Not Interested in Dating: Those on Parole or Probation

So you guys to blame this post appearance on #FelonyCrushFriday because of Mr. Jeremy Meeks mug shot.  Yes, I said mug shot. I just want it to stop.

I don't understand what is ever cute about a Known criminal. I don’t date criminals (caught or not caught). You cannot be involved in Any illegal activities and date me and I know about it. I’m not that kind of chick. Now as for former criminals (except child molesters, terrorists, rapists, serial killers, & domestic abusers) that have turned their life around and will never return to your old ways, I will date you. I will date you After your probation and/or parole period is over. I only date Free men.

I've dated a man on “papers” before. I think he was on Standard probation. He just had to check in during the day twice a month. My experience was not as near of a headache as many others. Number 1, I was young so I had an innocent tolerance that I lack now. Number 2, I didn't have the same dating requirements about Time I have now. I do require some time to date me. Gone are the days when I can go weeks at a time and not lay eyes on you and you are still considered my boyfriend. That was cute for the busy with fun time under 25 crowd. I’m not that daggum fun time busy anymore.

Yes, Time and Freedom are the variables that stop me from dating men on parole & probation. They work hand in hand like two justice system twins. I remember a guy that flirted with me during my days of ticket sales work that lived in a halfway house. As nice and sweet as he was I always left it at flirting. He had a 9 pm curfew. Let’s just say I was in my early 20’s when I didn't get dressed to go out until 10. I couldn't even imagine going out on a date then and being home by 8, 8:30 so he wouldn't get in trouble. I'm older now and still can’t see myself doing that. I remember a former friend was married to a guy and he could go to an out-of-town family wedding because it was not approved. I've seen guys with ankle monitors at church making sure they make their “where about” call. My heart bleeds for them when I see it. I know they did the crime so they have to do the time but they are still not free to spend their time the way they want to.

That is who I want to date. Men who are free to live their law-abiding life. I stress law-abiding because many folks get out of jail not reformed. I will date a former criminal but First, he must be reformed. He can’t go back to “that” life that leads him to jail and dates me. And once he is free from all obligations of his sentence inside & outside the prison, he can approach me. So only, Totally Legally Free men can date me.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Relaxer Stretch Journey (It's My Hair)

Sorry Team Natural I was not transitioning for the big chop. I was relaxer stretching. Team Natural & the Fashion Fair counter ladies can't stand me. They are always questioning how I am supposed to look like as a Black Woman. I really wish the Naturalistas & Johnson Publishing Company get their people in line.

So I have completed my 1st relaxer stretch. What is Relaxer Stretching?  This is when you extend the period between two relaxer sessions. You go longer than you normally would in between getting relaxers. Most people (including me) usually retouch their relaxers 6 weeks. Stretching relaxers can thicken your hair.  Hair tends to become thinner over time if you are overlapping relaxers on your hair.  Overlapping relaxers happens when you relax previously relaxed hair.  By stretching your relaxer, your new growth becomes more prominent and therefore easier to see when applying the relaxer.
For a year I kept tinkering with Relaxer stretching. I had my haircut into a bob last year. This me on my birthday.

As cute as I was, I wanted to do something new with my hair. So I decided let me give this "grow my hair thing a try again" I kept seeing talk about relaxer stretching. I even followed a Stylist/Blogger Stretching Series named Latoya Jones on YouTube at the beginning of the year. So I decided I would try this. I would get to week 8 and slap on some chemical. Well my last relaxer was in February.

Well around week 5, I was blow drying my hair and decided that I going to do the stretch for real this time. 

So here I am at Week 6.

Usually I would be getting a relaxer. But Ms. Jones said it is safe to get a relaxer once you get have 2 inches of new growth. That usually takes 16 weeks (10 weeks passed  the usual retouch time) Now go look at a ruler. 2 inches!!! I barely had 3 centimeters. But I stuck in there. 

What did I use?

A Clarifying Shampoo (2x's)

A Moisturizing Shampoo (1x)

Conditioner (used Deep Conditioner once a month)

A 6 week Reversion Smoothing Serum (I like that brand. I tested another brand for another company (Can't tell the brand yet, still "testing". I hate it) (I take one week off and start again after every cycle)

Blow Dryer

Flat Iron 

Edge Control Stick

Two Satin Scarves (I like to flat iron my hair once a week. Hair does Not need that much heat. Plus I am lazy and like to sleep until the last minute. Satin scarves keep my hair in place and pretty straight)

Here is Week 7 (First week of the "stretch").

I got it pretty straight. It was cute. I felt like I can do this. This won't be so bad.

Week 9 was funny. I was going to my cousin's wedding. And I had sweated a lot in Line Dance Aerobics that week. I had been wearing my hair down and I didn't have time to wash my hair. So I put it up in a chignon and parted out some bangs to "hide" the new growth in the front. 

I was cute had on a "new to me" strapless dress. I debuted my "lollipop lips". You couldn't tell me nothing at my foundation church that night. 

Week 12 was where the work really kicked in. I was almost a month away. I washed my hair and  I couldn't find my any fake hair. So I had to wear my hair down. I had my niece & nephew's godfather's funeral to attend. Problem was I could stop sweating because the fan in my bedroom stop blowing the night before. I looked okay that day but by time for me to wash my hair. My hair was so big.

Yes, that hair is screaming wash me. Oh and yes, I got a new fan for my room. Sweat is the enemy of a relaxer stretch. Trust me!!! I don't sweat often but when I do...it pours from my body. I need an ice water I.V. just talking about it. LoL

Last week of the stretch. So I decide to take these pics of my last week before my relaxer. The first picture is where my new growth stops indicated by my finger (Yeah, I finger parted it. So it looks funny). The next two pictures is my hair wash, blow dried & flat ironed with a little bump. Don't be fool by the clean look. It's thick in there. I'm looking at the back. Once my stylist relaxes and trims my hair properly, my hair will probably not be as long as I envisioned it but it will be thicker and healthier. That's what is important. 

 

Well I ended up roller setting my hair. It has rain a few days this week so the weather is humid. I went to a outdoor event at the Fair Park so this hairstyle is perfect. 

 

I was at my one of best friend's we will call T.T., birthday event, the day after the out the outdoor event. My "little" brother, BJ said He now knew what I would look like with a natural and he approved. (He has Team Natural tendencies so yeah he gets side eye a lot). On the way to the venue I was concerned because my edges weren't  matching the curls in my eyes. But in this photo taken by my BFF, Love, my hair looked fine. Yeah My hair was ruling me for a moment. 

During the stretch I only wore my hair in 3 styles, a bumped wrap, updo, pulled back braided bun (bun is unraveling, need a new one), and a roller set. 

My tresses will be in the hands of my long time stylist, Adrienne. I've been with her 20 years, this year. I trust her. So what ever hairstyle she envisions will be my hairstyle. 

So are you ready for the reveal. Introducing Adrienne's "Betty Boop". But first look at me under the dryer. 

 
I don't like being under dryer. It's boring. I can't hear and if someone is talking to me I feel like I am screaming. Okay I'm stalling. Here is the style result of my first relaxer stretch.

 

I just pin curl it a night and as the curls fall I will wrap it. Do you like it? I do!!!

Will I do a relaxer stretch again? Yes!!! Unless it is an emergency, I'll go 16 weeks between relaxer touch ups from now on. My hair feels great and full. Got a little more length to the hair. I like the results.

I told you guys I followed the Relaxer Stretch tips from a Hair vlogger who is also Hairstylist. Her name is Latoya Jones. Her YouTube Channel is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkjr8TmEu7Hv_GvfWkpVYbw
Her Blog is http://www.latoyajonesblog.com/
She gives great tips and her Vlog is very helpful. Go Check her out.

Any other questions, leave them in the comments below or Email OUTSPOKEN DIVA at
c.out.spoken.diva@gmail.com

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Line Dance Music (African-American Music Month)

Oh the music & dance style that is appropriate for all ages, religions, creed, gender, sexuality, and races, Line Dance. I love to line dance. I even go (when I am focused) to line dance aerobic classes .They are always popular & trendy. Actually Line Dances never get old. I guess my first line dance was the "Hokey Pokey". LoL What? Oh you call that a Action Song. Ok semantics, semantics. Then my first official line dance was The Electric Slide. I am Shocked at anyone that can't do the The Electric Slide. Matter of fact that's how I realized I was judgmental. In middle school, during the dance portion of P.E., I couldn't believe and understand the kids that didn't know how to do the Electric Slide. LoL It was one of the respectable dances we were allowed to do a the youth socials at Foundation church. Foundation church was where I learned it. The teachers being the Youth Directors, including my own mother. I know, she's that kind of cool.

I am listing users on YouTube that I follow that give line dance instructions. I use them a lot especially when I feel to sluggish to go to aerobics but not so sluggish not to want to dance.
dallaslinedancing101
https://www.youtube.com/user/linedancingindallas/videos

Steph's Line Dancing
https://www.youtube.com/user/StephsLineDancing/videos

JandJSoulfulSteps
https://www.youtube.com/user/JandJSoulfulSteps/videos

linedancedr
https://www.youtube.com/user/linedancedr/videos

StepInTheNameOfLife
https://www.youtube.com/user/StepInTheNameOfLife/videos

thearchiebexperience
https://www.youtube.com/user/thearchiebexperience/videos

There so many line dances out there at this point. So here are a few of my current favorite songs. Same Ol' Two Step (Above) is my favorite of the current stuff. In my mind, I am the cutest person doing that dance. LoL It's so easy too.

