A Father's Day Post

Father's Day is upon us. Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers & Father Figures all over the land. You guys know I wasn't raised in the home by my biological dad. My mother was a single parent. My sister and I are those people that honor our mom also on Father's Day. A meal (Garlic-Ginger Wings & Veggie Fried Rice) that she loves will be cooked.

And you guys know I had great Father Figures in my life.

They were my grandfather, Pau-Pau, uncle, Uncle Junior & great uncle, Uncle H. I actually had more than that. I have & had quite a few great uncles, a God-father, a few God-Uncles & one uncle by marriage that are/were instrumental in my life is some form or fashion But these men were the most influential. Now I've bragged on my relationship with Pau-Pau before in the post Birthday Confession but he is only part of my father figure story.

1st let me talk about my Uncle Junior. He my mom's brother and Pau-Pau's son. He was the only boy in a family of girls. He died when I was twelve. Every spoiled, entitled, princess characteristic in my being can be blamed on him. He coddled his nieces. I remember impressing him because I could order food for DD & I at McDonalds when I was 8 after a museum trip.

That was big because we didn't eat fast food often and we didn't order for ourselves at all. When I overheard him bragging on me to my mom and I beamed with pride for the rest of the week. He taught me a lot about being a lady. "A man should open a lady's door." Once I opened a door and my male cousins got fussed at and thumped. I felt bad for my cousins (his two sons, Donny & Mike(blog names) & DD) and as a result I try my hardest not to open doors if men are around. Men, if you think I am picky about ashy skin, raggedy shoes & mouths? You can blame him also. Dating Lesson Number 1: You can tell how a man will treat a lady on how he treats his hands, mouth & shoes. If he doesn't care what he looks like, he won't care how he acts. If he doesn't take care of his mouth, anything could come out of it. So any guys I have dated, you got off easy. Imagine if he had lived to see you date me. Some of you would have never left the house with me. Now, he spoiled us as long as we were right. Have you ever recieved a disciplinary talk from an Air Force base from over 600 miles away? I have! My uncle didn't accept reports of bad grades or behavior. Trust me when he called home from Colorado to talk to you, you wish he would just spank you when he got there for Christmas break. He's the prideful breeze on my cheek that tells me I can make it. He didn't let me settle so, why should I?

If you ever see me type, "Yep, Yep, Yep", I'm paying homage to my great uncle. Anything he meant, he stamped it with a"Yep, Yep, Yep" to follow. My Uncle H was my great uncle by marriage. He was married to Pau-Pau's sister, Aunt V. He was very tall but the nicest man anyone could know.

He was my protector and I was too young to understand it. When I was in the 2nd grade, my teacher tried to keep me after school. Uncle H (who or his wife my  great aunt picked us up after school) came to the class and the teacher didn't answer his questions right and he yelled at him to release me. I was let go. In the car, he asked me all kinds of questions about if the man had touched me inappropriately. My innocent answers must have been suffice to him. I later found out he told my mom he suspected my teacher was a pervert. It did come out that our teacher was a pedophile and he had touched a few of the male students. He didn't attend church often because he was truck driver. He would do what he could for his family. Every time my Uncle Junior came to town, his family & he would lived with Uncle H & Aunt V. He always helped take my sister & me to college in his truck, you would've thought he was one of the grandfathers. He load up as much of our stuff that he could. He was proud to take us to school. He had lots of stories to tell on the road. He told stories about his childhood in West Texas. My knees hurt still think about him tell us about doing homework on his knees on a tree stump if one failed to do them it in. He loved told us about watching his uncle who was a Black Cowboy.  He loved to see others succeed. He personified this quote perfectly, "I hope we all succeed. you got the same failure fear as I do in me". He died when I was 20 years old. I was in my dorm room when my mom called me with the news. I was at school when he left this Earth, how befitting.

So, that was my grandfather's main support system in help raising Outspoken_Diva. He had/still has lots more help. One lesson they All taught me was to Never Hate my biological father. With All the Love they poured into me, how could I?

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Proud to be a Dead Beat’s Daughter

I'm in a small population of people that does Not blame her absent father for the crappiness in her life. I am in a small population of people that Never longed or wanted her parents to be together again. I can’t want something that I never knew to happen. I know it’s weird to say but that is how I feel.

I don't live a bad life. All my needs have always met. I live a happy life. I am Blessed. I don’t see where having my father in my life would have made it better. Maybe if he was a better person maybe but he wasn’t. I actually think thing may have been worse. Even as a child, we (my siblings & I) were better off with a single mother. No fighting parents (stepparent for my siblings). I never experienced violence in our home. Matter of fact I maybe the most volatile person in my home. Which I was reminded by other family member that was something I inherited from him. I've seen other family members on my mother's side, he not the only family member I got from. LoL My mother never talked bad about my father. Actually unless she had to speak about him all she didn’t. But he (who I mostly saw by random accidents) talked bad about her and her family, the family that raised me. Especially my grandfather, who was my main father figure. I never liked that. He was not doing anything but vileness had the audacity to leave his lips. So by the time I was 21, I decided he & I didn't share values, goals & respect about life & people, so being in each other’s lives would not be likely. The last time I saw him was downtown on the bus stop on my way home from summer school during my undergrad days. I saw him and was about to speak when he said “What’s you name”? Most people would've went off. I didn’t. I told him, “Your daughter”. And like all other random times I would see him, he was fatherly. Even told me that I needed to get my grades up after telling him my average GPA. He didn't care much about school after high school. He was a Track & Field man. He eventually became a certified official for young people‘s track & field events (Yes, it’s were I get my love of the sport from). I guess wanted me to be the best I can be at what I chose to do. The last time I spoke to my father was a year before his passing when he called to tell me his mother died. He caught up on my life (college graduate & business owner) and finally sound less bitter at my mother and family.

In my blog post, The Decision has Been Made, Just Be Still I told you about my experience & feelings when my father passed away. I didn't go to the funeral. Why show up now and be daughterly in death and I was never that way in life. I respected & loved  him as the vehicle the Lord used to give me life. But I truly think that was all he was supposed to be. If I'm wrong I'll find out later. He was not the one of the people to raise me and get me to become viable citizen of this world. I guess that’s why I don’t blame his absence for any screw up I made in life. Many blame their absent parents, I can’t. I know enough about him to understand my physical & mental health. I just don't see how my life would be better if he had play a more active role in my life. I refuse to play the “should've, could’ve, would’ve” game with that part of my life. I think it is perfect as it is.

Well Father’s Day is coming up soon. Love on yours. My siblings & I will love on our mom. We always have on Father’s Day. I don’t remember not loving on her on that day. She still hasn't said what she wants for dinner. She has until Friday before I make an executive decision. LoL Part of my day will be giving well wishes to the Fathers I know. I think they might be my new Father figures. Umm, I will have to give that some serious thought. I’ll also remember my Father figures that are not here with me physically but in my heart. My grandfather, uncle, great-uncles and my Football Nerd will always be missed but Loved more.

And Yes, to you Dad, Happy Father's Day.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

June, June, June!!!

First let me thank you all for the condolences, prayers, & love shown to me in the passing of my beloved friend, FootBall Nerd. With God, I am breathing through it. *BIG* hug

If I had a Favorite month, it would probably be June!!!

June is Big month for me. It's my birthday month!!! I think I just want to have Sunday Brunch or Lunch at Taco Casa (I have an unfulfilled Taco craving) and go see "Think Like a Man Too" (That I feel like should have been called "Act Like a Lady", IMO). I usually share plans with my friend, T.T. so I'll see what she might have planned also. I do know what we won't be doing. We won't get to line dance at happy hour. Our favorite dance spot closed last month. Farewell Beamers!!! Midnightish will be different. Football Nerd usually was first to tell me Happy Birthday. Somehow I know he will give me birthday wishes on that day around "Midnight".  June 4 would've been Football Nerd's 38th birthday. Happy Birthday, Baby!!! I'm going to spend it in quiet reflection and write him a letter with Everything I need to tell him. I wore my pearls to his services. Pearl is the traditional birthstone for the month of June. *wink*

In June we celebrate Father's Day. By now you know I was raised by a single mother but had great father figures in my life. Well, I am going to release a piece that stirs inside of me this time of the year called "Grateful to be a Deadbeat's Daughter". Stay Tuned for that.

Juneteenth is June 19. In Texas, we celebrate the day the slaves were emancipated here. Yes, Texas slaves didn't find out they were free until two years, six months and nineteen days after most of the country. No, in my home we don't bust out the watermelon and cut a jig. We do watch old black movies like Stormy Weather or Green Pastures and eat a "Soul Food" style meal on that day.

June 27th is National HIV/AIDS Testing Day!!! Know your Status!!! Go to find a clinic for free testing. You have No excuse not to know. Also you can read this Blog when someone straight up told me I had No Excuse.

Finally, June is African-American Music Appreciation Month. It was originally started as Black Music Month by President Jimmy Carter, who on June 7, 1979, decreed that June would be the month of black music. Since then, presidents have announced to Americans to celebrate Black Music Month. For each year of his term, President Barack Obama has announced the observance under a new title, African-American Music Appreciation Month. I will be celebrating it Outspoken_Diva Style. I will be Saluting my Favorite Singer & Pianist of All time. If you follow my blog or know me offline. You should know who this is. Also every week, twice a week I will be featuring some of my favorite music. Trust me in true OutSpoken_Diva style, you are in for a treat. So stay tuned and get to know me musically. Because if you really want to know how I feel, look at the music I am listening to. That can tell you a lot about my mood, because if you ask I will say I'm Fine.  (Yeah I stole that quote)

So that's and much more is what you can look forward to in June.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

So Proud of My Male Cousins & Male Besties!!! Father's Day Pride!!!

I made through my Birthday and Father's Day. Yep, I fought buying a Birthday card for my grandfather. I brought the paper in at dawn and rubbed his chair, took a breath and went back to bed. Anyone new to the blog read last year Birthday/Father's Day --->HERE<----, then come back. I miss him, my uncle and great uncles, my Father Figures today. The men that help shape, OutSpoken_Diva.

I found this picture of my grandfather, my cousin D.D. and me. D.D is two years younger than me. D.D. is father of a daughter. D.D. is a great father of a daughter. All my male cousins are fathers. All male cousins are great fathers. I looked at this picture and those facts hit me like a light bulb. Amazing!!! My grandfather taught them to tie a tie. He took them shopping for proper suits. He taught them how to be gentlemen. Then I remember my uncle thumping D.D. in the head for not opening a door for me once. I felt bad for him. He was 6 and I was 8. He also thumped his sons also because I touched the door. I got fussed at too. Oh the Ladies First Lesson. My cousins are the same way with their children. One of my older cousins is now teaching his teen son how to wait before the ladies and children prepare their plates before he fix his plate during family buffet events.  A lesson he learned many years ago.

Then I thought about the two men I called Best Friend. They both have children. One whose child doesn't live in our area, still co-parents him in another city, 4 hours away. When his son is in his custody during the summer and Christmas, he is very hands on with him. Teaching him to eat at the table, proper bedtime, and phone etiquette. I remember one Christmas night I was speaking with him and he caught his son restarting his game system after he told him to go bed. In a matter of moments, without raising his voice, he punished the boy. My other best friend, in my opinion is the Best Single Father That Ever Did It. He has sole custody of a son and a daughter. Yes, he is Mother and Father!!! I have never seen children adore their father like they do. Everything a mother, does my friend, LJ, has to do. Talks, shopping, check homework, he does it. He has to be good & bad guy. All by himself. I laugh sometimes when he asks the simplest questions about being a girl. You know for example socks vs. stockings. But he just wants to be informed and prepare for as much as he can.

So while, I almost wanted to weep for the loss of the Father Figures in my life, I can rejoice in knowing Great Fathers! I can actually say I have NO Personal Relationships with any deadbeat daddies. Some had fathers in their lives. Some did not. But all are great fathers. I can't even remember dating many deadbeat dads. Maybe one. Maybe that's a lesson I actually learned subliminally. Don't have relationships with men that don't take care of their families. My Father Figures were some crafty jokers. They slip that lesson in on me. A lesson well learned.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms