Sit With Him, It Will Get Better

It hurts my heart when I hear about homicides & suicides. It weeps when I hear when those
are the result of bullying. I'm not a flag waver when it comes to my victim days. Trust me
they will make you wince. I was/am not the best acting child, teen, adult ever. I do wrong, too, daily. But would have been easier not being bullied. But it contain lessons I needed.

In 5th grade I was physically more developed than many adults let alone children. I was subject of teasing, bullying, & tormenting of my peers, but even the spiteful conversation of my teachers. Oh I thought "Go to a Teacher" if you have a a problem was a load of crock growing up. I feel if I made a bully list a couple of math, a social studies teachers, & maybe an office worker would go on the list with some of my classmates. Okay let me move on because I'm getting upset. I'm doing well being FaceBook Friends with a few of my bullies (even the biggest one) but I have a feeling if I saw those adults Today, I don't know if I wouldn't have to pray hard not to react.

By middle school I was an overweight nerd with a bad attitude. The teasing didn't stop but My attitude changed. Instead of crying, I had a major chip on my shoulder. I was Smart & knew it. All my bullies weren't and I knew it. Oh let one try to copy off my work, I was not having it. Oh and I made sure teachers saw me not sharing answers and them trying to cheat.  My not sharing was my way of punching back because they would get caught and or fail their work. I know it was mean but explain that to a 12 year old being object of random boys smacking her butt or trying to grope her at her locker. Especially when there
were many girl who loved for them to do that them.

In high school weight teasing decreased some but, Religious teasing increased. In the most
unlikely of places, Church. I was one of kids that was called to do it all, the welcomes, youth announcement clerk, usher this, BTU activities that. If they needed somebody I was in the group to get called. It didn't help that I came from one of those "Families" that Other People think we think we are "all that", don't have
any problems, and always, Always looking for some scandal on. The family that other's had "expectations" for and when you didn't measure up their tongues wag. To my church peers, I was an L7. I Tried to fit in but after a while I cared less. I knew I loved the Lord & he loved me. Apparently it show no matter any kind of wrong I tried or do. Because trust me I would get asked by many people, strangers incl., if I was saved and why was I doing whatever I was doing.

Wait before I finish let me say this before those who are against the church start.Those are PEOPLE, not GOD. And where God is, God gets his glory. One just prays that real Worship & Praise take over at any place you go. So Satan and his minions don't disrupt. And I learned that at that church.

Well when I was 16, I wasn't getting the party because of summer school (failed Chemistry, never my subject)but I still got gifts. Among clothes, & music requests for Aaliyah, BlackStreet, 69 Boyz(didn't get that one). I wanted a Leather Bound Youth Bible(got that one). If you asked me, I told you. What was I supposed to be ashamed of? My school pals didn't tease me. A few wanted to see it actually & got one later. It was the church buddies that went in on me. NOT from the one's not being called on, the very folks being used in service such as myself. And some of the late 20's, Early 30's age group who had gotten word about it. Oh I heard all kinds of crap but "bible nerd" stand out the most. Oh I was fat there also. Now, I'm a Fat Bible Nerd!!! If I carried that Bible folks ask to see it and look at it like it was filled with profanity. In that I found out what some really thought of me. That incident was just one of many. Oh it was hard because sometimes at 16, 17, & 18 I kept forgetting you are not suppose to cuss people out in church. I learned the hard way I was there for God not man. I also had to learn that I was only there until college & I will free
to find somewhere else that I could be a "Bible nerd"(Yes, I did after college). Wish "Sitting Beside Me" by Mary Mary was out when I was a teen.

It is unfortunate Decent (not criminal, perverted, etc.) children, teens, & adults can't be who they are without taunting, teasing & abuse. It has to get better. It will get better. It does get better.We can preach that all day & night long but until we wrap our arms around somebody hurting just like we did it can't get better for someone else. Oh I said my Whole story will make one wince. How happy kids, teens & adults becomes bullied & broken should bother make anyone with a heart. It bothers me to see a big busted teen without proper under garments. It hurts to see Adults roll their eyes to see a child boldly read scripture or recite a poem on self-esteem. When you don't support them you're breaking theirs. See within my hurt feelings I am also not afraid to give public addresses because of mostly my church experience. I don't think shape wear & proper foundation is new because somebody introduced me to it early. Rather help & sit with a hurting one than that broken one hurt themselves & other. But Yeah It Has to Get Better!!! Sit with God!!!