The Inappropriate Use of Baby Mama & Baby Daddy (I Blame Pop Culture)

Can someone explain to me why everyone with a child is now a baby mama or a baby daddy? I don't understand how a negative term started describing all the bad & good parents.

I feel like pop culture doesn't know know the origins and characteristics of the terms.

Baby Daddy is the trifling biological father of a woman's child. One who is has never married or been in a long-term, intimate relationship with the child's mother This man does very little for the welfare of the child(ren)

Baby Mama is an irresponsible mother who has not married her child's father, She very neglectful to their children. Some even use the child as pawn to be in the man's life.

Baby Daddy Characteristics

• He makes All The Petty decisions (Made sure the kids have name brand clothes), But leaves The Hard Ones for the mom (Go to Parent/Teacher Conferences)
• Has to be told or remind to do his fatherly duties
• He pays child support and not a penny more. 
• He says the statements, "At least, I take care of my kids" "Hey, I'm trying to do right by y'all" or "I'm doing stuff most guys ain't doing"

Baby Mama Characteristics:

• Child Support pays for her name brand clothes & hair but the kids yet clean are dress in second hand clothes
• Has drama or get upset with the new/actual girlfriend, new/actual wife, father's family & father's friends
• She says, "I'm gonna always be around. I have his child".

Please note these of limited to traditional gender roles. These characteristics can reverse genders, also.
These are also not the same people as Deadbeat Parents. Though thought to be similar, deadbeats do nothing for their children. Some act as though they do not have any children. Baby Daddies & Mamas do at least the bare minimum required to raise a child.

And if you follow U.S. tabloid media, the terms baby mama and baby daddy have even begun to be applied to married and engaged celebrities. I remember when Kanye West & Kim Kardashian were interchangeably called those terms before they were married. Yet, they were in a relationship.  Maybe it is for the popular gains. There is a show on ABC Family about a guy who is raising his child (result of a one night stand) that was left at his door. What is the name of this show?
Maybe because so little worth is thought of single parents that even famous celebrities don't even think much of themselves. I still cringe at this song by R&B singer Fantasia.

Here is a woman raising her child the best she can and she still refers herself as a Baby Mama. Refers to this song as an anthem. Well, I am a non-parent so, I won't feel the need to sing it at all.

A Term people used to describe the negative acting mothers or fathers of illegitimate children, is now in general use to describe any single parent, Are these terms so tainted that pop culture does not understand? Maybe because it is a easy to say term and if paired with our microwave, impatient culture, it just became a term easier to call these people,

• Mother of the/my Child
• Father of the/my Child
• Boyfriend
• Girlfriend
• Fiance'
• Ex Wife
• Ex Husband
• Widow
• Widower

even if they are positive behaving people raising children.

Even the sanctity of marriage does not save one being called these terms. Oh trust me, I have even heard a married cousin refer to his wife as his baby mama. I also know for a few ex-wives to refer to their ex-husbands as baby daddies.

I know it's just me. And I will be the lone person not using the terms Baby Daddy or Baby Mama unless it is to speak of a single parent engaging in negative behavior while raising their children. A responsible single mother & father are respectable people with children. They are just not married for whatever reason. Works a job (or few) to make sure that the bills are paid and the children are taken care of. They don't care about the new people in the other parent's life and are polite (at least until the girlfriend or boyfriend or spouse becomes disrespectful). They support the children and their needs. They don't cause unnecessary problems. They let the other parent see the kids (if the other parent are responsible) They are just out there trying to do the right thing by the children and that is the most important thing. Single Mothers & Fathers goes to their kids' schools to really find out about how they are doing and not to cause ruckus or problems by trying to fight the teacher. They interact with their kids frequently whether they do or don't live in the home. Just like married parents. Actually is it amazing how some married parents have characteristics like the original definition of baby daddies & baby mamas. Interesting!

Images like this

will Never be acceptable to me. They need to hold signs that say Parents or Mama & Daddy. 

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Nothing is Taboo on the Internet (I Blame Pop Culture)

We talk about Everything on the World Wide Web. I said We. So, I am included also. Pop Culture is to blame. Pop Culture makes us feel like we have an opinion about all that every is & was. Pop Culture encourages us to talk, share & post it all.

Earlier this week articles & blog post popped up about a teacher who posted to Facebook this picture

with the caption,

“One of my students came to school today with her hair full of knots, lent, and ridiculously tangled,” she wrote. “So my classroom became a salon. I refused to let her leave school today the same way she came.”

Articles also say When she finished, she says the little girl took a look at herself and said, “aww, so pretty” at the sight of her new ‘do.

*sigh* I'm not upset with the teacher for doing the child's hair. I don't know why the child came to school with unruly hair. Her parent may have arthritis. My mother does and that is why I wore my hair in one ponytail most days going to school until 5th grade. The child might be "tender headed" and the parent just could Not deal with it this morning. The child could have been in a fight before school. The teacher didn't give her a relaxer and change the texture, I'm okay. Unlike the popular reasons for talking about this classroom situation, that's what I am going to speak on.

I'm not okay with her posting her deed to social media. I said it on Twitter. As far as I am concerned, she is as bad as anyone who knew the child was walking around with uncombed, lint filled, did nothing, and talk bad about the child. My problem is she still had something to say, publicly. If she was going to do a good deed, do the deed, and Shut Up. What if it was a parent that was not physically able to comb the childs hair. See your child's hair combed, Thanked the teacher and find out she had all this to say. Now a whole huh bub could be started because of the posts tone.. If the teacher's intent was to make the child look nice, then just let it be so. Whether it was on a private page or not someone saw it and it's being talked about. The teacher, the child's hair and the parent(s) are being talked about. Should it have been.

Alright, on my way to talk about the Teacher and the hair deed, I came across this article, "Woman’s Instagram Post Proves Men Are Lying When They Claim to be “Too Big for Condoms”.

Yes, a popular Swedish singer Zara Larsson went on Instagram and proved to men and women that a condom will fit every man's penis.

This time last year y'all were doing it for the Vine, this lady is doing it for the 'Gram. LoL I get it. Maybe that will help someone tell a guy with lie that they won't be having sex with them. Safe Sex or No Sex. But she felt that needed to turn to social media to get the point across. WoW Is it me or did you think about latex knee highs when you saw this? LoL

I told y'all last year I learned that, Pettiness is subjective. With the invention of this big party called social media, no subject is off limits. Pop Culture mixes the punch bowls. It is up to us whether we are going to drink from them or not. It is up to us to decide how much we drink. I just want people to drink of the punch responsibly. Be mindful that just like you felt like you should talk about something in your way somebody else might feel they can talk about your way of talking about that same topic. Is it worth it?

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Hi in 2015

Happy New Year!!!

I hope 2015 found you well & joyous. 2015 found me listening to a great sermon from Bishop T.D. Jakes. That should not be shocking. I've NEVER "partied" on NYE. I've either been

• On My Way to a Party (long story)
• Home
• Church
• At Home watching/streaming Church 

He really poured into me. He came from the subject "Not a New year But a New Normal" (Deuteronomy 2:1-3). He said he didn't give us half of what he planned. So, I can't wait to see what more he preaches on within the coming year.

Of course you guys can expect my random musing that you have come to like, love or tolerate. Yes, I know I need to finish the "What I Wear" Series. It is now Jean season so that will the next post  in that series. One of my beloved web shows "That Guy" released a movie. I will probably will do a review on that soon. All I will say is That is was so good. Oh and Diva's eye candy list might grow because of a character on there. Yes, I will still be ranting about Pop Culture's impact on our lives.

And yes, I did get a relaxer mid-December. I got a few emails about a hair update.

I flipped it. I don't care if the flip is Not the current trend. I Look great in a flip. . Next relaxer is "planned" for mid-June. Around my birthday, like last year. My hair has grown. It is lying on my collar in the back and chin length on the sides

So again Happy New Year!!!
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Top 5 Things 2014 Taught Me

2014 taught me a lot this year. Most of it, I already Knew but still needed to Learn. Sooo, here are my top 5 lessons gained this year.

Sums up 2014 for me the Best

5. Everybody is Petty about something
Pettiness is subjective.What is trivial to someone else is significant to someone else, But to complain about what some feel passionately about is bogus. For example,  I bothers me to hear people over the age of 25 complain about the haters. Umm if you get that old, you should know they come with life. But haters knowing their place is important for some and it should not be me tell them it's trivial.

4. When God wants you present, You WILL Be Present
Tried to sleep in with grief or tiredness, a few Sundays. Keyword: Tried. Who was up to at least watch service online? Who walked in the church without a thought of feeling tired? Me!!!

A few important events I wanted to opt out of just because I didn't feel like it. Before I could even create an excuse, there was somebody calling me with greater reasons why I will be there


3. Even with the smallest requests or concerns, God will Show up & Show out
Wanted God to show me other avenues to positive messages, quotes, & saying into my life. Everyday I receive some kind of message.

Thought it was some things I would have to give up & never see again because they were correlated to events & people. Keyword: Thought

2. Your Life does Not stop Life
Twice this year I let worry, grief and taking care of others make me forget to do a Monthly Budget. Let your business creditors have to call you, you will remember.

I let worry replan My Birthday Plans. I let grief almost cancel My Birthday Plans.

I let worry tell people, No  Am I shocked that they go on without me? Nope!!!

1. Another Definition of Grace
I realize I am not entitled to love. I am not entitled to being loved. Everyone who loves me is a Blessing ~ Carolyn Myss

Told y'all God opened new avenues to positive messages. My Bestie Boo, LJ put a video up of a prayer containing that quote on his FB timeline and I was floored. God's grace is the love and mercy given to us by him because he desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it. God commanded us to "Love one another, As I have loved you, so you must love one another", in John 13:34 (New International Version (NIV)). .If  we have not actually earned God's grace, we can't think we have earned his beloveds children's either. All the love I receive daily from people is not an automatic sanction they must give me. It is not for me to dictate how they love me. I knew this but to hear it said was an "Ah Ha", a "Light Bulb", & a "My God" moment wrapped it one.

So here's to 2014 it taught me well. Wonder what 2015 will teach me?

Whatever it is, I'll be taking notes.

As Always,  Talking to You in Adult Terms

Alright It's Time (Cosby Allegations)

Y'all have noticed it has been some serious topics in the current pop culture headlines I have not spoke about. The Bill Cosby Rape/Drugging Allegations is one of those headlines. I was waiting on a few certain events to happen. Today, I finally heard what I waiting on. So now I will give my two cents.

Yes, like many of us I was shocked when it all first came out. I hate to hear about rape & molestation stories, period. Then to hear Bill Cosby to possibly be involved in these horrendous acts. It make me frown.

The number of women accusing him rises every week. The stories about him being a secretly known philanderer that is quick to unzip his pants in the entertainment industry.

And unlike another accused rapist, Cee-Lo Green (who I have unfanned him liked R. Kelly),  Cosby is being quiet. Except to speak on how his wife (who is kind of vague in speaking about her feeling at this point) is taking it all of this

"Love and the strength of womanhood. Let me say it again, love and the strength of womanhood. And, you could reverse it, the strength of womanhood and love.

and how expects neutrality of the black media.

"I only expect our black media to uphold the standards of excellent journalism. And when you do that, you go in with a neutral mind."

Now, I am also not saying all the women are liars. I will never ask any of these question.

-Why are they saying something decades later?

Because these women (if not lying) are a part of decades of the silent victim era (I made that term up). Victims of rape and other abusive crimes are now encouraged to talk about it now. And some encouragement, people are still asking rape victims disbelieving questions.

-Where is the proof?

Who keeps decades old proof? Again unless there is a film reel of the encounter yet to appear, I doubt any of the alleged victims have proof. And if any of the accusers have a Bill Cosby semen stained item...I leave that alone.

-What are the victims motives?

Maybe to get the truth (if it is) out. Just because a court can't try him, doesn't mean can could be guilty. If he did do these horrendous acts, it needs to be known. At least if it is known, this can be avoided some. People know what to be aware. He offers a lady a drink maybe she needs to decline.

I won't ask any of that. Actually those are a few reasons why people (women & men) don't report rape.

So, what was I waiting on? Bill Cosby prides himself on being charitable to the field of education. I felt like if anything would hurt him the most, would be the day the schools he and his wife give to sever ties because of allegations.

When I saw alma mater, Temple pull away, with the news of his resignation from the Board of Trustees, I knew the proverbial dominos would start to fall. I really had interest in watching for one of the Cosby benefitted HBCUs to pull back. Let's face it, Historically Black Colleges & Universities don't have the funding most public & pricier private schools get. So, if a HBCU cut away even an inch it would scream MAJOR to me. That means they would have to walk away from lot of needed dollars. Money that maybe hard to replace. Money that might shut a department or some departments down. Well, Spelman yelled and I heard them.

The historically black, liberal arts women’s college in Atlanta indefinitely suspended the William and Camille Olivia Hanks Cosby Endowed Professorship, which was funded by a $20 million gift by the Cosbys in 1987.

“The current context prevents us from continuing to meet these objectives fully. Consequently, we will suspend the program until such time that the original goals can again be met.”

Spelman College didn't say whether it would change the name of its academic center, which also bears Cosby’s name. We shall see. I heard that scream and I tweeted about it.

The rapper, Nelly swiped a ATM card down the butt of a female dancer in one of his videos.

The women of Spelman felt that degrading to women. They would not let him have blood marrow drive, in order to find a match for his ailing sister on their campus until they sat down and had a talk. Nelly didn't want to talk and no blood marrow drive was had. If they took a stand on that you know something was going to be done about the Cosby allegations. Spelman had to protect their image. Their value could not be based the money on a possible criminal (if the allegations are true) or a possible philanderer (if they are not true but he had least slept with any if not all the accusers). $20 million dollars is a lot of money to give up. But the principles & standards this college stands for should be worth much more. Spelman has started detachment from the Cosbys, will Morehouse College & Fisk University and others join them? It will be an interesting narrative if they do.

Like I said I don't know what to truly believe at this point. I only want to believe in the truthful facts.

Whether the truth comes out on this or the other side of God's glory, it will come out. As an educated person, it just hurts to see  any higher institutions of learning having to make these kind of decisions. Decisions based on possible vile & vulgar acts towards humanity. I guess no one associated with this case will walk away unscathed.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Favorite Christmas Song & Other Beloved HoildayTunes

Well, in my home it is almost time for me to put up the Christmas tree.

I Photobombed them last Christmas

Alura & Monkey Toes reminded me this past weekend. Monkey Toes kept asking me did I need help this year. I told him I will let him know.
A few years ago they had to help me put the tree up. I was battling an arthritic attack & a cold most of that December. So, when my sister needed me to watch them that Saturday,

I put them to work. LoL They had fun.

Christmas is at my Grandmother's home. I stay there also so, pretty much do most of the cleaning & decorating. Christmas is not my favorite holiday. Avid readers of this blog know it is Easter. Christmas is a little tiring.  But I do keep up some of the traditions of my childhood. The tree goes up on the 2nd Sunday of December. It was the only Sunday we didn't have a church program.

That chair my brother is sitting on, We still have it.

When I was a child, I had a crew. My younger cousin D.D., my sister A, and myself with my brother G as our cheerleader and my youngest aunt (D.D.'s mom (Let's call her, Stump on here)) as the supervisor put the tree. We had so much fun. Yes, those are candy canes on the tree. We still put those on the tree, Christmas morning.

I already have this year's dozen. Come to my house and you will see a few 30+, 40+,  & 50+-year-old people tackle the tree after gifts are exchanged to get to the candy canes.

Another tradition is playing Christmas music while putting the tree up and cooking Christmas dishes. G loves Christmas music. One year it was February before we could turn it off. My grandfather would put on records and cassettes all during December. We would just bop around the house to the beats. Now it might be traditional to play music but we rarely heard the standards like "Jingle Bells" or "Frosty the Snowman". We listened to "Christmas Blues" by the Ramsey Lewis Trio & "Merry Christmas, Baby" by BB King. My grandfather & I Only wanted to hear "Santa Baby" sung by Eartha Kitt. We would sneer our noses up at Madonna's version. LoL My mother loved "Silent Night" by The Temptations. My grandmother would tap her toes to the Fairfield Four sing "Last Month of the Year". My grandfather with his deep bass voice would start singing. Stump and A would bring out their records and tapes too. Soon we would be grooving to "This Christmas" by Donny Hathaway & "Give Love on Christmas Day" both Jackson 5 & New Edition versions. Yep, Stump thought the Jacksons sang it best & A thought Ralph & them crooned it better. Eventually, rap tunes were introduced, and "Christmas in Hollis" by Run DMC was added to the list. One year in high school, I bought my grandmother, Handel's Messiah: A Soulful Celebration. Well, the "Hallelujah Chorus" became a household favorite. And over the years I have added newer tunes to my playlist. When "Joy to the World" by Whitney Houston & the Georgia Mass Choir comes on, I have to stop decorating and direct my imaginary choir. LoL I also added some comedic Christmas songs and other holiday songs commemorating Chanukah & New Year's Eve. Oh and like K-nock of the Quad City DJs, I still want a man with a lot of money like she requested in "What You Want For Christmas".

Now out of all those songs and more that are played during December, my favorite is sung by many but the Reba McEntire version is the one I love. It is "Mary Did You Know". I love this song. It is not Christmas until I hear this song. This song makes you think. I really could ask Mary all of this if I had the chance.

When she looked at little Jesus asleep on the hay did really know she gave birth to Greatness. We all know she knew what manner of man he was once he got older. She herself asked him to fix the wine issue at the wedding. But this song asks Mary about her mindset shortly after she delivered a healthy bundle of joy. Most mothers are full of joy as she probably was. This song just asks Mary had she really realized the depth of her conversation with Gabriel the Angel. 

When she saw the angel, she was troubled at his words. She thought about what had been said. The angel said to her, “Mary, do not be afraid. You have found favor with God. See! You are to become a mother and have a Son. You are to give Him the name Jesus. He will be great. He will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give Him the place where His early father David sat.  He will be King over the family of Jacob forever and His nation will have no end.” Mary said to the angel, “How will this happen? I have never had a man.” The angel said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come on you. The power of the Most High will cover you. The holy Child you give birth to will be called the Son of God. Luke 1:29-35

This song wonders if while she was counting his ten fingers and toes and enjoying the moment with Joseph did she take into account the things a few but especially Isaiah prophesied about.

Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honor Galilee of the nations, by the Way of the Sea, beyond the Jordan— The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. Isaiah 9:1-2

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 

It's just an honest song full of questions for Mary but also full of the wondrous acts of Jesus Christ. It tugs at my heart and yeah I really want to know "Mary Did You Know"?

So, on this 2nd Sunday of December, I will put up our family's Christmas tree. Probably start moving furniture Friday night.As long as I have my Christmas mug full of tea or cocoa, my tunes & my memories of yore, I will get it done. Oh if you want to hear some of what is on my playlist go to the LINK and bop along with G & me. Yeah, he's still the cheerleader waiting on the lights to come on. 

What's your favorite Holiday song(s)? Let me know in the comments. 

Happy Holidays to you all!!! 

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Favorite Christmas Movie

Told you in the post about my favorite Christmas TV ad to be on the lookout for my favorite Christmas movies & songs. So here is the post on "Scrooged".

I'll say it again I am a fan of a few, very few remakes & reboots. Scrooged, a modernized version of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol is one of those few. I Love this movie!!! It came out in the late 80s and it gives me warm memories of my childhood with my older sister Aunja, my cousin D.D. and I watching it on cable. Even as a child, I got the jokes.

Basically, Frank Cross, played by Bill Murray controls a US TV station that is preparing a live adaptation of Dickens' Christmas Carol. Frank's childhood wasn't a particularly loving one, and so he doesn't really appreciate the Christmas spirit. With the aid of the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future, Frank understands he must change. It has a Marly character.
The Bob Cratchit character is played by Alfre Woodard and she has a mute son named Calvin instead of a Tiny Tim on crutches.
Of course, there are the ghosts.

Past

Present

Future

My favorite ghost is Present. The little fairy knocked the crap out of Frank Cross to get his attention. Oh, she pokes him in the eye, punches him in the jaw, and bashes him with a toaster.

If Carol Kane can act in all the movies she wants, she will always be the Ghost of Christmas Present to me. This movie also was packed with the all-stars of the time. Buddy Hackett from Beverly Hillbillies, Olympian Mary Lou Retton, Jazz artist Miles Davis & David Sanborn, and even the Solid Gold Dancers

(I'm telling my age. LoL).

"Scrooged" also dealt with some social issues that are still very relevant today.

Corporate Greed

Unemployment

Homelessness

A Struggling widow trying to make ends meet

Childhood Mutism

How to get antlers to stay on a mouse LoL

The movie may be dated, now but no one can dispute that "Scrooged" has the best endings ever. I mean with the great song "Put a Little Love in Your Heart" by Al Green & Annie Lennox in it (Hear my jam HERE), how can it Not be the best. Spoiler Alert!!! A touching moment with Tim and somebody goes to heaven.

Again I Love this Movie. Yes, I will be watching it this holiday season. I own it!!!

Another Great Christmas movie from my childhood that I love is

"The Best Christmas Pageant Ever"!!! Cute movie!!! The Herdmans are the worst children in history! They use profanity, they smoke, they torture animals and other people. Oh, and they want to be in the Christmas pageant at church, even though they have never heard the story of Christmas. This movie is the epitome of the true meaning of Christmas. You can find it on YouTube or DVD.

Well, that leaves My Favorite song to post. I'll give you a hint! Reba McEntire sings it. Leave your answers in the comment box. Oh, and What are your favorite holiday movies? 

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms