I'm THAT Single Friend

Video popped up HERE and it struck a nerve. Yes, she is clearly a "pick me", but the attitude of her message is why I purposely function as a different type of "single friend".

I have two friends that are married and 2 that are dating. My sister is also married. I realized I was thought as the stereotype of the single friend when I realized I was the go-to "Do your girl have a friend" or "My boy would like some company" friend a few times in my early to mid-20s. Not any of those guys met my basic standards and they were boring. I quietly got annoyed so, I made it my mission to never be seen or function as the stereotype of a single friend ever again.

I try my best. I've learned to not offer advice on relationships. If I do give any, I preface it with "Remember, I'm not even dating anyone".

Only a few of my friends can complain to me about baby mamas or daddies, ex-SOs, step kids, or in-laws. I'm a logical person, usually. And I hate to fight over the frivolous & petty, but I have hands & words for anybody taking advantage or just won't act right. Before I invite my married or dating friends out to ladies-only events, I make sure to have a few clues on the SO feelings about the event.

Once, a friend's former SO told the friend's mom about a planned ladies' night after hearing about it days before. I thought that was crazy for the SO to do so, but a lesson was learned. Oh, I also don't constantly commiserate about being single. Not just in front of them, I just don't. Yes, I want to be in a relationship, but not at any cost. Stereotypes whine about being single.  Next thing you know, you'll be set up on dates with guys you matched with on a secret online dating profile. And since I am only 3% favorable of dating friends or relatives of friends or relatives, an explanation of why I need to spend time with a guy is required. Just because I am single & he is single is not a viable reason.

Yeah, many of my friends' SOs or former SOs probably think I'm a weirdo. And some had to learn a new way to think. But hey, I'm just keeping our rapports as cordial as possible. Functioning as a stereotype is not an honest lifestyle for me. Being my honest self is my best way to cordial.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

No Ugly Friends!!!

Before You Click the Video above, it may contain language and materials that some viewers may find Offensive. Govern Yourselves Accordingly!!!

I hate this term and others like it.(Read this POST and you will understand). I have never treated any of my friends as the Ugly Friend. Not Even when I did had Ugly (by pop culture's beauty standards) Friends did Not I treat them like that (Oh but I was accused of doing so, Also in that POST). You have to let those people see the actions for themselves and love them through it.

I don't know if I was ever the Ugly Friend. Almost positive I haven't but, you never know. Being the Ugly Friend is something I've always observed from the outside looking in. I have dated the Ugly Friend, (We broke up because he had to much free time to worry about what I was doing all the time. Heck, he could still be being treated as the Ugly Friend). I've had friends who have been treated like the Ugly Friend. I have friends who thought they were the Ugly Friend among their friendship groups. Those are some phenomena to watch.

This video came across one of my timelines and I agree with it whole heartily. You guys know I believe in this mind set, "There are no ugly people, they just don't look like what you want them to look like".

And just because you are not attractive to somebody else that doesn't mean you have to feel that way about yourself. Other's can only treat you like the Ugly Friend if you allow them to do so. You only do that because you feel ugly. People we have to work on not feeling ugly about ourselves. There are people who thrive (knowingly & unknowingly) on it. Why let people feed off the negative parts of you when the positive parts is the nourishment that them and you need?

DJ Khaled says, "No New Friends". Well, I am saying "No Ugly Friends". We will Not be the Ugly Friend, Anymore. We will Not treat anyone like the Ugly Friend. "No Ugly Friends" If a friend can't treat you like you look good then, they are No Good. And if you can't treat a friend like they look good then again, you are No Good. No Ugly Friends!!!

 As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

A Blog Highlight!!!

This probably a 1st because I never made a post about pubbing a blog. I follow so many but this one is different.

Birthday Indulgence!
Chicken with Spinach & Carrots
Pinot Grigio sauce over Pasta
Roma tomatoes

Yesterday, was my birthday. Celebrated it in a Very adult responsible style (work, housework, cooking, lurking #BlackGuyNerds on Twitter). My Grandmother & mother gave me gifts. It was very nice and quaint birthday, so far. I had Birthday brunch & cake, Sunday and have two more events later. Then today, I got so very happy news.

So my friend, Pink Red started her own blog. And her introductory post included her telling me, I was the inspiration. I had no clue. I know she reads my posts. She's commented on a few of them. And am honored to be an inspiration. Guess that's what being yourself get you.

Well to tell her Thank You, I am "pubbing" her blog. She's just getting started with her introduction but I believe in her. If you think I am real, Pink Red or as she calls herself, ItzMeAllDay is going to be Real. I don't have Fake friends. So, go check her out at Random Babblings (if that link doesn't work here is the URL, http://randombabblingsofme.blogspot.com/) and support her.

Oh, her name will still be Pink Red on here. I worked hard to think of that name. That's a thesaurus researched name, LoL Check her out.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating…Relatives of Friends or Friends of Relatives

Okay in the Long Distance post you already know I have dated a brother of a female member of my Chosen Family. For this blog post, she will be called Pink Red. I will never do that again. I love my friendships too much to ever put those in jeopardy again. I can honestly say that through all the drama I dealt with the demise of my relationship with J. Mac, Pink Red remained my friend. I thank her for that. Watching and listening to someone being mad at your brother had to be hard. I tried not to do it often but I still did it.

It was crazy for me to be friends with Pink Red even while J. Mac and I dated. Pink Red and I go back to high school. We talked about boys we liked, dated, etc. all the time. So not talking about her brother cause me to pull back some. The first time I felt bad about the turn in our friendship was one time I called for J. Mac and she answered the phone. I didn’t recognize my friend’s voice. She said “My Biological Name! It’s Her Biological Name”. I said “Oh hey girl. How are you doing?” At that moment I felt like an a-word. I didn't acknowledge my friend. That was crappy as hell. Luckily they were eating and J. Mac had to call me later. I had time to kick myself and sit with my emotions. One time Pink Red & J. Mac were fighting and I got a phone call and had to be questioned about something wrong J. Mac did. I told J. Mac off on his next visit. He had wronged my friend. Once the drama started, the first person I called was Pink Red. Gosh, I was so immature for doing that. She was more level-headed than me about the situation. When her brother’s name came up after the Big Fight, she never went off on me as she has. She was always a friend to me. I was even in her 1st wedding as a bridesmaid. I can admit now that I was nervous about the possibility of her brother being there. I never asked if he was going to come down but I think she sensed it because out of the blue on the way to the bachelorette party, the night before, she mentioned he was not going to be there. 

Every time J. Mac would lose my number after we were in a good place, Pink Red would give it to him and ask me can he have it. I finally told J. Mac to stop 1. Stop losing my contact info and 2. Don’t ask his sister for it because he was IMO aggravating her.  I would have told both of us off, years ago. And so far she is still a friend to me. She might read this and Long Distance and it dawned on her “Heck yeah, I was a friend to that…. Time to cut her off”. Lord, I truly hope not.

So that is why I’ll never date a relative of a friend. I take my friendships seriously. Rather share my love of a person with my friends than let it divide us.

Dating a friend of my relatives is easy. I will Never!!! 1. That guy hangs with my relative. He has issues by the association. I was born into knowing that person. This guy chose to know this person. That is a problem! (Yes, you should be laughing). 2. I will never be accused of incest because I think every one of my family members looks like monsters, especially men. More than likely their friends look like monsters to me too. 3. My family member’s friends for the most become our “friends”. So they are like family. So, that would be like incest.

So sorry guys, I’m not interested. You are friends or related to the wrong people. LoL

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Girl Code Conversation

Spoiler Alert Warning. Did you watch the latest episode of The Game? No! Did you want to? Yes! Then Stop Reading This Now!!!

On the latest episode of The Game, the singer Ciara (she plays herself on the show) finds out her friend, Keira, slept with a guy, Blue, she slept with previously. She didn't handle it well. Keira's defense was she only Ciara only slept with him once in a One Night Stand situation. Ciara still felt that "The Girl Code" was violated and currently not speaking to Keira

Ladies, are we having the "Girl Code" conversation with our friends? I know I've touch on this subject before but it seems like it needs to be discussed in depth. What is the Girl Code? Yes, it a good show on MTV that came out ten years to late. I could have been GREAT on that show. I am talking about THE GIRL CODE.  According to Internet and me, Girl Code is the rules of female friendship Every Girl should know. Madame Noire gives a good top ten list (http://madamenoire.com/44987/girl-code-10-friendship-commandments-every-girl-should-know/). Check it out! So, we know what it is, well at least the top ten. Do you have a code? Are we actually talking about them with our friends? Do we just wait until a random subject arises and talk about them? Do you wait until a problem arises and talk about them?

I don't think You can't get mad at the offenders of the Girl Code in your life if you never say I follow these set of rules. It didn't seem like Ciara & Keira did. Girl Code seems not to be always universal. Every Friendship (actually every person) bases their codes on different set of rules. Some folks share men/women within the friendship. Some people are okay if you date their ex. I have friends that it is understood don't touch my man, exes, crushes or any man I've ever slept with (even the whack ones). Some friends I've had to "Girl Code" about a man. My friends know we're not Twins or a Singing Group and I don't want to dress alike. I don't even want to be in the same color most times. Somebody has to change. I have and I will again. I have friends who feel whatever they tell you it is okay to tell and talk about it with others in the group when they other are around. I also have a friend or two that will beat everybody involved if they find you said they said they sneezed. My friends know that if they get the disclaimer "I Bet Not Hear This Again" from me, then mums the word. No disclaimer, then it a free for all to tell.

The "Girl Code" Conversation is more than just a Do/Don't list do this to be friends with anyone. It should be an open discussion to help strengthen your friendship or let people realize we are not a good fit to be friends. A lot fights could be avoided if ladies were having a Girl Code conversations.

What is your Girl Code with your friends? Has anyone ever broken your Girl Code? Are they still your friend? Have you ever been a Girl Code Offender? Leave a comment below and then go have a Girl Code talk with your friends, even if you've had it before. You never know somebody might need a reminding. *smiles*

Really Friend?!? Really??? Part 2

No one who knows me will ever say I don't take my friendships seriously. There are my family memebers I got to pick. I don't have many. It hurts when I have to let one go, especially when other people are the reaason. It makes me frown to see other people's friendships break up because of other people. Breaking up because the dating rules is the worse.

What happened to the "code"? No better yet Let me rephrase the question. How many friendships are bound by the "code"? *sigh* The "code" aka The unwritten rules of friendship. The rule you don't break even if they say it's okay. And they approve, you don't do it because you are a true friend. The 2 rules I want focus on are1) DoNot date or purposly sleep with an ex of friend. 2) If interest in the same person and we both know it we check who that person is actually interested in and the friend they aren't interested in walks away no questions ask.

This blog will focus on the rule: If interested in the same person and we both know it we should find if that person is actually interested and if so which friend and the friend they aren't interested in walks away no questions ask.

Okay in High School I didn't abide by this rule for weird reason. If they weren't your boyfriend or boyfriend-like, he was free game to flirt with. Don't remember doing it often but I know I did it. As single as I was most of high school I should've never did that. Happy, I outgrew that in Adulthood (Praise Break) becasue that behavior is horrible.

I see friends flirt with the same person at the same time and I flinch. It is a disaster waiting to happen. Many time somebody is going to be rejected. I never competitive flirt with a friend.

My friend TT and I often see guys we both think are attractive. We give each other "the eye and more than likely just giggle. If she sees that Mr. "We think is Cute" is looking my way she'll nicely tells me. And if Mr. "We think is Cute"approaches her I step aside. Why compete? Most times Mr. "We think is Cute" is not looking at either of us. (that's why you find out if they are even interested)

I don't understand any adult that would let friends complete flirt over them. Clearly that person is just looking for the most "willing" friend.  If you are not in a "willing" way why do it? In the long run both friend will get rejected in way or the other.

It's not worth a friendship. If friends are attracted to the same person it should be maturely discuss. Again another way to get to know your friends. If this happens and you are the friend that the interested party is not attracted to, yes walk away nice. It's okay, to be happy for your friend.  Shouldn't be sore losers & haughty winners in friendship or dating.

Like Part 1, who disagrees? Who agrees? Who has gone through this? Let me know (comment box has been fixed so It's welcomed to all) No arguments!!! Agree to Disagree *another personal friendship rule*

Really Friend?!? Really??? Part 1

No one who knows me will ever say I don't take my friendships seriously. There are my family members I got to pick. I don't have many. It hurts when I have to let one go, especially when other people are the reason. It makes me frown to see other people's friendships break up because of other people. Breaking up because the dating rules is the worse.

What happened to the "code"? No better yet Let me rephrase the question. How many friendships are bound by the "code"? *sigh* The "code" aka The unwritten rules of friendship. The rule you don't break even if they say it's okay. And they approve, you don't do it because you are a true friend. The 2 rules I want focus on are1) Do Not date or purposely sleep with an ex of friend. 2) If interest in the same person and we both know it we check who that person is actually interested in and the friend they aren't interested in walks away no questions ask.

This blog will focus on the rule: Do Not Date or Purposely Sleep with an ex of a friend.

I've been interested in this topic for a few years. I follow the Friendship Code closely. And the relationship parts I can't imagine breaking. Well some years ago I had to get concerned when a friend's (still my friend) interest in an ex of mine that was too much for my comfort. She only saw him once in passing at the fair. Then it become "Omg, he sexy" "Like y'all are just friends, now" I thought I had just step into daytime TV hell. I didn't know how to react but something to me to wait her behavior out. While I waited I would bring up the "code" up in conversation. Well after awhile when there a possible meeting between him and us again her statements changed to "Oh is he's going to have friends over for me to meet also"?.

Within the past decades I hear more friends dating their friends ex's than I used to. Most experiences are not positive ones. Friendships are being broken. Makes me think there "the code" no longer matters but all these broken friendships tells me it's not. Some say "They weren't really your friend". In many cases I might agree. I actually also think Friends need to have "code" conversations. After my experience I started having them with mine. Trust me you'll find out a lot about your friend if you do. Some say "what if it's true love" Perhaps but how often does this end in true love. Uh huh, that's what I thought.

I figured my friends and I have different tastes in the people we date but similar dating standards and values. Well if they broke up and probably because of something I think is not right. So why would I get their ex for us to got through that to.

Okay so who disagrees? Who agrees? Who has gone through this? Let me know (comment box has been fixed so It's welcomed to all) No arguments!!! Agree to Disagree *another personal friendship rule*