What Can You Learn From the Friend Zone?

The Friend Zone! For those who have never understood it a dictionary says, "it is a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other". Many of the population have sent people to that place. Many people have been in the "friend zone".

The interesting part is, few people grow from there. So many are stuck in the image of being in a relationship, they miss the lessons while being there. Being "fat", "too much of a good girl", "nerdy", "not being seen in their forever", and the latest reason, "celibate", I used my time there learning some things.

• Your time, space, feelings, ect are yours.

You don't have to set aside special any thing for a person who isn't intetested in you back. I don't like playing around the edge of romantic rapport while I'm in the friend zone. They want to be friends, I treat them as friends.

• You can give your "representative" a rest.

Let's tell the truth in the beginnings of dating, we send our representative to test the "getting to know you" waters. It's a human condition, I think "dating rules" subconsciously taught. Those rules are followed here. In the friend zone, your representative is not needed. You guys are not dating, so you show the real you, all you.

• You see the true person sooner.

People who send others to the friend zone show their realness, also. Amazing what you see when a person shows you who they really are. Ever realize that the person you were interested is not that interesting after all. Well, in the friend zone, you get to see them without hurting your time, space, & feelings dates resulting in this revelation. And you get to be yourself when you "see" them.

Yes, the lessons come full circle.

These lesson have helped me send guys to the friend zone with some understanding.

If I send him to the friend zone, I keep everything as platonic as if they sent me there. I don't flirt. I pay for myself if we go out, unless he said his treat. Even then, I make sure it's my treat, next time. Why give any inkling I want them, if I don't?

Oh, I haven't even touched the biggest lesson from the Friend Zone.

• You don't have to stay in the Friend Zone

You can take a person's not interested status, remain cordial and move on with life. It makes a cute romantic story. But We are not Steve Urkel wearing Laura Winslow down. I know the heart & loins want what the heart & loins want. I just want us to talk to our brains and make sure being in the Friend Zone make sense to it. Unrequited interested, like, love, lust is still, Unrequited. 

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Yes, the Hair & Makeup Post is Late. Now Relax!!!

It is wash day and I decided to do my hair journey & makeup update. If you don't know, I have relaxed hair and I'm on a journey to wear my hair long. I've never worn that way as an adult. Also, I like talking about makeup sometimes, because sometimes I wear it. 

I didn't forget to do a hair journey & makeup update post in June. I was busy. I'll tell you now, I will not post a length check picture.

I'm not wearing my hair wrapped these days. I'm using less heat so I am wearing my almost shoulder length hair in loose curls or roller sets. And to acheive those I just use rollers, pin clips & curl rods. I stopped relaxer stretching to 6 months. I'm back to 3 touch ups a year. I'm stretching them to 4 months. I can also report, I finally found a protein treatment that works for my tresses.

In a bowl, mix

• 1 egg
• 2 Tbs mayonnaise
• 1 Tbs Tea Tree Oil

into my regular amount of my moisturizing condition. I apply it, tip to root once a month as a deep conditioner. My hair is stronger and thicker & I'm happy to finally get the right recipe.

I have actually been doing the trendy thing with my makeup. My old makeup blender split so I bought the popular Real Techniques sponge & a silicon makeup applicator. I really like both. The silicon causes me to use less foundation.The beauty vloggers are correct. Orange concealer is a good solutions for dark areas before putting on your foundation. I like using the L.A. Girl & Hard Candy brands.

I also tried contouring. I'm not into doing that fully every time I do my makeup. And I refuse to contour my nose, again. I love my nose & contouring it looked dumb. I now do my brows more often. Maybelline has mascara inspired wand called Brow Precise Fiber Volumizer. It fills in my brows without making them have the "drawn on" look. 

And yes, I was tempted & purchased a blush palette. These colors are very pigmented. I was sick when I went to see Wonder Woman. This blush palette from Beauty Treats gave me the color I needed to look human.

Well, that's the update on how my face & hair look. Always remember the best beauty products to have are good self-esteem & water to drink. They both help give you a great glow. What is put in the inside, tends to show up on the outside.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

From Your Sh*t, A Monster Can Grow

No going to hold you long.

Septic Tanks! Google says, "It's a tank, typically underground, in which sewage is collected and allowed to decompose through bacterial activity before draining by means of a leaching field". Every building has at least one. 

A pipe leading to our septic tank cracked. It was a cruddy & pricey nightmare. Sewage water was covered in our side yard. We got it fixed. The water evaporated but the waste went into the soil. With the spring rains and pollination, in the fertilized soil grew this monster of a bush. I was heading over to that side of the house to hook up the water hose & "Feed Me, Seymour" was in my way. In one month after getting the pipe fixed, this big bush appeared. WoW!!!

Sh*t blew that up fast. 

Yard men will be here next week.

It reminds me of the topic of how the crap of life (messy situations) can cause new problems blow up quick. Even when you fix the cause of the crap, remember there is crap out there that needs to be handled. Not until we deal with the waste, that issue will grow into other issues. So, get your sh*t together.

And As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Do You Know What Today Is?

It's my Blogiversary!

I'm going to keep it real with you guys, I actually had thoughts to stop blogging mid-way this blog year. After the Food-It-All series ended, I was thinking about closing up shop. Then I drank some water and the randomness of my mind flowed again.

Actually, I was inspired by some followers' questions and some changes are coming about. Stay tuned on future announcements with those changes.

This Blogiversary will be me answering two questions about me from new followers that are maybe answered in much older posts. So new followers, make some room to take this info in. Older readers take this as an ICYMI (In Case You Missed It). And two questions that I have yet to answer.

Q1. What is the story behind the name OUTSPOKEN_DIVA? Ok, here is the full rather boring story. My second semester of college, I had a bored loser of a boyfriend who called me all the time. Like when I got up in the morning, walked in the door for lunch & after dinner, the dorm room phone was ringing because of him. Well, I had an English assignment to write a poem and create a rap name(English TA was what we now call a hipster). He called and I was busy. I told him that twice. I screamed it the third time. He got mad and called me a big mouth b-word. I hung up & Outspoken Diva came to me instantly. Many years later when I decided to write more poetry, I made it my poetry pen. And that's the OUTSPOKEN_DIVA story. Oh I dated dude only a month. He annoyed me. 

Q2. Why did I start a Blog? If you haven't realized, I don't work a regular 9-5. I wear a few hats but the main hats are Nutrtional Consultant, Buisness Owner, & Adult Caregiver. So, I have time to hear or read news. Before I started the blog, I had a lot of opinions running around in my head about the news I consumed. Best way to get these opinions out without annoying others in Offline Land was to make a blog.

Q3. Do I really think my future significant other reads my blog? I hope he does. Lets me know he considers my interests at least a tad. But that was not why I write "Dear Future Significant Other" posts. I'm just trying to be quirky in getting certain opinions out. 

Q4. Will I ever discuss sex as a topic? Do you want me to discuss it? I know I've talk about being celibate, sex numbers, & knowing male erotic dancers. I'm not a prude, but I've never been one to talk in public forums about intercourse. Now in my friendship circles, with certain family members, and of course with guys I seriously date, my sexual knowledge speaks for itself. So to answer the question, depending on the question that is asked...Maybe. 

I thank everyone for reading any posts I have ever published. I'm just putting my opinion out there. And as of course, I promise to always be me, OUTSPOKEN_DIVA.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Well Duh! Black Girl Nation Has Always Known How EVERYONE Feels About Them

Guess What?

A study reports Black Girls are thought not to be as innocent that White girls. These female children are thought to be more adult-like.

Oh, you don't believe me. Read it HERE on the Associated Press or The Root website, HERE.

Now, before we wave fingers at one particular race, wiggle the three pointing back at you. Yes, black bodies because of their curves have been sexualized since slave traders laid eyes on us in the mother land.

And as early as 8 years old, slave children are taught to start working their jobs on the plantations, during slavery time. Many of us have older relatives who only have 3rd grade or 8th grade educations, because they went to work to be maids & wash womem. We know that. But in the 21th century let's look at some of these mindsets are still being perpetuated. Then personally count how many are you guilty of having.

1. Young girl is gang raped in an alley at 3am and the questions are asked, "Why was she out"? Where is her family"? "Who are the adults in her life"? Then you Might hear, "How is she"?

2. Young girl gets her hair done at a beauty salon. "I bet she is learning how to gossip already". "I don't let my little girl get her hair done. Ponytails & braids are all she need".

3. Girl is molested by her father, grandpa, uncle, cousin, neighbor, pastor, or deacon. "That's what she get for sitting in his lap". "Told her mom about buying all those short shorts & dresses".

4. Ever heard a young girl been described as "Being grown" or "Being fast" just for being a smart aleck kid.

I lived life with 2 & 4 looming in my life. My mother has had arthritis since she was 21. I was born 10 years later & it was more painful by then. Unless you have been in a salon with children in them, you don't know what happens. What I learned was adults as very crafty in using code words or talked a lot about T.V. in front of kids. If an adult did talk randy in front of kids, they were corrected. I learned how to have adult discussions in front of kids, now that I am an adult. Because in the salon I patronize, the conversation around kids is still censor around children. And I always left the salon with age appropriate hairstyles.

And yeah, no matter how Cindy Brady talked to Alice, I was "Too Grown" for doing the same. Most kids are smart mouths. Yet, if a little black girl talks smart, she is treading down a path of neck twirling & finger waving for her future.

I'll slap anyone who is shocked about this study report. Reactions to the R. Kelly tape & trial & Amber Alerts for little black girl tell us this report is true.

Oh yeah, "R. Kelly did it" left many mouths but those lips slandered that child also. There is actually an Amber Alert in DFW for a black girl as I type this post. I cringe to look at the comments suggesting she's an over-sexed runaway and not a kidnapped victim. Because we, the Black Girl Nation are not thought to be victims.

Black Girl Nation, Let Our Innocence Burn Bright!!! No One Else May Want to See it, But We Still Shine!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!!!

Dang It! We're Really All Human!!!

So, this week I've been teaching fruit & vegetable recipes at a church daycamp(summer-long Vacation Bible School). It's a week long assignment. The kids seem to be having a good time. First day, I did have a teenager ask about "manna from on high" recipes. Yeah, I told him to go sit down. Nobody has cut or burned anyone. Outside of my project, they are learning about sharing & gratitude. I would like to do it again. But I won't fib, the road to this week had been tad trying to my little feelings.

Before this week, I wanted to say don't meet those your professional inspirations. Also on this assignment is a dietitian & podcaster that I really liked. She's curvy in a stereotypical skinny-fit industry. I met her earlier this year and my fandom was bruised. It was obvious, she thought I was some dumb church lady that was just over the kitchen ministry. I guess because I am actually on first name basis with one of the pastors & she met me taking inventory of the church's pantry of snacks. 

Since I was the project lead, I decided to do what I was suppose to do and forge ahead. Well, I was started to rant about her on Twitter. One tweet & another podcaster thought I was talking something else, so I decided against that. The petty rant wasn't worth it.

Now, I just feel like who we fan are human, too. She saw my recipes and daily plans of action and said she was humbled. She came into this assignment thinking she was the only professional in it. No one told her she was, she just assumed. I sarcastically asked her did she want me to remind her about assuming to break the moment. She laughed and we've worked peacefully & professionally ever since.

I'm glad I kept my wits about my myself this time. Maybe my "hurt" helped me work hard. I'm just glad it all worked out. As a child, I saw many tense adult issues ruin programs for kids. Kids didn't need to suffer because my feelings got bruised.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Top 5 Gospel Choirs (Black Music Month)

Did you really think ol' churchy OUTSPOKEN_DIVA was going to let Black Music Month pass and not mention her favorite genre, Gospel Music? LoL Yeah, that's not going to happen. If I had a favorite sub-genre of Gospel music it would be Choir Music. Who doesn't like it when the choir sings at church? I know people who attend more traditional churches, that dislike getting to church earlier than when the choir. The choir at the church I attend sings first, so they would have to be on time. Choir music is fun & passionate. It tells a story through many voices at one time.

I was in the church choir as a little girl. And was a member of a teen mass choir in my early teen years. I can't sing but that was the popular thing for the youth to do at the foundation (aka church I grew up in) church. Plus, all the "hot" guys were going to be at City Wide Youth for Christ and they didn't noticed ushers (might as well had ushered). But even with my carnal reasons, I still loved listening to Choirs. I have a few All-Time favorites. Most of them don't have current stuff out but many of their songs are still enjoyed like they were.

5. T. D. Jakes & the Potter's House Mass Choir: I used to wonder if church's with recording choirs sing their songs at their church. Then I walk into my current church for the first time, NYE 2004 and got my answer. They started singing The Devil's Already Defeated. I think the only person who didn't know the words was Football Nerd. I know, how do you suggest a church to attend & don't know their music? Bless His Heart! And yes, I made him a CD & he learned their songs before he left this world. But that is not my favorite song of theirs. I am a grining sister when Let's Just Praise the Lord comes on. People around me don't understand. It takes me back to when my friends & I rocked the first album all the time. We really would learn and sing "Let Just Praised the Lord" in all the different languages. It was a rare & happy time when my nerdy & churchy sides played well together with others. Ahhh, the good old 90s.

4. Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir: When I saw them sing the Battle Hymn of Republic at President Obama's 2nd inauguration, I was so proud. I don't remember not listening to this choir. My grandmother was fan because they sing with "nice diction". She is a stickler for that. And I get it. Listen More Than Enough, You will clearly understand that all the blessings we are given are More Than Enough for us.

3. Mississippi Mass Choir: Before the community "woke" up, I was hoping wishing and praying, Mississippi Mass would get to perform the national anthem for the Super Bowl.

But thanks to Colin Kapernick & his brave protest, I doubt it will happen. I can nobody want ing the backlash chatter. I feel about Mississippi Mass like I do Beyonce. I'm not a member of the Beyhive but I have some songs I really love As a Gospel fan, I have a few favorites from this choir. My favorites are Having You There, I Won't Turn Back, Near the Cross, & Yes.

2. Rev. Milton Brunson & The Thompson Community Singers: The one year, I decided to usher for the City Wide Youth for Christ musical, the choir sung this fun number It's Gonna Rain by Milton Brunson & The Thompson Community Singers. The vamp is the chorus to Fire by the Ohio Players. The musical went wild.

Milton Brunson & The Thompson Community Singers have timeless classic. We loved knowing we are  Safe in His Arms. Oh and the moment when I Tried Him and I Know Him becomes a real sentence in your life after hearing this song. I remember the tears falling. And shout out to Ricky Dillard & New G for the revial of There is No Way. The internet said it originally came out in the early 80s. That has to be the truth because I don't remember when it was the "new" song.

1. Rev. Ernest Davis' Wilmington Chester Mass Choir: When Lucresia Campbell passed away last year, I went straight to a playlist of all Rev. Ernest Davis' Wilmington Chester Mass Choir songs. She lead many songs with them. She had a soprano voice with a very high range. If her voice doesn't help you want to work on your patience after hearing Stand Still, Lord help you. This choir was a very well balanced choir, in my opinion. It was one of the few choirs my whole household listened to together. That is not a easy feat. This choir had some songs taken directly from the scriptures. Go listen to Isaiah 43(Fear Not) and crack open that Bible. I know...Whoa!!! They also sang hymns & anthems and grandparents approved. They loved to hear them sing Ride on King Jesus. Wilmington Chester Mass also had fun songs. What is a fun gospel choir song? If the tenor section has the best section of the song, that is a fun song to me. My favorites are Nothing But the Blood & the popular & beloved Take It Away. Who can't get hype at the tenors hitting a high note while singing, "Take it away from meee, Lord". Like I said well rounded.

Honorable Mentions go to the current Gospel choirs, that are making the hits now like,
Enon Tabernacle
Charles Butler & Trinity
J.J. Hariston & Youthful Praise
Azusa, The Next Generation

Felicity, my church girl personality has been having a Halleujah good time looking up these song & reliving memories. She wants to know, who are your favorite choirs? I told her you guys are not going to leave comments below. Who are you going to prove right? Let's find out in the comments.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms