Being Church Hurt: Recovery Mode

Warning: If you usually respond to church "controversies" with "That Is Why I Don't...", LEAVE NOW!!! Never in the mood for those attitudes. This is MY blog. DISCUSSIONS ONLY!!!

I can honestly say God laid this post on the heart. I am a Recovering  From Church Hurt Christian. That's My Truth. Oh, and I still attend church. Not in the way people, who are not me would like. But I still attend. I'm not here to talk to the church people who hurt us. You'll understand why later. I am not even going to tell you the many ways & places, I have experienced church hurt. I want us, the "Church Hurt", to get better. There are so many people hurt by people in the church all the time. The crazy part is we don't always talk about being hurt in positive ways. Like the humans we are, we complain about how we were hurt. But what are we doing about healing hurt?

• Looked At How I Was Raised: I was raised to not drink the church's Kool-Aid without lemon. It is something that people who know that I was raised by the chairman of the deacon board, church clerk, & assistant youth director are shocked about.
  
  But yeah, I was really raised with that mindset. The best lemons I've always used were Common Sense, Study, & Understanding. Common Sense makes you hear the right or wrong that is said. Study to know for yourself and not just prove folks wrong. Understand that All people, including church folks, are just as human as you are. And humans are really flawed.

• Be Honest With Myself: In a previous POST, I said I denounce all Christian denominations as a teenager. I just wanted to be Christian. But I was a minor and had to wait until I was 18 to leave foundation church(what I call the church I grew up in). At age 20, I made the step to not go to foundation as much. But I was still going sometimes with my friends' churches, that were other Christian denominations. In that process, those churches & people annoyed me. I was really seeing their faults, but I was the one at fault. I was not being true to my feelings about Christian denominations.

• Shut Up, Leave, Find: Being "church hurt" was not the reason why I left my foundation. I just think differently than them. But when I express some of my views, most times in non-verbal ways I was hit with much judgment. The blows still hurt. One day, I quietly yet officially left. Some people find themselves being non-religious but spiritual. Some change religions. Some are still searching. I found myself on the road to healing at another church, a non-denominational church. I've gotten a few bumps by a few church folks(definition are HERE) but I am learning how to handle them.

• Learn to Respectfully Put People in Their Place: A lot of these church people know they are wrong in how they treat people. My mother taught us to put everybody(including Adults) that are out of place, in their place. But she never taught us all the positive ways how. I am learning snark, sarcasm, & shade are not the only "nice" methods. I had to learn to be respectfully honest when someone who has church hurt me in the past says, "I've been missing you". I say, "No, you haven't. Let's just Hi and don't lie" with a smile of comfort.

• Define & Show My Christianity: Nobody can love God for me. Since I chose to love him in a Christian manner, I have to follow the rules.
  
  One of the rules is "Love One Another". I am working on that. It's easy to viciously finger wag & bad mouth someone who "Church Hurts" you when they do wrong. But an eye for an eye, we all end up blind. If I hate how they treated me, acting like they do is dumb. I have to show them how to treat people. I must show them the truest meanings of two other rules, Matthew 7:1-3 & Matthew 7:12

• Pray: I made this most important step last, but it goes within every step as I recover. I have to make sure I'm doing & saying the right thing. I don't want to hurt anyone, in or out of the church. (I wonder if I have "church hurt" anyone) Only God can properly guide me. And one of the best ways to seek his guidance is in prayer.

Again I said, I'm recovering. I'm on the road to getting back to wholeness. Whole people Live Whole Lives. Hurt People Hurt People. Both statement are easy to understand. One takes work. All great things do.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

The Decision has Been Made, Just Be Still

Exactly Today 4 years ago, I was told my father passed away on Christmas Day. Exactly Today 4 years ago, I also saw God's Word make a decision that in a way, man's eyes & understanding will never comprehend.
I was a child of marital separation. I was a child of a deadbeat father. My parents separated when I was 3 months old. I didn't know for them to be together and never cared for them to be together. Even as a child, I knew we (my siblings & I) were better off with a single mother. No fighting parents (stepparent for my siblings). My mother never talked badly about my father. But he (who I mostly saw by random accidents) talked bad about her and her family, the family that raised me. Especially my grandfather, who was my main father figure. So by the time I was 21, I decided he & I didn't share values, goals, respect for life & people, & being in each other's lives would not be likely. The last time I spoke to my father was a year before his passing when he called to tell me his mother died. He caught up on my life (college graduate & business owner) and finally sound less bitter about my mother and family.

During the time after My father passed, I was packing for a long-awaited trip out of town to see my college friends. My mother told me who & how she was told. I was very sad but I was still packing and planning to go out of town the next day, the day of his viewing, two days before his funeral. My sister & aunts called and all I could tell them was, don't have that announced at their church. My cousin called to set the time to drop me at the airport. I finally went into a deep inward prayer mode. I'm sad but I still packing. I'm sad but I'm not angry. I'm sad but not guilty that I'm going out of town. That morning my cousin came with the paper & I saw the obituary. I saw my name as one of the survivors. Then I went to the airport still in this prayer mode. Got my ticket, went through the security point, and was waiting on the plane. My inward prayer was getting louder in my soul. "Lord, I don't understand my behavior. I'm sad but I'm still going out of town. Am I guilty for not being guilty? Lord, Let your will be done because it's the only one that matters." To the natural eye, I was just sitting there. "Lean not to thy own understanding" came to my mind. Then I thanked God for my father because without him I wouldn't be alive nor have the good life I had. Then I was reminded of the scripture "Be Still & Know I am God" and I was at peace. I shrugged and said, "Why be fake? To sit on a front row to shake shiver, and cry next to some "family member" you don't know, would be so fake".

I went on my trip and came back to a funeral program from a minister who questioned my family about my absence waiting for me. I came home to a funeral program full of memories of a life that I didn't know of waiting for me. Like a funeral program of a stranger. Yep, I made the right decision for me. The Real Me. I always said when that day came, the Lord would help. And an ever-present help, he is, especially that day. One day, I'll go visit his grave. Forever, I'm glad I did what was right no matter how It Looks to Man. God knows what's best. And what's best is not what We think it is.
RIP Droopy