Not Interested in Dating…Relatives of Friends or Friends of Relatives

Okay in the Long Distance post you already know I have dated a brother of a female member of my Chosen Family. For this blog post, she will be called Pink Red. I will never do that again. I love my friendships too much to ever put those in jeopardy again. I can honestly say that through all the drama I dealt with the demise of my relationship with J. Mac, Pink Red remained my friend. I thank her for that. Watching and listening to someone being mad at your brother had to be hard. I tried not to do it often but I still did it.

It was crazy for me to be friends with Pink Red even while J. Mac and I dated. Pink Red and I go back to high school. We talked about boys we liked, dated, etc. all the time. So not talking about her brother cause me to pull back some. The first time I felt bad about the turn in our friendship was one time I called for J. Mac and she answered the phone. I didn’t recognize my friend’s voice. She said “My Biological Name! It’s Her Biological Name”. I said “Oh hey girl. How are you doing?” At that moment I felt like an a-word. I didn't acknowledge my friend. That was crappy as hell. Luckily they were eating and J. Mac had to call me later. I had time to kick myself and sit with my emotions. One time Pink Red & J. Mac were fighting and I got a phone call and had to be questioned about something wrong J. Mac did. I told J. Mac off on his next visit. He had wronged my friend. Once the drama started, the first person I called was Pink Red. Gosh, I was so immature for doing that. She was more level-headed than me about the situation. When her brother’s name came up after the Big Fight, she never went off on me as she has. She was always a friend to me. I was even in her 1st wedding as a bridesmaid. I can admit now that I was nervous about the possibility of her brother being there. I never asked if he was going to come down but I think she sensed it because out of the blue on the way to the bachelorette party, the night before, she mentioned he was not going to be there. 

Every time J. Mac would lose my number after we were in a good place, Pink Red would give it to him and ask me can he have it. I finally told J. Mac to stop 1. Stop losing my contact info and 2. Don’t ask his sister for it because he was IMO aggravating her.  I would have told both of us off, years ago. And so far she is still a friend to me. She might read this and Long Distance and it dawned on her “Heck yeah, I was a friend to that…. Time to cut her off”. Lord, I truly hope not.

So that is why I’ll never date a relative of a friend. I take my friendships seriously. Rather share my love of a person with my friends than let it divide us.

Dating a friend of my relatives is easy. I will Never!!! 1. That guy hangs with my relative. He has issues by the association. I was born into knowing that person. This guy chose to know this person. That is a problem! (Yes, you should be laughing). 2. I will never be accused of incest because I think every one of my family members looks like monsters, especially men. More than likely their friends look like monsters to me too. 3. My family member’s friends for the most become our “friends”. So they are like family. So, that would be like incest.

So sorry guys, I’m not interested. You are friends or related to the wrong people. LoL

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating…The Long Distanced

This is the partial story of me dating a guy, I will call J. Mac. He is the brother of a female member of my Chosen Family. I will focus on the other part of our story in the post about dating Friends of Relatives/Relatives of Friends. Okay if I wrote a list splitting ex-boyfriends into Good & Bad, J. Mac is most definitely on the Good. Once we hashed it all out what happened to us (oh that was a doozy) in the past, sometime in 2006 maybe, I can say we are very friendly. I have to remember to tell him Happy Birthday at the end of the month. And he better not forget mine. *wink* He's a June baby too. But We had a Good dating relationship before he had to move away.

I won't go into details but he moved back to his hometown. First of all, I was a little miffed that he told me that he was moving. I felt like “Dang, just like that. Umm, we are dating. I don't get a say. We're not going to discussed this.” (I put felt in bold case because I said nothing about my feelings. I know I see the Irony because I talked a lot then, too) I was in college at U.T. Arlington so, I couldn't move with him. He stayed on my butt about getting my degree so, my moving with him was not even an option for me to even bring up. So now I have to Love someone so much to let them go away. That was the first time I Loved someone I dated. Heck this was the first man I Loved now I have to Love him this deep.Yet, I did it. We decided we would still date even though he was there and I was in school.

Here is my part of the story on how distance ruined our relationship. The Loneliness was Big. I started feeling lonely before he left. I think this is the first time I admitted that. I would get quiet sometimes during his visits and he would ask what was wrong. I would give him some stupid story to mask the fact that I didn't want him to go. He left Mid-December and by Valentine’s Day I was miserable. That day, I was delivering gifts for my best friend, LJ, to his dream girl at the time, for their date. I hung out with some buddies until their boyfriends got there. Got to my room and awaited his call. He called me the next day and I went in on him about how lonely I was. He started calling more often but he still was not there. Well with Loneliness came the Temptation. Oh my gosh, I was barely “not cheating”. Found out this one guy was interested and received every one of his compliment with big, Big smiles. Then I guess my miserable funk was detected by some of the people I hung out with because many of them were trying to set me up with guys. I Never went on dates with anyone but I did entertain phone calls from other men. J. Mac & my calls started waning a lot. He bought a cell phone (this was the late 90’s so there were no free minute anything back then) and I was running up miles on my calling card. Soon a lot of telephone tag was our form of Communication. Then for a minute we were quiet. We were quiet until the Big fight. Let’s say something dangerous happened to me. Well that triggered a series of drama that I needed to involve him. Well I was trying to tell him what was going but I asked him the wrong question first. An accusation got thrown my way. Then the gut wrenching insult was said, “Man, I thought you was calling me to tell me something happened to my sister”.  We ended that call in anger. I didn't get to tell him the real reason I called. We didn't speak until once in the Fall of 2002 and I was still a miffed about that situation (I have issues with holding grudges for extra long periods of time. Pray for me, please) but he seemed to be over it. Now the funny thing is was we were still technically boyfriend & girlfriend. LoL When I was still in the “Getting to Know You Stage” with Football Nerd, he asked about my last relationship and I explained it to him (J. Mac was the last one at that time). He asked “Is there any chance he could be coming back to claim you”. I said “No, I’m free”. I officially broke up with J. Mac in January of 2004 just to make it official when he surprisingly called me one day. I remembering him laughing and saying “Well I'm cheating on you anyway. So we might as well break up”. And actually at that time, I was starting another relationship too. Yeah, OutSpoken_Diva has cheated on a man. LoL Actually I really have but I’m in company with many of the population so, put your lying & judgmental finger down.

So, that’s why I decided distance is a hindrance in a relationship. I only told you my side of the story and how I played a part of the demise of J. Mac and me. I can't tell you his side. But I bet it was just as frustrating. I’m not equipped to handle that. If he has to leave and I can’t go, we Must end our relationship. Oh it is safe to say, If a man doesn't live in a "drivable" distance, I won't be dating him either.
I truly salute those that make it through Long Distanced dating.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

More Not Interested in Dating...

Ok life has a weird way of reminding you of more things that you don't believe in or won't to include in your life. Well a guy I think who might be interested in me (who ironically doesn't qualify His FE score is no where near 3 and some more stuff that I don't need to get into) asked me would I date a man with a disability. Didn't have to think about it. I know the answer. Well I got to thinking it is some more men out there I'm not interested in dating. So I'm continuing the Series with More Not Interested in Dating.

I will be talking about:
The Disabled
Long Distanced
On Probation or Paroled
Skin Color Issues
Friends of Relatives/Relatives of Friends
Military Soldiers (Grey Area)

So look forward to those. Long Distance will be first.

Also is there a type of  Positive & Legal Guy that you want to find if I would date. Let me know in the comments. I will answer you personally. Also go a read (and comment on) previous Not Interested in Dating... Blog Post
Preachers & Church Leaders (What started this actually)
Official Series Announcement
The Fashionably Unequally Yoked
Chubby Chasers
The Foreign Born
Strippers
My Dating Grey Areas (“Not Interesting in Dating” Supplement)

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Twinkie Clark - Awesome (African- American Music Month)

Let's kick off African-American Music Month with one of my favorite songs. It is my favorite song by this artist. We always say God is Awesome. This song is a perfect testament to how Amazing we should feel about God being Awesome. Listen to this song.

Oh I know you are not shocked I kicked off  African- American Music Month with Gospel. That's cute!!! LoL

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Favorite Maya Angelou Poem (RIP Queen)

Prolific author & Civil Rights activists Maya Angelou passed today, May 28, 2014. I don’t know anyone who was in school after the 1980 who had not studied her work at some point in their educational life. My first introduction to her works was a poem called “Life Doesn't Frighten Me”.

I truly believe Life didn't scare Maya Angelou, not one bit.

As with most deaths of someone famous and profound, we tend to go to social media to speak on our favorite things about that person. Interestingly enough my favorite poem by Maya Angelou is not “Phenomenal Woman” or “Still I Rise” Oh I know Many folks wonder how to figure me out and that’s why they use words to shoot down to me yet this Incredible Lady Gets Up. *wink* They are still not my favorite. My favorite poem, I first found when I worked in the library in college in the book, “The Collected Poems of Maya Angelou”.

That being an anthology of her works at that time, I looked for the original book it was published in. That book is called “I Shall Not be Moved”.

Maya is posed very sassy on the cover of that book. That is also why I like this poem. It is Sassy, Funny, & Inspiring. So I present to you my favorite Maya Angelou poem:

Seven Women’s Blessed Assurance

One thing about me,

I'm little and low,

find me a man

wherever I go.

They call me string bean

'cause I'm so tall.

Men see me

they ready to fall.

I'm young as morning

and fresh as dew.

Everybody loves me

and so do you.

I'm fat as butter

and sweet as cake.

Men start to tremble

each time I shake

I'm little and lean,

sweet to the bone.

They like to pick me up

and carry me home.

When I passed forty

I dropped pretense,

'cause men like women

who got some sense.

Fifty-five is perfect,

so is fifty-nine,

'cause every man needs

to rest sometime.

RIP Maya Angelou. You will forever be a True Inspiration to us all!!!

What’s your favorite work of Maya Angelou? Let me know in the comment box below.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

June, June, June!!!

First let me thank you all for the condolences, prayers, & love shown to me in the passing of my beloved friend, FootBall Nerd. With God, I am breathing through it. *BIG* hug

If I had a Favorite month, it would probably be June!!!

June is Big month for me. It's my birthday month!!! I think I just want to have Sunday Brunch or Lunch at Taco Casa (I have an unfulfilled Taco craving) and go see "Think Like a Man Too" (That I feel like should have been called "Act Like a Lady", IMO). I usually share plans with my friend, T.T. so I'll see what she might have planned also. I do know what we won't be doing. We won't get to line dance at happy hour. Our favorite dance spot closed last month. Farewell Beamers!!! Midnightish will be different. Football Nerd usually was first to tell me Happy Birthday. Somehow I know he will give me birthday wishes on that day around "Midnight".  June 4 would've been Football Nerd's 38th birthday. Happy Birthday, Baby!!! I'm going to spend it in quiet reflection and write him a letter with Everything I need to tell him. I wore my pearls to his services. Pearl is the traditional birthstone for the month of June. *wink*

In June we celebrate Father's Day. By now you know I was raised by a single mother but had great father figures in my life. Well, I am going to release a piece that stirs inside of me this time of the year called "Grateful to be a Deadbeat's Daughter". Stay Tuned for that.

Juneteenth is June 19. In Texas, we celebrate the day the slaves were emancipated here. Yes, Texas slaves didn't find out they were free until two years, six months and nineteen days after most of the country. No, in my home we don't bust out the watermelon and cut a jig. We do watch old black movies like Stormy Weather or Green Pastures and eat a "Soul Food" style meal on that day.

June 27th is National HIV/AIDS Testing Day!!! Know your Status!!! Go to find a clinic for free testing. You have No excuse not to know. Also you can read this Blog when someone straight up told me I had No Excuse.

Finally, June is African-American Music Appreciation Month. It was originally started as Black Music Month by President Jimmy Carter, who on June 7, 1979, decreed that June would be the month of black music. Since then, presidents have announced to Americans to celebrate Black Music Month. For each year of his term, President Barack Obama has announced the observance under a new title, African-American Music Appreciation Month. I will be celebrating it Outspoken_Diva Style. I will be Saluting my Favorite Singer & Pianist of All time. If you follow my blog or know me offline. You should know who this is. Also every week, twice a week I will be featuring some of my favorite music. Trust me in true OutSpoken_Diva style, you are in for a treat. So stay tuned and get to know me musically. Because if you really want to know how I feel, look at the music I am listening to. That can tell you a lot about my mood, because if you ask I will say I'm Fine.  (Yeah I stole that quote)

So that's and much more is what you can look forward to in June.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

On Missing My FootBall Nerd

Right now, I am truly leaning on the Everlasting Arms. I found out God came by to pick a flower. That Flower was one of my Best Friends, My "Football Nerd", RW. My emotions are everywhere. There is No Adjective for this feeling. I just know I don't like it.

You guys have seen his name come up in a few blogs. Actually, he's "the friend" in many of my blogs. I'll highlight one or two later. RW and I met in the Fall of the year 2000 on the popular social media site in the late 1990s and early 2000's called College Club. (Yep, that is the true story). He was getting ready to graduate from college and I was in my first semester of Nursing school. We chatted on the phone for a few weeks. We finally met on Christmas Day while I was home for semester break and he was here visiting relatives at a bowling alley with my other male best friend, LJ, and his now ex-wife in tow (Told you guys in the Catfish blog, I don't play). We hit it off instantly. We had a Romantic Rapport from that time until September 2002. We remained friends which eventually lead us to make each other one of our best friends.

At my College Graduation (circa 2003)
That was actually his own.  My gown was extremely short for the dress I bought to wear and he let me borrow his.

My favorite memory with RW happened at church. Of all the kisses, hugs, confessions, TV shows, YouTube clips, and Books shared, New Year's Eve of 2004 is my best memory. I told y'all in my Church Switch blog the only reason I ever set foot in the church I attend now was because one of my male BFFs wanted to attend  New Year's Eve there. After all, he "just had to go" when he moved to the Metroplex. Football Nerd was that BFF. At the end of that service, Bishop wanted us to gather up the people we came with, grab their hands and pray for each one of them. We came with each other so, we pray for each other. That was the first time I had ever prayed for a non-relative in front of them in my life. The Bible says in Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them". I don't know about other groups that night but I know, that I know, that I know, that I know (WoW, my Baptist is showing LoL) God was in the midst of RW & me. For what seems like a long time we would pray, cry, look at each other and pray and cry again. That was such a powerful night in my life and the life of our friendship.

I called him a Football Nerd because he loved the game. He played in high school and college. For years, he begged me to join his Fantasy Football League. The season in 2012-13, I finally joined it. RW transformed into "Football Nerd" the day of the draft. That day I finally found something he was "Geeked up" about. I started calling him "Football Nerd" ever since. Oh, by the way, I won that season, too. I don't know who was prouder him or me.

I can go on and on about my memories with RW but it would just mask reality. Oh, there are things, we'll never get o do on this Earth again. That is one part of reality. The other part of Reality tells me that there are things on this Earth I will never get to do with him. I'll never get to read a whole book to him as we planned. He will never get to join my other best friends and me for Sunday brunch as we all hoped. I'll never get to be the stepmother to his son like he wanted. Stepmother to his son will forever be the loving wishful name he Loved to call me. Yeah, I'll admit it, I loved it, too. I always thought that name was funny. The tears are blinding me. My heart hurts. Yet, I know RW, the Football Nerd, is in a better place. I'll see him again in That Place.

Rest in Peace to the Man in whom I held his heart in mine and I know he did the same to my heart, My FootBall Nerd, My Soul Mate found in Friendship. I will forever Love You!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms