Monogamy, Polygamy, What About Honesty?

Dear Men I Will Date in the Future,
When I asked you if were you monogamous, I really hope you were being honest. I want you to be honest that you are educated about the polyamorous & open relationships. The information & discussions are out in the public. Trust me, the comedian, Monique & her husband are to only people in an open relationship that are talking about it.
I know I am monogamous. I educated myself to know some things about Polygamy. If there is more, trust me as learn about it, I think about how it fits my life. Polygyny (men in relationship with several women) the most commonly known.

I'm not into sharing a man. I've never fought to keep a man. I've always let him go. Also, I am not sexually attracted to women. You may want that. You deserve a woman that would.
I am not into polyandry, a relationship involving one woman with several men.

I'll be honest, I've picked sleep over sex before. I'm a foot or so away from 40 years old while writing this. And you guys I am "writing" to are 37+ years old. The thought of double play & gangbangs should seem exhausting. Oh and flesh lights are not cheap and would chip into our household expenses.

I know you're thinking who said we are agreeing to any of that. And that is my Major reason why I know I am monagamous. It is a lot of work in compromise & agreements between two consenting adults. Add more folks to the relationship meeting of the minds and the work has to continue. Oh also, you & I have to meet guys who would want to join us. Ever watch the show "Raising Hope". They have a polyandry episode. It's not that easy or funny.

That's why you need to be honest. *imagine me singing in a Jenifer Holiday voice*

🎶I'm Not Waking Up Tomorrow Morning And Finding That You Really Want To Open. And I Am Telling You I Will Be Going.🎶

This is why I asked you in the begining, so you have time to know we are not equally yoked. Like I said, the info & talk is out there. If Wikipedia & articles are not your thing, several podcasts have episodes that delve into the topic. One even introduced me to a good web series called Compersion, that can be found on You Tube. There is no reason for you to tell me you are monogamous and you are truly not.

So, be truthful. I don't deserve lies or uncertainties. No one does. I can handle your truth.  Trust me!!!

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Friends With Your Ex (Answering Questions)

Got an email to answer. Yay🎉👊👍

Q. I just broke up with my love. It was mutual and I feel like I still want to be friends. I know you're friends with an ex or two. Do you have any advice?

A. I think might have covered this. Yes, I am/have been friends & friendly with a few of my exes. All Exes Can NOT Be Your Friend or You Friendly With. I am friendly JMac & Rom Com. We don't talk often but when we do, we really genuinely catch up and reminisce with one another. Football Nerd was one of my Best friends. Our friendship looked pretty much like my relationship with my other besties. My rapports with these men are/were not easy but not greatly difficult to maintain. I have 4 points for you to consider.

-Define Friendship & Define Friendly
What is Your HONEST definition? Is your ex a picture definition of it? Just "still wanting them in your life" is a wishful starting point but not a firm meaning.

Football Nerd still wanted me in his life. Our friendship was a learning experience that is not textbook in the least. WoW, that could've been a cool joint effort of a book. *sigh* I'm sitting here now reminding myself, God Loved Him Best.

-Does your ex want to be friends?
Friendship is different a relationship. It has to be mutual.
 1. Some exes just want to be Cordial when they see you and move on.

 2. Let "We Can't Be Friends" by Deborah Cox & R.L. be a guide
     -"Verbally we agreed It was over and we were through
I'm trying to compose myself"
     -"I went by Mother's, saw your car there To her you're still family, and it don't seem fair"
     -" May see me hang my head
When you come my way"
I think those lyrics are most important in considering wanting to befriend an ex. Friendship is Still a relationship.

-Draw the Line & Recognize Their Line
If it is not set properly, the friendship will be befuddled. RomCom set a line and I didn't even know we needed one.

"Let's go see the Passion of the Christ" "Let me get you home before you have to sleep on the couch" He was drawing his line. If I made one on one plans, it was always for public events before 6 pm. So, I drew my line.

-The Friendship Dynamic Can/Will Change.
It's Life!!! We all have friends that we used to be inseparable and now we talk when we get a chance. That could happen with the ex-to-friend bond also. Since JMac is not local anymore, our interaction is mostly via email.

Unless you are one of my grandfather's nieces, most people are not sending monthly newsletters to keep up. Holidays & June (both birthdays) we end up catching up then. Still my boy, life just redefined how we get to be friendly.

Oh Bonus: Side Hugs are Best. Full embraces are intimately dangerous. Keep some space between you guys.
If I was a supervillain, my name would be Side Hug Master. Many people Hate them & I'm a Master at them. 😂😂😂

Side Hugs have a Wikipedia page
👊😂👊

Hoped this helped. Keep me posted.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Straight to Women

Just read an article on Clutch Magazine. Topic was "She's Tired of Men... Now On To Women". Click  Here to Read. My mind got to turning & swirling. Because I Think this topic has always been utter B.S. Wait, Wait, First, Let me answer question personally.

No, because I know I am Heterosexual. For me to do that would say I'm desperate not to be lonely. If I'm tired I'm tired. So it's time to step away for a while or forever. Maybe companionship is not in the cards for me. I will stop dating before I date a woman. That's my Honest answer.

This is one of the topics that proves that humans are liars. Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves!!!

Yes Lies to yourself. Answer these set  question honestly. What about men makes you tired?  Have you ever thought about the men you are dating? Attracting?

Yes, there are MANY trifling men out there. So many that there are days I wonder is trifling the norm and decency is the flaw. I'm serious. I could fill a half-way house with the liars, dawgs, & general a-holes that I've dated. But just as screwy these guys can make you ummm if you don't work on yourself screwy you can stay.

Next set of questions. Again Honest answers only. Are you really attracted to women? Could you be bisexual? Are you aware women have issues also. Are you aware Humans have the ability to be trifling.
I know a lady who decided to date women after dating men. Recently she decided to be honest and realize she was not attracted to women. It occurred to her that her girlfriend(s) always had to initiate sex. In her relationships with women she would have All of the same type of fights and I think at a more frequent rate as she did with men.  If you're not interested in women, why date one. That's is lying to that woman. She would like to date someone whose interested. Wasting her time. I'm pretty sure she's would rather you knew sexuality before dating her.  And yes, lesbian have arguments, fights, and issue also. Lesbians cheat, lie, and can be a-holes too. Umm, hello they are human!!!

Last questions to honestly answer.  Do you give space in between relationships/rapports? Are changing your dating style and/or approach? Are you Lonely?

So many people (men & women) are so lonely out there. Lonely to the point that they will try and settle for anything. People, we can't be that lonely in life! That how the dating predators slip in. Loneliness make you vulnerable. Find what it's like to date you before dating anyone else for a while. Heal yourself. Check for scars, scrapes, bullet wounds,and well sometimes the bullet before getting back out there to date. While you out of the game keep tabs on so you won't be awkward when you come bad.  I do it all the time.

Okay Blame KimYe for This Blog

Okay so the topic question "Does Your SO Have a Say in Your Wardrobe" has been running around in Pop News lately. All because Kanye West went through his girlfriend's Kim Kardashian closest and got rid of what he didn't approve of and it was shown on the E! reality show. I even asked some of my friends the question. It was not shocking that 3/5 of my friends said No. I wasn't even shocked at the 2 who said yes.
I say No also. Opinions & Suggestions and fine But unless the outfit is Inappropriate for the occasion my SO doesn't get a say.

What shocks some was the fact that I said "It actually grates my nerves to have to dress an Adult, all the time". It really does. It was hard but I had to learn to gauge if I'm going to have to dress a guy early in a dating rapport. It the answer seems like YES, I need dude to lose my number (Don't actually say that. People told me to say that is rude. Whatever). It's not limited to just guys I date. Any Adult!!! I just don't understand telling an Adult man that his "Good Black Jeans" are not appropriate Wedding Wear. If he has jeans he should own khakis or dark colored slacks. One shouldn't have to tell an Adult woman Not to show cleavage in the workplace. That's what camisoles and tank tops are for. It is sad that many social club have to have a dress code. But when I look in the crowd in this "Shirts with Collars only for men" club and it is a sea of polos I want to scream. No one owns a nice casual oxford (buttoN up) shirt in this joint. It's just as sad that you have to tell Ladies not wear a mini skirt to the Family dinner. Honey put on your toe toucher, Gramps don't want to see your tail.

So yes it is nerve wrecking to me to have to tell people how to dress. And I refuse to do it. Maybe I am the extreme opposite of Kanye. He has to control the wardrobe. I am trying to say a little as possible.