I Knew I Was Different

Like a long-winded preacher would say, "I won't be before you long". But umm, I want to discuss this scenario here. I saw it one evening watching comedian Shuler King's Youtube channel. You can listen to discuss his humorous feelings HERE. 

I feel she is A) Reasonable. And my answer is based on my thoughts on the "him" in this situation.

1. He probably has Never really listened to her beliefs, ideas, wants, and dreams(Especially about engagements, weddings, & marriage) while they have been together. 
2. He possibly gambles in hopes many times in life.
3. He might be controlling.

We've seen a few weddings that the husband plans and surprises his beloved with. If you ever listen to those guys talk, they all say they were successful in have those events because they intently listen to their ladies. So even if this woman expressed her desire for someone to pay off her educational debts, what did she ever say and not say about her wants for engagement & wedding bands? Looks like to me this man (I truly hope lovingly.) made an expensive decision and kinda ended up crapping out. And my antennas rose because of the debt he paid off and used it to propose with. Maybe because I refer to Sallie Mae & her niece, Navient as my pimps. I mean I and many many others basically work to pay them. Also, the way many men feel like gaining a wife is some ownership prize presses into my impressions of him. Her request for a ring sound like his girlfriend never said paying off debts was a marital requirement. So, him using canceling a student loan as an engagement chip seems ruling to me.

Well looks like if he truly wants to marry her, he should start looking for a ring. Anyone who knows this guy, tell him I did a Google search. And I found a nice diamond ring idea at Kohls(I mean $70,000 is nothing to sneeze at. He might need financial help.) I say idea because I want him to listen to whom that photo refers to as "his woman" wants. Don't let my idea mess up what little bit of a good thing he possibly still has. I just truly pray he learned the one glaring lesson in all of this. Learn to Listen, Listen to Learn.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Hey Friend! Sir, Are You a Collector?

Here's My Truth...
I am a cis-heterosexual woman who has a few cis-heterosexual men as friends but is still wary of cis-heterosexual men who have only female friends.

This is a long over-due post to the "Male Friends" out there in the world. Yes, I know "Not All Male Friends". But if the shoe doesn't fit, get your big boot out of it and go sit down so, you can read this.

Many people don't take me seriously when I say I am an observant person. My observations have heard a few men say, "I only have women as friends". And those same observations make me wait for those same men to say one of these two statements next, "I don't know why I don't have male friends" or "Dudes compete too much". (And I know that answer to your question. Because I am a woman, I know quite a few women who don't have female friends. They feel they are dramatic & messy. And yet are usually are the ones who are messy & dramatic. So, I ignore them.) Those two statements always feel funny to my ears. So, my observations have lead me to intensely pay attention.

Often times I see that they use the word friend very loosely, like a dangling pacifier. Those female buddies are actually just associates or in some cases, ladies these men just hung out, text ,and/or chatted with enough to add them on social media. It's an interesting phenomenon to see. And yeah, I have observed & talked to a few of the ladies that are the friends. Some don't realize their real position. Some don't take those guys seriously. They see the same crud I see. One gave these men the name, Female Friend Collectors. And I couldn't describe them any better. Also, it was good to know I wasn't crazy because I'm cautious with cis-heterosexual men who only have female friends.

Oh here is another one of my truths. I attract Female Friend Collectors. But because of my tendency to put many humans in a category called, "People I've Met", I tick most of them off. Nothing like a man I've hung out or chatted with off & on(more off) with for months brush me off, show up weeks later after I have moved on, interact with them at a basic cordial level and say, "Why are you acting cold? I thought we were friends".

I'm not "Female Friend Collection" material. Most women are not.

And people wonder why I have a love/hate relationship with the question, "Can men & women be friends"?. My observations tell me my answer is "It Depends on the Person".

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

On Blogiversary 2020...

...I answer questions.

Again Thank You Very Much!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adults Terms!!!

It's Just One of Those Love Songs (Black Music Month)

In February, I was asked what was my Favorite Love song (Post is HERE). Of course in true Outspoken_Diva fashion, I don't have one. I have several. But before I reveal this list let me set something I see and hear a lot straight.

There is a difference between Love Songs & Love Making Music.

Natalie Cole said,
"So won't you

Jumpstart my heart

Charge me up when I'm running down

Oh, jump start my heart

Lift my feet up off the ground"

That's a Love Song.

But

Joe said,
"I'm down to take a sip from your cup

If you drink from my fountain of love"

That's a Love Making Song.

This post will cover a song like what Natalie Cole sang. But I will be fair. If you want a list of my faves like what Joe is talking about, Email Me & I'll send my Spotify list. (Watch someone (Probably a gossiper in offline life) will surely take me to task. LoL).

And I know I said in February the list would be a top 10. Well... The music moved me to make it a Top 20. But I am sticking to not ranking them. They all have my heart.

You ~ Raheem DeVaughn

He called his mother. He said his daydreams (When he zones out) are about one person. And if you hate to dislike this song, I think there is something wrong with...

Vision of Love ~ Mariah Carey

If there is one theme I will give my taste in music is simple & pure. I don't like a song or a singer to do too much. And that's probably why this is the only song by Mariah I like.

No Matter How High I Get ~ Bobby Womack

Say whatever you want about Bobby Womack's life & relationships but, he did his thing on this one.

If It's Magic ~ Stevie Wonder

Simple, Sweet, and Short

You & I ~ O'Bryan

This is my preferred version. I wished Ralph Carter (Michael Evans on Good Times) had recorded one also.

A Song For You ~ Donny Hathaway

I don't care if it isn't the original. Who is most known to have sung this song? I wish his daughter, Lalah & he could have recorded together.

Something ~ Lalah Hathaway

She received a Grammy with Snarky Puppy for a later cover of this 90's diddy

Never Make A Promise ~ Dru Hill

Dear Future Fiancé,

One of the many reasons I said Yes was because you are so smart and knew this was a nice proposal song.

Complicated Melody ~ India Arie

"He ain't the reason for the sun and the moon. He is the reason for this here tune. Because he means the world to me." Dang Girl!

You Put a Move on My Heart ~ Tamia

Before she married my Sprite promoting crush, she was introduced to us by Quincy Jones. She really tells this man what he did to her.

Love Me in a Special Way ~ Debarge

I love a song that stands up for standards. The Debarge Family said you're cute but a unique adoration will need to come with it. Pick your game up, sweetheart.

Where You Are ~ Rahsaan Patterson

When I was a child, there was a show named Kids Incorporated and I had a crush on the boy who played, The Kid. He grew up and makes some great music, like this song.

Gonna Be Alright ~ Ledisi/Robert Glasper

First, heard this song on the way to the side town "he" stayed in. That "he" still comes to my mind and is forever in my heart.

Angel ~ Anita Baker

As an adult, I have to admit Anita Baker made tried & true relationship music. And what is a healthy relationship without telling them who they are to you?

Latest, Greatest Inspiration ~ Teddy Pendergrass

Y'all want Teddy P. to Turn Off the Light. And I want to float when he continues to sing Higher in falsetto on this song.

You're Number One in My Book ~ Gladys Knight & the Pips

The world beats us up enough. It feels good for our lovers to pick us up with their feelings.

If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful ~ Jermaine Jackson & Whitney Houston

If the marital affair rumors about Whitney & Jermaine are true, this song caused it. This tune is a charmer's dream. It's smooth & sweet.

Somewhere in My Lifetime ~ Phyllis Hyman

It starts out low & slow. And ends powerful & caring. This has to be the Dreamy Girl's Anthem.

You Don't Know My Name ~ Alicia Keys

It ticks me off that this song is referred to as a stalker song. When did she prowl for him? A Lady Can't Have a Crush? She just used the resources she had & called him, Point Blank, Period

Beauty ~ Dru Hill

I made a whole video to this song in my mind. Midway of the video, I am backstage doing my hair & makeup. By the time for the vamp, I am brought out on the stage with the group to dance in a long flowing dress. And true readers & friends know which group member's embrace I ended the video in.

And those are just the Top 20. Oh yeah, I know the songs & artists are in bold type and you press it and it didn't lead you to a link. This post the boldness is decorative. (Keywords are...) You can go to these links below to hear and/or watch these and my other love song favorites.
Spotify
Youtube

The gospel songwriter, Kirk Franklin penned the perfect words,
Love
A word that comes and goes
But few people really know
What it means to really love somebody
Trust me. I know he was talking about the Agape & probably the Philia & Storge meanings of the word. But I feel like songs like the ones in this post help teach the true Eros definition of the word, Love. And I am glad they are here to do so.

What is your favorite Love song? Let me know below or in the comments on the social media site you see this post.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Oh Quaker!

I won't be before you guys long. But remember when I said I wasn't in a teachable mood in this recent climate. If you don't go read it HERE. The Quaker brand just solidified my feelings. I woke up Wednesday, June 17 to headlines like this one, "Aunt Jemima Brand to Change Name and Image Over ‘Racial Stereotype". I annoyingly said the b-word. I have no problem with the rebranding. I have a problem with why the reason why it being fone. I don't know if it's reported wrong or Quaker, the brand the owns Aunt Jemina is "playing in our face". It makes it seem like Quaker just learned about its own history with this brand. Here is where in Offline land I would let out the word, Child... For decades, Quaker has been trying to find a happy medium with the image of Aunt Jemina. I'm old enough to remember the last change in '89 when Aunt Jemina got a relaxer & roller set and dons some pearls on her neck. Quakers didn't just find out Aunt Jemina was based on the mammy stereotype.

I guess the word that is missing for me is "Finally". I don't guess. I know that's the word. I wish Quaker would come out and say,

"We tried for years to fix it. But Aunt Jemina can't stay as an emblem because it's racially wrong. She should have never existed. We are sorry."

But we, the public didn't get that. Oh Well!!!
And I know Mars is working on the Uncle Ben symbol. Nabisco will probably follow suit with Rastus (who's history is the worst) on the Cream of Wheat boxes. I want real apologetic statements. But as the old adage says, "You don't always get what you want".

Now, I want some Malt'o'Meal. LoL

As Always Talking to You in Adults Terms!

Precious Memories... (Black Music Month)

...How They Linger.

I don't think I'll ever know a song to be sung so slow again in my lifetime. Not a fan of how it is sung. Remember that sentence toward the end of this post.

I have learned I am a lady of a certain, now. So, let your young aunty take you to a time right before TGIF was a television thing on Friday nights. Dallas & Knox Landing were in summer reruns, so I was being educated to play Solitare, Old Maid, & Concentration by my grandparents, Granny & PauPau (How dare you Grammarly, try to correct my grandfather's named to PayPal). 

It was nothing for the record player to be belting out jazz or gospel tunes that they loved. PauPau's favorite gospel singer was Reverend James Cleveland. He called him Jimmy like they were old buds & would shut down any homosexual gossip about him. He felt that had nothing to do with his "good singing" (That's where I get my similar mindset from). Often Aretha Franklin's Amazing Grace album was played. It was a popular album containing hymns & songs the old Black Baptists liked to sing.

Well, I finally got to watch the making of that album on Hulu at the end of last year or the beginning of this one. The documentary, Amazing Grace was like a time machine for me. Back to when choirs sang & marched in to start their concerts. Back to a time when I still went to live album recordings and starting over was normal. And of course, back to that living room, I grew up in(Well, I'm actually sitting in it typing that sentence). It was a fun watch for me. Recognized the "Baptist fits", the non-Baptists like to call Baptist shouting. I even saw few people that look like they were extras in What's Happening & Black Girl. That show & that movie were filmed in 70s Los Angeles also. So, it's possible. And I know one of the directors was the choir director in the movie, The Blue Brothers. I know that hair. It was also fun to see Mick Jagger, Charlie Watt, and gospel great Clara Ward enjoy themselves. No, Jagger doesn't catch the Holy Spirit.

But the music sung by Aretha Franklin & the Southern California Community Choir was the real star for me. Yes, Franklin is great on the classic, Amazing Grace. But when I heard " We Are on Our Way" (If you've seen this film, did you hear those old school double claps? I miss those.), I remembered the last time I heard that song. The son, family, ministers, & deacons of the pastor I grew up under at "Foundation" church were processing in at his funeral, six years ago. "Ol' Landmark" was a song my niece danced to in the Ebony Nutcracker when she was younger. And I have seen many people be in happy tears when they think of a land where they will "Never Grow Old". Amazing Grace is a good documentary & album. Everyone should check them out. And stay until the end of the credits and hear all technical & small stuff you won't hear on the album.

Precious Memories is a very slow song. 

But it's lyrics do just what they are supposed to do in my heart...Linger!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

Really Not in a Teaching Mood, But...

...some people are really ignorant. Ignorance is defined as Lacking in Knowledge. So, I have every right to use the term. I keep seeing these well thought out & creative videos & pictures of people explaining racism & Black Lives Matters. I applaud the efforts, but in my opinion, some folks willfully want to be dumb. They also willfully want to be offended. They know why "Black Lives Matter" is being shouted. It doesn't need "Too" after it. They know All Live Matters but the Black ones are the ones that being focused on at this moment. Just like Black Lives know that when a black life takes another black life is a problem, also. Just like when other races take the life of someone of the same race.

In my opinion, some people don't want the education. I mean how long does it take to understand what "Taking a knee" really means. *sigh* Some of these people are the same folks who don't see "Can I touch your hair" is like petting another human like an animal. And to tell that same person their hair feels like sheep's wool or pubic hair is gross & hurtful, they don't get it. Some of these people don't want to understand saying they act blacker than a black person because the black person doesn't act like the stereotype that pop culture feeds society is dumb. And when snapped back at, they use the label, "Angry Black"_____. And speaking of stereotypes, some think it is complimentary to say "Well, you don't act like the others". Ask them what do they mean by "Others" and the answer is "Well, you know...".

Let Herman Munster
be your Professor

Well, you know that's why I'm not in a teaching mood. I wasn't called an n-word until I was in college. But I was told versions of the aforementioned since I was a child.  My Black Life experience tells me some people already knew. But their privilege makes them blind to these factual lessons,
Black Feelings Matter & Black Emotions Matter. That's a task for some people to see the humanity in Black Lives. LoL Humanity, a word that contains the word Human. Let me know when some people see that in Black Lives. And that will be the day I know some people understand, Black Lives Matter.

And to those who understand, Thank You!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!