My Sanity ~vs~ Being Called a Jerk (Changes A- Came in 2015)

2014 made me realize I was petty and was probably not going to change that. Being trivial (a synonym for petty, Learn it) is subjective so that part of my personality was here to stay. But I still felt like my sanity was being tugged at and I was starting to be get annoyed. So, I silently (as in not tell anyone what I was really doing) set out to pull it back in the right direction.

I've been back on the dating scene since January. Yeah, I was barely back on the market when Football Nerd died so, snatching myself off was not even hard. But I did the work to let my wounds heal. I mostly had flirtationships and very few dates. I only told 4 people (and not all at one time). They were my sister, A and my friends LJ, TT, and Pink Red. They were the only folks I trusted to let me enter the dating scene by my own terms. Many people get so wrapped up in their opinionated version of  what they want for you, they don't see or hear your plan. Most of them don't mean harm but they still don't see you. While I was on my dating hiatuses over the years I can name all the suggested dating scenes they felt were best for me.

• Over-Emphasizing Online Dating - I have nothing against online dating. I best met one of my best relationship and my worst relationship online. My problem is when it become other's only suggested dating method for me. I don't ask but I often wonder three things. Do they think I can't ever find a date in offline world? Am I that hideous or pathetic to them that online is my only hope? Is it if I join a certain site, they can join and have a buddy in the struggle on there? I don't know so, I dismiss them.
• Match-Making - If you don't have me figured out, you're not going to set me up on a date. I ask every "match-maker" I encounter how would they describe me or give me an example of the guy they would me with. All of them have gotten it wrong.
• Cuffing Season - During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed. And we thank the Lord for the Urban Dictionary. I've Never been that desperate to depend on something like this to be with a man. I Never will.

I like I said I did a lot of flirting. I even flirted on my birthday with TT's cousin. LoL He was hawt. And me not telling people especially other friends (some may have figured it out) will get me called a jerk but it won't be first. I was called one a lot this year.

In my friendship circle, I act the most motherly. Matter of fact, LJ calls me Mother sometimes. But mother is actually a veiled form of me being controlling. I see it and it concerns me. I don't like being bossed around and actually don't like bossing others around. It's more than me telling someone to let me know that they are home. It's more like I see something that could go awry and I have to put my hand in it. I don't like that about myself. I really see it when I ask for a ride since I don't drive. It is me asking what time to expect them the day before the event. Some see that as an innocent act. I know it is not. It's me making sure that person didn't forget me.

So, I changed me. I let Mother get a lot of naps this year. As I changed me, I also saw that way too many people were relying on Mother. That's when I sort of got annoyed. I saw that some would rather ask about a dress code instead of reading an invitation that stated it. I saw some would rather ask me if a show was coming on rather than go look that information up. And when I wouldn't tell them, their response was, "That's okay you'll tell me eventually. It's not in your personality not too". I still refused. Some folks really did called me a jerk for acting this way. They never understood I was changing my script.
As for taking my hands out of events, only one went awry-ish. But I also acknowledged another annoying habit in people that caused me to react in a way that was not in their favor. I tell people all the time, I can tell when an event is not going to happen because the planner(s) get mysteriously quiet days before. If, I plan something and it probably won't happen for whatever, I go ahead and cancel it. I know people who will wait until someone else ask about the event to actually say anything let alone cancel it. Well, this year, if I saw that behavior. I cancel my portion of the event aka I didn't go. I literally had to tell someone about an hour before an event I was cancelling my portion of their event. I hadn't heard anything from them in a week. He still had not "cancelled" his event until I cancelled me going to it. Come to find out, he was scheduled to work. He knew that 4 days earlier.

Some people just don't want to "look bad" and won't cancel events. No matter how obvious it is. But I'm a petty jerk for pointing that out and saying I was not going. I'm sorry, "Cancelling my portion of the event".

Oh one other thing made someone upset with me (Well, that I know of). My "Team Natural Fan" friend, BJ will not be suggesting me going natural anymore. His last suggestion cause Team Natural to attack me on FB. Some I told him to "Can It" for the last time. Oh, we had to not speak for a while but I haven't heard crap about me having relaxed hair again. Again people tend to rely on their opinionated wants for others that they tend not see the full impact it has on that person. It's for us to broaden the lens for them to see the full picture.

Yes, like me liking Hotline Bling, these changes will stick. Mother will get more naps in the future. Not sticking my hand in so much gave me a chance to see I stick my foot in my mouth a lot. So 2016, you know what else I am working on.  Well, I'm off to work.  If the Lord says the same, (still Churchy in 2015) I'll see you next year.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

I Was__ Years Old When I Stop Believing In Santa

With my siblings, G. & A. and our cousin, D.D.

When I look back over my life, I can't even figure out how I even believed in Santa Claus as long as I did. My mother admits that she had no plans of teaching us about Santa. But since she had active grandparents like ours beating her to the punch on that lesson, she just rolled with it. Even then that should've just explained why A believed in Santa. Yes, she pretty much set some of the precedents on how things went with the kids in my family because my brother, who is older has special needs. But there is a 7 year age distance between my sister and me so, she should've stopped believing in Santa by the time I was old enough to believe in him. But I guess she was taught not to ruin it for me. So, I still believed in Santa Claus.

I guess I just wanted to believe in him. There were so many signs that he didn't exist in my home. Every year my mother would call me in to pick out 5 things out of the JC Penney or Sears Christmas catalogs, so she could call Santa with her order. Common sense said she was calling the store. I also grew up in in a home without a fireplace. So, when I asked how did Santa get in our home, I was told by my mother that he had a special doorbell that only adults could here. The crazy part is that was and still believable. We don't leave our doors unlocked and only acknowledge the doorbell (Knocking is purposely unheard).

Giving you face & shoulder

But leave it to Foundation church to haphazardly disprove my belief in Santa. Yes, I said haphazardly because how it happened was by chance and not on purpose. Oh, and yes, we had Santa Claus appearances at our programs. I think even in a few plays he was the "narrator" of the plays that taught us about the true meaning of Christmas. Our usual Sunday School teacher, my mother's buddy, we will call in this blog post, Aunt Erika was absent that Sunday. Well, Sister Kevin (RIP) (Yes, another blog post name) was our substitute. Sis. Kevin wrote some of the holidays plays for the youth, so I guess the superintendents thought it was ok for her to teach up that Sunday.

I loved that dress

Well, she decided to have question & answer time. Somebody asked was Santa real. And she said Jesus was Santa Claus. He was responsible for giving us gifts, Now, as an adult, I understand what she was trying to say. But I was not an adult. I knew then something was up. I came home and told my mother and she asked who told me that and shook her head. So, I started paying attention and that when I all the signs became clear. There was No Santa. I was eight years old

I kept my mouth closed for a year. But even when I did reveal my disbelief, I had to be a smart mouth. I almost didn't get Christmas gifts. The truth about Santa got "very real" that morning. But after everyone else finish opening gifts, my mother brought out a large gift bag saying Santa said he almost forgot since I didn't believe.

I have a feeling my mother conspired with Pau-Pau Santa & Granny Claus in hiding All my gifts. LoL SMH After that I was called in and asked what did I want out of the catalog so my mother could place the order to the store. Also, she placed the order in front of me.

So, that's how I stopped believing in Santa. But I still believe the true message of a baby that was born to save me from my sins. I don't remember ever not believing in that story. No matter what is not received on Christmas or in life, even, If one has Jesus that will always be enough.

Alrighty!!! You guys have a great holiday. Oh if you want to share your "I Was__ Years Old When I Stop Believing In Santa" stories below in the comments, Merry Christmas!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Party Healthy This Holiday Season (Healthy Holiday Recipes)

The holidays are a time to reconnect with the joy of togetherness. We have family gatherings. We have Holiday potlucks or buffets at work. We get together and have "Secret Santa" or "White Elephant" Christmas parties with our friends. Some of us bring in the New Year on it's eve with parties. Some of  us gather after Watch Night services and have a late night meal. Many of us have a gathering on New Years day and hang out,

No matter how we hang out with one another, we All have to eat. Parties, family gatherings, and feasts make keeping off the pounds a difficult task. I said difficult not impossible. The holidays don't have to mean weight gain. We can't can expect everyone not to cook fattening foods to parties but we can bring our own healthy & tasty treats & share.

The colors in this dish scream Christmas. It is a simple healthy recipe and requires minimal cooking.

Zu-Canoes (Eating Well have a great recipe to make this)
Ingredients
• 2 medium 2-inch-wide zucchini
• 1/2 teaspoon salt, divided
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, divided
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 tablespoon white-wine vinegar
• 1 tablespoon minced shallot
• 1 cup quartered grape tomatoes
• 1/2 cup diced mozzarella cheese, preferably fresh
• 1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh basil

Preparation:
1. Trim both ends off zucchini; cut in half lengthwise. Cut a thin slice off the backs so each half sits flat. Scoop out the pulp, leaving a 1/4-inch shell. Finely chop the pulp; set aside.
2. Place the zucchini halves in a microwave-safe dish. Sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Cover and microwave on High until tender-crisp, 3 to 4 minutes. (Alternatively, steam in a steamer basket over 1 inch of boiling water in a large skillet or pot.)
3. Whisk oil, vinegar, shallot and the remaining 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Add tomatoes, cheese, basil and the reserved zucchini pulp; toss to combine. Divide the filling among the zu-canoes.

Nothing says holiday party to me like a wing. They are full of flavor and portable. My only issue is most are fried with butter based sauces. But here is a baked wing to rival any fried wing out there. Oh I have other healthier sauce recipes, you want a different flavor. Email me or leave me comment and I can send you a copy.

Balsamic Soy Glazed Chicken Wings (Inspired by THIS Recipe)
Ingredients
• 4 pounds chicken wingettes
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 3/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter

Preparation:
1. Put oven racks in upper and lower thirds of oven. Line 2 large shallow baking pans (17 by 11 inches) with foil. Put pans in oven and preheat oven to 500°F.
2. Pat wings dry, then toss with oil, ginger, garlic, and pepper in a large bowl and divide between preheated pans, spreading wings in 1 layer. Roast, without turning, until golden and tender, about 35 minutes.
3. While wings roast, simmer vinegar, soy sauce, and sugar in a 1- to 1 1/2-quart heavy saucepan, stirring occasionally, until reduced to about 1/3 cup, 12 to 14 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in butter until melted.
4. Remove roasted wings from oven and let stand in pans 1 minute (to make wings easier to remove from foil), then transfer with tongs to a clean large bowl.
5. Pour balsamic mixture over wings and toss to coat well. Let stand 5 minutes, then toss again.

Oh my Jewish readers, I didn't leave you guys out. A Latke is a variation of a Potato Pancake (what I grew up eating) and it is usually fried. The oil for cooking the latkes is symbolic of the oil from the Hanukkah story that kept the Second Temple of ancient Israel lit with a long-lasting flame that is celebrated as a miracle. But us Gentiles are not the only ones watching our figures. Try this baked version of this traditional dish  and take it to this year's Hanukkah.

Baked Latkes (Recipe is found HERE)
Ingredients
• 2 lbs potatoes (shredded or grated)
• 1 onion (shredded or grated)
• 2 eggs
• Salt (to taste)
• Pepper (to taste
• 1/4 cup matzo meal or 1/4 cup flour
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• Nonstick cooking spray

Preparation:
1. Preheat oven to 425°F.
2. Drain excess liquid from potatoes. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl.
3. Spray two baking sheets.
4. Add latke mixture by 1/4 cup; flatten.
5. Bake 15 minutes; turn latkes; and bake 10 minutes longer.
Serve with applesauce or sour cream.

My cousin, Clory made this punch for Thanksgiving and it was delicious. Alcohol has empty calories and we don't need them anyway.

Non-Alcoholic Apple Pie Punch (Great recipe HERE)
Ingredients:
• 4 Cups Apple Cider
• 1 Cup White Grape Juice
• 3 Cups Ginger Ale
• 1 Apple, diced

Preparation:
1. Combine apple cider, white grape juice, and ginger ale into a pitcher or punch bowl.
2. Throw in the apples and enjoy!

Now, just because We will bring healthier dishes does not mean we can't eat what other's brings. Here are some tips to enjoy some of our favorite holiday dishes without overindulging.

• Snack Beforehand - Do Not go hungry.

• Be The Last In Line - Once a large amount of people have gone through, the food loses its luster

• If You Must Drink, Drink A Wine Spritzer - Remember, many holiday drinks are loaded with calories that add up quickly!

• Avoid Elastic Waisted Holiday Outfit - Elastic waistbands are cheerleaders to overeating. Fitted waist & belts give your appetite discipline.

• Stand at least 4 Arms' Length Away from the Munchies or Buffet - Causes you not to want to walk back to get seconds.

Well, I won't be back until February 2016, if God says the same, with Healthy Eating Recipes. I promise to come back a little sweeter (Yes, that is a hint). Happy Holidays to all you reading this. Be blessed & ready to for me in 2016.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms