My Friends' Exes & My Ex's Friends (Not Interested In Dating)

Every time I think I am finished with this series, another topic comes up to be talked about. This is a grey area to some but a Very Black one to me. I don't date my friend exes and my ex's friends. Bottom line is that it is a Messy situation to be in.

I've vaguely touched on this in a previous blog. My friend's exes are off-limits to me. I don't even know if any of my friends have banned me from their exes. I made them off-limits to me. I banned me. Most times most of my friend's exes are not my type. My Diva Bestie, TT, and I have the most similar tastes in men aesthetically. I remember when she introduced us to the guy who was casually dating at the time blog-named, Telvin. He was a nice guy. I kept telling her that. And Telvin was a good man... for her, not me. Also if my friends and I dish on who we date, we dish about many possible things but bedroom activities & the couple's secrets (unless mistreatment is happening). By the time the couple breakup, parts of the unsavory side of their ex are already known. Most times their unsavory side is something I can't deal with. Yeah, that is so appealing.

I pay attention to the friends of the guys I date.  Even what that my guy says about them. Why? Because there has to be a reason why they are friends. Something in this guy drew these people to his life. Watching his friends give me insight into him. Many times I have dated guys wondering how was he friends with certain guys. Some of the very things that grated my nerves about the guys I dated were the things that drew him to these. Okay, my worse boyfriend used to act obnoxious in the movies. One time when the usher came in to give the "turn your phone off" speech and he yelled, "Oh, so you're not taking drink orders". I cringed. Well, I met his friend blog-named, Shaun. He was an extremely cornball jokester except at his job. I went to dinner with just them once. I immediately saw the draw. They were so unpleasantly goofy & loud together. I never want to hear a "That's what she said joke" again in life. They had to have told them all. Also I another reason, I would never date my ex's friend, I don't want to see most of my ex's again. Again that is a mess brewing to happen. Yes, I am talking about the bad ex list. My good ex list thinks as I do on this topic. How do I know? We've talked about it.

Those portions of the Girl Code, Bro Code, & Friendship Code are safe with me. A guy has to be God-Sent for me to be that interested. Situations like this just scream Maury Povich or Jerry Springer to me.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interesting Dating…Ex’s

After the Long Distanced post, a reader asked me

I'm not J. Mac or his sister, I promise. I am just a nosy fan!

If J. Mac moved back, would you date him again?

My Long Distanced did and I'm just wondering...

So this blog post is born.

Ex’s has teetered that grey area many times. But every time I try to either date again off the Good Ex list or be friendly with one of the Bad Ex list, God put barriers there to stop me. So I decided I am “Queen No Backsies”.  So this post could easily be “Why I am Queen No Backsies”.

Okay, I'm going to try not to look gullible but as my mother says “We all have had some dark days in romance”. A Songwriter even said, “Everybody plays the fool sometimes”. There are two times that I tried to go back that stand out make me look very stupid. 

Once a Bad Ex text me a couple of years after I broke things off asking could he and I be friends. Either sleepiness or forgiveness made me say yeah and me being friends with him last all from Thanksgiving time until Christmas time. A Chosen Family member, who didn't know he had contacted me at all called me and dropped some knowledge about his actions while we were dating that blew me away. Christmas day he text me Merry Christmas and I sent him a “Nicety” message that didn’t tell him Happy Holidays. Well, on New Year’s Day he wished a nice one and I had to go intellectually crazy and say “Nicks the friends crap and leave me alone”. I got told to “Go to Hell” and as far as he is concerned that is where I am. He tried to speak when I was on my way to a massage last year and I didn't speak because I am where… Right!!! That’s a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Have you ever had a guy say he wanted to try again with you and literally forget? I have. Yep, and the dude is on the Good Ex’s list. All I said was I will give it some thought. I never told him when but I gave myself, 6 weeks. And I really did think. I went to one of my male BFF’s for advice and everything. I prayed. A week before I was to give my decision (that actually was going to be a “Let’s wait a while”) he call to see if I was still going to this major celebration that he had invited me to. So, I told him after that event, I'll give him my decision. He had no clue what I was talking about. I gave him the rest of the week to search his memory and figure out what I was talking about. The night before the event he called and finally asked me what did he forget. I went off and I didn't go to the event either. Our friendship took that swat and eventually repaired itself (weeks of silence). I decided to totally forgive him. So, if it was a knee-jerk reaction initially or total memory loss (He had a bad memory too), I won't ask and he better not tell me.

So “Queen No Backsies”, I will stay. Lessons learned. After Mr. Bad Memory, I don’t even entertain possibilities when any Ex. Friendship or absence only. New Guys to date only.

Oh, the song I posted, yeah I'm being funny. Enjoy!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Rom Com Love Life

The best way to describe my dating life is a Long Running Rom Com Series. I came that conclusion after being in a club convinced by a close male friend that a guy’s eyes were glistening for me. I get on the dance floor with said friend and put my Best Moves down. Sat down, dude approached me and said “Why isn't you friend looking back at me”. And this “Will & Grace” moment was when I started to notice my dating life for what it was. I can’t stand Daft Punk’s “One More Time” after that event. My Best moves! My best Moves! My Best Moves! Wasted!

Added to the plot line, I am actually friends with some (not all. That’s not normal) of my ex’s. One ex is considered one of my best friends now. If we break up and I (and only I) say we can be friends, I mean it.

I got the wedding invitation of an ex (we grew up in the same church that’s how met. Dated well over a decade ago) turned friend the day before we rushed Momma to ER. Mentally, I picked out my outfit and was going to call Pal (Yeah he’s finer than the friend. Can’t drag BFF’s or my sister to all the weddings. Now that I think about it this particular ex escorted me to another ex’s wedding over a decade ago too. Wow, Patterns) to go, That Day. Then Life happened and I forgot. Heck, I forgot to gossip to my friends that he was getting married until after the fact.

I knew he was in a serious relationship. My sister first  saw her at a funeral. This time last year he ask for my opinion about some earrings for her. I finally saw her at his Dad's funeral this summer. I hated, I miss the nuptials.  I'll save the outfit for the next wedding or funeral I must attend at Foundation church.

I was telling my friend, Pink Red about it. (The conversation was the inspiration of this Blog) She was shocked (overstatement) I was invited. I was not. My love life gets invited to uncomfortable situations all the time. I usually pass with A’s or High B’s. Voluntarily bringing others along for the ride is what gets me B’s. Being single for so long, I think it has given me time to think. If we are friends now, then We. Are. Friends. Now. No need to not be in their corner for whoever they date or decide to marry, because I’m not dating them. And they better be in my corner when I get married. I’ll need them as ushers and somebody will have to walk my down the aisle. I’m fatherless (Yes, I am laughing through those last statements).

So here is are some questions. Are you real friends with any ex’s? Would they invite you to their wedding? Would you invite them to your wedding? Leave a comment below.

 

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms.