Just the “Other Woman”

I refuse to watch “Scandal” and “Being Mary Jane” with anyone other than my mother. I only live discuss Scandal on Twitter. I avoid opinion pieces about both shows and movie of Being Mary Jane. Why? I get tired of the popular perception of these two characters as only being the “Side Line Chick”, “Side Piece” or the “Other Woman”. You know the woman that is Knowingly Sleeping with a Married Man. I first became of the perception when my BFF, who doesn’t watch Scandal, thought that the show was about Olivia Pope sleeping with the TV POTUS because of what she saw in her news feed on Facebook.

Amazing how many of us know, have been or are the “Side Line Chick”, “Side Piece” or the “Other Woman”. Oh these women are not new and unless infidelity or cheating is infinitely abolished from the face of the Earth won’t be going anywhere. I’ve been the first one to say I don’t understand the women and men might I add who are these people. But how dare we reduce these people to just “Side Line Chick (Dude)”, “Side Piece” or the “Other Woman (Man)”. Actually we don’t reduce them to that.  They are still our friends, loved ones, co-workers, associates or ourselves, living other parts of life other than having sex with someone who is married.

 So why do we describe a TV character by just that? I know it’s just TV but gosh is that the only thing people are getting from these characters. Mary Jane is a TV News Journalist who is a loving friend, a daughter who is supporting her parents, siblings and other family members. All while juggling her romantic life one that may or may not include a married man and another non-committal man (The show just started Episode 1). Out of all that the first thing people want to describe her as is a “Side Piece”. If memory serves correct Mary Jane didn’t start off knowing she was sleeping with a married man in the movie. And it was the end of the first episode after she fought to stay away from the guy that she finally sleep with him again. Okay I’ll leave that alone.

I love Olivia Pope. Not because she is sleeping with the TV POTUS. I love her because she is “The Fixer”. She and her gang of Gladiators gets other people out of Scandals. Also if memory serves in the beginning of this show also “she was not sleeping with TV POTUS anymore. Actually, she had declare war on him and the TV White House. She didn’t lure him, he chased and continues to chase her. And let’s talk about that. The women are the called “Other Women” but in both cases, neither lured those men into those relationships. Actually the men did the enticing and pursuing. Yet no one talks about their gross dog a-words for doing that. Men get to be men yet the women are the bad guys getting unsophisticated descriptions.

Again I know these are TV characters but I think they were made to show that the “Strong Black Woman” is a myth. She has cracks in her armor. The ladies being a part of an extra-marital affair in one of their crack among many flaws they have. Stop only describing them by that one.

So let’s try it again. Who is Mary Jane Paul? What is Sandal about?

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

*side eye* Barnes & Noble... Get it Together

Child Finds Porn On Bookstore E-Reader « CBS Dallas / Fort Worth

I must really like you guys because I was web searching for this article after hearing it on the news and I know my internet use is being monitored. No LoL's. Dear U.S. Government, as you can clearly see I was looking for a article not looking up pictures of children in a lewd way.

Okay so here in a North Texas Barnes & Noble store a parent saw their 4 year old child looking at porn on a demo Nook in the children's area of the bookstore. The parent was outraged and took to social media to issue a warning. The store Execs issued an apology & confirmed the demo Nooks have no filtered controls on them.

What the Heck??? What is Barnes & Nobles and any other stores that are doing this thinking about? Public libraries, government agencies & schools block sensitive materials that can be found on the web. Why can't a public store not do the same? Oh I came up with several ways how the porn ended up on the demo Nook in the first place. 1) Some pervert looked it up in the children's area just to get his jollies off. 2) Some one with hacker potential, looked it up just to see if Barnes & Noble had it blocked. 3) Some curious preteen, caught his parent(s) not looking and went to a site he heard his peers talk about. Now I could come up with that many reasons how the porn was even on the Nook, Barnes & Noble has not good excuse why they didn't foresee this issue. This is not a vanilla world. Too much known crap is out here not to anticipate all possible problems. I don't understand how any of the demo Nooks were able to have access to any porn, governmental sites, banking websites, etc., etc. No one who visit your sore should be able to access sensitive areas of the net. That is common sense.

So Barnes and Noble and other public places not using Internet Filter controls, Shame, Shame, Shame on you for being stupid. No one comes to your store wanting to see porn. Get it together, you have a brand to protect. Get some Firewalls.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Help Me Understand: Not Practicing Safe Sex

If you can make me understand this, I’ll give you a big hug and erase this blog and never bring it ever again. I know I've talked about this before. What is wrong with practicing safe sex? All the diseases be it curable and non-curable out there, people are still not protecting their sexual organs. All the unwanted & surprise pregnancies happening every second, people not using all ways to prevent them.

Yes, this blog comes on the cusp of news of basketball player Dewayne Wade & rapper Ludacris having children born because of their sexual activities during breaks with their long-time girlfriends. Praise God, blessing & miracles were born from these sexual rapports but it could have gone a lot different. I don’t care what you think, Sexual Diseases are real. (I sound like my friend Candiladi’s mom who says as a warning “AIDS is real”) All of them are not curable and even if some of those don’t get treated can kill you too. I know someone who die in Millennial years of syphilis. He was not old, He was 29 years old. Those guys could have given their girlfriends a disease or diseases after their break. So that was a possibility but what have should have been a thought to use protection, is to protect yourself. Be selfish enough that you don’t want to catch anything.

And I said that them having kids was a good possibility that came from these situations. Actually the children being born causes issues also. The women that they are not in loving relationship with had their children. So now they will have to deal with her for the rest of the child’s life. If Gabrielle Union and the girlfriend of Luda decide to leave the bond, they are free. These gentlemen are not. Also what if these ladies after the break did not accept these new developments. A loving relationship has been ruined because he could not wrap it up. Now, let’s take the selfish approach of seeing this. That’s another person that will need to be taken care of. People cost. That’s money out of your pocket. Condoms cost how much? Babies cost how much? That’s what I thought.

Now ladies don’t think because the names that are talked about are men that we are exempt from sexual protecting ourselves. The women who have had these men's children were sexually irresponsible also. Who said these men were not “dirty” when they had sex with them? Men can have diseases without showing any physical signs. Did they show clean bills of health before they had sex with them? I doubt it. Okay but they didn’t report anyone caught a STD or STI. They did have children. Now they have to involve with these men and anyone that is in the men’s lives for the rest of that child’s life. That’s drama that could have been avoided with the slipping on of a condom, swallowing of a pill, the stick of a shot or any other the various forms of protection. Minutes of a pause compared to years of sleeplessness, worries, and more bills.  Because let’s face it, those new little ones will more than likely be living with the mothers. So who is getting up all the time? Who is buying the formula, clothes & milk.  Those guys have money but who will be doing most of the actual physical purchasing. Yes, the ladies having sex with these men unprotected during the break.

I know if people thought like me the world’s population would dwindle and people would be grumpy many days. But thinking my way, the population in foster care would decrease, the rise in New HIV cases would lessen, child support case would reduce and the deaths because of child abuse, child neglect & AIDS would decline.

I know writing this blog is me pissing in the wind. Adults are going to do what they want. There excuses will forever live. Condoms don’t feel good. He got me pregnant on purpose (Yes that one still exist). I’m allergic to latex (even though there condom made out of polyurethane). I’m afraid of needles (get fitted for a diaphragm). All that ruins the mood (so does scratching your genitals & babies crying).

Come people we have to do better. Is sex really worth it? Well babies, yes. But I know it not worth STD’s or STI’s.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Hi in 2014

Hey Guys!!! Happy New Year!!! How is 2014 treating you? So far for me it’s been pretty normal. If you know me offline, you know normal is a good thing.

Expect two new blog series this year. “Things OutSpoken_Diva Like” and OutSpoken_Diva Talks to Her Younger Self”. “With Your Rude @ss” will be resurrecting from 2012 and of course Blogs about random articles, topics, news stories and books and “Help Me Understand” (next blog, actually) will be coming back this year.

And if you think there is something I should be talking about send me a suggestion email to c.out.spoken.diva@gmail.com. Alright All Minds Clear??? Good!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

OUTSPOKEN_DIVA'S Best of 2013

So I decided to do a blog on My Best of 2013. I like a many things but some things I like a little bit more than others. No, there will not be a Worse of 2013 blog. Am I not critical enough? Even though I want in 2014, for World Star Hip Hop to destroy All the Ratchet, All the Ghetto, and All the Dysfunctional videos ever known to man on its website. I will not make a blog to highlight the gross stuff of 2013.  LoL

In 2013, I decided to make it a mission to try some new Restaurants and make different recipes. Because No one will make New Foods, I had to do something.  I’m a foodie at heart. Probably why I picked the major. So here is some Good food worth sharing

Favorite Restaurant Dish

Disco Fries (Houlihans)

I went here for my birthday dinner. French Fries, Pot Roast, Gravy, Green Onions and Cheddar Cheese make a great dish. I had a salad also that was delicious, but it didn’t make the picture (maybe I was eating it)

Favorite New Recipe

3 Ingredient Chicken

On Facebook my sister tags me when she shares some of the recipes she wants to try. That’s how I saw this one. It’s just Chicken, dry Italian Dressing mix and Brown Sugar. Bake it and you have a finger licking good meal. I pair it with a simple Wax Bean & Carrot medley.

Favorite Meatless Meal

Pasta Puttanesca

I try to go meatless once a week. Usually Mondays except during Lent, which I go meatless on Fridays. One day going through recipes for clients I ran across one I made in my Basic Foods class in college. It’s linguine with sautéed chili peppers, Spanish olives, zucchini, diced tomatoes and oregano in light olive oil & garlic over it.

 

Favorite New Fast Food

Taco Casa

I saw a cousin on Facebook talk about this place. Well on National Taco Day, I got try them. Yummy!!! 

 

 

Okay I know you know I spend an obscene amount of time watching TV. Of Course you know about TV Thursday but Sundays I’m a tad obsessive about my shows also.

Favorite Food Show

Cutthroat Kitchen I love this show!!! It is like Chopped, the childhood game Dare, meets Vegas slots. It speaks to the creativity of a chef because these challenges can be a doozy.

 

Favorite Instead of “Popular” Reality Show I Watch:

Boardwalk Empire and Treme I love these two shows. Hate that this the last season for Treme. If you keep up with life after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans or at least watch the two Spike Lee Doc for HBO about it, you know Treme is very Accurate. Boardwalk Empire keeps my attention in a way that frightens me. It is full of violence yet it intrigues me. It’s like when Prohibition started and Atlantic City acted like it was not law. Nucky Thompson is the man. And there is Chalky White, the lone black guy in Nucky’s posse. How can one man be so upstanding and crooked at the same time, beats me. Right now all the key players are scattered away from Atlantic City so I can’t wait to see what brings them back to town.

Favorite Comedy:

Big Bang Theory Are you shocked? Especially since Raj now can talk to women without the use of Alcohol. Finally. That was bothering me. He was going to need rehab. Big Bang Theory are the people I knew and myself in high school. I can name someone for everyone on that show. Yes, I’m am Bernadette.

Favorite Rom Com:

Hart of Dixie Still Team Zeorge (George & Zoe) even though Zoe is with some writer named Joel & George is with the Mayor Lavon’s cousin Lynly. Zoe has finally connected to her birth father’s family, the Wilkes. Lemon is even seeing some promise in finding herself.

Favorite Drama:

Scandal & Greys Anatomy It is a tie. Both keep my heart pounding. Shonda Rhymes know the key to the drama side of my heart. Keep my suspense and tie up loose ends all at the same time. She does it well. Even though the Yang/Grey fighting stabs me in the heart and whenever Mama Pope calls Olivia, “Livie” scares me a bit, I have to watch these shows.

Favorite New Show:

Super Fun Night Nope it’s not Marvels Agents of Shield. It’s Super Fun Night. Little known fact about the Diva…I don’t go out that much. When I do it looks a lot like this show (Dollar to Donuts my friends will disagree but trust me I have stories to prove it). The first episode with Kimmie jumping around trying to put on her shape wear I died laughing. As a shape wearer I can totally relate.

I Miss the Most Show

Emily Owens Yep, a show that is about an awkward nerd that went against the grain of pop culture’s definition of Nerd on a Broadcast Station (The CW) that is filled with mostly shows that are geared to fans of pop culture. Dr. Emily Owens, I still miss you!!!

 

Web Shows are next. Y’all know I’m addicted to them. Vlogs also. I can’t go a day with watching something. I see a pattern I think my emotional & inner dating self is in its late 20's. Web Series might be my way of  finding out what went wrong. Just a guess!

Favorite Continuing Web Series (Tie)

Unwritten Rules Season 2 Link

Spoiler alert! Racy has a new boss. She thought it was going to be easier. Umm new boss, new issues.

That Guy Season 2 Link

Two guy Mike & Judah, somewhat trifling, but they have good hearts and they mean well. Season 2 delves into the emotions of That Guys. Hilarious stuff.

 

Favorite New Web Series (Tie)

No Strings, Please Link

Think living in a New city gets rid of you. Nope! You are still you.

Smoke & Mirrors Link

Dixon, Dixon, Dixon! Go through a journey of a man who finds out if relationships and the problems in them are illusions we make for ourselves.

Favorite Vlog

KevOnStage Link

You know those quirky churchy/non churchy articles we read or videos we watch and can’t believe they are real. Meet the man to discuss them. Also he make the “Cartoon Scandal” videos we all love so much.

Favorite Sketch Comedy

The Playmakers Link

The future of Christian Comedy is on YouTube. I first fell in love with The Playmakers with a video called “Stuff Black Church Girls Say” http://youtu.be/uGKWVv53eX0. Black Church Girls now have Web Series and also check out Music Videos by a group called Praydeci. Good Clean fun!!! Oh and KevonStage is member of The Playmakers

 

Yes I still read books. In 2004 I heard myself go stupid and was losing my grasp on the English language. Never again so of course I am still reading. I read some wonderful ones this year.

Best Fiction

The Awesome Girl's Guide to Dating Extraordinary Men by Ernessa Carter

4 Women in 2 years get nothing they want but All that they need. Also look for cameos from Davie Jones, Main character of 32 Candles by the same author.

 

Best Non-Fiction

Ghettonation: A Journey Into the Land of Bling and Home of the Shameless by Cora Daniels

I wrote a blog about it sometime ago. Go read it Here

Best Sci-Fi

Long Division by  Kiese Laymon

Defying a patronizingly racist contest on live television, 14-year-old Citoyen “City” Coldson’s rant goes viral and becomes an embarrassment on a national scale. Sent to stay with family in the small town of Melahatchie, he distracts himself from Internet infamy, redneck racists, and a grandmother who’s not afraid to make him cut her a switch by reading a mysterious book where his name and the name of his grandmother's teenage missing neighbor appear.

 

Best Novella

I Met Him in the Ladies' Room (pt1) by Michelle Simpson

Where did you meet the Lord? Kerri Dalee met Him in the Restroom. That simple, right? Read it and find out. 

Favorite Memoir

Self-Inflicted Wounds: Heartwarming Tales of Epic Humiliation by Aisha Tyler

Okay only Memoir I read. Charging $12-$15 for your life on my Kindle is gross. No one is that interesting. When they go down, I’ll read more of those. The Nerd Queen proves why she is just that. I love this book. I know she and I would have been friends in Latter Elementary & Middle school.

For Lent, I’m giving up buying makeup. In 2013, I found myself buying product after product. So let me share my favorite lip products for my looks I experimented with this year. Yes, All lip products. I didn’t do anything new with my eyes.

Favorite Lip Stain

Loreal Colour Caresse Wet Shine Stain

It stays on for many hours, moisturizes and has shine.

Favorite Go To Lip Stick

Maybelline Color Sensationals Vivids - Pink Pop

If I needed to add some color to a look it was my trusty bubby. It is smooth & long lasting.

Favorite Trend (Ombre’ Lips)

Two tone lips are not new. But 2013 was the year of doing more than red lip liner and pink lip color. I saw ladies adding different colors to their Ombre’ lips. And I am happy to say I think the Black eye liner on the lip phase may be going away (cuing the praise music, I’m going in, in advance),

My Autumn Ombre’ was done with SEPHORA COLLECTION Nano Lip Liner - Beau Bordeaux, then REVLON Colorburst Lip Butter – Sorbet then topped off with Maybelline Color Sensational High Gloss Shine - Captivating Coral.

 

My October Awareness Ombre’ I talked about in a  Blog earlier this fall, was achieve with COVERGIRL LipPerfection Lipliner – Plum & Loreal Colour Caresse Wet Shine Stain -  Rose On and On.

 

 

Yep, those looks were that simple!!!

Favorite MakeUp Vlog

Cosmetic Candies FYI Link

Oh I fell in love with another Makeup Vlog. She’s the only Vlog that made me truly understand Ombre’ Lips

 

Alright the video playing while you were reading is one of my favorites in Music for 2013

Favorite Sacred

Ultimate Relationship by Donald Lawrence (Ft Lalah Hathaway)

I follow Lalah Hathaway on Twitter and I saw tweets about this song. It’s remake of a song fame Gospel artist Donald Lawrence wrote for Mary J. Blige. Who is the Best Person to wake up and talk to in the morning? I added it to my worship playlist and never turned back.

Favorite Secular

Finally by Carolyn Malachi

Watch the Video Here

Y’all can play this at my funeral (Bishop might not mind) LoL On Sunday evening I listen to a Podcast called Black Girl Nerds http://www.blogtalkradio.com/blackgirlnerds (Shout out to BGN) and this is the opening song. It’s simple, “Finally, I’m Finally Me. Finally, I’m Finally Free. Refreshing!!!

 

And that wraps up my favorite things of 2013. Hope you enjoyed it! What were some of your favorite things of 2013? Let me know in the comments below. If the Lord says the same I’ll see you in 2014.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Help Me Understand: The “When Will We… "Attitude (Not Being Proactive)

I am beginning to think it’s me, not others. I really think I am too pretentious to deal with people. Today on I saw a post on social media that basically said, “Had not hung out with you guys in a while. When are we going to hang out for old times’ sake?” Alright straw, it’s time to hurt the posterior of camel. I’m tired.  

Trips, Pool Parties, Friend Reunions, Family Reunions, Dates (Yes I’ve heard a possible dater say “When are we going out on a date”), Church Programs, School Programs, you name it I have heard at some time “When will we…” What is with people who don’t have proactive attitudes? I’m not talking about people trying not to take over events. I’m talking about people who want to do something but want somebody else to plan. I’m talking about people who tired of planning stuff and nobody shows up. I’m talking about the people who are quick to say “We should…” but really mean “I want to...”

I’ve seen & heard this so much I think it’s me with the problem. Maybe I’m too much of a social go getter for my own good. If I want to do an event I plan it. Just this Sunday I wanted to go to Brunch, I planned and invited my best friends to brunch. I share birthday plan with one of my best friends. We discuss what we want to do and we invite people. We don’t say “We need to get together for our birthday” to the people that we want to celebrate our days with. And yes It ticks me off when people say they coming or say they will do something and you make plans and they flake but that goes with life.

I think instead of “When are we” how about “I want to…” or “Let’s plan…” I bet you would get a better response. Stop passing off what “you” want to do to something “we” want to do. Be proactive in your wants. Passing it off as a “we” event will get “we” results and that may not include anything you want.

I think in the future when I see or hear “We Need to…” or “When are we…” I will say “Stop Asking and plan. Be Proactive" I think I am going to do that. I really will try.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Passive Aggressive Selfishness: A 2013 Confession

Unless you are at my house on Thanksgiving & Christmas, you probably never seen me be selfish. Truth be told some of those people don't see it. I’m usually not selfish. I am the person to invite people to events and then send a reminder to people even if they didn't say are coming. I’m the person who gives phone calls to people after events to see it they made it home ok even after I said "Call somebody so we know you are safe". I’m the person that will "sometimes" sit with the person who doesn’t dance or is overly drunk. I send out “Thinking of You” text or email to buddies. I’m the person who will let other chose places I would not even want to go to ad never say a word unless you asked for my opinion or the place is majorly horrible. Well until this year. I limited my actions about 75%.  This minor temper tantrum had been brewing for some years.

Last year(2012) I said goodbye to the longest friendship I ever had two days after my birthday. For a year, this person was at the point of calling me but I can’t say they truly ever asked about me during the conversation. This person had not wished me Happy Birthday in three years. And this person had Rent-A-Center call me twice for a reference without asking me or saying thank you. As the Muppets said it was time to say goodbye. I'm not into one-sided friendship, relations or rapports. Well when you delete people out your life you have brain space to think about other folk’s crappy behavior that is getting on your nerves. I then noticed when job interviewers calling me for folks who didn’t tell me let alone ask me to be a reference. So I put some folks on notice about that. Then I noticed all the people I invited to events that say they are coming but don’t come and don’t ever say they‘re sorry even be so bold to comment on the pictures posted on social media. I thought about my personal friends I invited and said that they were coming to my mom’s retirement party my sister and I hosted. I remember being hurt, embarrassed & furious because I’m calling to see if they are lost and not one of them were coming and probably was not going to call to say anything had I not called. That was three years ago when that happened. So I decided to do an experiment on myself and see if I could be just as selfish.

First experiment was Brunch in January sent a text to my crew that brunch and got answers from everyone but one. So I sent reminders to everyone but one. I knew I could do this. I decided to take a sabbatical from Revues and I did (still am Might go to one on the 27th). Didn’t even actively entertain talking about one unless I felt like I might have wanted to go to one. I even had to tell Pal, No, twice. LoL On My birthday I only invited people I knew would come. And I am happy to say of those (who I invited) who were not able to make it all contacted me or my fellow birthday Diva to say they were not coming. If I've not received "Happy Birthday" from someone within the past two years, I didn't acknowledge their birthday. If it was a place I wanted to go and those I usually hang out with didn’t want to go, I found other people to go with. I had one friend to finally speak on one of my outings without them. The friend said just because they didn’t want to go that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t go. I didn’t want that someone to feel obligated to go so I still went with someone else. If anyone called me asking how come they had not heard from me, I didn’t hesitate to tell them communication works both ways. If a person said they will call me back, they had to call me back for us to talk again. Oh my ex turn male best friend learned, No is still learning that one.

Anyone who is reading this and is sadly affected by my actions I’m sorry but... I get tired of talking. I had to let my actions show people that I have feelings also. Yeah, your life is busy but what about my bank account and other guests paying gratuity for a reserved space you said you’ll fill and wasn’t even courteous to send a text to say you won’t make it. Life is not that busy. Others do it, you can too. I know you needed a job but knew before you wrote my name down as a reference. Yet you still did not ask. Heck you didn’t even call to tell me you use me as a reference after the interview. So, I didn’t call those people back but I warned you last year. You said you would call me back. I guess I’m still waiting for you to call me back.

In conclusion (Sounds Scientific, LoL), all was not a loss. I learned a lot. 1. I didn’t used to be like this. I let overly niceness let others walk over me. Somewhere I was not being the true me. 2. You learn people will miss you and the things you do for them. And it’s real easy to see those who miss you and those that just miss the things you do for them. 3. Being selfish is hard. 4. Some things are just a part of you. Being nice to be nice is hard to break. 5. Some people will Never learn. Somebody is reading this blog and still will not learn. 6. Prepared myself for backlash. And folks not walking into 2014 with me. 67 Most important lesson...I am too old to have to say this to Adults. Maybe some of the people I personally & socially interact with are not Adults and just Grown Folks.

Well onto the experiments for 2014. Yes, experiments in plural. They are doozies, too.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms