The "Who Proposes" Question

I have this 3X-asked question sitting in my inbox unanswered. "Do I agree with women proposing to men"? Thanks to the lady who proposed to the guy, who said no and whispered to her he was married in a Nigerian mall, this "everyone has an opinion on" topic is on trend again. I have never heard anyone voice my true answer, so I have to actually voice (well type it) it.

No, maybe never will I ever believe a woman should propose to a man. No matter what traditions and misrepresented scriptures say, there are no rules written anywhere that dictate who should propose marriage. Those are not the basis of my opinion. It is based on my observation. I don't agree with it because I have only seen women who are desperate to propose. No Human(Male or Female) Should Propose Marriage Out of Desperation. Even some of the success stories I have read have desperation in them.

They usually have one question based on the proposal, "Why hasn't he proposed yet"?. Until I hear more women confidently say they knew because of the talks their boyfriend & they had together, it was the right time for them to take their relationship to the ultimate step, and most importantly, I Loved Him, I say No. None of this I proposed because he didn't or was slowing around will get my approval. I proposed because I can't see life without him. That's what I want to hear. And if you are doing the relationship work, you should know.

Oh & before you ask, I don't know if I would propose marriage. I don't entertain serious marriage discussions until well into year 2 of consistent dating. And remember, I've never brought a boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner. It would be premature for me to propose and I don't know if 25 people attacking a green bean casserole makes him want to run out the front door.

As Always, Talking to You In Adult Terms.

Man Please, I'm Tired

This is probably should be called How Outspoken_Diva Will Never Get a Date Again or Why ALL the Men Boycott Outspoken_Diva. LoL But I am tired of every crappy male opinion about women. We need one another to survive but you trample us every chance you get. So, let me air out some grievances,  

I'm Tired of 77=100 Because it doesn't. No matter what stats you put on our plate on why, I'm not ingesting that crap. Equal Pay for Equal work. And I won't be fooled by "Period Leave". That's another way to hide behind not paying women what they are worth.

I get tired of the complaints & insults just because a woman bring up the topic of equality

Is Chivalry is dead is the question, but somehow the answer leads the problem of independent women. I'm tired of guys passing the blame and not owning up to their part. Open the door for a lady. Offer a standing lady a seat. Walk on the open side. Ring or Knock the door for a date. And stop worrying about if she will be upset if you "patronized" her.

I'm tired of No not meaning No. I was never taught another meaning for that word. I read an interesting article about Consent on The Root. If THIS doesn't help you...

I'm tired of Overly Conscious N-word yelling Bed Wench for every black woman's decision that doesn't line up to their views. Like the Queen never thinks without the King. Like a Queen can't still be a Queen without a King.

And where were they when Charles McKinney shot a lady because she rejected him. I tired of you guys preaching about all the injustices done to you but not teaching your brothers how not do wrong to others

Street Harassment & Cat Calling, You know I am passed tired. It's more than a hello. Say Baby & Psst is not a greeting. Down grab my arm to get my attention. Don't follow me to wear me down into speaking to you. Let me be just be rude when you speak.

I'm tired of being told the "Dress How You Want to be Addressed" but my male counterpart is rarely told to "Keep His Hands & Eyes to Himself at All Times".

My body is not a Feeling & Touching toy no matter how I'm dressed. Because a woman can be covered up and still have a stray hand touch bottom. No cleavage can be showing and breast are still being ogled at. 

How Tired I am, I needed Kelly Price for the soundtrack

Another celebrity who fell for the "Reality" trope at one time

I'm tired of some of these male self-help authors writing books for ladies but have yet to write a book for men. I can "Act Like Lady & Think Like a Man" but what is the dude I dating suppose to do. I get it the numbers say women read more than men. The stats didn't say Men don't read at all. Oh you can have a show called "It's Not You, It's Men", but when will you have a show for men to learn, It's Them? Wait that means you must admit, It's you, too. And he Just Not be Into Me but let him know I just may not be into him also. The dating reaction coin works the same for both genders.

Oh and "Good Guys", I'm tired of you too. A Good guy doesn't have to tell me he is one and then get upset that I am not interested in him. You getting upset actually flaws your good status. It is not always about a woman wanting a "Bad" boy. Ever had the thought that you are just not the "Good" guy for me.  All levels of attraction must be mutual.

Oh and Church men, I'm tired that I can be your bible study, Sunday school, children's church, ect., teacher when you were a little "boy". (Look around and find how few males are teaching children in church) Oh, but you have a problem with me teaching you as a man. Some of your pulpits won't allow a woman to be a minister, pastor or bishop. Women are are only allowed to speak to some of the main bodies on 5th Sunday for Mission or Women's Sunday.

I'm also tired that it is taught that ladies can't sit on the front row because it will distract the preacher. But the preacher is not taught not to sit in the "Baby, Come & Get It" stance in the pulpit. If he was hid behind the cross like he was supposed to be, he wouldn't be distracted.

Oh and most of the women in the church are not after the preacher or the new single man at church. I tired of that stereotype. I got a feeling a fed-up lonely, dateless usher started that. He told the stereotypical gay dude before the start of Men's bible class and it spread like wildfire. Now, that usher is long dead leaving a late in life wife, some foster kids, and that rumor here on this Earth.

And since I mentioned a gay man. Gay men, time to sip a cup a tea, because I'm tired of you guys, too. You are not the end all to be all when it comes to fashion. I don't need you to tell me how to dress to catch a heterosexual man. You guys don't feel the urgent need to help straight brethren to catch my straight butt. Clearly not because, who pairs polka dots and stripes and calls it edgy. I dress for me and if a man likes that, Great. Either give me a compliment or don't. Because truth be told your very fashion uncomfortable tips, didn't land me a man either.

And this love for the Sassy Female trope is Very tired. She is a negative caricature. I don't care if Mr "Reality TV", Andy Cohen promotes on his "reality" full of overbold women telling it like it is and keepin' it real all the time. Women's lives are never 100% domineering moments that demand us to shoot from the hip.

And and this tired euphemism of things feminine you guys use, Fish. It is past time for you to stop the using fish in that manner. You have been told repeatedly how offensive. We are not synonyms for what men like yourself imagine as our “dirty smelly” reproductive systems. We are every bit as fully human as you.

Oh and heterosexual men donning on wigs doing skits let's address you. Some folks (male & female, hetero & homo sexual) think you need to just come out the closet. I'm not going to touch that opinion. That's not my opinion. But I see some of your passive aggressive way to express your complaints the stereotypical behavior of baby mama's, trailer trash, ratchet, & chola chicks, & church girls through the vehicle of comedy. Comedy is subjective but you guys need some new material. A few are cute but many are overkill. Stop hiding behind a wig to make your points. And get a lady to do the role.

Nerds, you are not exempt. I get pop culture's normalization nerdom is now tainting the waters. But to tell ladies to prove they are nerdy is sexist.

And I'm tired of you fanboys dictating to me what is acceptable nerd culture & who can celebrate. As a marginalized group, it behooves me that you would tell a lady who has the same interests as you, that she is a fake.

Well now, I am exhausted. I probably have barely scratched this topic. But I had to LOVE you guys enough to tell you that you are hurting me. And yes, I know "Not All Men". Well, not All Women are not the stuff you a tired of us doing. Comments are open, of course. No Mansplaining, though. No one is slow. And only the guilty and hard of understanding would do that tired mess anyway. Alright, I love you, guys!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Women Hitting Men Discussions (I Blame Pop Culture)

 I don't understand people who can not Use Their Words in an argument. The first thing they do when they are losing is start hitting someone. Some folks act as those that is the only reaction they have.  Many of those are women. It behooves me that I live in a society that does not see these women that unjustly put their hands on men. It behooves me that some people don't understand the sentiment of statements of Whoopi Goldberg

or Stephen A. Smith. I didn't say I agree exactly with either Goldberg or Smith. Goldberg's statement doesn't stop the violence.  And I've already spoke about the Smith's

generalized rant in a previous blog. But I wholeheartedly understand what they are saying. I agree with the underlying ideas of what they have said. Smith tried but failed majorly.We need to confront and/or punish these women who think it is okay to hit men.They actually think they are immune to punishments & consequences.

Oh there is a culture of nasty little women that feel like because they are female and it is taught that a man can't hit a woman that they think they can hit a man and there will be no consequence.

Let me describe a situation. A man is late coming home from work. They had plans to play cards with other men & women in their home. His wife and he started arguing about his tardiness. The argument gets heated. The others are looking. The man suggests they go into the bedroom to discuss the issue. The wife says "I'm not going anywhere". The husband tries to proceed to the bedroom. She says "Where are you going? I'm not through talking about this". Then she pushes him in the head. He walks off and goes into the bedroom. She follows him and still wanting to argue. The guest are just sitting there discussing what they just witness. The wife is heard pushing her husband  and saying "What you want to hit me back".  Eventually the husband leaves the house to cool off.

Why did she hit him? What about the woman's consequences? She gets to hit him because he was late and she is mad and embarrassed. Nobody is going to stop her.

Sad part is society and pop culture actually protects her. A woman hits a man. If that man press charges on her. He is call a derogatory names like wuss & punk. Not a victim. Just like some of the people like the police officer in the video. So yeah, some of these guys snap and hit hit back or worse. Then, they go to jail. It's like a crazy Catch 22 scenario. Of all the double standards that are female favorable and it would be this grossness.

What is wrong with telling women not to put their hands on men? What is wrong with telling women to keep their hands & feet off of other people? Men are People too. My mother & grandmother taught me to keep my hands to myself. I teach my 18 year old niece & my eight year old nephew the same thing.

No Human has the Right to Hit, Punch, Slap, or Kicking another Human unless it is in Self-Defense or they are being legally paid to do so. Don't know how to fight without your extremities, Get Away from Each Other. If you  Hit, Punch, Slap, or Kicking another person, there should be lawful consequences.

Women are humans so, they do not have that right either. Pop culture has it wrong. Instead of attacking those who are trying their best to speak on and against this gross issue, they need help getting the message across.

Men shouldn't hit Women. Women shouldn't hit Men. Men shouldn't hit Men. Women shouldn't hit Women. People shouldn't hit People

Now I Said it!!!

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Oh To Be a Christian Black Woman…

• My pastor drives a luxury car but the church is still paying on the mortgage since 1984.
• My pastor quoted a Chris Brown song in the pulpit but he’s divorced because of an affair.
• The choir director is gay but my church is marching in the anti-homosexual parade this Saturday.
• Oh, my pastor can preach a good word but have you heard him read?
•  My church got a new pastor and some of the singles members have already booked up the counseling sessions for the month.
• Ooh, the first family is so stuck up.
• Have you read that new book or watched that documentary exposing the church pimps. You know I bet they were talking about (insert the name of a popular minister you have heard gossip about). These church folks are brainwashed.
• (Insert a church name) was foreclosed. Sunday is their last service.

Woo!!! I typed those statements and had to break out the gospel. Talk about mind-numbing. So, how many times have you entertained conversations like this? Oh, I know my readers are not the ones starting these conversations. I’m guilty of listening to talk like such as this. I have even called a few ministers & a pastor illiterate. Forgive me, God. But talk like this is so harmful. We keep our mouths on the very institutions we attend. Also, talk about people we listen to tell us the truth.  It gives fodder to those who have all kinds of issues with the church, especially the Black church.

For every blog I have about me being a Christian or talking about church, I get 3 emails suggesting an anti-Black Christian article or a blog post, book, or movie exposing the Black church. I've learned not to take so much of it seriously. Many of it is by people hurt by “church folks” (there is a difference between church folks & Christians) and that is their way of picking a bone with the institution that is full of generalizations and statements based on hearsay and twisted facts with no solutions. I’m not saying any of it is or is not true. I know some were sent and some that just went. I just feel like I have enough sense to watch, fight, and pray for the ones God called.

Christian Black Women are constantly targeted to warn against the intuition of the church, especially the Black church. I get so tired of being called “Brain Washed”, I could cry.  To me, it’s like being told because I decide to listen to a black man (who is just a human as the other humans) tell me about God’s love in his way and decide to donate my 10% (that is mandated by God in the book of Malachi called Tithes) and more sometimes to a place that I expect to be a properly functioning place, I am Stupid. I am tired of the generalized accusations against the black church as a whole. Some make the stories true. I will admit that. But also there are Many, Many which are not. Is the church loving? Though the church speaks against things that are against the Bible, is it still loving as it should be to those who are living against what they are against? Are they issuing loving yet firm sanctions against wrongdoing? Does church function well with paying its bills and is charitable to others. When the church gets hit with hard times, does it have a workable program to handle those times? Is the church getting smart financial planning? People see the pastors driving luxury cars but have you asked the finance committee if that pastor even takes a salary from the church? Did he get the car as an anniversary gift or maybe saved his money and finally bought him a “nice” car? And that first family, that is “uppity”. Have you always been friendly to them or been seen by them being friendly? Oh but as soon they don’t speak… Who said that the first family is the most important people in the church?

I could have sworn God is the most important person there. If we focus on him, all the truths we need to know will be exposed. If we focus on God, we see the bad and the Good. When we focus on God, we don’t complain about faults, we uplift strengths to help the faults. I said we because I'd started writing this post to complain about those always bad-mouthing the church and I need to help them see the God I serve in me and be more understanding that many of those that complain are just as hurt and those they think they are helping. See I have to focus on God more, also. If We All focus on God, “pulpit pimps” won’t have anyone to pimp. As a matter a fact they won’t have time to pimp. People who are Anti-Whatever, won’t be so Anti-whatever. We are working on ourselves and trying to be better in God’s eyes and not trying better others by our “godly” standards. Anything people like to wag their fingers about won’t matter because We All are focusing on God.  Let’s just pray for more focus so this God we claim to serve can be seen. God is not man so he’s not wagging anything. The people who are so against the church won’t have anything to send me articles about because all they see is… I can’t wait for that day, too.

So, I challenge all of us instead of complaining when we see wrong in churches, I understand. Why would you pay tithes to a place that can't pay the light bill or to a man that is backsliding all over the place? Why be a member of a place that says a lesbian can't be over the church Boy Scouts but also didn't find out if the current leader is a pedophile. Pray about what should be said and/or done before you make a move. The statements about would not say if folks were praying about and not talking about it. 

Also to those who are against the church, especially the black church, what are your suggestions (other than don’t go to church)? Oh no, you are bold enough to complain, be bold enough to offer a useful solution or two. You can suggest that I am a mindless sheep following a wayward shepherd, leading me into a better mindset. I believe in God, his son, Jesus Christ, who died for me, and his essence, Holy Spirit, which he left to comfort me until he comes to get me, and those who believe like me to take us to live with him. The human part of me takes offense that you think I am dumb to let my free will participate in such things. But the God in me understands and prays for you to be just as understandable.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

"I Blame Pop Culture" (New Blog Series Announcement)

If you follow me on Twitter, Here, you already know how hard I am on Pop Culture. Pop Culture has defined everything in our lives and all of its definitions are not positive. I am sick of it and this blog series is me taking a stand.

When I say Pop Culture, I'm not talking just what is "Trending". Thanks to Wikipedia, Popular Culture is the entirety of ideas, perspectives, attitudes, memes, images, and other phenomena that are within the mainstream of a given culture, especially Western culture of the early to mid 20th century and the emerging global mainstream of the late 20th and early 21st century. Heavily influenced by mass media, this collection of ideas permeates the everyday lives of the society.  So basically, Pop Culture consists of the attitudes, customs, and beliefs that distinguishes one group of people from another that is appealing to the general public.

This will be an ongoing series. I'll spread my discussions out and not put them all out all at once. Topics will include:
American Dieting
Being Christian
College
Masculine/Feminine
Not Really a Nerd
Not Black Enough
Sex Tape to Relevancy
Rape Culture
Reality Shows
Romance/Dating
and many more. Also I will prepare you for me stating "I'm no hypocrite because I am Hypocrite". Pop Culture has made a one out of all of us. So while I'm discussing my issues with Pop Culture, I'll have to reveal how I was caught up in the hype of some of it also. Hey, I'm no hypocrite because I am Hypocrite. LoL

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Anita Hill Salute

Who in the early 90’s didn't know anything about Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill? Thurgood Marshall passed away, so there was a vacancy on the Supreme Court. George H. W. Bush, then president nominated a Clarence Thomas for the vacancy. Toward the end of the confirmation hearings, a FBI interview with Anita Hill was leaked. Hill, an attorney, had worked for Thomas at the Department of Education and had subsequently moved with Thomas to the EEOC. After the leak, Hill was called to testify at Thomas's confirmation hearings. She testified that Thomas had subjected her to comments of a sexual nature, which she felt constituted sexual harassment or at least "behavior that is unbefitting an individual who will be a member of the Court." Hill was the only person to testify at the Senate hearings that there had been unsolicited sexual advances. The final floor vote was: 41 Republicans and 11 Democrats voted to confirm while 46 Democrats and two Republicans voted to reject the nomination. Newspaper coverage of Thomas's private life was limited after he was confirmed. But more importantly the conversation and laws about sexual harassment have change. For me personally it introduced me into the worlds of Misogyny and The Battle of the Sexes.

I was a young girl in the salon one day when Anita Hill came up. It was the popular topic at the time. Okay, the salon I went to then was half salon and half barber shop. Ms. M and Ms. C were the stylist. Ms. M did my hair then. Ms. C also worked at the Post Office. Mr. L was the barber. Well, that day it was a few men in the barber area and the topic came up. Well Mr. W who was retired from the railroad, said “That Anita Hill ain’t doing nothing but the work for the white man, trying to keep the Black man down”.  Ms. C jumped up and said “Do what? So, you think she’s lying” He said “Yeah, She lying. Sexual Harassment that some White boy sh*t” Before I knew it, I was being rushed under the dryer for 20 minutes by Ms. M and she joined in. After that 20 minutes under the hair dryer, they were still “discussing” that topic. Ms. C was breaking down how men told dirty jokes all the time at the expense of their female colleagues. Sometimes when delivering mail how she had been cat called. Mr. W was steady saying that was different. Ms. M was steady asking how it was any different. Then she called him a hypocrite. She pointed at me and said, “You always telling little girls like her, not to let little boys talk to you anyway and paw at you on the street, but it’s okay for a grown man to do the same then to a grown woman”. I was sitting there thinking (with my nose in a magazine because back then children were seen not heard in adult conversations) “She’s right”. Mr. W was silent after that. But Ms. C. finally said “So it ain’t just White boy sh*t, Black men do some vulgar sh*t too. And that woman was right to tell what he did. Maybe they will give him the “right” clerk in the Supreme Court and he figure how to change his conversation”. And that was the end of discussion and I finished getting my hair done by Ms. M and Mr. L went back to cutting another man’s hair. Yeah I missed the middle, but I have a feeling I came in on the important parts.

I don’t know what it is about men that think they can say any old thing to women. Cat Calling, Dirty Jokes, and random inappropriate touching are some of the most vulgar things women must endure from men. Ms. M was right. Many older men like Mr. W would tell girls and young women not to let guys do those things. My grandfather constantly drilled us not to answer to some guy honking his horn at us and warned my male cousins not to honk their horns at women. That was rare. Most men didn’t tell the boys anything like that. Boys will be boys was the name of the game and the game is still being played. The same boys that whistle at and hit girls on the butt are same ones that tell filthy jokes and pass dirty emails to their female subordinates. These same men are shocked about being called into HR about sexual harassment. What do you mean they are wrong? They’ve been allowed to act like that for years. After all these sexual harassment laws were passed and a clear definition of sexual harassment was set I playfully thought about suing the boys that slapped me on the butt or touched my breast without being asked. I think that would have gave them the right message that me angrily cussing and punching them was not giving. Yeah, the thought or suing crossed my mind again. D-word court cost is what hinders me.

So yeah, I salute Anita Hill and any woman not taking men’s vulgar crap from them anymore. It may have been on Capitol Hill, a courtroom, HR, a barber shop or a street corner. Women are not having it.  Men need to know that this is not allowed. Everywhere is not a porn film, strip club, bedroom, or the lewdness in their minds. Women should be Respected. Sad, we have to go to these kind of measures to demand it.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Problem with the Queens' Slanguage

There is no secret I hang out with a few gay people. I hang out with anyone who seems fun to hang out with and I can learn from. Okay I'm beating around a bush. The best way to say this is to use the show “Will and Grace.” There are two gay men on the show, Will and Jack. I don't prefer not hang out with the "Jacks" in life. They say things and have actions that bother me. Not the stereotypical flitting around, snapping fingers, and switching that is seems to be a synonymous. I mean taking offensive language and acting as though it is okay. I mean the "they are the end all to be all" attitude. It bothers me. I don't hang out with heterosexuals that behave this way and I will not hang out with homosexuals that do it as well. What you think you are celebrating is Very Insulting. Your celebration is based on stereotypes.

I would love to blame Perez Hilton for this blog. “Inside every gay man is a fierce Black woman!” Then after getting school about offensive language by Black Twitter, he in turn said got upset and compared Black women to Hitler. Yeah, he didn't get it but do we expect a person whose claim to fame is to gossip and out people to get it.  I would love to blame Woman who like Men who like Men for this blog. They should tell them “Umm not Cool” at some point. I can't blame RuPaul’s Drag Race for this blog. I love the show but this past episode, Season 6 premiere, made me want to throw a shoe towards a few contestants. Let’s another one say “Fish” or any of its types or “Okaaay”, one more time. The blame lies with me and anyone else who feels this way, for not saying something long time ago. We knew it bothered us and instead of avoiding the problem, it is the inferno that it is. Let me start with my Top 5 issues.

5.    All dowdy dressing Women, no let me say people, do not need a Fairy Gay-Mother to teach them to dress. They need someone to who has fashion understanding to help them. Your sexuality does not qualify to tell someone how to dress.

4.    All Plus Size women are not to be compared to other Plus Size Divas, especially the ones that can Saaang. (This goes for Churchy and wanna be Churchy people also (Tamela Mann, who seems like she is a nice lady, is not my cousin. )). I just stop giving Martha Wash side eye because in high school, there was a man I did my dietary intern with that said I reminded him of the “Classic Disco Diva” every day. All I did was make food trays and wash dishes. I wore scrubs like them and if I got a break, I was doing my homework. I can't even sing. It is not the compliment you think it is.

3.    All Plus Size and Dowdy women, heck women period, don’t make “Good Hags”.

We all are not “Sisters in the Discrimination Struggle”. That woman you have stereotyped maybe a homophobe. Meet her first before making her your next BFF based on a look and an action.

2.    “Fierce Black Woman” is not a compliment. It is a mythical stereotype that was produced by pop culture by its overuse in television (reality & scripted) and movies. She does not exist. She is a caricature. Perez Hilton, I’m sorry but a stereotype lives in you. All Black Women do not act like that all the time. Please don't let pop culture fool you.

1.     Using fish and all its variation to mean Feminine infuriates me. Referring to things that are feminine as fishy is gross. One does not need to be a rocket science to know where that comes from. That is nasty. Are you saying being feminine is revolting? Please stop that. Also Okaay or Umkaaay belong in the 90’s, leave it there.

This blog is No Tea, No Shade but something I hope people can learn from. People like to say words may or may not hurt but they can get you or your feelings hurt. It’s just like the F-word that cause all kinds of controversy surrounding Isaiah Washington & T.R. Knight of Grey’s Anatomy fame. I didn't know that word was offensive until then. I grew up thinking it was cuss word but not thinking it was as unpleasant as the n-word for Black people. This blog is to get those who have these attitudes, thoughts and use these words and phrases to know it is not okay. A homosexual man reading the beginning probably didn’t like me calling folks “Jacks”. If that offends anyone, I do apologize. The gay men I know will tell you they have to fill in the blanks or give me definitions when I express my frustration with this topic. God is working on me and I hope he is working on you too.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Dating Game Rant

Just got off the phone with another single friend talking about being on the dating market and dating lingo. What happened to "Will you be my Girlfriend"? When did "Hooking Up" mean We're Dating? When did there become a difference in dating each and in a relationship. Oh we went on and on pondering and laughing, It got me to thinking about changes in the dating game.

There is No Secret that I am "single not looking" more than I am "single and on the being found market", "single and casually dating around" or "single and in a dating relationship" (Umm, You're single until marriage, in my opinion)  There various reasons like "emotional healing" or "hectic non dating life" that I take myself off the market. I don't believe in jumping into relationship right after another. I don't believe in being in relationship just to be in one. I'm not the lonely type.

But every time I put myself back on the market, I promise you the game has change somewhere and I have to adjust. Why does the game have to change? Dating should not have so many different rules to it. You should Meet, Like each other, Dating casually, Get in a serious relationship and Finally get married. Or if during one of those steps or phases you find out you're not compatible for any reason (religion, infidelity, values, education, work ethic, etc) you break up.

But for some odd reason somewhere it became not that simple as I stated. Now you meet someone and you have to do research on them before first or at least the second date. I understand because of people like married liars, and various catfish  but how do you get to know somebody when you possibly know it all. You meet some one and have to wait a day or two to call not to seem eager. Being to eager might turn them off. But if you wait to long to call they might think you are not serious. Truth be told, If you wait to long to call me I might forget about you. I had to "Who are you" a guy before because he waited 3 weeks to call. Actually he texted me. And that is another thing, all these adult age people texting request for dates. Who started this crap? Make it stop! I should not have to tell anyone I don't accept text requested dates. I refuse to follow that trend. You want to go out with me, Open your mouth and ask me. For all I know the text request was sent to many and whoever answers first is who he is going out with. No sir, Not me! Call me!!!

If you are in a committed relationship or married, trust me you are so not missing anything in the dating world. Hopefully you knew that already. But no matter what game changes they throw my way, I endear. You can knock me down out of game. I just recharge and regroup because I always stick to my rules. If the games ever changing rules flow with my rules, then good for the game.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!!!

Straight to Women

Just read an article on Clutch Magazine. Topic was "She's Tired of Men... Now On To Women". Click  Here to Read. My mind got to turning & swirling. Because I Think this topic has always been utter B.S. Wait, Wait, First, Let me answer question personally.

No, because I know I am Heterosexual. For me to do that would say I'm desperate not to be lonely. If I'm tired I'm tired. So it's time to step away for a while or forever. Maybe companionship is not in the cards for me. I will stop dating before I date a woman. That's my Honest answer.

This is one of the topics that proves that humans are liars. Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves!!!

Yes Lies to yourself. Answer these set  question honestly. What about men makes you tired?  Have you ever thought about the men you are dating? Attracting?

Yes, there are MANY trifling men out there. So many that there are days I wonder is trifling the norm and decency is the flaw. I'm serious. I could fill a half-way house with the liars, dawgs, & general a-holes that I've dated. But just as screwy these guys can make you ummm if you don't work on yourself screwy you can stay.

Next set of questions. Again Honest answers only. Are you really attracted to women? Could you be bisexual? Are you aware women have issues also. Are you aware Humans have the ability to be trifling.
I know a lady who decided to date women after dating men. Recently she decided to be honest and realize she was not attracted to women. It occurred to her that her girlfriend(s) always had to initiate sex. In her relationships with women she would have All of the same type of fights and I think at a more frequent rate as she did with men.  If you're not interested in women, why date one. That's is lying to that woman. She would like to date someone whose interested. Wasting her time. I'm pretty sure she's would rather you knew sexuality before dating her.  And yes, lesbian have arguments, fights, and issue also. Lesbians cheat, lie, and can be a-holes too. Umm, hello they are human!!!

Last questions to honestly answer.  Do you give space in between relationships/rapports? Are changing your dating style and/or approach? Are you Lonely?

So many people (men & women) are so lonely out there. Lonely to the point that they will try and settle for anything. People, we can't be that lonely in life! That how the dating predators slip in. Loneliness make you vulnerable. Find what it's like to date you before dating anyone else for a while. Heal yourself. Check for scars, scrapes, bullet wounds,and well sometimes the bullet before getting back out there to date. While you out of the game keep tabs on so you won't be awkward when you come bad.  I do it all the time.

Really, Ladies!!!

"I'm that Cute Bitch, tonight"
"Oh Hoe, You know I'll watch your kids"
"Ooh I don't hang with Females, they are messy"
"I got you a Cosmo, Slut"

Ladies, Tear each other down much?
When did the B-word or Slut become a term of endearment?
I thought a Hoe was a prostitute?
Fighting Words???

I know I am a tad Boughetto But I can not stand women referring to one another in such derogatory ways. It is so gross.
I am not B-word and my friends are not Hoes. We are Adult Women. We don't try to sleep with each other's bf, gf, or spouse. We are not jealous or envious of what someone has. We go out with our friends.
Recently I had to correct my high school aged niece on referring to some not likable girls as "them females". Not in my presence she won't. So now I see this language is spreading to our young. This has to stop.

How we expect men to not call us that crap when we walk around spouting like it's a proud title to be.
And I know some women are messy, nasty, skanky, & that will sleep with anybody's somebody. I know some men are messy also. Instead deleting a whole gender out of your Life, find men & women that are like you. If you are attracting messy people hmmm maybe...
I remember in college I first heard a lady say, "I don't have female friends cause Girls are messy" I was floored. I finally said "Hun, you are female are you messy? Find you some mess free girlfriends"

This madness has to stop. It's immature and drag the gender backwards. Before you let those rachet words depart your lips ask yourself would I want someone referring to me as... If your answer is not No.... Well... *sigh* Bless Your Heart
　

March 10th

March 10 is Women & Girls HIV & AIDS Awareness Day. It's sad to me that there has to be any Awareness days ever but this one saddens me the most. Why? The stats that says women account for about 1 in 4 new HIV/AIDS cases in the United States. And of these newly infected women, about 2 in 3 are African-American. should make Everyone frown, Just like homosexual men stats in the 1980's. But what is worse are the discussions that come about and the discussions that should come about.

If I hear another gab fest about the stats are high because of the "Down-Low" men messing with the gays one more time I going to vomit. Yes, "Down-Low" men are some of the most vile humans on this earth. But in my opinion All Cheaters are vile. "Down-Low" men are "Cheating men that Cheat with men". And "Down-Low" men are not the only problem. I know & have known quite a few people with HIV & AIDS. 80% are women and 100% of those ladies got it from their heterosexual husbands & boyfriends that got it from another Woman they were involved with in the past or were cheating with presently. People like to play the blame game but instead of playing "Lets Face Facts". Men may catch HIV & AIDS from Unprotected Sex with Women, also. People Having Unprotected Sex May Catch HIV & AIDS.

If you are Having Sex and not in a Monogamous Relationship (if you or your partner are cheating that Is Not monogamous(don't know what monogamous is, stop having sex and get an education)) you need be using Protection. Protection means Condoms (Male or Female) and Dental Dams. Birth Control Pills, Sponges, IUD's & Spermicides do not protect you from Any STD's (or let's not forget those also), HIV & AIDS. Stop gambling with your health and protect yourself. Male and Female Humans are responsible for this. If you are with someone who doesn't believe in Protection Don't be with that person. Saying "No we can't without Protection" and getting up and leaving or telling them to leave is so Easy. You are Worth more than their beliefs. Let's Take Care of Our Selves so We can Take Care of One Another!

WITH YOUR RUDE _SS (Big Bust Edition)

Excuse me but this needs to be said.
Big Busted Women are People Too!!!

When people see a large busted woman, what makes some tell that woman "Oooh you have some BIG ol' _______? As one of them, let me inform you that They Know That Already. I don't what it is that makes people be so rude and say that. And it isn't not just Men being the rude little hogs, Small & Average bust women too. Sick as Hell. And just as Loud!!!

And another sick thing is to then ask them after they have been Greatly Embarrassed then asked them for their bust size. Are the offenders gonna buy the victims a Bra? So then, why do they need to know?

And for these poor women to tell these punks "None of your business" or my favorite "Are you gonna buy my next (not at Walmart, $$$) bra" people act like they are offended. Nooooo jerks, you are being Rude. Like she is wrong for not answering that nasty question. Nooooo idiot, you are wrong for asking.

MOST Women with big breasts are Not shame of their size but to call them out like that, Come On! How about pointing out to a big lip person "Oooh you got some BIG Ol' soup coolers". Or wait what about a person with sparse hair on their head "Ooooh You Don't have any Hair", Sounds rude huh. So, why do it to anybody? These aren't children these are Adults. Adults that think to say such obscenities is cute. Not Cute!!! Learn how to behave!

I could understand certain intimate places (let see the bedroom, hotel room, maybe strip club, umm can't think anywhere else right now) or moments Maybe depending the tone "Ooooh you got some BIG OL'________ may be accepted but Out Loud in the public, not Cute. It's Rude. Who said that this was cool to do? This is one issue I wish would die. And if you see or hear any offenders of this nasty behavior send them the link to think blog entry. It needs to Stop!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

The Date Race

Someone suggested I read the book "Is Marriage for White People". I looked at them stupid. They felt that since they never saw me date anyone that was not black, I should open my self to dating other races. I laughed for a few minutes then explained that I am open to dating outside my race. But the type of men I date prefer dating that are other races don't come up to me asking Me for date. They asked "What Type is that". I told her "Decent Men". What you see approach, flirt with, or date me are "Decent Men". They just happened to be black. I've never been approached by a "Decent" man that was any other race. I don't date aimless, criminals, slouches, bums, drug using, married, uneducated, or alcoholics men no matter the race. I have yet to have a non-black man that was not those things approach me. If I won't date a "brotha" that are those things why would I settle for that just to date outside my race. Get me one that not those things and we can go on a date. They were dumbfounded.

As for this book. It is amazing how a black man  can suggest who should black women should consider dating. He feels Black women should consider dating outside their race because Black men are trying to use them. Umm In My Opinion he's trying to use them also, by writing a book about his suggestions. I'm not disagreeing with him but I don't feel he should make $$$ from it. Sad thing is there will be a nice percentage that will rush out and get his book. Many that don't understand the basics in dating anyway. Still Dating Randomly.

I don't understand why buy something that is common sense. I don't understand why folk don't get to know their self, make a solid basic non shallow list of attributes or standards of who they want to date. Things that they have to be, no exceptions. And go after that. My basic attributes for dating have nothing to do with race. Because dating randomly is the problem many folks have and until that is address then...
*Talking to You in Grown Up*