My Sanity ~vs~ Being Called a Jerk (Changes A- Came in 2015)

2014 made me realize I was petty and was probably not going to change that. Being trivial (a synonym for petty, Learn it) is subjective so that part of my personality was here to stay. But I still felt like my sanity was being tugged at and I was starting to be get annoyed. So, I silently (as in not tell anyone what I was really doing) set out to pull it back in the right direction.

I've been back on the dating scene since January. Yeah, I was barely back on the market when Football Nerd died so, snatching myself off was not even hard. But I did the work to let my wounds heal. I mostly had flirtationships and very few dates. I only told 4 people (and not all at one time). They were my sister, A and my friends LJ, TT, and Pink Red. They were the only folks I trusted to let me enter the dating scene by my own terms. Many people get so wrapped up in their opinionated version of  what they want for you, they don't see or hear your plan. Most of them don't mean harm but they still don't see you. While I was on my dating hiatuses over the years I can name all the suggested dating scenes they felt were best for me.

• Over-Emphasizing Online Dating - I have nothing against online dating. I best met one of my best relationship and my worst relationship online. My problem is when it become other's only suggested dating method for me. I don't ask but I often wonder three things. Do they think I can't ever find a date in offline world? Am I that hideous or pathetic to them that online is my only hope? Is it if I join a certain site, they can join and have a buddy in the struggle on there? I don't know so, I dismiss them.
• Match-Making - If you don't have me figured out, you're not going to set me up on a date. I ask every "match-maker" I encounter how would they describe me or give me an example of the guy they would me with. All of them have gotten it wrong.
• Cuffing Season - During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed. And we thank the Lord for the Urban Dictionary. I've Never been that desperate to depend on something like this to be with a man. I Never will.

I like I said I did a lot of flirting. I even flirted on my birthday with TT's cousin. LoL He was hawt. And me not telling people especially other friends (some may have figured it out) will get me called a jerk but it won't be first. I was called one a lot this year.

In my friendship circle, I act the most motherly. Matter of fact, LJ calls me Mother sometimes. But mother is actually a veiled form of me being controlling. I see it and it concerns me. I don't like being bossed around and actually don't like bossing others around. It's more than me telling someone to let me know that they are home. It's more like I see something that could go awry and I have to put my hand in it. I don't like that about myself. I really see it when I ask for a ride since I don't drive. It is me asking what time to expect them the day before the event. Some see that as an innocent act. I know it is not. It's me making sure that person didn't forget me.

So, I changed me. I let Mother get a lot of naps this year. As I changed me, I also saw that way too many people were relying on Mother. That's when I sort of got annoyed. I saw that some would rather ask about a dress code instead of reading an invitation that stated it. I saw some would rather ask me if a show was coming on rather than go look that information up. And when I wouldn't tell them, their response was, "That's okay you'll tell me eventually. It's not in your personality not too". I still refused. Some folks really did called me a jerk for acting this way. They never understood I was changing my script.
As for taking my hands out of events, only one went awry-ish. But I also acknowledged another annoying habit in people that caused me to react in a way that was not in their favor. I tell people all the time, I can tell when an event is not going to happen because the planner(s) get mysteriously quiet days before. If, I plan something and it probably won't happen for whatever, I go ahead and cancel it. I know people who will wait until someone else ask about the event to actually say anything let alone cancel it. Well, this year, if I saw that behavior. I cancel my portion of the event aka I didn't go. I literally had to tell someone about an hour before an event I was cancelling my portion of their event. I hadn't heard anything from them in a week. He still had not "cancelled" his event until I cancelled me going to it. Come to find out, he was scheduled to work. He knew that 4 days earlier.

Some people just don't want to "look bad" and won't cancel events. No matter how obvious it is. But I'm a petty jerk for pointing that out and saying I was not going. I'm sorry, "Cancelling my portion of the event".

Oh one other thing made someone upset with me (Well, that I know of). My "Team Natural Fan" friend, BJ will not be suggesting me going natural anymore. His last suggestion cause Team Natural to attack me on FB. Some I told him to "Can It" for the last time. Oh, we had to not speak for a while but I haven't heard crap about me having relaxed hair again. Again people tend to rely on their opinionated wants for others that they tend not see the full impact it has on that person. It's for us to broaden the lens for them to see the full picture.

Yes, like me liking Hotline Bling, these changes will stick. Mother will get more naps in the future. Not sticking my hand in so much gave me a chance to see I stick my foot in my mouth a lot. So 2016, you know what else I am working on.  Well, I'm off to work.  If the Lord says the same, (still Churchy in 2015) I'll see you next year.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms