We all just want to be Whole. Especially us Fast Little Church girls who wear "All That Red" lipstick. When my mother found that I was interested in wearing lipstick, she bought me a tube of fuchsia & a tube of red
(Revlon's Certainly Red, the color she wore). The ladies in my home, my grandmother, mother, & sister wore their preferred various shades of red
(and other colors) lipstick that looked good on them when they dressed up. And the day they dressed up the most was Sunday. Because on Sunday, they were going to church. That is where the church clerks, ushers, deaconesses, mission sisters, and assistant youth directors can be found. But that was the very place I found out I was fast and/or too grown for wearing something my mother bought me. Oh Yes, of course, the place I call on this blog, Foundation Church had some finger-wagging church folks in it, that disapproved of the young female congregants wearing red lipstick
(& that color nail polish, and getting their hair done in a salon aka things I did) like some of the other houses of worship in the Christian religion. It was almost a decade later for me to learn & understand about church folks' beliefs & feelings
(All racist, colorist, & misogynistic based) about red-colored female lips. But it did not take that long to find the shades of red that match me.
So reading Red Lip Theology: For Church Girls Who've Considered Tithing to the Beauty Supply Store When Sunday Morning Isn't Enough by Candice Benbow had to be right up my alley. Benbow according to the internet is a theologian, essayist, columnist, baker, and educator whose work gives voice to Black women’s shared experiences of faith, healing, and wholeness. I first heard of her talking about Jay-Z's 4:44 album on a few podcasts. But when she spoke about sexuality and the church with popular Youtuber, KevOnStage was when I became a fan.
In this book, whose chapter titles are patterned like makeup application steps, starting with Skin Care, she gives voice to her beginnings as the daughter of a single mother and an absentee father attending a Black Baptist church. In the 1st four chapters, the quote, "I am Not My Sister's Keeper, I am My Sister" kept shadowing my reading. Many of her experiences sounded familiar to the young church girl tales of my own & others I grew up with. Other essays talk about her lessons surrounding adultery, feminist/womanist beginnings, theology experiences, and her feelings about the controversial term, "soul ties"
(Let's just say my feelings spoken in a Q & A video on here are not far off). And I do a curtsey to this author for teaching me a term for my personal vocabulary. That "Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner" reasoning the church loves to use for "allowing" gay folks in "their" congregations has a great proper name. Candice Benbow ends her work by talking about grieving & living life without her beloved mother, Debra in recent years. She pens it with a final letter. It is good like the feel-good fan air blown after the book's Setting Spray. But this entire work's heart spoke to her mom and more than likely to her grandmother & other mother figures lovingly well. If I were to use makeup term, let's say it is Beat for the Gawds!
One day sociologists will look fully into why we, ladies (especially us, Black ladies) take less time to find our perfect shades of red for our complexions than to break from doctrines, theologies & religious ideologies that don't serve & mistreat us. I hope this book gets referenced. Because just like finding that "right red", many of us "fast & too grown" church girls found or are finding our own ways to worship God. And we found that the lip colors of our female family members & others within personal communities didn't match exactly to our paths to worshiping & beliefs about God & his love. And that is Okay. Red Lip Theology: For Church Girls Who've Considered Tithing to the Beauty Supply Store When Sunday Morning Isn't Enough is one woman's journey. And it is a trip worth watching her take.
Now, will Sunday be a Revlon's Cherries in the Snow or Gash by Urban Decay day for me? My church outfit needs a pop of color.
As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!
