Proud to be a Dead Beat’s Daughter

I'm in a small population of people that does Not blame her absent father for the crappiness in her life. I am in a small population of people that Never longed or wanted her parents to be together again. I can’t want something that I never knew to happen. I know it’s weird to say but that is how I feel.

I don't live a bad life. All my needs have always met. I live a happy life. I am Blessed. I don’t see where having my father in my life would have made it better. Maybe if he was a better person maybe but he wasn’t. I actually think thing may have been worse. Even as a child, we (my siblings & I) were better off with a single mother. No fighting parents (stepparent for my siblings). I never experienced violence in our home. Matter of fact I maybe the most volatile person in my home. Which I was reminded by other family member that was something I inherited from him. I've seen other family members on my mother's side, he not the only family member I got from. LoL My mother never talked bad about my father. Actually unless she had to speak about him all she didn’t. But he (who I mostly saw by random accidents) talked bad about her and her family, the family that raised me. Especially my grandfather, who was my main father figure. I never liked that. He was not doing anything but vileness had the audacity to leave his lips. So by the time I was 21, I decided he & I didn't share values, goals & respect about life & people, so being in each other’s lives would not be likely. The last time I saw him was downtown on the bus stop on my way home from summer school during my undergrad days. I saw him and was about to speak when he said “What’s you name”? Most people would've went off. I didn’t. I told him, “Your daughter”. And like all other random times I would see him, he was fatherly. Even told me that I needed to get my grades up after telling him my average GPA. He didn't care much about school after high school. He was a Track & Field man. He eventually became a certified official for young people‘s track & field events (Yes, it’s were I get my love of the sport from). I guess wanted me to be the best I can be at what I chose to do. The last time I spoke to my father was a year before his passing when he called to tell me his mother died. He caught up on my life (college graduate & business owner) and finally sound less bitter at my mother and family.

In my blog post, The Decision has Been Made, Just Be Still I told you about my experience & feelings when my father passed away. I didn't go to the funeral. Why show up now and be daughterly in death and I was never that way in life. I respected & loved  him as the vehicle the Lord used to give me life. But I truly think that was all he was supposed to be. If I'm wrong I'll find out later. He was not the one of the people to raise me and get me to become viable citizen of this world. I guess that’s why I don’t blame his absence for any screw up I made in life. Many blame their absent parents, I can’t. I know enough about him to understand my physical & mental health. I just don't see how my life would be better if he had play a more active role in my life. I refuse to play the “should've, could’ve, would’ve” game with that part of my life. I think it is perfect as it is.

Well Father’s Day is coming up soon. Love on yours. My siblings & I will love on our mom. We always have on Father’s Day. I don’t remember not loving on her on that day. She still hasn't said what she wants for dinner. She has until Friday before I make an executive decision. LoL Part of my day will be giving well wishes to the Fathers I know. I think they might be my new Father figures. Umm, I will have to give that some serious thought. I’ll also remember my Father figures that are not here with me physically but in my heart. My grandfather, uncle, great-uncles and my Football Nerd will always be missed but Loved more.

And Yes, to you Dad, Happy Father's Day.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms