance! Most over salt their food. Especially those who salt canned goods & pre-packaged foods. And I know you question, " Then what are we suppose to use?". Since I was 12 years old, I have lived with people who have high blood pressure. Everything I have learned over the years has bled over into my work. And of course, I have some favorite salt-free herbs, seasoning blends, & foods to use

• Smoked Paprika We all know the harm using ham-hock & salted pork is in our vegetables. And I love cooking them with smoked turkey. But many commercial brands are enhanced with salted addictives. 
• Lemon & Lime These are good for marinades. Their natural juices tenderize & break down the muscles in meat.
• Italian Seasoning Look at the ingredients in poultry seasoning. With nutmeg & marjoram, the main ingredients are basil, oregano, rosemary, sage, and thyme. Guess what 5 herbs make up Italian seasoning? And it is an economically better buy.
  
• Onion, Garlic, Celery, & Bell Pepper I rolled my eyes at that post. LoL Spaghetti, Meatloaf, Fried Rice, Jambalaya, Taco, Cabbage Soup, the list goes on & on taste better with these. Those vegetables are the truest "season-all" because they season it all. I can smell them cooking as I type.
• Mrs. Dash Lemon Pepper All lemon pepper brand are not the same. Most brands add salt to this pepper. And I have no clue why salt is in a pepper product. But Lemon Pepper is my favorite salt alternative. To prove its goodness, the next time you make fish, fried or baked, use nothing but this(if frying use unseasoned cornmeal) and let me know what your taste bubs do.

Honorable mentions are onion & garlic powders & celery seed. And to be helpful & not as judgemental, here is my personal go-to salt-free seasoning recipe.

OUTSPOKEN_Diva's All Season

Ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons garlic powder
• 2 tablespoons onion powder
• 1 tablespoon Italian seasoning
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• 1 pinch cayenne pepper
• 1 pinch celery seed

Directions:

1. Whisk garlic powder, onion powder, Italian seasoning, black pepper, paprika, cayenne pepper, and celery seed together in a bowl.

I am not saying salt is never needed in some foods. Salt-Free Gravy is not pleasing to any palate that I personally know. But all things do not need all this sodium. Seasoning meals without salt during cooking will decrease the sodium levels in your diet. Sodium makes your blood pressure increase if you have high blood pressure. Also eating too much sodium causes extra fluid to build up in your body. Hold the salt until after you taste the food. Then use it to enhance it some. Stop over-salting food. Your body will thank you.

And Remember:

Lawry's Is Salt!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Testing Position Inquiries(Answering Questions)

If you don't like sex talk and/or have boxed me in...LEAVE

You asked questions and I answer them. Well since thoughts of this time of the year lean towards the dating & for some, sexual sides, I decided to post these particular questions, now. Alright, here goes it.

Q: Do you have any favorite or go-to first meeting questions for a date or potential suitor?

A: I like to ask questions and listen to reactions. Because People Lie!!!

• Where is home? You never get basic answers. They will like or dislike their area. Also, you can hear what they are not saying about their living situation. That's why I use the term home and not live. It evokes emotion.
• Why this particular dating site or online dating in general? This is my newest favorite. Of course, it's for guys I meet online. I learned it from a couple of white guys trying to pursue me. Also, if/when you guys talk on the phone ask this question again and see if you get the same answer.
• Do you read? You guys know I believe "Can't Read & Don't Read are the same thing. Either Way, You're Not Reading". I'm not interested in a guy who won't read(and Audible is starting to be 60% acceptable to me). And he shouldn't lie, because I will ask for his favorite or last book.
  

And now you guys know why I am single. LMBO

Q: What is the best sexual position?

A: Well, I told you guys I wouldn't shy away from sexual questions on here. Well...

The best sexual position is the one that gives the person the best comfort & orgasm at the same time. No one person is the same. I being a BBW probably wouldn't think Folded Missionary is the best. People who love kissing might think Doggy Style is disconnecting. Couples of different heights may not enjoy standing up while having intercourse. Oh, and if you meant to ask what was my best or favorite one, I will say this, "If we aren't going to have sex, you don't need to know".

The following video is NSFW. Also, the volume gets lower as the video progresses so...Just Put Some Headphones On. LoL

This Post's Video Question & Answer

Don't forget, if you have any questions, email them to C.OUT.SPOKEN.DIVA@gmail.com. I will answer them.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

We Are Waiting on Us

There are times I love the Memories feature of Facebook. This is one of those times. I wrote that on my wall 8 years ago. More than likely the late, great Luther Vandross's Wait For Love was on my mind. It's my favorite Luther song and it makes my mind wander. Ooh, let me turn on that and some of his other tunes for some blog help.

I remember not too long ago

I was just a lonely person with a lonely heart

And I was hopin' there could one day be

Be a chance for me to

Get the love that I'd been missin'

Sometimes love takes a long time

Wait for love and you're gonna get the chance to love

Wait for love, wait for love, oh my

I know Luther was more than likely talking about amorous love, but self-love waiting for us to love ourselves could fit well with these lyrics. Self-love is waiting for us to:

• Move our bodies more
• Drink more water
• Eat more vegetables & fruit
• Decrease our sugar intake
• Turn off all the screens & noise & sit in a quiet moment for 30 minutes
• Pour more positive inspiration into yourself
• Read more
  
• Increase our comedy input & laugh more
• Find more constructive & professional outlets to release negativity

And I use the word our because while I was coming up with this list for this post first thing this morning, I hadn't had my usual 1st cup of water. That was 30+ minutes.  Can't love this blog more than properly waking my body up. But slip-ups happen. And self-love doesn't happen overnight. I guess I should add another thing or two that self-love is waiting for us to do.

• Beating ourselves up if We are doing our best at the moment
• Never stop working on our self-love process

And to quote the tune that Luther Vandross sang with the also late, great Gregory Hines,

I wanna be loved

There's nothing better than love

What in the world

Could you ever be thinking of

It's better by far

So let yourself reach for that star

And go no matter how far

To the one you love

To love

Nope like the song, There's Nothing Better Than Love. Recently I read, "Showing love is about sharing life with someone else". That is very true, but it share some life with yourself also. An empty cup can't pour into another. Plus, self-love helps you show others what & how to share with you. So regularly, take the time to drop a little life in you. You will love what you did. 

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Travel, A Dating Requirement

Here are some Travel Facts about Outspoken_Diva.

• My "Bucket List" travel destination is Australia. I want to see the Rabbit-Proof Fence & go to Sydney. Blame the movies, Crocodile Dundee & Rabbit-Proof Fence for my curiosity.
• I'm not a fan of beaches. And my feelings about taking a cruise are minimal. Beaches are just big sunny, dirt parks, in my opinion. And until somebody shows me they went somewhere other than the beach when the ship docks, the big boat life is not for me.
• I like to see landmarks, museums, and eat where the locals eat when I travel. I enjoy seeing & experience what the area is "known" culturally.

I don't get to leisurely travel every year, but I like making attempts to achieve my traveling wants. I used to think all adults had travel dreams & goals. In 2019, I met two potential suitors that changed that thought. One had never been on an airplane and had no desire ever to get on one. One was willing to travel, but when I asked him about where would he like to go. He was "just willing to travel". After him, I quietly added "Must have & want to fulfill Travel Goals & Desires" to the Dating Requirements. I don't want to be involved with a man who is weirded out (his words) about planes & not one that I am making travel decisions for.

Then I saw this post on a social media travel group, I follow. WoW! I've heard a couple of different podcasters lightly touch on this topic. There are people that feel like you should not buy popular sneakers and get a passport, instead. Some people feel like that is a bougie or snooty mindset.

Some could think they're better than. But the question that looms for me is, are we even having respectful travel discussions in our dating lives at all? Are we just discussing what we would like to do based on our past experiences and judge others or sticking our proverbial noses in the air for not wanting what we want? Can we have mature discussions about travel without sticking our proverbial noses in the air?

I would hate to hear any guy I'm digging to tell me my travel ideas aren't enough. Maybe they're enough for me. Maybe his ideas are just not my style.  Also, I don't want anyone to change or "raise the standard of" the places you would like to see if that is not your truest desire. That seems like that should be common sense, but have you ever heard a couple argue out of town and you hear, "I didn't want to come here anyway" in the end. It's eye-opening to hear.

If you want to take Greyhound everywhere, don't let me stop you. Do you want to travel throughout your home country before you venture to foreign lands? Go ahead! Just got a third passport because you filled the last page of the second one? Get your stamps & venture forth.  Travel shouldn't be a subject anyone judges anyone on. 52% of adults reported having unused vacation days at the end of the year in 2017. Looks like judging is the last thing, we need to do. Listening & learning from others would be a better use of that time. Relax & find somebody you can travel with by using a kind heart & mind.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!