Sit With Him, It Will Get Better

It hurts my heart when I hear about homicides & suicides. It weeps when I hear when those
are the result of bullying. I'm not a flag waver when it comes to my victim days. Trust me
they will make you wince. I was/am not the best acting child, teen, adult ever. I do wrong, too, daily. But would have been easier not being bullied. But it contain lessons I needed.

In 5th grade I was physically more developed than many adults let alone children. I was subject of teasing, bullying, & tormenting of my peers, but even the spiteful conversation of my teachers. Oh I thought "Go to a Teacher" if you have a a problem was a load of crock growing up. I feel if I made a bully list a couple of math, a social studies teachers, & maybe an office worker would go on the list with some of my classmates. Okay let me move on because I'm getting upset. I'm doing well being FaceBook Friends with a few of my bullies (even the biggest one) but I have a feeling if I saw those adults Today, I don't know if I wouldn't have to pray hard not to react.

By middle school I was an overweight nerd with a bad attitude. The teasing didn't stop but My attitude changed. Instead of crying, I had a major chip on my shoulder. I was Smart & knew it. All my bullies weren't and I knew it. Oh let one try to copy off my work, I was not having it. Oh and I made sure teachers saw me not sharing answers and them trying to cheat.  My not sharing was my way of punching back because they would get caught and or fail their work. I know it was mean but explain that to a 12 year old being object of random boys smacking her butt or trying to grope her at her locker. Especially when there
were many girl who loved for them to do that them.

In high school weight teasing decreased some but, Religious teasing increased. In the most
unlikely of places, Church. I was one of kids that was called to do it all, the welcomes, youth announcement clerk, usher this, BTU activities that. If they needed somebody I was in the group to get called. It didn't help that I came from one of those "Families" that Other People think we think we are "all that", don't have
any problems, and always, Always looking for some scandal on. The family that other's had "expectations" for and when you didn't measure up their tongues wag. To my church peers, I was an L7. I Tried to fit in but after a while I cared less. I knew I loved the Lord & he loved me. Apparently it show no matter any kind of wrong I tried or do. Because trust me I would get asked by many people, strangers incl., if I was saved and why was I doing whatever I was doing.

Wait before I finish let me say this before those who are against the church start.Those are PEOPLE, not GOD. And where God is, God gets his glory. One just prays that real Worship & Praise take over at any place you go. So Satan and his minions don't disrupt. And I learned that at that church.

Well when I was 16, I wasn't getting the party because of summer school (failed Chemistry, never my subject)but I still got gifts. Among clothes, & music requests for Aaliyah, BlackStreet, 69 Boyz(didn't get that one). I wanted a Leather Bound Youth Bible(got that one). If you asked me, I told you. What was I supposed to be ashamed of? My school pals didn't tease me. A few wanted to see it actually & got one later. It was the church buddies that went in on me. NOT from the one's not being called on, the very folks being used in service such as myself. And some of the late 20's, Early 30's age group who had gotten word about it. Oh I heard all kinds of crap but "bible nerd" stand out the most. Oh I was fat there also. Now, I'm a Fat Bible Nerd!!! If I carried that Bible folks ask to see it and look at it like it was filled with profanity. In that I found out what some really thought of me. That incident was just one of many. Oh it was hard because sometimes at 16, 17, & 18 I kept forgetting you are not suppose to cuss people out in church. I learned the hard way I was there for God not man. I also had to learn that I was only there until college & I will free
to find somewhere else that I could be a "Bible nerd"(Yes, I did after college). Wish "Sitting Beside Me" by Mary Mary was out when I was a teen.

It is unfortunate Decent (not criminal, perverted, etc.) children, teens, & adults can't be who they are without taunting, teasing & abuse. It has to get better. It will get better. It does get better.We can preach that all day & night long but until we wrap our arms around somebody hurting just like we did it can't get better for someone else. Oh I said my Whole story will make one wince. How happy kids, teens & adults becomes bullied & broken should bother make anyone with a heart. It bothers me to see a big busted teen without proper under garments. It hurts to see Adults roll their eyes to see a child boldly read scripture or recite a poem on self-esteem. When you don't support them you're breaking theirs. See within my hurt feelings I am also not afraid to give public addresses because of mostly my church experience. I don't think shape wear & proper foundation is new because somebody introduced me to it early. Rather help & sit with a hurting one than that broken one hurt themselves & other. But Yeah It Has to Get Better!!! Sit with God!!!

WITH YOUR RUDE @SS (Short Hair Edition)

Was at home and I caught a popular daytime talk show and they said there are reports that since Emma Roberts, (from Harry Potter fame) cut her hair, the media outlets have been speculating about her sexuality. Some have been Bold enough to ask if she is a lesbian and was that her way of coming out.

JUST BECAUSE SHE CUT HER HAIR. Daaaaang, That is RUDE!!!

The funny part is this is so common it is not funny. A character from my favorite web series "Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl" ask the main character was she gay because she did the "big chop".

There are many lesbians who have Long tresses. Portia Di Rossi & Sarah Gilbert are two I can think of. Michelle Williams, Pink, & Halle Berry have short hair and they are straight. And those are Just the celebrities. 

Oh I know the non-celebs with short hair are asked this ignorant question mightily. Where did this come from? Send it back! Hair length is not indicator of sexuality. It's the indicator that the want or need for short hair warranted. "You cut your hair. Are you Gay"?

Ooh let that RUDE crap die quickly.

How about "You just asked me if I was Gay because I cut my hair. Are you stupid"?
I'm sorry, I'm now being Rude. 8D

Goodbye My Friend, One Life to Live!!!

Today I said Goodbye to a Good Friend by the name of "One Life to Live". We have been friends for almost 19 years. Christmas break of my sophomore year in high school I started watching this show. My high school friend Kim introduced it to me to this dear friend.

Back then I think Dorian Lord was being held hostage by Viki Buchanan 's alter Jean Randolph. Todd Manning kidnapped Nora Gannon, his lawyer who threw his rape case that cause to be imprisoned. And the man overseeing the crime in town was RJ Gannon, who was (first man amongst a select few) the Finest man with locks & a beard I ever saw (FYI: not a fan of hair on the head & full beards). Oh those were the days.

Today, with Tears rolling down my face. I watch Nora Buchanan's son Matthew see the birth of his son being born with Destiny Evans (who has a fine brother named Shaun, who has a hair cut. YES, my kind of man). They named him Drew. Todd Manning's daughter Starr go with her daughter to Los Angeles. He, himself get arrested again. This time it is for murder. Also, the reason why the Mannings and John Mcbain have to crossover to General Hospital (a story about the mob & not the hospital). Vicki Davidson finally got her happy ending. Oh let us not forget Mitch Lawrence went to Hell. Satan will happy to see his best son(oh he was evil and thought he was on the right side) Thank you, Lord!!!

I'll miss the only Soap that I could go to school (high school & college) for semesters and still pick up like I never left. I can't tell you where Kim is these days but I know One Life to Live will always be the Best Soap EVER. I don't know what to do at 1pm CST Monday through Friday. Well, other than get some work done. I will miss it so. Farewell Buddy!!!

WITH YOUR RUDE _SS (Big Bust Edition)

Excuse me but this needs to be said.
Big Busted Women are People Too!!!

When people see a large busted woman, what makes some tell that woman "Oooh you have some BIG ol' _______? As one of them, let me inform you that They Know That Already. I don't what it is that makes people be so rude and say that. And it isn't not just Men being the rude little hogs, Small & Average bust women too. Sick as Hell. And just as Loud!!!

And another sick thing is to then ask them after they have been Greatly Embarrassed then asked them for their bust size. Are the offenders gonna buy the victims a Bra? So then, why do they need to know?

And for these poor women to tell these punks "None of your business" or my favorite "Are you gonna buy my next (not at Walmart, $$$) bra" people act like they are offended. Nooooo jerks, you are being Rude. Like she is wrong for not answering that nasty question. Nooooo idiot, you are wrong for asking.

MOST Women with big breasts are Not shame of their size but to call them out like that, Come On! How about pointing out to a big lip person "Oooh you got some BIG Ol' soup coolers". Or wait what about a person with sparse hair on their head "Ooooh You Don't have any Hair", Sounds rude huh. So, why do it to anybody? These aren't children these are Adults. Adults that think to say such obscenities is cute. Not Cute!!! Learn how to behave!

I could understand certain intimate places (let see the bedroom, hotel room, maybe strip club, umm can't think anywhere else right now) or moments Maybe depending the tone "Ooooh you got some BIG OL'________ may be accepted but Out Loud in the public, not Cute. It's Rude. Who said that this was cool to do? This is one issue I wish would die. And if you see or hear any offenders of this nasty behavior send them the link to think blog entry. It needs to Stop!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

The Decision has Been Made, Just Be Still

Exactly Today 4 years ago, I was told my father passed away on Christmas Day. Exactly Today 4 years ago, I also saw God's Word make a decision that in a way, man's eyes & understanding will never comprehend.
I was a child of marital separation. I was a child of a deadbeat father. My parents separated when I was 3 months old. I didn't know for them to be together and never cared for them to be together. Even as a child, I knew we (my siblings & I) were better off with a single mother. No fighting parents (stepparent for my siblings). My mother never talked badly about my father. But he (who I mostly saw by random accidents) talked bad about her and her family, the family that raised me. Especially my grandfather, who was my main father figure. So by the time I was 21, I decided he & I didn't share values, goals, respect for life & people, & being in each other's lives would not be likely. The last time I spoke to my father was a year before his passing when he called to tell me his mother died. He caught up on my life (college graduate & business owner) and finally sound less bitter about my mother and family.

During the time after My father passed, I was packing for a long-awaited trip out of town to see my college friends. My mother told me who & how she was told. I was very sad but I was still packing and planning to go out of town the next day, the day of his viewing, two days before his funeral. My sister & aunts called and all I could tell them was, don't have that announced at their church. My cousin called to set the time to drop me at the airport. I finally went into a deep inward prayer mode. I'm sad but I still packing. I'm sad but I'm not angry. I'm sad but not guilty that I'm going out of town. That morning my cousin came with the paper & I saw the obituary. I saw my name as one of the survivors. Then I went to the airport still in this prayer mode. Got my ticket, went through the security point, and was waiting on the plane. My inward prayer was getting louder in my soul. "Lord, I don't understand my behavior. I'm sad but I'm still going out of town. Am I guilty for not being guilty? Lord, Let your will be done because it's the only one that matters." To the natural eye, I was just sitting there. "Lean not to thy own understanding" came to my mind. Then I thanked God for my father because without him I wouldn't be alive nor have the good life I had. Then I was reminded of the scripture "Be Still & Know I am God" and I was at peace. I shrugged and said, "Why be fake? To sit on a front row to shake shiver, and cry next to some "family member" you don't know, would be so fake".

I went on my trip and came back to a funeral program from a minister who questioned my family about my absence waiting for me. I came home to a funeral program full of memories of a life that I didn't know of waiting for me. Like a funeral program of a stranger. Yep, I made the right decision for me. The Real Me. I always said when that day came, the Lord would help. And an ever-present help, he is, especially that day. One day, I'll go visit his grave. Forever, I'm glad I did what was right no matter how It Looks to Man. God knows what's best. And what's best is not what We think it is.
RIP Droopy

Pervert & the Cowards

Sandusky---> McQueary---> Paterno---> Penn St Officials---> But not the Police

This Penn St sex scandal sickens me. Of course Sandusky is the worse for being the vile molester. But the rest of the names are not real men either. They are a bunch of COWARDS that passed the buck of Responsibility instead of doing right thing and going to the police themselves.

McQueary is the worse of these cowards. He saw it! So why didn't he get the police? What about vigilante justice for the child? He should have confronted Sandusky in the shower then and there and got the child to safety. The rest just dropped the ball (No Pun Intended). Amazing how these Old, Grown, Adult men could do that.

And the poor Penn St community. Who wants to go though this? I know the students hate that their beloved coach is gone & school is battling reporters & legal accusations. But I want them to consider hearing this about another school. SMH

*Talking to You in Grown Up*

Fat Butt News Broadcast

I hate News Cast that focus on obesity & being overweight. Not the facts & advice. The showing of people's faces, guts, & butts has to be embarrassing. Especially if somebody realize that their body part on TV. 8O Especially kids. Oh the horrible possibility. You're eating a cupcake or getting a milk. It gets on TV and then the next day your peers tease you. Is the media trying to shame people into losing weight?

I remember the first time I passed by someone in a mall & I was Aware I got "That Look".  I was secretly embarrassed. Then I was obsessed for about a month checking to see my bust, butt & legs on TV. I finally esteem checked myself & stopped. I wonder do others do that.

I really wish the Media would stop that. Has to be like Invasion of Privacy, somehow. Hope no one signed a release, especially not the parents of the kids.
I bet not see my body on TV on a report. It will be hell to pay.

*Talking to You in Grown Up*