Pretty Language For Sexual Violence

I know my problem is that I am a Know-It-all but come on news media get it together. Y'all see the headlines.

Teacher arrested for improper relationship with student

Police investigating alleged student-teacher relationship

Man allegedly enters car to touch child 

Woman who had sex with son’s teenage friend headed to prison

Half Of Male College Athletes Admit History Of 'Sexually Coercive' Behavior

Aren't they worded cute? We use the prettiest words for rape & molestation. I wish these headlines just call a thing a thing like Iyanla Vanzant says. And these article headlines are not worded because of creativity. They are worded because our society thinks rape & molestation are harsh & ugly words to describe rape & molestation. And it is not just me. I am in good company on social media & even a few professional clients I have. 

The headlines of newest rape case out of Aldine, Tx, has been styled in such a way that is unruled. Read it Here. I know Ms. Teacher is convinced she was in a relationship. Of course she is, if not she would not have told the police that crud. But for the news media to report it that way is crazy to me. 

Society is not dumb. We know what rape & molest mean. But I can't blame the news media because we allow them to use these words. We allow that because we use them ourselves. As a child, I heard, well, overheard adults talking to one another about a child being touched so much it is unreal. "Yeah, they found the neighbor touching on those little boys". "They put her daughter in CPS because her brother was touching her". "You weren't touched as a child, were you"?  I know a lady in her 90s whose only opinion about teacher-student rape is, "Lord, this was going on when I was in school. The men teachers were going with the girls. And the lady teachers were going with the boys. The better learn to stop". So, the news is only using the words they think we, adult are comfortable with. And until we accept that an adult having a relationship with a child is rape, we will rarely read it like we do. Man allegedly enters car to molest child can never be a headline until we stop just saying touch. Maybe the crazy attitudes about might change when we use them as the synonyms to describe their heinous acts.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Spelman Cuts Ties With Cosby

I told you guys months about Spelman College suspending professorship endowment money donated from Bill Cosby and his charities. (Here's the Blog Post). I told you guys I would be paying close attention. Well this week, they made it official and discontinued the Cosby endowment. You can read the New York Times  & USA Today and get news coverage.

I'm not shocked. When the 2005 court disposition documents were unsealed and it revealed he had obtained Quaaludes "with the intent of giving them to young women he wanted to have sex with," I knew then that should be the nail in his coffin for who ever was trying to give him some benefit of the doubt. Spelman at that point had just "suspended" the money so they were still giving him a little hope of belief. Then the admission of having the drugs to give to ladies he wanted to sleep with had to have been the point where they said enough is enough.

Now, we shouting "Black Lives Matter" & "Say Her Name" because of police brutality running rampant in the country. And we should. But we also need to stand up to folks that are harming us in other ways.

Sorry, but what Bill Cosby admitted to is dangerous. Even if the women knew they were taking the drugs. Even if he gave them the drug but didn't get to have sex with the women. Even if he never gave anyone any pills. Just the his mindset of what he wanted to do with the drugs is menacing. Quaaludes were prescription drugs that were legally used as a sedative for relaxation. But folks started misusing them because of their possible side effects that can include drowsiness, dizziness, increased sexual arousal (aphrodisia), and paresthesias (the numbness of the fingers and toes). I don't care if everybody was doing it. Bill Cosby knew that was wrong in the 1970's, just like he knows that it was wrong now

Who wants money from somebody who thinks/thought that was okay to do? . Well, Spelman College does not. I can't imagine what the board went through making that decision. If you think funding for public, private, & charter schools is baffling, think about funding for universities & college . Faculty see a mere fraction of the tuition & fees that paid. I think I read when tuition was increased by an average of 72%, faculty salaries only increased by 2.1%. That's what many of the endowments granted pay for. I've seen professor fight to be able to be the one to teach both summer sessions because of the pay. Oh and I went to & graduated from state funded schools. Spelman is a historically black, liberal arts women’s college that is privately funded. I hope no one lost their job. I hope a course or courses was/were not cut because this controversy.  But right is right. I pray that they are blessed with funding from sources that match their mission & moral standings. Spelman like its motto had to make "a choice to change the world". Trust me somebody in the world is impacted by this. Spelman, A Historically Black, Liberal Arts Women’s College decided not to take money from a man who at least had plans to give a women drugs so he could have sex with her. *slow clap*

Oh yeah a side note. Just because Bill Cosby obtain Quaaludes in order to screw women he liked doesn't mean Sagging pants is okay. Pull Your Pants Up!!1

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Alright It's Time (Cosby Allegations)

Y'all have noticed it has been some serious topics in the current pop culture headlines I have not spoke about. The Bill Cosby Rape/Drugging Allegations is one of those headlines. I was waiting on a few certain events to happen. Today, I finally heard what I waiting on. So now I will give my two cents.

Yes, like many of us I was shocked when it all first came out. I hate to hear about rape & molestation stories, period. Then to hear Bill Cosby to possibly be involved in these horrendous acts. It make me frown.

The number of women accusing him rises every week. The stories about him being a secretly known philanderer that is quick to unzip his pants in the entertainment industry.

And unlike another accused rapist, Cee-Lo Green (who I have unfanned him liked R. Kelly),  Cosby is being quiet. Except to speak on how his wife (who is kind of vague in speaking about her feeling at this point) is taking it all of this

"Love and the strength of womanhood. Let me say it again, love and the strength of womanhood. And, you could reverse it, the strength of womanhood and love.

and how expects neutrality of the black media.

"I only expect our black media to uphold the standards of excellent journalism. And when you do that, you go in with a neutral mind."

Now, I am also not saying all the women are liars. I will never ask any of these question.

-Why are they saying something decades later?

Because these women (if not lying) are a part of decades of the silent victim era (I made that term up). Victims of rape and other abusive crimes are now encouraged to talk about it now. And some encouragement, people are still asking rape victims disbelieving questions.

-Where is the proof?

Who keeps decades old proof? Again unless there is a film reel of the encounter yet to appear, I doubt any of the alleged victims have proof. And if any of the accusers have a Bill Cosby semen stained item...I leave that alone.

-What are the victims motives?

Maybe to get the truth (if it is) out. Just because a court can't try him, doesn't mean can could be guilty. If he did do these horrendous acts, it needs to be known. At least if it is known, this can be avoided some. People know what to be aware. He offers a lady a drink maybe she needs to decline.

I won't ask any of that. Actually those are a few reasons why people (women & men) don't report rape.

So, what was I waiting on? Bill Cosby prides himself on being charitable to the field of education. I felt like if anything would hurt him the most, would be the day the schools he and his wife give to sever ties because of allegations.

When I saw alma mater, Temple pull away, with the news of his resignation from the Board of Trustees, I knew the proverbial dominos would start to fall. I really had interest in watching for one of the Cosby benefitted HBCUs to pull back. Let's face it, Historically Black Colleges & Universities don't have the funding most public & pricier private schools get. So, if a HBCU cut away even an inch it would scream MAJOR to me. That means they would have to walk away from lot of needed dollars. Money that maybe hard to replace. Money that might shut a department or some departments down. Well, Spelman yelled and I heard them.

The historically black, liberal arts women’s college in Atlanta indefinitely suspended the William and Camille Olivia Hanks Cosby Endowed Professorship, which was funded by a $20 million gift by the Cosbys in 1987.

“The current context prevents us from continuing to meet these objectives fully. Consequently, we will suspend the program until such time that the original goals can again be met.”

Spelman College didn't say whether it would change the name of its academic center, which also bears Cosby’s name. We shall see. I heard that scream and I tweeted about it.

The rapper, Nelly swiped a ATM card down the butt of a female dancer in one of his videos.

The women of Spelman felt that degrading to women. They would not let him have blood marrow drive, in order to find a match for his ailing sister on their campus until they sat down and had a talk. Nelly didn't want to talk and no blood marrow drive was had. If they took a stand on that you know something was going to be done about the Cosby allegations. Spelman had to protect their image. Their value could not be based the money on a possible criminal (if the allegations are true) or a possible philanderer (if they are not true but he had least slept with any if not all the accusers). $20 million dollars is a lot of money to give up. But the principles & standards this college stands for should be worth much more. Spelman has started detachment from the Cosbys, will Morehouse College & Fisk University and others join them? It will be an interesting narrative if they do.

Like I said I don't know what to truly believe at this point. I only want to believe in the truthful facts.

Whether the truth comes out on this or the other side of God's glory, it will come out. As an educated person, it just hurts to see  any higher institutions of learning having to make these kind of decisions. Decisions based on possible vile & vulgar acts towards humanity. I guess no one associated with this case will walk away unscathed.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Rape Culture (I Blame Pop Culture)

Rape culture links rape and sexual violence to the culture of a society, and in which prevalent attitudes and practices normalize, excuse, tolerate, and even condone rape. And we thank Wikipedia for their definition. Rape Culture is

·           Blaming the Victim, the victim’s clothing, time the victim was out, how much did the victim drank in alcohol, did the victim know the rapist

·           When a Group of men & boys have "gang bang" sex on a girl. The guys get arrested yet still people ask “Where was the girl’s parents”?

·           "Men can’t be raped by Women"

·           Children well under the age of consent thinking having sex at that age is normal

·           Seduction is romantic

·           Watching a sex tape of an R&B crooner, saying that he did it yet still buying his music (I’m not a hypocrite because I am a hypocrite. I was still a fan of Trapped in the Closet Chapters for a minute after finally seeing the tape) music. Umm don’t you think the true public opinion didn’t sway the case

·           Men cat-calling and harassing women as the walk down the street

·           Young men being taken to prostitute because they are "too old to be a virgin"

·           Girls not being allowed to wear legging to school because it entices the boys & male teachers

·           Boy slapping girls on the butt or grabbing their breast and running off like it’s their free for all right to grope

·           Women just now being thought of as child molesters & rapists

·           The term “underage sex worker” instead of “child trafficking victim”

·           20 different ways women have been taught to avoid rape, while barely anyone is teaching men NOT TO RAPE

·           Asking “Were any of the rapist’s victims, prostitutes or strippers”?

·           Video games are created that allow players to rape other player’s characters… for amusement

·           Men plan out their rapes in advance by carrying rape drugs with them

·           When Rappers don’t understand putting drugs in a person’s drink, taking that person anywhere to have sex, have sex with said person and “they don’t even know it” is Wrong

·           When the President of France attacks a random stranger in his hotel room and gets away with it, cause “women always want sex.”

·           Arizona publishes the names and addresses of rape victims

·           When universities give women students rape whistles to stop rape

·           “You know you want it” because of these “Blurred Lines”

·           Believing men are wild animals unable to control their sexual urges

·           Detention centers and communities allowing undocumented women to be raped because the fear of deportation keeps them from reporting

·           One Month Rape Sentences

·           Child Brides not Sex Slaves

·           Rape Culture is made up by Angry Feminists

Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments. And what has Pop Culture done to stop any of this? How much of it has Pop Culture promoted, itself?  I’ll let you answer that.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms