2017, Beyond My Thoughts

Dear Lord,

Is it any way that I could not experience my highest high & lowest lows in the time frame, in the future? If this could be thine will.

In Your Son's Name,

Amen!!!

Hey, I am specific when I ask God for stuff. And not wanting to feel my highest of highs and the lowest of lows at the same moment has to be a specific request. I feel I need to be eased down off highs & slowly lifted up when I'm low. And the only person who can do that is The Lord.

I had highs & lows like everyone else. No humans know all about my 2017, but me. My 2017 was started back in 2016. I met some nutrition professors at the Texas Veggie Fair and I became their book reviewer.  One of my dream jobs is to teach nutrition on the college level, so this was a networking dream come true. I had 5 textbooks to review by mid-September. Yes like me, you're thinking because I Love reading this should be easy. Well, most of the days were easy. But on top of my business, blog, and household roles by February, I was a little overwhelmed. So, I had to regroup. My first thought was to put the blog on hiatus. Well, as you know that didn't happen. My leisure reading took the biggest hit. I failed my reading challenges. I was too tired to read for fun a lot this year. My social media post showed I was not leisurely reading as much, too. Grammar Check, Anyone? The Reading Challenge for next year is to finish reading all open books from this year.

Dru Hill in
Desoto

My social life took a little swipe. I didn't go out as much this year. And when I did go out, I was drained, afterward. I'm an ambivert (introverted extrovert or extroverted introvert) & I had never felt so empty from being social. And who had the time to recharge, but after each outing, I slowly would down. I've played Cinema Catch Up a few times this year. In my 20s, I was the Movie Queen. Well, I have to accept, I'm over 30. LoL, There is already planned to play it again in January 2018. I also had to let a few TV shows go. Sorry Supergirl, Jane the Virgin, & Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., maybe I'll play catch up one day.

Had to get some
Readers

Then October came. I was in a comfortable groove. The podcast I was on was being released. I was going to this year's Texas Veggie Fair to see the professors unveil their books, that had my handy work & name in. I was Ready. Then on the 17th, my brother, G died. The day we buried him was the same date as the fair. The night before, Science Stuff with Steph sent me a direct message that the episode was being released the next week. Highs were moving during a Low. My emotions were having a field day. Of course, I didn't go to the fair. Do I really need to see people praise "my work" to know "my work" is good? Validation Feels Good but not a Requirement. Saying goodbye to my brother's remains was a Requirement. My life requires closure. The closure is Good. The Blerdette TV interview with Science Stuff with Steph was different. There were personal work, love, & tears in that project. I needed to be present for that. The first day I left the house after the funeral was the day the podcast episode was released. I cried while listening to it. Happy & Grief tears just flowed, like my life was flowing at the time. The Good, the Bad, and the In-Between was still going. Gosh, I REALLY needed that day.

Fill in fulfilling business projects, getting a horrible spring flu, a few cute dates here and there, a monster plant on our property, favorite brunch spots closing, seeing & liking Wonder Woman early, seeing Dru Hill twice, enjoying their holiday album, and finally the fact that I was in my right mind for every moment in it, 2017 was 2017. And Dear God, I was present for a year, that was Beyond My Thoughts. And that is the Most Important thing to take from 2017. 

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!

Having Sex on Your Last Day on Earth???

I watch Dish Nation every night. If I am going to watch pop culture gossip & news, I prefer a show that is making fun of it and not reporting it like it major news. Dish Nation is perfect for me. As you see in the clip the discussion turns to "What Would You Do on Your Last Day on Earth". One of the co-host said basically he would have sex with everyone he ever wanted to have sex with. The other co-host used humor to tell him what was wrong with his plan and suggest he chose another one. 

I thought it was just me that thought having sex with a desired person or people was a risky idea. Who said that person wants to have sex with you? Who says that person would trust that you were going to die? Can imagine having to go to the funeral just make sure that person was dead? Okay let's say the person or people says yes, what if  it's not all you thought it would be? It's not like you have all the time in the world to give them a do-over. 

If I knew I was going to die the next day, sex is not on the to-do list. Well, if I had a husband, it would be. But as a single woman, No, I other things to do. You guys know I would have to type one last post to tell you guys I died. I'll have it in the automatic schedule to be release. I'll have someone trusted to make sure it was properly released. Then it's off to Cheesecake Factory, Pei Wei, & Taco Bell, my favorite place to eat, to dine once more. Finally, assigning my prayer journal to my mom, sister, niece or nephew after I write in it one last time. Oh and also assigning certain personal items to to my friends. I would probably tell everyone I feel don't know I love them that I do. The last hours would me getting ready to leave this Earth. Only person who I want to get ready with is God. So, who has time for Sex. LoL 

But since we don't know, let's live our Best lives.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Track 78 (Poetry Corner)

*sigh*  It's been a year! Just been a year!! It's Just Been A Year!!! *tears*

Track 78

Still unbelievable that the Eternal Songwriter finish Track 78
I miss the melody & lyrics of Track 78
Maybe because parts of Track 78 was apart of my Life song
A Life song that someone else will name when the Eternal Songwriter finished writing it
Don't know what notes & rhythms he will add to the sheet music of my heart
Just like adding Track 78 to his Greatest Hits compilation
It's his work to compose

Living with Your Folks!!!

You know I swear people on Twitter use Direct Messages (DM) to hide. Well I had a follower to DM me and I guess he figured out that I still lived at home with my folks, Umm Yeah! That's not a secret. How do you think I know what my mother and grandmother are watching on TV? I'm not married or have children so, who do you think I am doing at that cooking for?

When I graduated from college, I didn't have a job lined up. So, I moved back home to live with my mother, my ailing 80-plus year old grandparents and my older brother who is severely mentally challenged and has cerebral palsy. It was temporary, I thought. Soon my choice became my family's blessing in disguise. My grandfather was dying. He was going to bathroom one morning and he fell. Luckily, I was there to get him up & call my mom & aunts at work to get him the hospital. My grandfather passed away a month later. I took the phone call from the hospital, had to tell my grandmother and call mom at work so she could round up the family. That was 2004. Oh yeah I cooked meals and Helped get my brother get cleaned and ready for the day since I was unemployed. Keyword is Helped. But now I was in charge of running a household because my grandmother became grief stricken and her health started taking a strange turn after the funeral. I cooked meals, organized Dr. appointments, meds, phone calls, mail, cleaned & dress my brother (imagine an adult with a toddler's mind that just happens to know you are the little sister) and did the bulk of the shopping. And that summer I started a business. So I was like a working mother without a husband.

Let's Skip to the Spring 2010, my mother's job had her working from home. She is weeks from retiring. My grandmother falls. We thought she was okay. Boy, were we wrong. That was the start of what later would be a 4 month long hospital and nursing rehab stay because before the summer ended she had to have her gall bladder removed and therapy on her legs. That November they sent her home with a wheelchair. My mother is now retired so there are two hands on deck. My grandmother can dress herself. But she still requires some of the same duties my brother needs. Lord, I love retirement.

I don't regret staying at home. It's not as hard as it seems. Other than the household chores, we live like roommates. I still have my business, go out on occasion with my friends, and go to church when I can. Our other family members help out, too. It's just my life and I live it.

So before you judge people for Staying Home with Their Folks, learn their story. Everyone is not just staying home because they don't want to grow up. Some of us are there because our Adult responsibilities different.  Different not trifling. Now, let me start dinner.  *smiling*

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Passionate to Death

Did you watch Grey's Anatomy this past Thursday? I know, Stunning!!! The old surgeon that was mentoring Yang DIED in the middle of of a surgery. WoW!!!

It's been said in a few previous blogs that I was raised in a Christian church. So I have heard my share of
ministers dying immediately after they have preached. Both young and old ministers and of all races. I have also heard that was the "Way all Reverends Want to Leave this Earth". Last breath they take is Proclaiming God's Word. I thought it was a "preacher thing". Just like "if the Pastor come to your home to eat, you give him the biggest piece of chicken. Just "stuff" church folk say.

I had Never heard of anyone else "doing that" until Thursday. The old surgeon died saving someone else life and giving sage advice to a younger surgeon he thought had so much potential.

Dying doing the thing you are most passionate about. What a concept!!! Many of us have a Bucket List but have you ever thought about the thing you would want to Do To Death. I've thought about the thing I would do even I never got paid for it. I was told that was "My Career". I found some truth in that, unfortunately. *smiling* The thing you love that you don't mind Dying Doing It. That has to be your "Life's Calling", in my opinion.

Everyone wants to leave here with a smile on there face. I bet doing something you truly Love would give you the BIGGEST smile. A smile that you would light up your funeral so much that no one would think to be sad.

I challenge All of Us to do things that we are "Passionate to Death" about. You might leave this Earth doing it with a Great Big Smile on your face.

The Decision has Been Made, Just Be Still

Exactly Today 4 years ago, I was told my father passed away on Christmas Day. Exactly Today 4 years ago, I also saw God's Word make a decision that in a way, man's eyes & understanding will never comprehend.
I was a child of marital separation. I was a child of a deadbeat father. My parents separated when I was 3 months old. I didn't know for them to be together and never cared for them to be together. Even as a child, I knew we (my siblings & I) were better off with a single mother. No fighting parents (stepparent for my siblings). My mother never talked badly about my father. But he (who I mostly saw by random accidents) talked bad about her and her family, the family that raised me. Especially my grandfather, who was my main father figure. So by the time I was 21, I decided he & I didn't share values, goals, respect for life & people, & being in each other's lives would not be likely. The last time I spoke to my father was a year before his passing when he called to tell me his mother died. He caught up on my life (college graduate & business owner) and finally sound less bitter about my mother and family.

During the time after My father passed, I was packing for a long-awaited trip out of town to see my college friends. My mother told me who & how she was told. I was very sad but I was still packing and planning to go out of town the next day, the day of his viewing, two days before his funeral. My sister & aunts called and all I could tell them was, don't have that announced at their church. My cousin called to set the time to drop me at the airport. I finally went into a deep inward prayer mode. I'm sad but I still packing. I'm sad but I'm not angry. I'm sad but not guilty that I'm going out of town. That morning my cousin came with the paper & I saw the obituary. I saw my name as one of the survivors. Then I went to the airport still in this prayer mode. Got my ticket, went through the security point, and was waiting on the plane. My inward prayer was getting louder in my soul. "Lord, I don't understand my behavior. I'm sad but I'm still going out of town. Am I guilty for not being guilty? Lord, Let your will be done because it's the only one that matters." To the natural eye, I was just sitting there. "Lean not to thy own understanding" came to my mind. Then I thanked God for my father because without him I wouldn't be alive nor have the good life I had. Then I was reminded of the scripture "Be Still & Know I am God" and I was at peace. I shrugged and said, "Why be fake? To sit on a front row to shake shiver, and cry next to some "family member" you don't know, would be so fake".

I went on my trip and came back to a funeral program from a minister who questioned my family about my absence waiting for me. I came home to a funeral program full of memories of a life that I didn't know of waiting for me. Like a funeral program of a stranger. Yep, I made the right decision for me. The Real Me. I always said when that day came, the Lord would help. And an ever-present help, he is, especially that day. One day, I'll go visit his grave. Forever, I'm glad I did what was right no matter how It Looks to Man. God knows what's best. And what's best is not what We think it is.
RIP Droopy