mEXsy

I saw this on Instagram. I can't see this being answered any other way. But everybody doesn't think like me and I try to learn from others, so I read some of the comments. Most thought as I did, but some did not. Here are some of the quotables.

"I wouldn't be marrying a man who is jealous of a car"

"We as a team are going to accept it and then laugh at his ass while we trade it in and choose something we like"

"Can he replace it or nah"

"...I'm either donating it or selling it and spending the moolah on my hubby"

Those are their views. Some I understood and some I do not. And I can't and won't argue about those views.

I only have one answer for this meme. I am a person who has been invited to and/or attended an ex-boyfriend's or two weddings. A person who would let an ex walk her down the aisle or be the officiant at her wedding if I was in a pinch. Because you can still be friends/friendly with some of your exes in My world. But even a friendly rapport can go left. The only answer I understand is "Send It Back". Matter of fact, my fiance wouldn't have to tell me to send it back. We might have a tiny argument because he felt the need to say that. Dude, shut up & know me. And not only am I sending the vehicle back, but all of the Miss Manners in me will also send the ex-boyfriend a card. He'll think he's getting a cordial No, Thank You.

Outside of Card
&
Inside Message

Instead, he's going to get the reason why we are still broken up aka I'm full of shade & can't let crap slide. Only a messy man (or woman) would send such a lavish yet disrespectful gift. Stick to the Tupperware & $20 gift cards on the wedding registry.

That's a way how good exes become bad exes. It is also why furniture gets rearranged when some of us see bad exes. Some exes just don't know how to play their role in your life. But it is okay for you, the star of your life to remind them of who they were cast as. Shine Bright!!!

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms

The "Who Proposes" Question

I have this 3X-asked question sitting in my inbox unanswered. "Do I agree with women proposing to men"? Thanks to the lady who proposed to the guy, who said no and whispered to her he was married in a Nigerian mall, this "everyone has an opinion on" topic is on trend again. I have never heard anyone voice my true answer, so I have to actually voice (well type it) it.

No, maybe never will I ever believe a woman should propose to a man. No matter what traditions and misrepresented scriptures say, there are no rules written anywhere that dictate who should propose marriage. Those are not the basis of my opinion. It is based on my observation. I don't agree with it because I have only seen women who are desperate to propose. No Human(Male or Female) Should Propose Marriage Out of Desperation. Even some of the success stories I have read have desperation in them.

They usually have one question based on the proposal, "Why hasn't he proposed yet"?. Until I hear more women confidently say they knew because of the talks their boyfriend & they had together, it was the right time for them to take their relationship to the ultimate step, and most importantly, I Loved Him, I say No. None of this I proposed because he didn't or was slowing around will get my approval. I proposed because I can't see life without him. That's what I want to hear. And if you are doing the relationship work, you should know.

Oh & before you ask, I don't know if I would propose marriage. I don't entertain serious marriage discussions until well into year 2 of consistent dating. And remember, I've never brought a boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner. It would be premature for me to propose and I don't know if 25 people attacking a green bean casserole makes him want to run out the front door.

As Always, Talking to You In Adult Terms.

Love is in the Air YET I Get Questioned...

OMG, I had the most Loving weekend. I watched my little cousin, my cousin's daughter, get married. It was short and sweet. Hung out with the young couple the next day, The new husband totally fits in with our family. And finally one of my "Chosen Family" members announced she Engaged on Sunday. Her fiancé has been welcomed since day 1 of meeting him. So, I totally approve of this engagement. All this excitement for other people and folks want to ask me when will get married. First at my Foundation church by this old deacon and then on Facebook (just this morning). I actually deleted the comment before someone else saw it and an argument exploded. I have some argumentative FBF.

This is one of the annoyances of weddings for me. "When are you getting married"? "Oh, honey you're next". "You're not getting any younger". I didn't grow up with a "must be marriage", "must-have grandkids" type of mother. Actually, until I graduated from college, I thought that attitude was something that was made for TV. Then one of my late neighbors asked it and my grandmother told him off before I could say anything. I think that popped the corked "You need to be married" bottle in my life. Why is there a need for me to be married? Why are people that are not me desperate for me to be married? Oh all the things I am not, why is not being married the concerned?

My mother taught us to "Let God Order You Into Marriage". I am not against being married. I want to spend forever with someone who truly loves God and me. Yes, in that order.  If he loves God and is praying to find me, his bride, I know God is leading him to me And it also means he's preparing me to be found. I feel like it is God's will when or if I get married. I just really want him to Clamp man's mouth shut with the questions about when he wants me to do it.

I refuse to be foolhardy & hasty in attitude to be married. I see so many who are and it pains me. I never gave myself an age to get married and I'm not going to now. Wait that's not true. If I hold out until age 65, he can't say I married him for his money. Yes, that is a joke.

So, get the message out. Don't ask Me when am I going to get married. Go ask God!!! He knows it all. I will not let people stress me out about a life-long decision. Congratulations to my loved ones that were married & got engaged this past weekend. God bless you in the New Step in Life!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Newest "Threat" to Marriage

I am not talking about Gay Marriage. You should know my feelings by now. But since I have your attention let me speak about "Marrying Yourself" the "newest threat" to the institution of marriage. LMAO

I was watching Anderson one afternoon and he talk to two ladies who married themselves. Marrying Yourself is a declaration of being whole within yourself and taking away from society's placement of guilt on one being single and not married after the age of 30, 40, 50, etc. The ladies then added to their declaration a ceremony & reception. Both Ladies had different reasons for marrying themselves. It's a bit much for me but the reasoning I agree. Well, Anderson had in the audience a man from the "Marriage Project" and he felt like "Marrying Yourself" is a threat to the institution of marriage. I wish I was there so he could have seen me roll my eyes at His absurd self.

It is too many broken people marrying other fragmented people all because they just have to be married. People stay in physically & Mentally abusive relationships because they are married. People cheat on their spouses front, back and all sides possibly bringing home STDs, HIV, & AIDS but hey they are married.

How dare he say "Marrying Yourself" is a threat. Just another way to throw society's guilt on those who choose to be whole by themself and feel someone else completes them. I would so rather they have the fancy party celebrating their self-love than for them to be in the real threat to marriage "Broken Marriage"
Well to those working yourself to be or remain whole before marriage or those who decided to be whole by themselves, GUILTFREE continues to be a "threat".

The Date Race

Someone suggested I read the book "Is Marriage for White People". I looked at them stupid. They felt that since they never saw me date anyone that was not black, I should open my self to dating other races. I laughed for a few minutes then explained that I am open to dating outside my race. But the type of men I date prefer dating that are other races don't come up to me asking Me for date. They asked "What Type is that". I told her "Decent Men". What you see approach, flirt with, or date me are "Decent Men". They just happened to be black. I've never been approached by a "Decent" man that was any other race. I don't date aimless, criminals, slouches, bums, drug using, married, uneducated, or alcoholics men no matter the race. I have yet to have a non-black man that was not those things approach me. If I won't date a "brotha" that are those things why would I settle for that just to date outside my race. Get me one that not those things and we can go on a date. They were dumbfounded.

As for this book. It is amazing how a black man  can suggest who should black women should consider dating. He feels Black women should consider dating outside their race because Black men are trying to use them. Umm In My Opinion he's trying to use them also, by writing a book about his suggestions. I'm not disagreeing with him but I don't feel he should make $$$ from it. Sad thing is there will be a nice percentage that will rush out and get his book. Many that don't understand the basics in dating anyway. Still Dating Randomly.

I don't understand why buy something that is common sense. I don't understand why folk don't get to know their self, make a solid basic non shallow list of attributes or standards of who they want to date. Things that they have to be, no exceptions. And go after that. My basic attributes for dating have nothing to do with race. Because dating randomly is the problem many folks have and until that is address then...
*Talking to You in Grown Up*