Passive Aggressive Selfishness: A 2013 Confession

Unless you are at my house on Thanksgiving & Christmas, you probably never seen me be selfish. Truth be told some of those people don't see it. I’m usually not selfish. I am the person to invite people to events and then send a reminder to people even if they didn't say are coming. I’m the person who gives phone calls to people after events to see it they made it home ok even after I said "Call somebody so we know you are safe". I’m the person that will "sometimes" sit with the person who doesn’t dance or is overly drunk. I send out “Thinking of You” text or email to buddies. I’m the person who will let other chose places I would not even want to go to ad never say a word unless you asked for my opinion or the place is majorly horrible. Well until this year. I limited my actions about 75%.  This minor temper tantrum had been brewing for some years.

Last year(2012) I said goodbye to the longest friendship I ever had two days after my birthday. For a year, this person was at the point of calling me but I can’t say they truly ever asked about me during the conversation. This person had not wished me Happy Birthday in three years. And this person had Rent-A-Center call me twice for a reference without asking me or saying thank you. As the Muppets said it was time to say goodbye. I'm not into one-sided friendship, relations or rapports. Well when you delete people out your life you have brain space to think about other folk’s crappy behavior that is getting on your nerves. I then noticed when job interviewers calling me for folks who didn’t tell me let alone ask me to be a reference. So I put some folks on notice about that. Then I noticed all the people I invited to events that say they are coming but don’t come and don’t ever say they‘re sorry even be so bold to comment on the pictures posted on social media. I thought about my personal friends I invited and said that they were coming to my mom’s retirement party my sister and I hosted. I remember being hurt, embarrassed & furious because I’m calling to see if they are lost and not one of them were coming and probably was not going to call to say anything had I not called. That was three years ago when that happened. So I decided to do an experiment on myself and see if I could be just as selfish.

First experiment was Brunch in January sent a text to my crew that brunch and got answers from everyone but one. So I sent reminders to everyone but one. I knew I could do this. I decided to take a sabbatical from Revues and I did (still am Might go to one on the 27th). Didn’t even actively entertain talking about one unless I felt like I might have wanted to go to one. I even had to tell Pal, No, twice. LoL On My birthday I only invited people I knew would come. And I am happy to say of those (who I invited) who were not able to make it all contacted me or my fellow birthday Diva to say they were not coming. If I've not received "Happy Birthday" from someone within the past two years, I didn't acknowledge their birthday. If it was a place I wanted to go and those I usually hang out with didn’t want to go, I found other people to go with. I had one friend to finally speak on one of my outings without them. The friend said just because they didn’t want to go that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t go. I didn’t want that someone to feel obligated to go so I still went with someone else. If anyone called me asking how come they had not heard from me, I didn’t hesitate to tell them communication works both ways. If a person said they will call me back, they had to call me back for us to talk again. Oh my ex turn male best friend learned, No is still learning that one.

Anyone who is reading this and is sadly affected by my actions I’m sorry but... I get tired of talking. I had to let my actions show people that I have feelings also. Yeah, your life is busy but what about my bank account and other guests paying gratuity for a reserved space you said you’ll fill and wasn’t even courteous to send a text to say you won’t make it. Life is not that busy. Others do it, you can too. I know you needed a job but knew before you wrote my name down as a reference. Yet you still did not ask. Heck you didn’t even call to tell me you use me as a reference after the interview. So, I didn’t call those people back but I warned you last year. You said you would call me back. I guess I’m still waiting for you to call me back.

In conclusion (Sounds Scientific, LoL), all was not a loss. I learned a lot. 1. I didn’t used to be like this. I let overly niceness let others walk over me. Somewhere I was not being the true me. 2. You learn people will miss you and the things you do for them. And it’s real easy to see those who miss you and those that just miss the things you do for them. 3. Being selfish is hard. 4. Some things are just a part of you. Being nice to be nice is hard to break. 5. Some people will Never learn. Somebody is reading this blog and still will not learn. 6. Prepared myself for backlash. And folks not walking into 2014 with me. 67 Most important lesson...I am too old to have to say this to Adults. Maybe some of the people I personally & socially interact with are not Adults and just Grown Folks.

Well onto the experiments for 2014. Yes, experiments in plural. They are doozies, too.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms