So, someone in offline land challenged me to do this post. Seemly someone in that person's world has questionable rules of dating. And that person feels like I have reasonable first date rules. I never thought of them as rules until online dating & texting became so prominent. I thought they were very common.
Okay so you meet someone. You guys are attracted enough to each other that you exchange contact info. What is next?
Q: How soon to go on the 1st date?
As soon as you get all the info you need to be seen in public with this person. Let’s be honest 1st dates are awkward enough and getting important info is very hard. Personally, I don’t go out without 1, preferably 2 (non-texted ) conversations after meeting. Why? Because most people bring their best selves to 1st date. Because I need to know can he have a conversation. Because I need to know would we have anything to talk about. And IMO, that need to happen within two weeks of meeting.
Q: Pick your date up or Meet up for a 1st date?
Depends on the date. The best answer is to ask. Safety is key. I don’t drive but if I don’t feel as safe as I would like, I like to suggest one of two options,
1. Meeting for a daytime date spot on a mass transit line
2. Group dates where I can bring a friend
15 minutes without a phone call is too late. If they call, 10 minutes from the new ETA. But that is my rule for tardiness in general. Tardiness is disrespectful.
Q: Who pays for the date?
Who asked for the date? That is the person who pays. Dutch is NEVER an option. That’s not a date. That’s a meet up. So, don’t plan dates that you can’t pay for. And if you need to be on a budget, don’t let the person pick the date place. It is quite funny watching a date mentally count his money while on a date they let you pick.
No!!! I think the 1st few dates everyone should as sober as possible. No one wants to pay for your alcohol. No one wants to deal with a drunk you. And accusations are not as likely when everyone is sober.
Q: Kiss on the 1st date?
Kiss when you want to kiss. Make sure it is consensual. And don’t be afraid to tell your date you don’t kiss on the 1st dat. Kiss when it seems natural to kiss.
Q: Sex on the 1st date?
Same as Kissing with one But. If you feel like you need to ask “Will respect me afterwards” or any hesitant questions before engaging, Do Not!!! Having sex at that moment is not natural for you. And again make sure it is consensual.
Q: When should the “after the date” communication happen?
First, if you guys met up for a date, please call that person at least 30 minutes after you asked them how long would it take to get home. I would hope that you at least cared if they made it safely.
My rule of thumb for the “after the date” communication should happen within at least 48 hours of the date. If somebody is interested it won’t take that long. Anything passed a week, don’t even reply to the contact unless they can show proof of hospitalization. No one is so busy or tied up that they can’t at least send a “Had a good time” text.
Hope this helps the person who asked and anyone else that needed it. All Rules of Respect, Do Apply. In the world of dating every little bit help. At least, that what I believe.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
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