ShowsHerKnees78 Wears Nine West(Answering Questions)

It's questions like these that make me know you guys actually pay some attention sometimes. Thank you for doing that.

Q: Tried to find you on Churchy Date & you're not there. Do you feel like this is a dating site for you?

A: This question came from the social media site where people know me by my biological name, Facebook. I asked the person if I could answer them on here and they said Yes. I made a post on Facebook & Twitter about a dating site in its beta stages called Churchy Date. I also saw social media comedians Anna Douglas, Anthony Davis, and KevOnStage joke about & promote it. (You know the drill. Hover & click their names for a chuckle) I won't say I'll never be on it, but it's too new for me at this time. I prefer a more seasoned dating site like Offline land. Oh, you will never find me on any online dating site under OUTSPOKEN_DIVA or my churchy joke of a user name, ShowsHerKnees78(Yes, there is a story behind it).

ShowHerKnees78

I have another safer name for me to find love/like on the internet. And if I ever make a profile on Churchy Date, I will be looking for my Adam to be a member, possible assistant Bible teacher of the Brotherhood/Men's Ministry/Male Fellowship that sometimes makes cakes, fries the fish & BBQs for the church outings & dinners. He also prays, believes in the Trinity, is not showy but faithfully pays his tithes and offering & has a mean war cry. Hey, in a few posts on here, I told you guys I don't want to date a pastor, deacon, minister, usher, musician, trustee, or armor bearer. And I mean it.

Q: Are you boycotting Burberry, Katy Perry, Gucci & Prada?

A: Katy Perry gets a side eye and an L from me. I won't boycott her brand, though. I saw the infamous black shoes in beige and I think they were victims of racist circumstance. Glad I didn't reorder any Prada Candy & Burberry Weekend fragrances, because I am against the Prada zipper monkeys in blackface and Burberry noose wear. When have ropes fashioned to kill someone been stylish?

Oh well, Old Navy finally put plus size clothing back in brick & mortar stores, so other brands I like took its place. I've never bought any Gucci items. But I won't ever buy any until they fully get their act together. I don't end a boycott because of apologizes. I'll boycott until I see real action. I have yet to step foot in Ulta because until I hear they aren't wiping off used makeup & reselling it as new. Until these pricier brands get culturally smarter minds on their design & marketing teams, I will not buy their stuff. And I guess if Nine West decides to be problematic, I will stop purchasing their wears when they are two seasons past trend.

Yeah, I just had 2 questions & answers. Remember if you guys send me questions, I'll answer. So, send them to C.OUT.SPOKEN.DIVA@gmail.com and I will answer what I can, as I can.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

All Behind a Phone Number

693-6077 is my fake phone number. I go by the name Shelia or Kelly, depending on the atmosphere. I'm not a pop culture defined baddie or sexy woman and even I many times when with others leave restaurants or night events with my phone powered down or hidden and turn it on once I am in the car. One of the reasons why is in the video below. And believe it or not, men like this are out there. And few people are addressing them about their actions.

So, Melvin has a problem. He got upset because a lady he met didn't call or text him back within hours of him calling her. What if the "she" he called was busy doing anything other than waiting for his phone correspondence? She went to sleep. She watched TV.  She went to church for a night service. She went to class. Like this female humans couldn't possibly have a life. And even if she was blowing him off, his voicemail rant didn't make him more mature or nicer than her. He just looks like a butthurt a-hole.

*deepest of sighs* Again there are many Melvins out there. Melvins are just men who somehow, someway, think they are entitled to your social time. Melvin doesn't want to wait. And Melvin doesn't handle rejection well. Melvin can look like any man out there. Melvins can be our relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, postmen, bus drivers, sandwich makers, cashiers, CEO of companies, HR managers, or any type of male people in our lives.

Dating interactions are a gamble. But do you pitch a fit at the dealer win you lose at the craps table? We all know Melvin. But how many of us are helping Melvin stop this behavior in a healthy & helpful manner? Sorry, teasing is not really constructive to Melvins, in my opinion. Yeah, I don't imagine seeing a lot of those stories popping up in the comment section & inbox.

But I know too many ladies like me who find it necessary to have a fake name & number system in order to feel a little safer in this world. These stories are becoming too common. And Melvin's behavior could get worse. He left a message to one lady. There was a lady who lost her life because she rejected a man's advances.

Oh, and Melvin happened in Offline land.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

A Short Overlooked Black History Month Fact

That is my favorite quote to kick off the beginning of February, Black History Month(BHM). It says so much to what we Americans are learning & still need to learn about Black culture & history. I grew up to beam with pride during this month. There are several posts on here where I credit BHM for helping me come to terms with my nerd self. There is also a post HERE about my upset with black folks who don't know & mumble the words to "Lift E'ery Voice and Sing", the Black National Anthem. Well, it has a twin in a complaint that makes me want to shake my people. "Black History Month is celebrated in February, the shortest month in the year". *insert a deep sigh* Guess what? There is a simple reason for that. And it has everything to do with a man, but not The Man.

Carter Godwin Woodson was an American historian, author, journalist who was one of the first scholars to study African-American history. Woodson is also considered the "father of black history". In February 1926, he launched the celebration of "Negro History Week", the precursor of Black History Month. Black History Month was founded on February 1, 1970, by Black United Students and Black educators at Kent State University.

Woodson pioneered the celebration of "Negro History Week" designated for the second week in February, to coincide with the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln(February 12, 1809) and Frederick Douglass(February 14, 1818). Lincoln freed the slaves when he was President. Douglass was a black national leader of the abolitionist movement. And since the late 19th century, black communities had celebrated the birthdates together.

And that is the short, simple reason why Black History Month is celebrated in February. Also, a reason why "Lions need Historians". That simple fact keeps getting lost in the shuffle. We must remember & teach others that fact while we study & celebrate Black history every single day of our lives.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Is Your Self-Love in the Air

First, let me talk about some observations I noticed for this time of the year. Went to happy hour recently and there were tickets to a "Bitter Ball" on the table in our booth for Friday, February 9, 2019. I guess they are trying to help hook folks up by the 14th. My friends and I shook our heads, snarkily chuckled and said, "Nobody is going to that". The next day, I saw Galentine's Day cards while shopping. And there is February 15th that is declared by some as Single Awareness Day.  Now, many complain that Valentine's Day is a commercialized holiday created by greeting card companies. *sigh* Looks like the money-oriented are trying to hone in on the singles also this time of the year.

No matter which day you celebrate or who celebrate with it, it won't truly feel good unless you have Self-Love. Yep, it is time for my yearly post about it. And apparently with something called a Bitter Ball popping up, somebody needs it. And as long as I see an obvious need, I will post about it.

Are you "clichèing" or defining Love?

Y'all know I love a good quote. But many folks are misused or half-heartily ruling too many lives.

Nothing like someone saying "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", to justify their crappy unloving BS. I bet if Worst & Best were defined and the whole quote was actually used, something in our lives can be identified.

Have you ever define yourself as Love.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I listed a definition of Love that is provided in the Bible. There are also some very good non-Christian definitions out there, this is the one I like. Personalize it with replacing Love with your Name(and it). Then write it down in a prayer journal or a piece of paper taped to your bathroom mirror to remind yourself, You are Love.

What unloving habits could you work on?

When you feel down in the dumps what unhealthy thing do you turn to?  Drink too drinks that aren't water. Soullessly eating snacks & desserts while looking at the TV and social media. Call someone up just to gossip & backbite.

Try doing the opposite. Write about positive things in a journal. Turn on some music videos on Youtube and dance. Nobody is watching, so let loose. And replace one soda, glass of wine, shot of liquor, or whatever and drink a cup of water. Those are baby steps, but imagine taking those steps day by day.

Yes, it is work. So is making a playlist to sit and blubber with every weekend. So is making an online dating profile that has one picture of you and four snarky dating memes. So is watching & listening to "desirable in the looks department" personalities talk about a generalized love day after day. But we do it. So, why not put in some other kind of self-love work?

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms.

Talking Will Be Talking (Answering Questions)

So, here is the thing about the question and answer posts, you have to send questions for me to answer. But those who asked was I ever making another Q&A post, here is one for you.

Q: I saw you say that you were fighting the urge to talk about a pastor named, John Gray. Why?

A: *sigh* It hasn't even been a full year of being a pastor, and a lot of personal issues have come up for The Grays.  When John Gray said his wife, Aventer "birthed" him on a talk show and wife got very upset at any criticism, I had a feeling there was more to the story. And it has been. An expensive car was bought as an anniversary gift.

Now, there is an admission of infidelity on his part and the lady may be pregnant. And his wife standing at church blaming the devil for her husband cheating on her. *sighing again* I know a loving wife shouldn't publicly admonish her husband. But what she did, looked foolish in my opinion. The devil did his job, her husband didn't do his. I actually wish The Grays step down and do the real work for redemption & family healing out of the public's eye. I think that would show true Christian leadership.

Q: Do you believe the Gillette ad for men to better men was marketing or impact?

A: Time will tell why Gillette made the ad that strongly encourages the ending of toxic masculinity. When we see that Gillette start mentoring programs & also give to positive existing programs that are teaching boys non-toxic ways to manhood, that will tell the True intent.

Alright, all of you who ask me for my definitions of terms that I use in the dating world. You won't have to wait until I write a memoir for a glossary for these particular words. Some rap/ BHM model guy who sent me a follower request on Instagram(IG) had this on his page.

It is such a Godsend. Since high school, I thought these terms were universal. Oh well, study, understand, and use them correctly in your lives. Your rapports & relationships would love you for doing so.

Ok, that's all the questions & answers. Please remember these type of posts can only exist if you guys send me questions to answer. So, send them to C.OUT.SPOKEN@gmail.com and I will answer what I can, as I can.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!!!!

I Got the Tea(OUTSPOKEN_DIVA'S Favorite Recipes)

I am a tea drinker. Coffee smells great but tastes like poison. Cocoa is delicious but too high in calories to drink all the time. Soda is high in sodium and I am constantly trying to kick that addictive monkey out my life. Tea is a perfect balance. I like hot tea. I like iced tea. Oh, I am a Texan and hate sweet tea. I like my iced tea sweetened and with lemon.

Y'all can keep those dark glucose water experiments that keep being served everywhere. My favorite flavored tea is Peach. The best tea at a restaurant is Wendy's Honest Tropical Green Tea. I think Celestial Seasonings tastes the best, yet I am not a brand loyalist to any tea company. Recently, I was asked by my cousin, Janette(blog name) & her friends for tea recipes and this post idea was born.

My life with tea started young. My grandmother was a part of a garden club and her church's mission society. She hosted & went to many teas. Sometimes the grandchildren were with her and we learned to conduct ourselves in tea party culture. We also learned how to prepare teas. My favorite tea I learned was Friendship Tea. It is a very tangy tea. I liked the non-instant recipe better than the instant. That is the one I will post. But both are simple to make.

Friendship Tea

Ingredients

• 1 tbsp Lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1 orange pekoe tea bag(black tea)
• 2 tsp sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp orange breakfast drink mix(I've used Tang)

Directions:

1. In small pot combine water, lemon juice, cloves, cinnamon Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove pot from the heat.
2. Add the tea bag and let steep for 5 minutes. 
3. Add the sugar & orange drink milk and stir to dissolve.
4. Serve hot.

He is probably the most consistent man in life. My cousin, D.D. introduced him because our favorite Star Trek commander, Jean Luc Picard hung with him. Earl Grey is a smooth & comforting black tea. His bergamot & orange notes hug me so tight. And when I turn him into a latte, it is like he is using the milk as a blanket he is wrapping around me with both his arms.

London Fog Latte
Ingredients

• 1 earl grey tea bag
• 1/2 cup hot water
• 1/2 cup milk(I prefer 1% or unsweetened vanilla almond)
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
  

Directions:

1. Add hot water and tea bag to a mug. Steep for a few minutes or until desired strength is reached, then discard the tea bag.
2. While the tea is steeping, add milk to a microwave-safe jar that comes with a lid. Secure the lid.
3. Vigorously shake for a minute or until the milk foamy. Remove the lid. 
4. Microwave the uncovered milk until hot, about 30 seconds, and the foam will separate from the milk and rise to the top. Use immediately.
5. Add sugar and vanilla extract to the mug, stirring until dissolved. 
6. Pour the frothed milk on top, spooning the milk foam to top. Serve while hot.

Oh "I Don't Drink Tea" readers I didn't leave you out. I don't always drink tea as tea. And the best way to not-drink drink it is as lemonade. I rarely drink at coffee & tea spots but I will admit they have some very creative & tasty drinks. I had Lavender Tea Lemonade once one summer and I had to create it so I could have it at home. I am a fan of the calming effects of lavender. Hot tea with lavender helps me to sleep. In a cold beverage, it does soothe my anxiety and nerves during warm & hot weather.

Lavender Tea Lemonade

Ingredients:

• 6 cups boiling water
• 4 lavender tea bags(I've used Yogi)
• 3 cup room temperature water
• 2 cups sugar
• 3 cups lemon juice plus 1 lemon, thinly sliced

Directions:

1. Pour the boiling water over the tea bags in a heatproof container and let steep for 5 minutes. Remove the tea bags and allow the tea to cool.
2. Combine the sugar with the room temperature water in a measuring cup or bowl and stir until the sugar dissolves to make a syrup.
3. Pour the lemon juice into a vat or large pitcher, add the syrup and tea and stir. 
4. Add the lemon slices.
5. Chill for 4-8 hours to let the flavors develop, then serve.

So, that's my tea on tea. By the time I post this, I may be drinking a cup of tea. Tea is less caffeinated than coffee. I'm told it is reducing my risk of stroke and heart attack. I just know I like tea. And it seems to like me back.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

I Survived Y'all Watching Surviving R. Kelly

It is horribly sad to me that it took a docuseries to finally open more eyes to R. Kelly the abusive pervert. It is horribly sad that many only watched the docuseries as gossip fodder. It is horribly sad some still use his song titles to make nasty jokes. It is horribly sad there are still defenders for R. Kelly.

I didn't watch Surviving R. Kelly. Like watching movies about slavery & Jim Crow, I knew it would be very triggering for me to do so. I also knew even if I fled social media (and I did), hot spots of it would still land on my timelines that would further prove why I shouldn't ever watch this docuseries. Yeah, I "saw the tape" those years ago via Limewire

and because I don't believe in the "Fast Girl" narrative, I had to purge myself from my fandom of R. Kelly and any of his music. I used to love Reuben Studdard's "I Need an Angel" & I found out who wrote the song. Well like The Clark Sisters song said, "I've Got An Angel" to help not to be a fan. I now refuse to separate the music from the man.

But if this docuseries help you to understand the pain of the victims of R. Kelly's abuse, I hope you understand it is not just supporting his work that is proof you understand.

.

• The "Fast Girl" narrative promotes abuse.
• Believe Any victim's claim of abuse enough for you to at least investigate and call the police.
• Stop sweeping the true stories under the rug. Call the authorities. Get these victims some Real help. And petition to make stronger and tougher punishments.
  
• Know that adult/child dating, "romantic", sexual relationships are wrong. If you know an adult still trying to date teenagers, why do you still know them?
• Stop bringing up when will Woody Allen, Harvey Weinstein, or Catholic priests will get docuseries. Do they need one for the masses to believe them? You know that answer. Surviving R. Kelly is because the masses didn't believe the "controversy". Only a few did.

And you have now survived my hot take on this matter.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!