Tell Those Turkeys To Mind Their Business (Answering Questions)

It's the holiday season, guys. Time for family, friends, food, & fun and also the underlying foolishness that come along with it. But it is ok, we will get through it.

Q: My family loves to ask the most offensive questions during the holidays. I Hate It!!! How do you handle those offensive questions dealing with Dating/Marriage, Kids, & School/Career?

A: Simple Answer is "Not Well at All".

I Love my loved ones! I truly do!!! But unfortunately, I act like a jerk with those type of questions. Pray for me, you hear. I have been such a jerk, my family dislike asking me anything about me. Two of my aunts tried to talk about boys with me as a teenager. I stopped them, immediately. My sex life will never be topic I talk to everyone about. Around the same time, I observed how people were talking about those that would bring someone different all the time to family events. So, by the time I was 18, I knew not to bring no one I was dating to family events unless he & I were nearing engagement. And because of that personal rule, I have Never officially brought any man home.

Oh & when I graduated from college and many were confused that my degree was in Family & Consumer Sciences and not Nursing. I understood my extended family like great aunts, great uncles & their offsprings having questions. But I knew I had informed my immediate family about the change after I did it, two years prior to graduating. I felt unheard & ignored and some folks were told off. Pay Attention, The First Time!!! I also come from a family that have a few that loudly say, "When I graduated from high school, I was through" when anything about education comes up. I know they're not dissuading anyone from going to school, but I give them some fierce, educated side eye, whenever I hear them say that.

Don't Act Like Me!!! I do work hard at not being rude. But we must find direct & considerate ways to tell people that those questions are not something you will be talking about.

And even though I am rude if you ask me something that will offend me, I make sure I act how I want to be treated when talking to others. If you say school or work is Fine, Fine is the answer. If that person is not expecting a child, "having children" is not topic I bring up. I don't have children and believe it is more to everybody than being fruitful & multiplying. When people bring their significant others over, I engage with them. But if my loved ones have to ask me later if I like them or not. I don't offer that opinion all willy, nilly. The day I bring "The One" to a family event, I want him to be treated like I have treated others.

So, How to Handle Offensive Questions...

• Do be Direct about your feelings but not Rude
• Don't be Offensive to Others also
• And be as Loving as possible

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Social Discussions Approved...Fixing Your Husband's Plate???

I actually don't know how to start this post without rambling. If I do, forgive me. There is a meme making its rounds on Facebook (Where people know me in offline land as my biological name) that is actually working my nerves.

The act itself doesn't bother me. Serving is not a problem for me. I was raised in a home where a wife fixed her husband's plate. I fix plates every day for my grandmother & my invalid brother.

But for family events, it's every man for themselves. Even though she might at home, My aunt doesn't fix her husband's plate. My male cousins' wives don't fix their plates. My female cousins don't fix their SO's plates. The feeding order is children & elder members, first. Ladies are next. Men are last. Unless you are a 1st-time guest, no one is fixing a visitor a plate. That's my family. It is probably the reason for my annoyance.

Here is my opinion:

"He can fix his plate...Ain't nothing wrong with his legs..." is not a good answer

BUT

"Why aren't you fixing your husband's plate" should Not be asked either

Why is the Freakin' discussion or debate? Why does it matter if a woman does or does not fix her husband's plate? What is so offensive about not making this man a plate? Why is this even discussed?

I Refuse to argue this point with anyone. I will Never ask anyone a question concerning this. I always try to learn the rules of the culture or event. Matter of  fact, my answer to that meme is,

Yeah, I'm trying to lure. LoL
I made all this. *wink*
I play too much, I know

Because it is one way with my family, some are different. So, future husband, we will have to discuss this. If you ask me, I will fix it. But no one will make me feel bad if I don't fix your plate. You & I discussed this, Not you, me & their opinionated norm.

Oh and stop using the "Event Jezebel" as part of the argument.

If another lady preparing for my husband will break up my marriage, I don't think our union is that strong.

Dear Future Husband, Accept the plate, Say thank you, and Move on. I know you know this but society told me to handhold you in making sure you stay faithful.

And where is the debate for the men who were fixed plates, but didn't take the trash out?

Where is the meme that has men sitting there watching ladies disassemble card tables and folding chairs after the event? Oh, wait, wives got arms & feet, too. *sigh*

This is my opinion. But when I get married (According to a few FB quizzes it's November 13, 2016, to a guy with the initial J) don't come for me because I will walk away or tell you to mind your business and let me handle mine. Go fix your husband's plate, in peace. I felt like I should be grabbing air. LoL

And I am through discussing this.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Mambo Gumbo (Healthier Soul Food)

According to Wikipedia, Gumbo is a dish that originated in southern Louisiana from the Louisiana Creole people during the 18th century. It typically consists primarily of a strongly flavored stock, okra, meat or shellfish, a thickener, and seasoning vegetables, which can include celery, bell peppers and onions. Gumbo is often categorized by the type of thickener used: the African vegetable okra, the Choctaw spice filé powder (dried and ground sassafras leaves), or roux, the French base made of flour and fat. The dish likely derived its name from either the Bantu word for okra (ki ngombo) or the Choctaw word for filé (kombo). Several different varieties exist.. The dish combines ingredients and culinary practices of several cultures, including West African, French, Spanish, German, and Choctaw. Gumbo may have been based on traditional West African or native dishes, or may be a derivative of the French dish bouillabaisse. It was first described in 1802, and was listed in various cookbooks in the latter half of the 19th century. The dish gained more widespread popularity in the 1970s, The dish is the official cuisine of the state of Louisiana.

Gumbo is a beloved meal for my grandmother's side of the family. Gumbo has been made on Sunday or on a holiday like Christmas or New Years Day meal. There have been many times a family member said "I'm making Gumbo for this holiday" and a collection has been raised for that person to buy supplies. I'm one of those black people who truly has ancestors from Louisiana. My grandmother's mother was born in Boyce. La and raised in Leesville, La.

No, I don't know what percentage (%) of Creole and/or Cajun I am because she was adopted by her Godparents when she was small. I do know she was a black woman (died when I was 4), who's Louisiana accent would show up when she was serious. She met my great-grandfather (who was from Southeast Texas (long Jim Crow story on why he was in La.)) and moved to Texas (Dallas area) when my grandmother was 7 years old. My great-grandmother, who we called "Grandma" was a housewife. She had a husband and 9 children (my grandmother is the 2nd child & 1st daughter). Meals had to stretch. Gumbo was made a lot in their home. My grandmother, who her grandchildren call Granny often tell us of the many different ingredients that were possibly be in their family's pot of gumbo. Along with the okra & shellfish (shrimp or crawfish mostly), onions, tomatoes & bell peppers, there may have been neck bones (pork), oxtails, meat from a ham bone, various varieties of sausage, chicken parts (sometimes feet & gizzards too), and even bologna in the pot. I'm inclined to believe her because her youngest brother (RIP Uncle E), who my family (me included) believes made the Best gumbo in life put a lot of those ingredients in his gumbo. I was a freshman in high school when he made his last pot for the family. I remember seeing the oxtails and neck bones. I knew then Granny's food tales of yore were pretty accurate. I am also inclined to believe their household was not the only one making Gumbo with those components.

I do not make gumbo with all those meats in it. Number 1, now those meats that were thought to be low budget back in the day are pricey delicacies now. Number 2 and the most importantly, those meats are very fatter to consume. My family have enough health issues related to their past diet practices. If there is a 3, my grandmother didn't make her gumbo like that. I learned to make her version. Again gumbo gets made many times a year in my home, somethings just had to be omitted. Well, last year I found a recipe that has become a favorite along side my grandmother's & uncle's recipe in my household.

Shrimp & Chicken Sausage Gumbo (Found on Diet Solutions' Facebook Page)

Ingredients:
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 cups chopped onions
• 2 cups chopped green bell pepper
• 2/3 cup finely chopped celery
• 3 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 pound chicken sausage, cut into 1/2 inch pieces
• 1 Tbsp. Salt-Free Italian Seasoning
• 1/2 Tbsp. Mrs. Dash® Extra Spicy Seasoning Blend
• 2 (14.5 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with juice
• 1/2 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
• 2 cups shrimp or chicken stock (Water can be used)
• 1 lb. frozen okra
• 1 1/2 pound uncooked shrimp - peeled & deveined

Directions:
1. Roux :  Put flour into a Dutch oven or large heavy pot and add oil. Turn heat to medium-high, put the pot on the burner, and cook, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon, until thick and bubbly, has a 'peanutty' smell, and is dark brown, about 10 minutes. Set aside to cool and thicken.
2. In a skillet coated with cooking spray Cook and stir celery, onions, celery, garlic bell pepper & sausage until veggies are tender and meat is lightly browned, about 10 minutes; add to pot with the roux.
3. Stir in stock, tomatoes, seasonings, pepper sauce into the pot. Bring the mixture to a gentle boil, reduce heat to medium-low
4. Stir okra into the mixture and cook until tender, about 15 minutes.
5. Gently stir shrimp into the mixture; cook until the shrimp are bright pink, about 3 minutes.
6. May be serve with cooked rice

*If you are uneasy about making a roux. Don't worry, this recipe can be made without the roux and still be delicious*

I think my great uncle would like this recipe.

Well, after some good sarcastic ribbing, he would like it. Nothing says "I Love You" like insults in my family.

And concludes this series on Healthier Soul Food recipes. We need food to live. Love is the most common ingredient in Soul Food. Well, nothing says I Love You like helping our loved one live their very best. Let's help them more from our soul and some Healthier Soul Food.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Cooking Origins

I love my clients. I told my long-standing ones about my newest blog series for February and a couple of them came flocking over here to read about it.

One of them made a request. Well, I'll grant that one. I know why she wants me to share my story. She thinks my story is funny. I think it is boring. When I met her, she couldn't cook. It is weird to me for anyone old enough to move out of their parents home and not know how to prepare a meal. I've known several people who don't know to cook. She was my first client that couldn't cook. Well, choosing healthy recipes for her was hard back then. But now she cooks a lot. I've actually eaten a few of her meals I have provided recipes for her. They have been very tasty.

Okay, I was probably 6 years old being able to prepare my own breakfast & lunch. I'm not talking about make bowls of cereal. I could make my peanut butter toast by then. Also, my sister never would cut my sandwiches diagonally so, I took on that task. So, my attitude behind learning to cook was formed early. Growing up my grandmother cooked during the week and my mother & youngest aunt cooked on the weekends. One constant rule in our home has been, if You don't like what was prepared, You fix You something else. On New Year's Day, my family eats chitterlings (the small intestines of a pig, although the intestines of cattle and other animals are sometimes so named when used as a foodstuff). As long as I never acted as though I had an interest in them, I didn't. At age 11, I decided to eat chitterlings. They were gross. They tasted as they smelled. They had a rubbery texture and didn't chew. To finish them, I eventually I had to add black-eyed peas, greens, & cornbread in eat a bite. After that meal, I added that to the long list of foods I don't eat. At age 12 my aunt got married, leaving me the youngest person in the house. I also was the only person that didn't eat chitterlings in the house. I had a month and a half to learn to make me something that matched cornbread, greens & black-eyed peas. I decided on baked chicken parts. Being 12, my mom & grandparents thought that my venture was precocious and agreed with it. Well, three weeks before New Year's Day, I was home by myself with my brother. I had the bright idea to be proactive to fix dinner. I decided on some chili. Put the canned chili in the pot, seasoned it, and warmed it up. My family was so proud of me. Then we all sat down to eat dinner.

It was the saltiest stuff known to man. The only person who enjoyed it was my grandfather, who salted all his food. Lesson learned: Don't put salt in canned chili. Three weeks later, I baked chicken parts perfectly. And since then I have been responsible for my own New Year's Day meal.

Now I cook most of the meals in my home. Trust me, I still have had some failures.

Fact: I had to go to college to learn how to properly fry chicken.

Baked chicken has progressed into learning how to make stuff like these.

Beer Can Chicken

White Bean & Turkey Stew

Shrimp & Spinach Wrap

Malt-O-Meal Muffins

My nephew (here making a cake, I taught him to make) may not ever believe (or know) I oversalted the chili. First thing I taught him to do was squeeze lemons for a Lemon Meringue Pie at age 3 (wake me up at 6:30 am, I will put you to work).
This pie is actually his sister's pie, that I taught her to make a few years ago. She now also, makes very tasty meals.

And that was the start of my cooking journey. I've come a long way from over salted chili & baked chicken.

Don't know what those two dishes will lead to learning to cook next but, I'll be ready to make it

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Siblings

So, today my sister participated in TBT (Throw Back Thursday) and posted a couple of family pictures. That was funny. Gosh, I wore a stupid hairstyle in the 8th grade. Oh, I’m not dumb enough to show you guys. Here’s a cuter one.

Can you pick which one is me? Yes, that little one in the yellow, dotted Swiss dress is me.  The other two kids are my sister, A, and my brother, G. My mother tells people that she raised 3 only children. G is the oldest at 10 years my senior and A is 7 years my senior. So, she is actually right. But we have a close bond.

G has Cerebral Palsy and is severely mentally challenged.  Doctors said he would die at ages 5, 10, and 15. God’s miracle made them give up predicting.  G is actually the reason I went into the medical field as a child. I was going to find a cure for him at age 7. G is a riot. Though he has the mental understanding of a young toddler, He sings (his way), laughs and talks, feeds himself, even fusses & fights with people. I bet the Devil even says WoW when he sees my brother, the miracle. G is my Secret Keeper. He’s my sounding board. He is also my man metal detector. LoL, Like little ones, G detects basic B.S. If G does not make his way to meet you or all of the sudden stops talking to you, you won’t be seeing me much more. Trust me G’s actions are never wrong.

My role model & rock is A. Because she has a much bigger personality than me, many non-Blood related people referred to me as just only A’s sister. That causes me to do many things that look different on the surface than her on purpose. But strangely my methods looked a lot similar. A has supported me in everything, be it wise or dumb. She has come to my aid whenever I needed her. Don’t let me act like I don’t need help and she finds out. I told you, she’s my rock. Now if you guys think I am sarcastic and crazy, A will keep you on your toes then. She has a Great heart and tries to see the fun side in everything.

Yeah, we fuss, cuss and fight at times. It’s a wonder our childhood room is still standing. But I love these people. With all my heart. Nothing but Death can keep me from them. And even that might have to knock me out to get to them too.  Ok let me stop before I start the tears to flow

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating…Relatives of Friends or Friends of Relatives

Okay in the Long Distance post you already know I have dated a brother of a female member of my Chosen Family. For this blog post, she will be called Pink Red. I will never do that again. I love my friendships too much to ever put those in jeopardy again. I can honestly say that through all the drama I dealt with the demise of my relationship with J. Mac, Pink Red remained my friend. I thank her for that. Watching and listening to someone being mad at your brother had to be hard. I tried not to do it often but I still did it.

It was crazy for me to be friends with Pink Red even while J. Mac and I dated. Pink Red and I go back to high school. We talked about boys we liked, dated, etc. all the time. So not talking about her brother cause me to pull back some. The first time I felt bad about the turn in our friendship was one time I called for J. Mac and she answered the phone. I didn’t recognize my friend’s voice. She said “My Biological Name! It’s Her Biological Name”. I said “Oh hey girl. How are you doing?” At that moment I felt like an a-word. I didn't acknowledge my friend. That was crappy as hell. Luckily they were eating and J. Mac had to call me later. I had time to kick myself and sit with my emotions. One time Pink Red & J. Mac were fighting and I got a phone call and had to be questioned about something wrong J. Mac did. I told J. Mac off on his next visit. He had wronged my friend. Once the drama started, the first person I called was Pink Red. Gosh, I was so immature for doing that. She was more level-headed than me about the situation. When her brother’s name came up after the Big Fight, she never went off on me as she has. She was always a friend to me. I was even in her 1st wedding as a bridesmaid. I can admit now that I was nervous about the possibility of her brother being there. I never asked if he was going to come down but I think she sensed it because out of the blue on the way to the bachelorette party, the night before, she mentioned he was not going to be there. 

Every time J. Mac would lose my number after we were in a good place, Pink Red would give it to him and ask me can he have it. I finally told J. Mac to stop 1. Stop losing my contact info and 2. Don’t ask his sister for it because he was IMO aggravating her.  I would have told both of us off, years ago. And so far she is still a friend to me. She might read this and Long Distance and it dawned on her “Heck yeah, I was a friend to that…. Time to cut her off”. Lord, I truly hope not.

So that is why I’ll never date a relative of a friend. I take my friendships seriously. Rather share my love of a person with my friends than let it divide us.

Dating a friend of my relatives is easy. I will Never!!! 1. That guy hangs with my relative. He has issues by the association. I was born into knowing that person. This guy chose to know this person. That is a problem! (Yes, you should be laughing). 2. I will never be accused of incest because I think every one of my family members looks like monsters, especially men. More than likely their friends look like monsters to me too. 3. My family member’s friends for the most become our “friends”. So they are like family. So, that would be like incest.

So sorry guys, I’m not interested. You are friends or related to the wrong people. LoL

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Living with Your Folks!!!

You know I swear people on Twitter use Direct Messages (DM) to hide. Well I had a follower to DM me and I guess he figured out that I still lived at home with my folks, Umm Yeah! That's not a secret. How do you think I know what my mother and grandmother are watching on TV? I'm not married or have children so, who do you think I am doing at that cooking for?

When I graduated from college, I didn't have a job lined up. So, I moved back home to live with my mother, my ailing 80-plus year old grandparents and my older brother who is severely mentally challenged and has cerebral palsy. It was temporary, I thought. Soon my choice became my family's blessing in disguise. My grandfather was dying. He was going to bathroom one morning and he fell. Luckily, I was there to get him up & call my mom & aunts at work to get him the hospital. My grandfather passed away a month later. I took the phone call from the hospital, had to tell my grandmother and call mom at work so she could round up the family. That was 2004. Oh yeah I cooked meals and Helped get my brother get cleaned and ready for the day since I was unemployed. Keyword is Helped. But now I was in charge of running a household because my grandmother became grief stricken and her health started taking a strange turn after the funeral. I cooked meals, organized Dr. appointments, meds, phone calls, mail, cleaned & dress my brother (imagine an adult with a toddler's mind that just happens to know you are the little sister) and did the bulk of the shopping. And that summer I started a business. So I was like a working mother without a husband.

Let's Skip to the Spring 2010, my mother's job had her working from home. She is weeks from retiring. My grandmother falls. We thought she was okay. Boy, were we wrong. That was the start of what later would be a 4 month long hospital and nursing rehab stay because before the summer ended she had to have her gall bladder removed and therapy on her legs. That November they sent her home with a wheelchair. My mother is now retired so there are two hands on deck. My grandmother can dress herself. But she still requires some of the same duties my brother needs. Lord, I love retirement.

I don't regret staying at home. It's not as hard as it seems. Other than the household chores, we live like roommates. I still have my business, go out on occasion with my friends, and go to church when I can. Our other family members help out, too. It's just my life and I live it.

So before you judge people for Staying Home with Their Folks, learn their story. Everyone is not just staying home because they don't want to grow up. Some of us are there because our Adult responsibilities different.  Different not trifling. Now, let me start dinner.  *smiling*

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Really Moms

Okay because it is March it means this is Women's History Month.  So let me talk my last stupid to me argument. It is the Working ~vs~ the Stay at Home mothers. I know you're saying "Diva, you're not a mom. What bothers you about that argument"? As a non-parent I can't to begin to explain to you how crazy moms who argue about this sound. Stay at Home mothers are lazy. Working mothers are selfish.

I actually grew up with argument to an extent. My grandmother was a stay at home mother. She never understood mothers who If had the choice to work. She is very vocal about it. None of her daughters are stay at home mothers. All are/were working mothers. Whether married or single, choice or no choice, they all work(ed).

I didn't even know I was living the argument until I saw both types of mothers loudly arguing on talk shows when I was a teenager. I would sit there and be amazed at the dumbness of the argument. Both sets love their husbands & children, why are they arguing over how the love is shown. The families are whole and happy. No moral or government laws are being broken. Why does this argument exist? Stop it!!!

Each mother chooses her role in her family's life. Arguing over a choice about how Someone chooses to live their life that is not harming anyone is crazy. Mother's Please stop fighting about this. Whatever is right for your family is right.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms