My Problem with the Queens' Slanguage

There is no secret I hang out with a few gay people. I hang out with anyone who seems fun to hang out with and I can learn from. Okay I'm beating around a bush. The best way to say this is to use the show “Will and Grace.” There are two gay men on the show, Will and Jack. I don't prefer not hang out with the "Jacks" in life. They say things and have actions that bother me. Not the stereotypical flitting around, snapping fingers, and switching that is seems to be a synonymous. I mean taking offensive language and acting as though it is okay. I mean the "they are the end all to be all" attitude. It bothers me. I don't hang out with heterosexuals that behave this way and I will not hang out with homosexuals that do it as well. What you think you are celebrating is Very Insulting. Your celebration is based on stereotypes.

I would love to blame Perez Hilton for this blog. “Inside every gay man is a fierce Black woman!” Then after getting school about offensive language by Black Twitter, he in turn said got upset and compared Black women to Hitler. Yeah, he didn't get it but do we expect a person whose claim to fame is to gossip and out people to get it.  I would love to blame Woman who like Men who like Men for this blog. They should tell them “Umm not Cool” at some point. I can't blame RuPaul’s Drag Race for this blog. I love the show but this past episode, Season 6 premiere, made me want to throw a shoe towards a few contestants. Let’s another one say “Fish” or any of its types or “Okaaay”, one more time. The blame lies with me and anyone else who feels this way, for not saying something long time ago. We knew it bothered us and instead of avoiding the problem, it is the inferno that it is. Let me start with my Top 5 issues.

5.    All dowdy dressing Women, no let me say people, do not need a Fairy Gay-Mother to teach them to dress. They need someone to who has fashion understanding to help them. Your sexuality does not qualify to tell someone how to dress.

4.    All Plus Size women are not to be compared to other Plus Size Divas, especially the ones that can Saaang. (This goes for Churchy and wanna be Churchy people also (Tamela Mann, who seems like she is a nice lady, is not my cousin. )). I just stop giving Martha Wash side eye because in high school, there was a man I did my dietary intern with that said I reminded him of the “Classic Disco Diva” every day. All I did was make food trays and wash dishes. I wore scrubs like them and if I got a break, I was doing my homework. I can't even sing. It is not the compliment you think it is.

3.    All Plus Size and Dowdy women, heck women period, don’t make “Good Hags”.

We all are not “Sisters in the Discrimination Struggle”. That woman you have stereotyped maybe a homophobe. Meet her first before making her your next BFF based on a look and an action.

2.    “Fierce Black Woman” is not a compliment. It is a mythical stereotype that was produced by pop culture by its overuse in television (reality & scripted) and movies. She does not exist. She is a caricature. Perez Hilton, I’m sorry but a stereotype lives in you. All Black Women do not act like that all the time. Please don't let pop culture fool you.

1.     Using fish and all its variation to mean Feminine infuriates me. Referring to things that are feminine as fishy is gross. One does not need to be a rocket science to know where that comes from. That is nasty. Are you saying being feminine is revolting? Please stop that. Also Okaay or Umkaaay belong in the 90’s, leave it there.

This blog is No Tea, No Shade but something I hope people can learn from. People like to say words may or may not hurt but they can get you or your feelings hurt. It’s just like the F-word that cause all kinds of controversy surrounding Isaiah Washington & T.R. Knight of Grey’s Anatomy fame. I didn't know that word was offensive until then. I grew up thinking it was cuss word but not thinking it was as unpleasant as the n-word for Black people. This blog is to get those who have these attitudes, thoughts and use these words and phrases to know it is not okay. A homosexual man reading the beginning probably didn’t like me calling folks “Jacks”. If that offends anyone, I do apologize. The gay men I know will tell you they have to fill in the blanks or give me definitions when I express my frustration with this topic. God is working on me and I hope he is working on you too.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Beards

Who watches the show Let's Stay Together on BET? I do! I do! It's a fun show about a couples & family love. I love it. One of the storyline involves a college student who is in a paid relationship with a closeted gay professional athlete. Yes, she is a Beard. That what pop culture has decided to call a straight woman in a known relationship with a closeted gay man. It is to keep up a heterosexual appearance in public. Some are paid. Some are not. All are "helping" out a guy in a "lurch". Well now there is a hitch in this relationship, she's met someone. He knows she dating the athlete but he doesn't know he's gay. Also, the athlete does not want her dating other men. She needs to focus on her education that he is paying for or he will sue for breach of contract.

This is why I could never be a beard. I accept a man honesty to me because there are gay men in relationships with women and the women don't know. My issue with being a beard is squelching my desire to be with a man that wants me. I guess I have never been broke enough that the money and things my gay boyfriend pays that could block my true self, a heterosexual woman. If I was a beard, it's my luck my "perfect" man would come alone. I couldn't let being a beard block that blessing. A man who is not romantically involved with me could not dictate that I could not date another man who is. Now somebody just said "Maybe the datable guy would be okay with it". I don't want to date a man who is "okay" with that arrangement. I want a man who wants me and not some convoluted mess of a relationship I packing with me. I want a man who would think high enough of himself to be a "side piece". I want a man that would be bother with me, as a Beard.

So if you're going to be a beard look over the contract. Think about it with your whole heart.If it is something you agree to fully. Even though I could be a Beard, Could you?

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms