On Missing My FootBall Nerd

Right now, I am truly leaning on the Everlasting Arms. I found out God came by to pick a flower. That Flower was one of my Best Friends, My "Football Nerd", RW. My emotions are everywhere. There is No Adjective for this feeling. I just know I don't like it.

You guys have seen his name come up in a few blogs. Actually, he's "the friend" in many of my blogs. I'll highlight one or two later. RW and I met in the Fall of the year 2000 on the popular social media site in the late 1990s and early 2000's called College Club. (Yep, that is the true story). He was getting ready to graduate from college and I was in my first semester of Nursing school. We chatted on the phone for a few weeks. We finally met on Christmas Day while I was home for semester break and he was here visiting relatives at a bowling alley with my other male best friend, LJ, and his now ex-wife in tow (Told you guys in the Catfish blog, I don't play). We hit it off instantly. We had a Romantic Rapport from that time until September 2002. We remained friends which eventually lead us to make each other one of our best friends.

At my College Graduation (circa 2003)
That was actually his own.  My gown was extremely short for the dress I bought to wear and he let me borrow his.

My favorite memory with RW happened at church. Of all the kisses, hugs, confessions, TV shows, YouTube clips, and Books shared, New Year's Eve of 2004 is my best memory. I told y'all in my Church Switch blog the only reason I ever set foot in the church I attend now was because one of my male BFFs wanted to attend  New Year's Eve there. After all, he "just had to go" when he moved to the Metroplex. Football Nerd was that BFF. At the end of that service, Bishop wanted us to gather up the people we came with, grab their hands and pray for each one of them. We came with each other so, we pray for each other. That was the first time I had ever prayed for a non-relative in front of them in my life. The Bible says in Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them". I don't know about other groups that night but I know, that I know, that I know, that I know (WoW, my Baptist is showing LoL) God was in the midst of RW & me. For what seems like a long time we would pray, cry, look at each other and pray and cry again. That was such a powerful night in my life and the life of our friendship.

I called him a Football Nerd because he loved the game. He played in high school and college. For years, he begged me to join his Fantasy Football League. The season in 2012-13, I finally joined it. RW transformed into "Football Nerd" the day of the draft. That day I finally found something he was "Geeked up" about. I started calling him "Football Nerd" ever since. Oh, by the way, I won that season, too. I don't know who was prouder him or me.

I can go on and on about my memories with RW but it would just mask reality. Oh, there are things, we'll never get o do on this Earth again. That is one part of reality. The other part of Reality tells me that there are things on this Earth I will never get to do with him. I'll never get to read a whole book to him as we planned. He will never get to join my other best friends and me for Sunday brunch as we all hoped. I'll never get to be the stepmother to his son like he wanted. Stepmother to his son will forever be the loving wishful name he Loved to call me. Yeah, I'll admit it, I loved it, too. I always thought that name was funny. The tears are blinding me. My heart hurts. Yet, I know RW, the Football Nerd, is in a better place. I'll see him again in That Place.

Rest in Peace to the Man in whom I held his heart in mine and I know he did the same to my heart, My FootBall Nerd, My Soul Mate found in Friendship. I will forever Love You!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Rom Com Love Life

The best way to describe my dating life is a Long Running Rom Com Series. I came that conclusion after being in a club convinced by a close male friend that a guy’s eyes were glistening for me. I get on the dance floor with said friend and put my Best Moves down. Sat down, dude approached me and said “Why isn't you friend looking back at me”. And this “Will & Grace” moment was when I started to notice my dating life for what it was. I can’t stand Daft Punk’s “One More Time” after that event. My Best moves! My best Moves! My Best Moves! Wasted!

Added to the plot line, I am actually friends with some (not all. That’s not normal) of my ex’s. One ex is considered one of my best friends now. If we break up and I (and only I) say we can be friends, I mean it.

I got the wedding invitation of an ex (we grew up in the same church that’s how met. Dated well over a decade ago) turned friend the day before we rushed Momma to ER. Mentally, I picked out my outfit and was going to call Pal (Yeah he’s finer than the friend. Can’t drag BFF’s or my sister to all the weddings. Now that I think about it this particular ex escorted me to another ex’s wedding over a decade ago too. Wow, Patterns) to go, That Day. Then Life happened and I forgot. Heck, I forgot to gossip to my friends that he was getting married until after the fact.

I knew he was in a serious relationship. My sister first  saw her at a funeral. This time last year he ask for my opinion about some earrings for her. I finally saw her at his Dad's funeral this summer. I hated, I miss the nuptials.  I'll save the outfit for the next wedding or funeral I must attend at Foundation church.

I was telling my friend, Pink Red about it. (The conversation was the inspiration of this Blog) She was shocked (overstatement) I was invited. I was not. My love life gets invited to uncomfortable situations all the time. I usually pass with A’s or High B’s. Voluntarily bringing others along for the ride is what gets me B’s. Being single for so long, I think it has given me time to think. If we are friends now, then We. Are. Friends. Now. No need to not be in their corner for whoever they date or decide to marry, because I’m not dating them. And they better be in my corner when I get married. I’ll need them as ushers and somebody will have to walk my down the aisle. I’m fatherless (Yes, I am laughing through those last statements).

So here is are some questions. Are you real friends with any ex’s? Would they invite you to their wedding? Would you invite them to your wedding? Leave a comment below.

 

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms.

So Proud of My Male Cousins & Male Besties!!! Father's Day Pride!!!

I made through my Birthday and Father's Day. Yep, I fought buying a Birthday card for my grandfather. I brought the paper in at dawn and rubbed his chair, took a breath and went back to bed. Anyone new to the blog read last year Birthday/Father's Day --->HERE<----, then come back. I miss him, my uncle and great uncles, my Father Figures today. The men that help shape, OutSpoken_Diva.

I found this picture of my grandfather, my cousin D.D. and me. D.D is two years younger than me. D.D. is father of a daughter. D.D. is a great father of a daughter. All my male cousins are fathers. All male cousins are great fathers. I looked at this picture and those facts hit me like a light bulb. Amazing!!! My grandfather taught them to tie a tie. He took them shopping for proper suits. He taught them how to be gentlemen. Then I remember my uncle thumping D.D. in the head for not opening a door for me once. I felt bad for him. He was 6 and I was 8. He also thumped his sons also because I touched the door. I got fussed at too. Oh the Ladies First Lesson. My cousins are the same way with their children. One of my older cousins is now teaching his teen son how to wait before the ladies and children prepare their plates before he fix his plate during family buffet events.  A lesson he learned many years ago.

Then I thought about the two men I called Best Friend. They both have children. One whose child doesn't live in our area, still co-parents him in another city, 4 hours away. When his son is in his custody during the summer and Christmas, he is very hands on with him. Teaching him to eat at the table, proper bedtime, and phone etiquette. I remember one Christmas night I was speaking with him and he caught his son restarting his game system after he told him to go bed. In a matter of moments, without raising his voice, he punished the boy. My other best friend, in my opinion is the Best Single Father That Ever Did It. He has sole custody of a son and a daughter. Yes, he is Mother and Father!!! I have never seen children adore their father like they do. Everything a mother, does my friend, LJ, has to do. Talks, shopping, check homework, he does it. He has to be good & bad guy. All by himself. I laugh sometimes when he asks the simplest questions about being a girl. You know for example socks vs. stockings. But he just wants to be informed and prepare for as much as he can.

So while, I almost wanted to weep for the loss of the Father Figures in my life, I can rejoice in knowing Great Fathers! I can actually say I have NO Personal Relationships with any deadbeat daddies. Some had fathers in their lives. Some did not. But all are great fathers. I can't even remember dating many deadbeat dads. Maybe one. Maybe that's a lesson I actually learned subliminally. Don't have relationships with men that don't take care of their families. My Father Figures were some crafty jokers. They slip that lesson in on me. A lesson well learned.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Chosen Family

I love the quote "Friends are the Family, God Let me Choose". I have a wonderful group of friends. God has really blessed me with great people in my life. I have 4 Best Friends and 6 Close Friends. More Like 4 siblings and 6 cousins.

Last year I had to end my longest friendship (Almost 25 years) ever. It took me actually a year and a half to end it because it hurt so bad. What was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back? For the 2nd year, she didn't say "Happy Birthday" to me. That sounds petty but this was the only person for 10 years who knew not to call me right at Midnight on that day because I am praying. She always waited until 12:15 am.

I don't meet strangers but I didn't keep friends growing up. I look back on my younger life and I didn't have many true friends, just mostly family-approved children I socialized with. I had to admit she was just another one of those. Our older lives are so different and our friendship did not mirror the qualities possessed by my other friendships. It was time. It was becoming very one-sided. She probably ended her friendship with me years ago. Probably hasn't even noticed I chose to leave her life.

But over that year and a half, I noticed my friend's values and goals mirrored mine. My friend's basic lifestyles mirrored mine. Their standards mirrored mine. Their hearts mirrored mine. Their love for God mirrored mine.

That's not a coincidence. That's God! It's why nothing I say shocks these people into thinking I'm loony toons. It's why time, space, secrets or distance doesn't not define these friendships. I don't have a friend that I can't call to pray for me whenever about whatever. God knows who I need as friends and he knows who I need to be a friend to.

I thank God for my Friends. I don't take that title lightly. I hope I am a Friend to them as well as they are to me. I don't need to name names they know (Watch one of them say "No, I wanted my name called"). I love You Guys!!!