Zydeco Bounce
http://youtu.be/rZFxt1tMgRs

Sanctified Slide (I can imagine if this was out when I was younger at the youth socials...)
http://youtu.be/yvmiEaRX1n8

Bunny Hop (Do y'all know I had been dancing to this song for years at parties and didn't notice the profanity until like 3 years ago. To Busy bopping, I guess LoL)
http://youtu.be/f3NtLug739E

Wobble
http://youtu.be/3lCJWB8JYbI

Hallelujah Slide
http://youtu.be/J751U2mpmAQ

Cupid Shuffle (He has a new dance (Wham Dance) and Yes, I'm learning it)
http://youtu.be/h24_zoqu4_Q

Gospel Slide
http://youtu.be/ecmfT6oH6ts

What are some of you favorites? Let me know in the comments. Alright get to dancing. Don't blame me when you're getting side eye and funny looks on the floor messing up the dances. LMBO

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Happy Birthday Miss Smiles!!!

Yeah, I did something cliche' for my birthday. LoL The last time my birthday was on a Monday, I turned __ and that is considered one of the "Big" ages. My family surprised me with an ice cream cake. Then I went out to eat with my BFF We will call "Love" for this blog and a former friend (Don't look at me crazy. If you read my blog you know my friendship temperaments). Dinner was winding down and I up and decided I wanted a Tattoo. I always wanted one (somewhere on my foot (most people around me don't have foot tattoos) or toe), a small Smiley Face but I never felt like it was ever the right time. Until then.

I might need to bring that hairstyle back

So off we go. I found the perfect one with assistance from the group, who are actually "Walking, Talking Pieces of Paper" themselves. The Perfect Smiley Face. So I got one.

Yes, I'm fast. I have on a skirt.
That skirt is slightly too big now and goes past my knees. LoL
#weightlossbrag

It hurt a little. Like a continual booster shot but then I can look at people putting those in my arm and not move. Finally, Miss Smiles was born.

Miss Smiles is a reminder that God Blessed me to live a "Happy Life". Why my foot? If my feet hurt, I hurt. LoL For some odd reason I get comfort in rubbing my feet. I have literally been going through and noticed myself rubbing my feet as I pray. Plus No One I know has one on their foot. Point Blank, that's the story.

Happy Birthday, Miss Smiles!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Proud to be a Dead Beat’s Daughter

I'm in a small population of people that does Not blame her absent father for the crappiness in her life. I am in a small population of people that Never longed or wanted her parents to be together again. I can’t want something that I never knew to happen. I know it’s weird to say but that is how I feel.

I don't live a bad life. All my needs have always met. I live a happy life. I am Blessed. I don’t see where having my father in my life would have made it better. Maybe if he was a better person maybe but he wasn’t. I actually think thing may have been worse. Even as a child, we (my siblings & I) were better off with a single mother. No fighting parents (stepparent for my siblings). I never experienced violence in our home. Matter of fact I maybe the most volatile person in my home. Which I was reminded by other family member that was something I inherited from him. I've seen other family members on my mother's side, he not the only family member I got from. LoL My mother never talked bad about my father. Actually unless she had to speak about him all she didn’t. But he (who I mostly saw by random accidents) talked bad about her and her family, the family that raised me. Especially my grandfather, who was my main father figure. I never liked that. He was not doing anything but vileness had the audacity to leave his lips. So by the time I was 21, I decided he & I didn't share values, goals & respect about life & people, so being in each other’s lives would not be likely. The last time I saw him was downtown on the bus stop on my way home from summer school during my undergrad days. I saw him and was about to speak when he said “What’s you name”? Most people would've went off. I didn’t. I told him, “Your daughter”. And like all other random times I would see him, he was fatherly. Even told me that I needed to get my grades up after telling him my average GPA. He didn't care much about school after high school. He was a Track & Field man. He eventually became a certified official for young people‘s track & field events (Yes, it’s were I get my love of the sport from). I guess wanted me to be the best I can be at what I chose to do. The last time I spoke to my father was a year before his passing when he called to tell me his mother died. He caught up on my life (college graduate & business owner) and finally sound less bitter at my mother and family.

In my blog post, The Decision has Been Made, Just Be Still I told you about my experience & feelings when my father passed away. I didn't go to the funeral. Why show up now and be daughterly in death and I was never that way in life. I respected & loved  him as the vehicle the Lord used to give me life. But I truly think that was all he was supposed to be. If I'm wrong I'll find out later. He was not the one of the people to raise me and get me to become viable citizen of this world. I guess that’s why I don’t blame his absence for any screw up I made in life. Many blame their absent parents, I can’t. I know enough about him to understand my physical & mental health. I just don't see how my life would be better if he had play a more active role in my life. I refuse to play the “should've, could’ve, would’ve” game with that part of my life. I think it is perfect as it is.

Well Father’s Day is coming up soon. Love on yours. My siblings & I will love on our mom. We always have on Father’s Day. I don’t remember not loving on her on that day. She still hasn't said what she wants for dinner. She has until Friday before I make an executive decision. LoL Part of my day will be giving well wishes to the Fathers I know. I think they might be my new Father figures. Umm, I will have to give that some serious thought. I’ll also remember my Father figures that are not here with me physically but in my heart. My grandfather, uncle, great-uncles and my Football Nerd will always be missed but Loved more.

And Yes, to you Dad, Happy Father's Day.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

No Cussing on the Internet

Today, I saw an upsetting article (Woman putting hair relaxer on their eyelashes) on FB. I spelled out a profane word when I shared the article and had to erase it because I remembered my personal rule of "No Cussing on the Internet".
I don't use profane language on the internet. No it's not a hypocrisy against my offline life. Cussing or cursing for me is a vice. I am a part of a cussing family. The S-word is like the first cuss word you learn in my family. Have you ever seen The Wire. Remember Senator Clay Davis extended S-word stretches? Yeah, him up there. He's kin to us. He has to be. He sound like my grandmother's sisters. LoL  By the time I was 10 years old, my mouth could go. I have even made up compound cuss words and phrases.(There are words (vulgar body parts (p-word, d-word, c-word) except the a-word (donkey) I don't say) Then one day with in the past 5-6 years I realized I sound not so cute in my verbiage sometimes. So I gave myself  a 5 cuss word a day limit. I try my hardest not to go over 5 profane words a day. Some days I make it. Some day I don't. I went a whole week without going over 5 profane a day. Then something happened (I know what. Just not sharing) and well that became the longest I have never went over the limit. So with the various stuff to be seen on the internet some albeit down right stupid, if I cussed on the internet I would never make my limit. I can use five words just on Hair Relaxer on Eyelashes easily. I know someone my age typing a-word, s-word, b-word and others seem silly. But it keeps me from a vice that I am trying to break. No yeah for me No Cussing on the Internet.

What is something you do offline that you don't do on the internet? Leave your answers in the comment section.

 As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interesting Dating…Ex’s

After the Long Distanced post, a reader asked me

I'm not J. Mac or his sister, I promise. I am just a nosy fan!

If J. Mac moved back, would you date him again?

My Long Distanced did and I'm just wondering...

So this blog post is born.

Ex’s has teetered that grey area many times. But every time I try to either date again off the Good Ex list or be friendly with one of the Bad Ex list, God put barriers there to stop me. So I decided I am “Queen No Backsies”.  So this post could easily be “Why I am Queen No Backsies”.

Okay, I'm going to try not to look gullible but as my mother says “We all have had some dark days in romance”. A Songwriter even said, “Everybody plays the fool sometimes”. There are two times that I tried to go back that stand out make me look very stupid. 

Once a Bad Ex text me a couple of years after I broke things off asking could he and I be friends. Either sleepiness or forgiveness made me say yeah and me being friends with him last all from Thanksgiving time until Christmas time. A Chosen Family member, who didn't know he had contacted me at all called me and dropped some knowledge about his actions while we were dating that blew me away. Christmas day he text me Merry Christmas and I sent him a “Nicety” message that didn’t tell him Happy Holidays. Well, on New Year’s Day he wished a nice one and I had to go intellectually crazy and say “Nicks the friends crap and leave me alone”. I got told to “Go to Hell” and as far as he is concerned that is where I am. He tried to speak when I was on my way to a massage last year and I didn't speak because I am where… Right!!! That’s a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Have you ever had a guy say he wanted to try again with you and literally forget? I have. Yep, and the dude is on the Good Ex’s list. All I said was I will give it some thought. I never told him when but I gave myself, 6 weeks. And I really did think. I went to one of my male BFF’s for advice and everything. I prayed. A week before I was to give my decision (that actually was going to be a “Let’s wait a while”) he call to see if I was still going to this major celebration that he had invited me to. So, I told him after that event, I'll give him my decision. He had no clue what I was talking about. I gave him the rest of the week to search his memory and figure out what I was talking about. The night before the event he called and finally asked me what did he forget. I went off and I didn't go to the event either. Our friendship took that swat and eventually repaired itself (weeks of silence). I decided to totally forgive him. So, if it was a knee-jerk reaction initially or total memory loss (He had a bad memory too), I won't ask and he better not tell me.

So “Queen No Backsies”, I will stay. Lessons learned. After Mr. Bad Memory, I don’t even entertain possibilities when any Ex. Friendship or absence only. New Guys to date only.

Oh, the song I posted, yeah I'm being funny. Enjoy!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms