Help Me Understand: The Proud Songs of Adultery (African American Music Month)

Now you guys know I can’t go without fussing at people at some point. African-American Music Month is No Exception. Hey, if you didn't want me to “Soap Box” you, then “Make It Stop”!!! Thanks to one of my Favorite web show commentary shows, “Things I Learned This Week”, I learn "Dumb B-word" maybe subliminally said in Piece of My Love by Guy. You can hear it at 3:17 - 3:23 on this video. I believe it. I Loathe this song. The first verse starts with

You can have all of me. 

But I’m not going to be free

As my grandmother says, “He’s bad news”. I Loathe all songs of its genre I call, “Adultery Music”. If you follow me on Twitter you know I down right Detest “Adultery Music”. It’s very easy explain with one question. “What is so Melodic about having an affair”?

Oh I don’t blame Guy for putting out a song of such stature because there many songs, many made in the 70’s - 80’s, which promote such behavior. As young child, I heard the song You, Me and He by Mtume. The chorus said:

You, Me and He

What we gonna do, baby

Clearly there are too many people in this relationship. Then the female lead sing,

There's somethin' I wanna say

Try and understand

There's another in my life

He's my lover and I'm your wife

Do what? Did she tell her Husband that she is sleeping someone other than him and to be cool about it? Later in the song you find out it is about a husband and wife discussing their issues so they can eventually work them, okay. But the song walks a slippery slope in my mind. Then I started paying attention to the Saturday Morning Housework/At the Salon Old School mix and my eyebrows would raise up more. Billy Paul’s Me and Mrs. Jones and Luther Ingram’s (If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don't Want to Be Right would be playing, I would listen and my mouth would drop. They said “Learn to Listen and Listen to Learn” so that what I was doing. I was learning the people lived so foul lives and liked bragging on it. What is the craziness is people adore these songs. (If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don't Want to Be Right was even used a clever quip in a few sermons I have heard over the years. Why be upset with Pastor Jamal Bryant for using Loyal by Chris Brown in a sermon? Clearly he was in good company when using foul lyrics to make a good point. Oh wait I’m getting sidetracked.  I’m talking about “Adulterous Music” not “People who like to jump on Christian preachers for Everything they do Not So Right”. No Plans for a blog on that but be warned.  I am still wondering how many crazy “Mr. Jones” out there thought Billy Paul was talking about loving on their wives in 1972. How many if any, "Mr. Jones" committed acts of domestic violence because of this crazy song? Frightening to think about. Adultery can be dangerous.

Those are not even the songs of Adultery that Grate my nerves the most. Two songs make me give the world side eye. Poor Whitney Houston! She couldn't rest in peace the day after we found out she left this world without me rolling my eyes at her. Why did I roll my eyes at her? The song Saving All My Love was being played. Oh I know Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr first recorded it but the song is one of Houston hits, so she gets the blame. The songs says she is waiting for a man who is already someone else’s husband & father. What? The lyrics of the first verse clearly say,

A few stolen moments is all that we share

You've got your family, and they need you there

Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list

But no other man's gonna do

So I'm saving all my love for you

Sound like the woes of the side piece, to me. We detest side pieces. That’s why folks hate “Scandal” and “Being Mary Jane”. Oh but it okay for folks to belt out this song. This is disturbing. I remember when Steve Urkel sung it to Laura Winslow on the American sitcom "Family Matters". I felt like I was the only person who thought this song was wrong. Still there is another Adulterous song, you guys love the Belt Out even more. As We Lay has to be the most Beloved Adulterous song known to man. Well, at least in the realm of Black Music. I only know one person who is disgusted by this song like I am. My mother will change the TV or radio when this song comes on. When Kelly Price remade this song originally sang by Shirley Murdock and she was livid. “Why would that girl waste her voice on such a gross song”, my mother said. The song is gross and folks love to sing it. No, people love to sing the heck out of this song. So many talent shows with such graceful and melodious voices have been marred in my eyes with this song. I would hear someone perform this song on the Amateur Night section of Showtime at the Apollo and I wanted to act like my mother and change the channel. Fun Fact: The lyrics “We should have counted up the cost but instead we got lost” was added by Shirley Murdock during recording the song. She didn't think the song was remorseful at all.

I just don’t understand the craze of songs that are about Marital Affairs. I also don’t understand the lesser amount of songs telling married folks off in music. Husband by Shirley Murdock on a later album (http://youtu.be/SYyVMFgsW68) is a Clear example of what you say to some of these low down People that want to creep. You be straight with these married people wanting to be in a relationship with you. Oh because noticeably thanks to Aaron Hall they are still quietly calling you a Dumb B-word when you date them despite their marital status. Ooh I'm going to make a song "Out my Face, You're Married". Going to be a Chart Banger. LoL

Songs of Adultery or Cheating are dying down. The only “current(ish)” song by black singers I could think of is Unfaithful by Rihanna. Y’all are free to tell me more of them in the comments. The song topic can die and not resurrect. There are enough out there and no more room is needed for any more.
Oh and Pop & Country music, this not you month but, the message of the post is for you also. Stop Proudly signing about Cheating and having an Affair like it is something cute. And Don’t shake the Scandal finger at me, go take that some finger and click on one of my blog posts about Scandal.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Just the “Other Woman”

I refuse to watch “Scandal” and “Being Mary Jane” with anyone other than my mother. I only live discuss Scandal on Twitter. I avoid opinion pieces about both shows and movie of Being Mary Jane. Why? I get tired of the popular perception of these two characters as only being the “Side Line Chick”, “Side Piece” or the “Other Woman”. You know the woman that is Knowingly Sleeping with a Married Man. I first became of the perception when my BFF, who doesn’t watch Scandal, thought that the show was about Olivia Pope sleeping with the TV POTUS because of what she saw in her news feed on Facebook.

Amazing how many of us know, have been or are the “Side Line Chick”, “Side Piece” or the “Other Woman”. Oh these women are not new and unless infidelity or cheating is infinitely abolished from the face of the Earth won’t be going anywhere. I’ve been the first one to say I don’t understand the women and men might I add who are these people. But how dare we reduce these people to just “Side Line Chick (Dude)”, “Side Piece” or the “Other Woman (Man)”. Actually we don’t reduce them to that.  They are still our friends, loved ones, co-workers, associates or ourselves, living other parts of life other than having sex with someone who is married.

 So why do we describe a TV character by just that? I know it’s just TV but gosh is that the only thing people are getting from these characters. Mary Jane is a TV News Journalist who is a loving friend, a daughter who is supporting her parents, siblings and other family members. All while juggling her romantic life one that may or may not include a married man and another non-committal man (The show just started Episode 1). Out of all that the first thing people want to describe her as is a “Side Piece”. If memory serves correct Mary Jane didn’t start off knowing she was sleeping with a married man in the movie. And it was the end of the first episode after she fought to stay away from the guy that she finally sleep with him again. Okay I’ll leave that alone.

I love Olivia Pope. Not because she is sleeping with the TV POTUS. I love her because she is “The Fixer”. She and her gang of Gladiators gets other people out of Scandals. Also if memory serves in the beginning of this show also “she was not sleeping with TV POTUS anymore. Actually, she had declare war on him and the TV White House. She didn’t lure him, he chased and continues to chase her. And let’s talk about that. The women are the called “Other Women” but in both cases, neither lured those men into those relationships. Actually the men did the enticing and pursuing. Yet no one talks about their gross dog a-words for doing that. Men get to be men yet the women are the bad guys getting unsophisticated descriptions.

Again I know these are TV characters but I think they were made to show that the “Strong Black Woman” is a myth. She has cracks in her armor. The ladies being a part of an extra-marital affair in one of their crack among many flaws they have. Stop only describing them by that one.

So let’s try it again. Who is Mary Jane Paul? What is Sandal about?

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Cheater Cheater *sigh* You Know the Rest

Oh Cheating! It has taken down so many people. Adultery can make some lose their jobs and relationships. It even has a "Reality" show. Everybody has an opinion about cheating but there is not a Set Definition on what it is. Some think emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. Some people think kissing is not cheating. Some think one is not cheating if one is not in a serious relationship. It's so prevalent, we even want to know why. We all want to be in the mind of a cheater. Everybody has an opinion but no definition.

There are no Levels of Cheating for me.  An ex's cell called my phone and on my voicemail, I heard him make plans with another chick for later. I called him. Let him hear the message. Let him explain (lie). Then I broke up with him. He's been my ex from that day forward. I broke up with him just on his intent to cheat. Cheating is Cheating!

Anything with emotional, romantic or lustful implications, you have to do in secret with another person is cheating. If you can't share info about your relationship or rapport with another person with your mate or dating partner I think is cheating. If it's hidden, it's cheating. For example, Man has secret dinners with a co-worker. They talk about hobbies, TV, love, lust, feelings and emotions. They never are physical. Wife never knows about these dinners. I think is cheating because the same energy that should be reserved for his wife he is secretly sharing it with someone else. If it not a problem, then it would not be in done in secret. The wife would know her husband went out with his co-worker and he would tell to her about what they talked about. Also he wouldn't be sharing love & lust energy with that co-worker at all. Yes kissing is cheating. Explain how some woman had a STD on her lip that's not from not oral sex and passed that off to her STD free boyfriend. Umm YES, Kissing is cheating too!

Now why people cheat, I don't know. But until the "experts" find out they need to Truly define it. One can find out why a behavior happens until they know what it is.

So what is your "definition" of Cheating? Emotional? Kissing? Intercourse? What's the worse? Share it here in the Comments.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms