Who Am I? Thanks Black History Month!!!

*It's long. Tried shortening it. That made it dumb. So, it's long*

A photo (Not my photo & can’t procure permission from everyone in it, so I can’t show it) of my foundation church Sunday School classmates & me when I was maybe 17. (My Hair said 16. ‬My dress said 16 or 17. My feet say 11. ‪My Classmates say 17 or 18) ‬that surfaced a few weeks ago on Facebook, took me way back. I remember that smart butt bought to the nerd. She winks back at me all the time in the mirror. She's my personality foundation! But a time shortly before then, you would’ve thought co-switcher was my professional goal. There was a time I didn't show all of me everywhere.

If the term code-switcher was a popular thing when I was growing up, explaining the type of person I was to people would've been so much easier. I've been a Black Christian Nerd for many, many, many years.

My mind could have easily wandered
to this thought as a teenager
LMBO

I've been Black all my life. I was born that race and I identified with many parts of "being black". I didn't become a Christian until I was 13. Oh, I was baptized at the urging of my family at 8. But I didn't accept him as my savior wholeheartedly until then. (We'll tackle that another day) Plus, I was "churchy" and that doesn't hide. And I have been a nerd as early as age 4. Yes, one day a few years ago, I sat and pinpointed the moment.  I didn't want to go to daycare after the 1st semester because I couldn't "say some of those words in the book" like a couple of kids my exact age at church that I thought was dumb. I also felt like if I was going to "school", why didn't my teacher give us homework like my sister (who is 7 years older) had? Yeah, I know. Who wants homework? Hey, I felt like I should've learned more that scriptures, pledges, Lego blocks, & the lyrics to "Love Come Down"(Oh, I was Evelyne Champagne King!). My grandfather was tired of my fighting after Christmas break so, I was at home until time to go to public school. Yes, I regretted wanting homework years later.

Now since a "black nerd" was not pop culture entity until the 90s with the characters of Steve Urkel & Carlton Banks (even though there were so many non-stereotypical others, including Laura Winslow & some of the cast of a Different World), I didn't realize I was a nerd until I was in high school. Black & Christian was a combination I could explain. Unless you were angrily against being Christian, no one bothered people about being a Black Christian, as they do now. Black & Nerdy, I could explain it. I had friends who were like me watching & analyzing Star Trek, Next Generation, X Files, Power Rangers, V. R. Troopers, Degrassi High, ect on the phone.

I had friends that I shared a love of writing fan-fiction about the current Black stars & singers, we thought were handsome.

My Bedroom wall aka My Muses,
sometimes when I was younger

This was before the popularity of the internet so, who knows where those papers are. I've had that kind of buddies since elementary school. The interesting part was that those friends were only at school. Oh and alas, being a Christian Nerd. It is hard to explain to church folks & educated anti-Christians that you believe God is the creator of all and you believe that Big Bang Theory & Evolution is just a technical explanation of what he did. Now, two Black Christian Nerds (though I don't think they would use that term) were raising me, my mother & my grandfather. In their stories of their past, I learned that my grandfather was put out of a high school class & my mother was put out of a Sunday School class because of this view. So, I internalized that I better "keep my head down" on that view. I just added the behavior to all my other code-switching styles and didn't show any "nerdy" qualities as much as possible at church. Well, that behavior couldn't be hidden. And one day I decided that it was going to be seen.

My foundation church was one that pushed the importance that we should learn black history. In February, they went all out. The weekly congregational hymn every week was "Lift Every Voice and Sing"(I rant about folks not knowing this song is the previous POST). The Youth Directors & Sponsors put on wonderful programs & musicals.

But my favorite was the weekly "Who Am I" riddles. Every week after the church announcements & before alter prayer, one representative from one of the various youth groups gave clues of someone in Black history. Sometimes, they were easy. Sometimes, they were not easy. I loved them because many times we would learn about somebody other than the same people. A few years before I did a riddle about one of the 1st Black Post Masters in Dallas and it was cute & got applause. But that was only because I personally knew the person. This one time I was picked as the representative for the Youth Ushers. So, the assignment had to be easy for me but stump the congregation. Well, in an old VBS book, the CEO of the publishing board, R.H. Boyd Publishing, T D Boyd, III  (HERE is the info of him & his family) was being talked about. Our Christian curriculum books came from that place so, he had to be a big deal for them to talk about him in one of our books. That was the answer to that assignment. I just needed to read it. Well, the day before I was to present was the Youth Usher meeting. The president, this girl I was friendly with & I will blog name Robbie, ask me who was I presenting. I said T D Boyd, III. She told me to do somebody that people would know. Then she said "Ain't nobody gonna guess him. You always have to go too far. Always a know-it-all nerd". At that moment I had had it and I went off. "Yes, I am a know-it-all. I know I'm not 5 and am well pass doing Harriet Tubman & Booker T. Washington. Just because you don't know who he is, doesn't mean somebody else won't. And what about the other folks who don't know and may like to know". After enough eye-rolling and neck twirling, I grabbed my purse and left the sanctuary.

That night I thought long and hard about not being all myself at church. I had to stop "hiding" what was not being hidden well. I was a nerd and I didn't think exactly like some of the congregation. It's not like they were going to oust me. I am not my mother. The teacher that put her out wasn't even my teacher. I came to church that Sunday, Ready. I did me "Who Am I" and a few people answered correctly so I said with a big grin, "You are correct". I looked at Robbie so I could gloat but she gave me a thumbs-up before I could. Oh yes, Robbie & I are still friendly buds. That was the ups & downs of church teenage angst. From time to time, we've run into each other at the church I go to now.

I never really know how I convinced myself that I hiding that part of me at church. As I look back my thinly veiled attempt to be stereotypical church cool was as weird & awkward as I could be. Plus, it was rather dumb since I went to high school with 3 people from church.

I figured better give it a personal touch.
I looked like this during that time.

I think it was my public speaking mask (another blog another day) that I hide behind or the smart-aleck teenager that I blame my antics on anyway. But once I stopped doing it, it opened my eyes to other nerdy, weird & awkward (they may not call themselves one) members there. I also learned that I was not the only person who believes in God & in evolution, also, Oh, there were still people that think I'm a weirdo but that's life. There are some people I think are weird, in and outside of the church. That's what this world is filled with mostly a bunch of weirdos trying to live the best life they can.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Who Loves You, Baby? It Better be You!!!

Here's A Question

That's the Answer!

Saw that on Football Nerd's nephew, Vinny B's Facebook page, and I thought it is a lovely ice breaker for this post.

Until I stop hearing whining about not having Valentine's Day Date, I will still be preaching Self Love.

Until I stop seeing articles like How To: Spend Valentine's Day Alone or 7 Ways For All The Single Ladies To OWN Valentine's Day This Year, I'll stop posting about Self Love. Until very divisive memes like that one are not shared & like, I'm talking Self Love

I am tired of people wrapping all their self-worth into companionship, especially on a particular day. Last year, I was low-key mourning even though I had put myself back on the market the month earlier. I still made a post about self-love because to whine about who is not in my life is wrong.

The most mind-boggling part to me is that most people (single, in a dating relationship, & married) know to love themselves. I just don't know if they don't or don't know how to. The funny part is we love ourselves in small ways every day. I have 4 small signs that I always rely on to keep tabs on my fondness of myself.

• How is my physical & mental health? Am I trying to be as healthy as I can be? We know if we are not drinking enough water. We know if we are not getting enough rest. We if we are keeping up with our body's maintenance via health care provider appointments. I said health care provider because some of us need to check in with mental health specialists to talk some things out. I for one am a proponent for therapy. Yes, I am a Christian and I got the Lord. I also believe God gave some humans the knowledge to help us be mentally balanced. Mental health is still a part of your health. And again you know if you are or are not taking care of yourself.
  

• Speaking of mental health, what do you say about yourself, here is a meme to consider. We have enough negative outside forces to dodge that are trying to feed all kinds of stuff into us all the time. Why would we feed more crap into us? If you are trying to love yourself, tell yourself loving things. I Am Enough!!! I Am Proud of Myself!!! I Am Not Fine but It Is Ok,  I Will Be!!! Until I Value Me, I Can't Value My Time!!! I Am Kind, I Am Smart, I Am Important!!!
  
  
• Do you have theme music? Here is an experiment to do for a month. Watch how you dress with music you love for one week. The next week, get dressed without music. Then repeat the steps for two more weeks. If you don't look better to & feel better about yourself after getting ready with music, I'll tip my hat to you. I have two "Getting Dress" playlists, one sacred list & one secular list. There is some about hearing this lyric to Nothing to Lose,  that empowers me to take on this world and all its crud. "He Gave Me Nothing to Lose but All To Gain" It can all bounce off because God didn't give that nothingness. I don't have to take it in. Then the song above. I heard these lyrics years ago and want to raise my fist in pride. "She's A Girl That Can't Be Beat Born And Raised On Ghetto Streets She's A Devastating Beauty A Pretty Girl With Ebony Eyes". A song that describes me. Theme music doesn't have to be only played when you are getting dressed. It should be played when you feel the need to be liberated. It needs to be listened to push what you love into you. No one wants to love the negative. Well, I don't think they do. So, your theme music more than likely reflects what is positive to you. 

  

  Ol' Sloppy Drunk Chicken
  Came out of the oven falling forward

• Every so often does something simple that you love. For example when you are shopping for bath soap. Pick a fragrance that you love even if no one else in your home would like it. Get them all that same scent that they like. I love to make Oven Beer Can Chicken as soon as it gets cold. It's a "dangerous" meal but I really take pride in making it. Recently, every time I wanted to make it for dinner, something would get in the way. Somebody wanted a meal before I put it on the schedule. Thanksgiving is coming up, we are already having turkey. Mom & Alura, whose 19 are going to the store, and I don't have bail money (legit concern of mine). And my distractions could go on & on. Well Super Bowl Sunday, I made this dish. I usually let them have party food that day. Well, not this year. They like it too so, I won't get any complaints. But just something simple like that. If you love it, do it sometimes.

Those are the little reminders I use to make sure I'm loving myself. Things to let me know I am checking in to make I'm ok. Loving yourself is not selfish. It's just knowing yourself, well. I read somewhere there are 5 Love Languages.

• Gifts
• Quality time
• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service (devotion)
• Physical touch (intimacy)

No one can truly love you if you don't teach them. And well you can't teach something you don't fluently speak. Be Fluent in You!!!

Oh and if I don't get to tell you on the 14th, Happy Valentine's Day!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

When TGIT Comes Back...

I know I have Big Bang Theory at 7:00 CST but after that I have had nothing to watch on TV on Thursday. And I am not accustomed for reading time to be on Thursday so, I can't wait for the return of TGIT on ABC (Gross that rhymed). Grey's Anatomy, Scandal & How to Get Away With Murder, all have been missed. So, let's catch up. Shall we?

Save your 'I don't watch Grey's Anatomy because... left, or died." talk. Until Meredith Grey is not on the show and the storyline is good (like it is), I'm still a fan. "Character Only" Fans leave. Now we left off with Karev proposing to Jo.

Will Jo say yes to Karev's proposal? I hope not. Jo is a mess and needs to emotionally grow up. I swear she is the same age she was abandoned at and she handles personal issues at that age. Then there's the issue with Hunt & Riggs. Riggs is Hunt's brother-in-law, maybe? If so, where is Hunt's sister? And of course, why is he sooo angry with Riggs? I will say that punch was intense. It truly said "So, you didn't believe fat ain't greasy. Well, I had to show you." Will Avery & Kepner get back together? I am tired of Japril's (Jackson & April) crap. Why have sex and both of you know that you are broken?  But we are left with Jackson going to tell Kepner something. If he asks for a divorce, I will cry. I ship Jabril. And we have already seen on the commercials that Meredith is going to be attacked. Does this means Amelia (who better not drink that drink she ordered) has to move back in to help Maggie with the kids? I have a weird opinion about Amelia. I like her but I want her to understand that as the Grey sister-in-law she doesn't have full rights to "Meredith" information.

Oh other than the intern Maggie Pierce is seeing, these interns bore me.

I don't care if she takes off the white hat. The Gladiators better be back. I am tired of Team Fitz & Team Jake stories.

I need Olivia to get back to OPA work. That is what I loved about older seasons of Scandal, Olivia Pope was still taking care of her work. Clearly, she is bad in the love life department. But why must her job suffer? I know this show is an exaggeration of a distracted person but come on. I totally understand her parents' underlying frustrations with her.

I bet this whole Fall season of Season  5,
He has been yelling this from the grave.

I just wish Papa Pope, Mama Pope, OPA, Abby, or somebody would tell Olivia Pope to FOCUS on her work.  Olivia Pope loves the shadows, I don't know why she experimented with being in the public as the girlfriend of Fitz the President, anyway. OPA better be back and if an abortion is what brings it back, so be it.

Confession may be good for the soul but it can still get you shot. Isn't that right Annalise Keating.

Oh but she knew to pull the "Christophe" card on Mr. Wes. Even shot and might be leaving this world, she knows how slip in a jab on those students. Oh her saying "Christophe" was not the only "What the Heck' jab she poked with. When she told Asher that the other 4 were responsible for the death of her husband, Sam, I flipped.

All because they said wouldn't help out with the body of Emily Sinclair after Asher ran her over. I'm so glad Asher is caught up on events. His cluelessness was annoying me. Now he is on an even playing field and the Keating 5 can be whole. Now as for as the burning question, Who is Christophe? I have a weird feeling he's a link to Annalise's female lover, Eve. I have a feeling she was the one who is responsible for why Wes/Christophe was an orphan.

I have a feeling Annalise may have helped Eve do some tidying up of her problem & she has some guilt on her. But we will find out soon enough. Plus, I get to see that fine, fine Nate Lahey. We will also get to see the Keating 5 work as a whole for a change. Oh and that little pesky issue of Catherine and why she is involved in the murder of her adoptive parents. She's not dead so, we can get some kind of answer. Well, after they give us a little run around.

So Thursday, my TV will be on ABC, TGIT ready. If you are new to the blog, I am one of those live tweeters. You can find me on Twitter, under the same name giving my thoughts as the show runs. I'll go back to watching Big Bang Theory on Friday nights on ONDemand. Alright, here to Thursday night!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms