I have to admit behind the smiles and fun this was the hardest birthday to get through at times. Around April I realized my birthday was on the weekend. Then it hit me what weekend is was. I got sad. Father's Day & my Birthday with without my grandfather. But I shook it off. He's been gone 8 years. I've gone through my birthday & Father's Day without him before. Last time my birthday was on a Saturday it rain and I slept through it. Not gonna do that this year. I'm good. Made plans for Friday & Saturday nights with my friend who has a birthday a few days before mine. I was great until a cousin called with birthday wishes and said "Oh I remember your birthday was around Father Day" The feelings I pushed aside in April came down so hard. I got off the phone and went in my room and had to cry it out until I took a nap. Woke up and decided to own the grief and breathed through it until now so I can type this blog.
If you have not figured out by now. I am an Unshamed Nerd that can be very corny sometimes. A person who celebrated me being a corny nerd was my grandfather. One way he celebrated my personality was when my birthday fell on the weekend he would give me a Father's Day Card and I gave him a Birthday Card. Always the humorous kind. It was our special joke. Only one we could shared. My preteen & some of my teen years I celebrated my birthday out of town because I was attending a yearly Sunday School & Baptist Training Union Congress. Every Year a different city. Even one year at Midnight the church memebers belted out Happy Birthday while traveling from Los Angeles back Home on a dark road. It was so sweet!!! That year my birthday was on a Sunday and waiting for me was a Father's Day card and I brought my grandfather a Birthday card all the way back from California. The year I was away for Summer School during my Undergrad years. I mail him a birthday card and he mailed me a Father's Day card. Yep Nerdy & Corny. But Ours to Share.
I missed giving him a card this year. I missed recieving a card from him this year. Though tears had to fall I can smile knowing I shared that with him. Somebody out there does not have that. I think we should all find special memories of our loved ones and if the tears come let them fall Then wrap up in the smiles & special feelings they give because you know that they happened. Tears will dry but Smiles & Special Feeling Last Forever. Now I KNOW I'm Good. *smiling*
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