Toxic Church Lady Syndrome

I am just going right in. Jenna, a 19-year-old lady got fat-shamed recently by an older church member named Bonnie Sue at the Swansboro United Methodist Church in North Carolina. You can read about it HERE. When Jenna said, "Who are you", this blog post started writing itself in my brain & spirit. I'm not going to discuss fat-shaming or even church modesty. I'm also not going to talk about the possible "obvious" racial lens one could look through when watching the video tweet. I want to talk about what I call Toxic Church Lady Syndrome.

Toxic Church Lady Syndrome runs rampant in the church. Bonnie Sue suffers from it. It's the self-righteous, judgemental, negative, & fault-finding behavior that some women in church display. They hide behind church by-laws & misinterpreted scriptures to justify their opinionated actions. And it probably one of the top reasons many leave the church. I grew up with my share of Toxic Church Ladies. My internet joke of a name "ShowsMyKnees78" is because of a run-in with a Toxic Church Lady.

Toxic Church Ladies love to finger wag at what they believe is wrongdoing. But they never check their disrespectful tones and attitudes. Homosexuality may be wrong to them, but they have no right to call anyone a Sissy. A woman may be an unwedded mother. She still shouldn't be brought before the church to apologize. Is that child or disabled person really making that much noise? That constant "Shhh" is just as loud. Also, I don't like sitting on the front row, but if I have to I don't need a lap scarf. If the ministers were *hiding behind the cross" how am I tempting him? And what is the frantic deal with neckties?

There is no Love in None of That. I understand enforcing the rules and whatnot. But I need Toxic Church Ladies to sit down and truly read & study the B-I-B-L-E. One scripture that comes to mind is Matthew 7:1. That scripture should stop all our nasty opinions about others. Also, I want them to learn tact, discernment, & discretion. Bonnie Sue wouldn't have had to resign, had she considered those things & the beloved slogan, WWJD. Nothing was wrong with Jenna's outfit. But a lot was wrong with Bonnie Sue and her Toxic Lady Syndrome.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

You Can Feel It All Over(Black Music Month)

My nephew CJ, (formerly known as Monkey Toes) is a teenager now. He refers to my beloved 90s music as old school music. Once I showed me being offended and asked, "Then, what do you call 60s & 70s music"? He said, "Oh, now those are The Classics". *sigh* He knows how to compartmentalized eras of music as a teenager. I am so proud.

So, when I watched this animated show called Motown Magic on Netflix, I constantly thought about CJ. If this show was out when he was little, I think he would have had fun watching it. Motown Magic follows a wide-eyed & imaginative, 8-year-old Ben as he uses a magic paintbrush to bring the street art in a fictitious town named Motown to life.

Young viewers will get to learn about family love, creativity, and embracing self-esteem & individuality with musical tunes like ABC, My Girl, and Superstition interwoven in each lesson. It is a colorful program for the whole family to enjoy. Seriously, adults can sing their memories as the little ones learn pieces of music history.

If you ever go on social media and see young people loudly wonder who Dionne Warwick is, you'll understand why a show like Motown Magic is important.

If you see a viral video of Smokey Robinson slow grinding on stage and see the comment, "Who's Paw-Paw is that"?, you'll understand why a show like Motown Magic is important. You'll understand why a show like Motown Magic is important, as soon as hear "Before I Let Go" as Beyoncé's song and not a cover of the Maze featuring Frankie Beverly classic.

Yeah, I use the word Classic. And would rather my nephew use it, also. That means to me, he understands some music came before his time. And he understands he should respect it. That's the kind of respect You (and I) Can Feel All Over.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

That One Dreaded Dating Question

Yeah, I'm back on the dating market. I don't despise 85% of it, because I understand there is a level of work that has to be done in obtaining and becoming a life-long companion. But that other 15% gets on my nerves because it's tedious and mundane. It triggers my snarky & sarcasm sides in the worse way.

"Why are you still single" is one of those things. It is a hard question to answer without sounding like a jerk. I can't even joke my way into a nice answer.

"Why are you single"

"You see this guy right here. I dated him when I was 20. Send him a message and ask him why".

"You know that every man is not into Christian, Black, Fat, Educated, Nerdy, Awkward women, right".

"Are expecting me to actually say I'm crazy".

And I dare not to ever ask that question.

Because I know the answers I won't get but should.
"I lack real communication skills".

"I hide behind working a lot".

"Because being lazy & living off of people makes me a real catch".

No, we have very PC answers or we pass the blame onto the others we have dated before. I know I use the PC answers, myself.

I say, "I just am" or "I take dating breaks. And some may have extended longer than they should". Those answers are my truth, but they are quick & easy. And for some odd reason, we think quick & easy is a good path to a successful relationship.

And it is Not.

But we still have this dreaded question to answer.

It would be very nice if "Why are you single" left the lexicon. That question should be abolished. But until then, I guess we answer it the best we can.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Settling These Barbecue & Grilling Debates

Cookout season is well underway. I can grill, but can't barbecue. Before you ask, grilling is hot & fast and barbequing is low & slow. Either one, I have a what I think are bona fide barbeque & grilling stances on the best & worst foods to be on the grill. And yes, I said "Bona Fide".

17. Veggie Kabobs with Tofu

16. Grilled Fruit Not fan of hot fruit, except certain pies

15. Pulled Pork Number 3 should explain.

14. Grilled Desserts

13. Hot Dogs

12. Sausages & Hot Links I like them, they don't like me back

11. Steak

10. Veggie Kabobs

9. Burgers (Beef, Chicken, Turkey)

8. Grilled Fish

7. Grilled Chicken

6. Grilled Shrimp

5. Smoked Turkey

4. Ribs (Spare, Beef, Baby Back)

3. Brisket I am Texan. And truthfully, I don't want to hear your BBQ opinion if you have Never had it chopped, pulled, shredded, or sliced.

2. Smoked Chicken

1. Breaks/Rib Tips They are perfect nuggets of rib without all the bone. If Carters (Best BBQ in Dallas, Ever) were still open, a breaks basket would be so great.

I thought it would be good if I worked on this with a belly full of fruit. I was wrong. Can somebody bring me a smoked chicken sandwich with pickles? Preferably from Soulman's in Mesquite, but if you are a reader of this blog I think I'll trust your BBQ restaurant choices.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Saturday Series Podcast

Fun Facts About Me!

• I bought my 1st TV in the late 1990s and always turn the Closed Caption on any TV I own.
• Not putting up non-refrigerated groceries as soon as they get in the house is probably my small "act of rebellion".
• I need a nap before going out on Saturday nights.

Want to know why. Go over to the Saturday Series Podcast and hear me talk my Saturdays growing up in the 1980s & 1990s.

Saturday Series is a podcast on the PodDealers Network. It is a weekly show where a new guest comes through to share their stories on growing up and all of the things that surround it on one particular day of the week, Saturday. 

This show is in its 2nd season. Great storytellers & podcasters, Stephany Lowe from the Dope Science Show & Dee Dee Sweets of the Two People, Two Podcasts Network were on Season 1. So, when the show's executive producer, Jae(also of the show, Just Say Words) asked for a story from me, I was glad to do so. Saturday Series is really a Great & Creative Podcast. But don't take my word for it, Tune In & Enjoy it on any of these three platforms.

Anchor

Spotify 

Apple

Also, you can follow The Poddealers Network on social media. You can find them on Instagram & Twitter under the name @poddealers. 

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Back in February... (Black Music Month)

...Alicia Keys played two pianos simultaneously during her Grammy performance. Shortly after, video of the musician she was inspired by popped up. Her name was Hazel Scott. When I saw it, I was reminded of the old jazz movies that had Lena Horne & her in them. My grandparents watched lots of those movies. And since February was so problematic in 2019, I decided to honor Ms. Scott during Black Music Month.

Originally from Trinidad and Tobago, classical and jazz musician Hazel Scott first started tickling the ivories at age 3 with her mother. Her family came to the U.S. in 1924. She started performing in New York City and receiving scholarships to study classical music at the Juilliard School of Music by age 8. With a warm singing voice, she became a club and radio star by the late 30s and performed with greats like Count Basie. Gaining some attention for her swinging versions of classical themes, Hazel appeared "Singing Out the News" and "Priorities of 1942" on Broadway. She played twice at Carnegie Hall.

Also being an actress, Hazel became a performer in musicals, including, "The Heat's On"(1943)(Hazel's dual piano playing skills are shown in this film), "I Dood It" (1943) and "Broadway Rhythm" (1944) while also releasing dozens of albums. Her most famous hit was "Tico Tico". Her catchy boogie-woogie style was popular during the 40s, while her versatility and Hazel's ability to shift from jazz to classical to blues was incomparable. She married the Rev. Adam Clayton Powell Jr., noted Congressman, preacher, and editor in 1945. Hazel Scott became the first black woman to host her own television show in 1950 but, the show was canceled months later.

Because she refused to perform in segregated theaters and had outspoken views on both McCarthyism and racial injustice, she was subsequently accused of being a Communist sympathizer. It took a toll on her family life. After a divorce from Powell, she moved to Paris. She performed and enjoyed racial freedom during the 1960s. Her return to the U.S. marked a second career on TV with guest roles on such shows as Julia (1968) and The Bold Ones: The New Doctors (1969). Hazel Scott continued to perform until her death from cancer in 1981.

That's a lot of history with the lady who inspired Alicia Keys. her career faded, looks like Hazel Scott’s initial success paved the way for many other entertainers like Sammy Davis, Jr., and Oprah Winfrey. Glad somebody found the movie clip and shared the clip to social media. Thanks for that.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Well A Symphony to You, Too (Black Music Month)

If you don't like profanity or have boxed me in...LEAVE

I sometimes handle stress by listening to music. Most people do. I also have a few go-to songs I have to make me feel better. I have one non-Gospel number on that list. It is by one of my favorite proverbial aunties in the music business, Millie Jackson. In Dallas on the AM dial, there was a station called Soul 73. All of the older people in my world listened to Soul 73.

And guess who ruled Soul 73? She even had a show on there. Though she can use some rough language at times. Millie Jackson has given a lot of sage advice through her music. Most of you heard her sing there is "No Pain, No Gain" in life & relationships. My favorite lesson is "Never to Change Lovers in the Middle of the Night". But she also has used classical music to help tell off non-positive people & things in our lives.

Well, my biggest haters in life are the Storms caused Stress, Anger, Anxiety, or Grief. They don't want me to be great. Most times I can give them All the Jesus joy they hate to leave me alone. But there are a few times, fleshly me decides to talk to my storms in a language they understand. (Pray for Me. Don't Criticize Me.)

It's like a signal warning to tell them, "I see you lurking" or "Don't try me". I remember the time when I automatically started humming it one day. It scared me at first. But I calmed down. Sometimes the profoundly profane helps a bit. Hey, I've never cried while humming or listening to that song. That is a plus.

What are the secular songs you use to calm down? The comment section is a safe place. It doesn't need to whip out Phuck U Symphony by Millie Jackson on the negativity it may recieve. LoL

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!