I found this picture of my grandfather, my cousin D.D. and me. D.D is two years younger than me. D.D. is father of a daughter. D.D. is a great father of a daughter. All my male cousins are fathers. All male cousins are great fathers. I looked at this picture and those facts hit me like a light bulb. Amazing!!! My grandfather taught them to tie a tie. He took them shopping for proper suits. He taught them how to be gentlemen. Then I remember my uncle thumping D.D. in the head for not opening a door for me once. I felt bad for him. He was 6 and I was 8. He also thumped his sons also because I touched the door. I got fussed at too. Oh the Ladies First Lesson. My cousins are the same way with their children. One of my older cousins is now teaching his teen son how to wait before the ladies and children prepare their plates before he fix his plate during family buffet events. A lesson he learned many years ago.
Then I thought about the two men I called Best Friend. They both have children. One whose child doesn't live in our area, still co-parents him in another city, 4 hours away. When his son is in his custody during the summer and Christmas, he is very hands on with him. Teaching him to eat at the table, proper bedtime, and phone etiquette. I remember one Christmas night I was speaking with him and he caught his son restarting his game system after he told him to go bed. In a matter of moments, without raising his voice, he punished the boy. My other best friend, in my opinion is the Best Single Father That Ever Did It. He has sole custody of a son and a daughter. Yes, he is Mother and Father!!! I have never seen children adore their father like they do. Everything a mother, does my friend, LJ, has to do. Talks, shopping, check homework, he does it. He has to be good & bad guy. All by himself. I laugh sometimes when he asks the simplest questions about being a girl. You know for example socks vs. stockings. But he just wants to be informed and prepare for as much as he can.
So while, I almost wanted to weep for the loss of the Father Figures in my life, I can rejoice in knowing Great Fathers! I can actually say I have NO Personal Relationships with any deadbeat daddies. Some had fathers in their lives. Some did not. But all are great fathers. I can't even remember dating many deadbeat dads. Maybe one. Maybe that's a lesson I actually learned subliminally. Don't have relationships with men that don't take care of their families. My Father Figures were some crafty jokers. They slip that lesson in on me. A lesson well learned.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
