ShaQuan, You Aren't Drinking That. Will You Excuse Me?

I had been missing articles to post about. Glad to have found one.

I Really Dislike Being Dressed Like Other People. If I'm in a wedding, I deal with it. But it is not a random occurance I handle well. First time I remember was at foundation church with a suit I didn't care for & an older church lady in the exact same one. She thought we were cute. In my teenage heart I could've cried, at that moment. 

I don't even like to be dress in the same color as someone I know at an event. My friends can tell you about my text messages to them, to tell what color I am wearing. I dressed alike once with a high school friend for buddy pictures. Wonder do I have any copies of that picture somewhere? We shouldn't have done that. 

This petty feeling is also a family "trait". You won't find to many pictures of any of us dressed alike. We are different people, so we dress differently.

And then low and behold, I come across an Australian news article about 6 female wedding guests in the same dress. Read it HERE. It is one of those funny situations that prompt one response, Classic!!! Can you just imagine being one of those ladies? Looking up the rows and across the aisles and seeing your dress. Where is Regine Hunter with a cocktail to pour on the other dresses? LoL But those ladies took it all in fun and made a joke out of it. They even took pictures together with the bride. I wonder if that shop sold more of those dresses once this story came out. At least, they didn't tell the ladies it was one of a kind. That would've really been a Classic Comedic moment.

The next time I am accidently dressed like someone, I going try to remember the attitudes of these lovely ladies. I mean, it is just a dress. But the keyword is Try. Until then I'm going to watch what you guys buy & buy the opposite. We don't want to awaken my inner Regine Hunter. Will you excuse me?

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Romantic Rapport (Answering Questions)

I promise there will be a glossary in the back of my memoir. Yes, please LoL at that sentence.

Q. You use the word "Romantic Rapport" a lot. Can you define it?

A. My basic definition is all forms of nom-committal dating. But you guys know I can't leave this at the basic meaning. It's my term for Dating. I don't particularly care for the current (since 2005) state of dating styles.

The current standard looks rather uber casual. No one asked for my opinion so, I deal with is out there. Well to match my over-analyzed thoughts with the "trends", I use the term Romantic Rapport. A rapport is close association of mutual respect & trust. Add that to a synonym for affection or fondness, you get a term created by my mind.

Could it be the time period between meeting & a committed relationship? Definitely Yes!!! It could also the description for an affectionate affair amongst friends. It is not limited to sex. All dates don't result in sex.

And all "dating" people are not having sex. Oh and it doesn't include pairs who are just having sex. Sex & Romance don't always function hand in hand. Booty Calls & Friends with Benefits are what I would call Sexual Rapports. That's not Dating, in my opinion that's just people having sex. Oh situationships, now that a romantic rapport. A messy one, but still under my definition. LoL

A non-committal bond of people that are attracted to one another. That how I will define Romantic Rapport. Yeah, that's it.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Being Church Hurt: Recovery Mode

Warning: If you usually respond to church "controversies" with "That Is Why I Don't...", LEAVE NOW!!! Never in the mood for those attitudes. This is MY blog. DISCUSSIONS ONLY!!!

I can honestly say God laid this post on the heart. I am a Recovering  From Church Hurt Christian. That's My Truth. Oh, and I still attend church. Not in the way people, who are not me would like. But I still attend. I'm not here to talk to the church people who hurt us. You'll understand why later. I am not even going to tell you the many ways & places, I have experienced church hurt. I want us, the "Church Hurt", to get better. There are so many people hurt by people in the church all the time. The crazy part is we don't always talk about being hurt in positive ways. Like the humans we are, we complain about how we were hurt. But what are we doing about healing hurt?

• Looked At How I Was Raised: I was raised to not drink the church's Kool-Aid without lemon. It is something that people who know that I was raised by the chairman of the deacon board, church clerk, & assistant youth director are shocked about.
  
  But yeah, I was really raised with that mindset. The best lemons I've always used were Common Sense, Study, & Understanding. Common Sense makes you hear the right or wrong that is said. Study to know for yourself and not just prove folks wrong. Understand that All people, including church folks, are just as human as you are. And humans are really flawed.

• Be Honest With Myself: In a previous POST, I said I denounce all Christian denominations as a teenager. I just wanted to be Christian. But I was a minor and had to wait until I was 18 to leave foundation church(what I call the church I grew up in). At age 20, I made the step to not go to foundation as much. But I was still going sometimes with my friends' churches, that were other Christian denominations. In that process, those churches & people annoyed me. I was really seeing their faults, but I was the one at fault. I was not being true to my feelings about Christian denominations.

• Shut Up, Leave, Find: Being "church hurt" was not the reason why I left my foundation. I just think differently than them. But when I express some of my views, most times in non-verbal ways I was hit with much judgment. The blows still hurt. One day, I quietly yet officially left. Some people find themselves being non-religious but spiritual. Some change religions. Some are still searching. I found myself on the road to healing at another church, a non-denominational church. I've gotten a few bumps by a few church folks(definition are HERE) but I am learning how to handle them.

• Learn to Respectfully Put People in Their Place: A lot of these church people know they are wrong in how they treat people. My mother taught us to put everybody(including Adults) that are out of place, in their place. But she never taught us all the positive ways how. I am learning snark, sarcasm, & shade are not the only "nice" methods. I had to learn to be respectfully honest when someone who has church hurt me in the past says, "I've been missing you". I say, "No, you haven't. Let's just Hi and don't lie" with a smile of comfort.

• Define & Show My Christianity: Nobody can love God for me. Since I chose to love him in a Christian manner, I have to follow the rules.
  
  One of the rules is "Love One Another". I am working on that. It's easy to viciously finger wag & bad mouth someone who "Church Hurts" you when they do wrong. But an eye for an eye, we all end up blind. If I hate how they treated me, acting like they do is dumb. I have to show them how to treat people. I must show them the truest meanings of two other rules, Matthew 7:1-3 & Matthew 7:12

• Pray: I made this most important step last, but it goes within every step as I recover. I have to make sure I'm doing & saying the right thing. I don't want to hurt anyone, in or out of the church. (I wonder if I have "church hurt" anyone) Only God can properly guide me. And one of the best ways to seek his guidance is in prayer.

Again I said, I'm recovering. I'm on the road to getting back to wholeness. Whole people Live Whole Lives. Hurt People Hurt People. Both statement are easy to understand. One takes work. All great things do.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms