My Friends' Exes & My Ex's Friends (Not Interested In Dating)

Every time I think I am finished with this series, another topic comes up to be talked about. This is a grey area to some but a Very Black one to me. I don't date my friend exes and my ex's friends. Bottom line is that it is a Messy situation to be in.

I've vaguely touched on this in a previous blog. My friend's exes are off-limits to me. I don't even know if any of my friends have banned me from their exes. I made them off-limits to me. I banned me. Most times most of my friend's exes are not my type. My Diva Bestie, TT, and I have the most similar tastes in men aesthetically. I remember when she introduced us to the guy who was casually dating at the time blog-named, Telvin. He was a nice guy. I kept telling her that. And Telvin was a good man... for her, not me. Also if my friends and I dish on who we date, we dish about many possible things but bedroom activities & the couple's secrets (unless mistreatment is happening). By the time the couple breakup, parts of the unsavory side of their ex are already known. Most times their unsavory side is something I can't deal with. Yeah, that is so appealing.

I pay attention to the friends of the guys I date.  Even what that my guy says about them. Why? Because there has to be a reason why they are friends. Something in this guy drew these people to his life. Watching his friends give me insight into him. Many times I have dated guys wondering how was he friends with certain guys. Some of the very things that grated my nerves about the guys I dated were the things that drew him to these. Okay, my worse boyfriend used to act obnoxious in the movies. One time when the usher came in to give the "turn your phone off" speech and he yelled, "Oh, so you're not taking drink orders". I cringed. Well, I met his friend blog-named, Shaun. He was an extremely cornball jokester except at his job. I went to dinner with just them once. I immediately saw the draw. They were so unpleasantly goofy & loud together. I never want to hear a "That's what she said joke" again in life. They had to have told them all. Also I another reason, I would never date my ex's friend, I don't want to see most of my ex's again. Again that is a mess brewing to happen. Yes, I am talking about the bad ex list. My good ex list thinks as I do on this topic. How do I know? We've talked about it.

Those portions of the Girl Code, Bro Code, & Friendship Code are safe with me. A guy has to be God-Sent for me to be that interested. Situations like this just scream Maury Povich or Jerry Springer to me.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Girl Code Conversation

Spoiler Alert Warning. Did you watch the latest episode of The Game? No! Did you want to? Yes! Then Stop Reading This Now!!!

On the latest episode of The Game, the singer Ciara (she plays herself on the show) finds out her friend, Keira, slept with a guy, Blue, she slept with previously. She didn't handle it well. Keira's defense was she only Ciara only slept with him once in a One Night Stand situation. Ciara still felt that "The Girl Code" was violated and currently not speaking to Keira

Ladies, are we having the "Girl Code" conversation with our friends? I know I've touch on this subject before but it seems like it needs to be discussed in depth. What is the Girl Code? Yes, it a good show on MTV that came out ten years to late. I could have been GREAT on that show. I am talking about THE GIRL CODE.  According to Internet and me, Girl Code is the rules of female friendship Every Girl should know. Madame Noire gives a good top ten list (http://madamenoire.com/44987/girl-code-10-friendship-commandments-every-girl-should-know/). Check it out! So, we know what it is, well at least the top ten. Do you have a code? Are we actually talking about them with our friends? Do we just wait until a random subject arises and talk about them? Do you wait until a problem arises and talk about them?

I don't think You can't get mad at the offenders of the Girl Code in your life if you never say I follow these set of rules. It didn't seem like Ciara & Keira did. Girl Code seems not to be always universal. Every Friendship (actually every person) bases their codes on different set of rules. Some folks share men/women within the friendship. Some people are okay if you date their ex. I have friends that it is understood don't touch my man, exes, crushes or any man I've ever slept with (even the whack ones). Some friends I've had to "Girl Code" about a man. My friends know we're not Twins or a Singing Group and I don't want to dress alike. I don't even want to be in the same color most times. Somebody has to change. I have and I will again. I have friends who feel whatever they tell you it is okay to tell and talk about it with others in the group when they other are around. I also have a friend or two that will beat everybody involved if they find you said they said they sneezed. My friends know that if they get the disclaimer "I Bet Not Hear This Again" from me, then mums the word. No disclaimer, then it a free for all to tell.

The "Girl Code" Conversation is more than just a Do/Don't list do this to be friends with anyone. It should be an open discussion to help strengthen your friendship or let people realize we are not a good fit to be friends. A lot fights could be avoided if ladies were having a Girl Code conversations.

What is your Girl Code with your friends? Has anyone ever broken your Girl Code? Are they still your friend? Have you ever been a Girl Code Offender? Leave a comment below and then go have a Girl Code talk with your friends, even if you've had it before. You never know somebody might need a reminding. *smiles*

Really Friend?!? Really??? Part 2

No one who knows me will ever say I don't take my friendships seriously. There are my family memebers I got to pick. I don't have many. It hurts when I have to let one go, especially when other people are the reaason. It makes me frown to see other people's friendships break up because of other people. Breaking up because the dating rules is the worse.

What happened to the "code"? No better yet Let me rephrase the question. How many friendships are bound by the "code"? *sigh* The "code" aka The unwritten rules of friendship. The rule you don't break even if they say it's okay. And they approve, you don't do it because you are a true friend. The 2 rules I want focus on are1) DoNot date or purposly sleep with an ex of friend. 2) If interest in the same person and we both know it we check who that person is actually interested in and the friend they aren't interested in walks away no questions ask.

This blog will focus on the rule: If interested in the same person and we both know it we should find if that person is actually interested and if so which friend and the friend they aren't interested in walks away no questions ask.

Okay in High School I didn't abide by this rule for weird reason. If they weren't your boyfriend or boyfriend-like, he was free game to flirt with. Don't remember doing it often but I know I did it. As single as I was most of high school I should've never did that. Happy, I outgrew that in Adulthood (Praise Break) becasue that behavior is horrible.

I see friends flirt with the same person at the same time and I flinch. It is a disaster waiting to happen. Many time somebody is going to be rejected. I never competitive flirt with a friend.

My friend TT and I often see guys we both think are attractive. We give each other "the eye and more than likely just giggle. If she sees that Mr. "We think is Cute" is looking my way she'll nicely tells me. And if Mr. "We think is Cute"approaches her I step aside. Why compete? Most times Mr. "We think is Cute" is not looking at either of us. (that's why you find out if they are even interested)

I don't understand any adult that would let friends complete flirt over them. Clearly that person is just looking for the most "willing" friend.  If you are not in a "willing" way why do it? In the long run both friend will get rejected in way or the other.

It's not worth a friendship. If friends are attracted to the same person it should be maturely discuss. Again another way to get to know your friends. If this happens and you are the friend that the interested party is not attracted to, yes walk away nice. It's okay, to be happy for your friend.  Shouldn't be sore losers & haughty winners in friendship or dating.

Like Part 1, who disagrees? Who agrees? Who has gone through this? Let me know (comment box has been fixed so It's welcomed to all) No arguments!!! Agree to Disagree *another personal friendship rule*

Really Friend?!? Really??? Part 1

No one who knows me will ever say I don't take my friendships seriously. There are my family members I got to pick. I don't have many. It hurts when I have to let one go, especially when other people are the reason. It makes me frown to see other people's friendships break up because of other people. Breaking up because the dating rules is the worse.

What happened to the "code"? No better yet Let me rephrase the question. How many friendships are bound by the "code"? *sigh* The "code" aka The unwritten rules of friendship. The rule you don't break even if they say it's okay. And they approve, you don't do it because you are a true friend. The 2 rules I want focus on are1) Do Not date or purposely sleep with an ex of friend. 2) If interest in the same person and we both know it we check who that person is actually interested in and the friend they aren't interested in walks away no questions ask.

This blog will focus on the rule: Do Not Date or Purposely Sleep with an ex of a friend.

I've been interested in this topic for a few years. I follow the Friendship Code closely. And the relationship parts I can't imagine breaking. Well some years ago I had to get concerned when a friend's (still my friend) interest in an ex of mine that was too much for my comfort. She only saw him once in passing at the fair. Then it become "Omg, he sexy" "Like y'all are just friends, now" I thought I had just step into daytime TV hell. I didn't know how to react but something to me to wait her behavior out. While I waited I would bring up the "code" up in conversation. Well after awhile when there a possible meeting between him and us again her statements changed to "Oh is he's going to have friends over for me to meet also"?.

Within the past decades I hear more friends dating their friends ex's than I used to. Most experiences are not positive ones. Friendships are being broken. Makes me think there "the code" no longer matters but all these broken friendships tells me it's not. Some say "They weren't really your friend". In many cases I might agree. I actually also think Friends need to have "code" conversations. After my experience I started having them with mine. Trust me you'll find out a lot about your friend if you do. Some say "what if it's true love" Perhaps but how often does this end in true love. Uh huh, that's what I thought.

I figured my friends and I have different tastes in the people we date but similar dating standards and values. Well if they broke up and probably because of something I think is not right. So why would I get their ex for us to got through that to.

Okay so who disagrees? Who agrees? Who has gone through this? Let me know (comment box has been fixed so It's welcomed to all) No arguments!!! Agree to Disagree *another personal friendship rule*