Oh To Be a Christian Black Woman…

• My pastor drives a luxury car but the church is still paying on the mortgage since 1984.
• My pastor quoted a Chris Brown song in the pulpit but he’s divorced because of an affair.
• The choir director is gay but my church is marching in the anti-homosexual parade this Saturday.
• Oh, my pastor can preach a good word but have you heard him read?
•  My church got a new pastor and some of the singles members have already booked up the counseling sessions for the month.
• Ooh, the first family is so stuck up.
• Have you read that new book or watched that documentary exposing the church pimps. You know I bet they were talking about (insert the name of a popular minister you have heard gossip about). These church folks are brainwashed.
• (Insert a church name) was foreclosed. Sunday is their last service.

Woo!!! I typed those statements and had to break out the gospel. Talk about mind-numbing. So, how many times have you entertained conversations like this? Oh, I know my readers are not the ones starting these conversations. I’m guilty of listening to talk like such as this. I have even called a few ministers & a pastor illiterate. Forgive me, God. But talk like this is so harmful. We keep our mouths on the very institutions we attend. Also, talk about people we listen to tell us the truth.  It gives fodder to those who have all kinds of issues with the church, especially the Black church.

For every blog I have about me being a Christian or talking about church, I get 3 emails suggesting an anti-Black Christian article or a blog post, book, or movie exposing the Black church. I've learned not to take so much of it seriously. Many of it is by people hurt by “church folks” (there is a difference between church folks & Christians) and that is their way of picking a bone with the institution that is full of generalizations and statements based on hearsay and twisted facts with no solutions. I’m not saying any of it is or is not true. I know some were sent and some that just went. I just feel like I have enough sense to watch, fight, and pray for the ones God called.

Christian Black Women are constantly targeted to warn against the intuition of the church, especially the Black church. I get so tired of being called “Brain Washed”, I could cry.  To me, it’s like being told because I decide to listen to a black man (who is just a human as the other humans) tell me about God’s love in his way and decide to donate my 10% (that is mandated by God in the book of Malachi called Tithes) and more sometimes to a place that I expect to be a properly functioning place, I am Stupid. I am tired of the generalized accusations against the black church as a whole. Some make the stories true. I will admit that. But also there are Many, Many which are not. Is the church loving? Though the church speaks against things that are against the Bible, is it still loving as it should be to those who are living against what they are against? Are they issuing loving yet firm sanctions against wrongdoing? Does church function well with paying its bills and is charitable to others. When the church gets hit with hard times, does it have a workable program to handle those times? Is the church getting smart financial planning? People see the pastors driving luxury cars but have you asked the finance committee if that pastor even takes a salary from the church? Did he get the car as an anniversary gift or maybe saved his money and finally bought him a “nice” car? And that first family, that is “uppity”. Have you always been friendly to them or been seen by them being friendly? Oh but as soon they don’t speak… Who said that the first family is the most important people in the church?

I could have sworn God is the most important person there. If we focus on him, all the truths we need to know will be exposed. If we focus on God, we see the bad and the Good. When we focus on God, we don’t complain about faults, we uplift strengths to help the faults. I said we because I'd started writing this post to complain about those always bad-mouthing the church and I need to help them see the God I serve in me and be more understanding that many of those that complain are just as hurt and those they think they are helping. See I have to focus on God more, also. If We All focus on God, “pulpit pimps” won’t have anyone to pimp. As a matter a fact they won’t have time to pimp. People who are Anti-Whatever, won’t be so Anti-whatever. We are working on ourselves and trying to be better in God’s eyes and not trying better others by our “godly” standards. Anything people like to wag their fingers about won’t matter because We All are focusing on God.  Let’s just pray for more focus so this God we claim to serve can be seen. God is not man so he’s not wagging anything. The people who are so against the church won’t have anything to send me articles about because all they see is… I can’t wait for that day, too.

So, I challenge all of us instead of complaining when we see wrong in churches, I understand. Why would you pay tithes to a place that can't pay the light bill or to a man that is backsliding all over the place? Why be a member of a place that says a lesbian can't be over the church Boy Scouts but also didn't find out if the current leader is a pedophile. Pray about what should be said and/or done before you make a move. The statements about would not say if folks were praying about and not talking about it. 

Also to those who are against the church, especially the black church, what are your suggestions (other than don’t go to church)? Oh no, you are bold enough to complain, be bold enough to offer a useful solution or two. You can suggest that I am a mindless sheep following a wayward shepherd, leading me into a better mindset. I believe in God, his son, Jesus Christ, who died for me, and his essence, Holy Spirit, which he left to comfort me until he comes to get me, and those who believe like me to take us to live with him. The human part of me takes offense that you think I am dumb to let my free will participate in such things. But the God in me understands and prays for you to be just as understandable.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Problem with the Queens' Slanguage

There is no secret I hang out with a few gay people. I hang out with anyone who seems fun to hang out with and I can learn from. Okay I'm beating around a bush. The best way to say this is to use the show “Will and Grace.” There are two gay men on the show, Will and Jack. I don't prefer not hang out with the "Jacks" in life. They say things and have actions that bother me. Not the stereotypical flitting around, snapping fingers, and switching that is seems to be a synonymous. I mean taking offensive language and acting as though it is okay. I mean the "they are the end all to be all" attitude. It bothers me. I don't hang out with heterosexuals that behave this way and I will not hang out with homosexuals that do it as well. What you think you are celebrating is Very Insulting. Your celebration is based on stereotypes.

I would love to blame Perez Hilton for this blog. “Inside every gay man is a fierce Black woman!” Then after getting school about offensive language by Black Twitter, he in turn said got upset and compared Black women to Hitler. Yeah, he didn't get it but do we expect a person whose claim to fame is to gossip and out people to get it.  I would love to blame Woman who like Men who like Men for this blog. They should tell them “Umm not Cool” at some point. I can't blame RuPaul’s Drag Race for this blog. I love the show but this past episode, Season 6 premiere, made me want to throw a shoe towards a few contestants. Let’s another one say “Fish” or any of its types or “Okaaay”, one more time. The blame lies with me and anyone else who feels this way, for not saying something long time ago. We knew it bothered us and instead of avoiding the problem, it is the inferno that it is. Let me start with my Top 5 issues.

5.    All dowdy dressing Women, no let me say people, do not need a Fairy Gay-Mother to teach them to dress. They need someone to who has fashion understanding to help them. Your sexuality does not qualify to tell someone how to dress.

4.    All Plus Size women are not to be compared to other Plus Size Divas, especially the ones that can Saaang. (This goes for Churchy and wanna be Churchy people also (Tamela Mann, who seems like she is a nice lady, is not my cousin. )). I just stop giving Martha Wash side eye because in high school, there was a man I did my dietary intern with that said I reminded him of the “Classic Disco Diva” every day. All I did was make food trays and wash dishes. I wore scrubs like them and if I got a break, I was doing my homework. I can't even sing. It is not the compliment you think it is.

3.    All Plus Size and Dowdy women, heck women period, don’t make “Good Hags”.

We all are not “Sisters in the Discrimination Struggle”. That woman you have stereotyped maybe a homophobe. Meet her first before making her your next BFF based on a look and an action.

2.    “Fierce Black Woman” is not a compliment. It is a mythical stereotype that was produced by pop culture by its overuse in television (reality & scripted) and movies. She does not exist. She is a caricature. Perez Hilton, I’m sorry but a stereotype lives in you. All Black Women do not act like that all the time. Please don't let pop culture fool you.

1.     Using fish and all its variation to mean Feminine infuriates me. Referring to things that are feminine as fishy is gross. One does not need to be a rocket science to know where that comes from. That is nasty. Are you saying being feminine is revolting? Please stop that. Also Okaay or Umkaaay belong in the 90’s, leave it there.

This blog is No Tea, No Shade but something I hope people can learn from. People like to say words may or may not hurt but they can get you or your feelings hurt. It’s just like the F-word that cause all kinds of controversy surrounding Isaiah Washington & T.R. Knight of Grey’s Anatomy fame. I didn't know that word was offensive until then. I grew up thinking it was cuss word but not thinking it was as unpleasant as the n-word for Black people. This blog is to get those who have these attitudes, thoughts and use these words and phrases to know it is not okay. A homosexual man reading the beginning probably didn’t like me calling folks “Jacks”. If that offends anyone, I do apologize. The gay men I know will tell you they have to fill in the blanks or give me definitions when I express my frustration with this topic. God is working on me and I hope he is working on you too.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

NACWC Salute

We often hear NAACP, Jack & Jill, and the Greek organizations. But what about other organizations in the trenches working alongside them. Let me salute of them.

In the Fall of 1997, I became a member of the first college chapter at The University of Texas at Arlington (founded in Fall 1996), of a wonderful organization. Through this organization, I learned to further my volunteering & fundraising skills, another meaning of sisterhood and even met one of my lifelong friends. That wonderful organization is the National Association of Colored Women Clubs (NACWC).

Founded by Josephine St. Pierre in 1896, the National Association of Colored Women Clubs is the oldest black secular organization in America. It was founded to moral, mental, and material progress made by people of color through the efforts of our women. They organized to disprove a letter written by James Jacks, of the Missouri Press Association, African-American women were not respectable and referred to them as thieves and prostitutes. Mary Church Terrell became the organization first president of the National Association of Colored Women in the United States. Charter members include Hallie Quinn Brown, Victoria Earl Matthews, Josephine Silone Yates, and Margaret Murray Washington. Evelyn Rising is the current president with chapters and members from every state in the United States of America.

NACW has helped all people by working on issues of education, civil rights and injustice of the past, such as women’s suffrage, lynching, and Jim Crow laws and presently sexism, voting rights of citizens, and, health care reform. In 2010, it was named as one of the top 10 non-profit organization in the country by Ebony Magazine

Club Objectives
 1.To work for the economic, moral, religious and social welfare of women and youth.
 2.To protect the rights of women and youth.
 3.To raise the standard and quality of life in home and family.
 4.To secure and use our influence for the enforcement of civil and political rights for African Americans and all citizens.
 5.To promote the education of women and youth through the work of the departments.
 6.To obtain for African American women the opportunity of reaching the highest levels in all fields of human endeavor.
 7.To promote effective interaction with the male auxiliary.
 8.To promote inter-racial understanding so that justice and good will may prevail among all people.
 9.To hold educational workshops biennially at the Convention

Though I am no longer a current member, I know many active members. These ladies work with the local youth & homeless in the areas of education & self-awareness. I also know the UTA chapter is still an organization on campus still promoting and doing the works of its founders.

So I tip my hat off to the fabulous & strong women of the National Association of Colored Women Clubs. Continue “Lifting as We Climb" like you always have!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Favorite Literary Awkward & Black Sheros: A Book Review

I am a total fan of Awkward Black women characters in fiction. I relate to them. You know the black chick that is not cool, maybe didn't get the best start in life and some way usually in a bumbling fashion she ends up with a great outcome. They are my imaginary heroes wait, no, sheroes. So I decided to reread two of my favorite books, 32 Candles by Ernessa T. Carter and Diva, Inc by Donna Hill. I was missing them so I decided to stop by and see how they were doing.

32 Candles by Ernessa T. Carter kept me company one summer/fall when my grandmother was rushed to the hospital then placed in a nursing rehab three years ago. My mother had just retired and was with my grandmother most days. I had lots of downtime at home with my brother. After reading a review in Essence Magazine & A trip to Walmart for grocery I picked this literary gem. Loaning it to my sister, my niece picked it up and I have not seen that copy since. I have a Kindle now and uploaded it there. Here's its description:
This debut novel of longing for family, love, and acceptance finds some interesting territory before settling too early into inevitability. Davidia Jones, a nerdy child of poverty, is abused by her alcoholic mother and is the subject of merciless taunting at her high school. But it's the "Molly Ringwald Ending" that guides this fragile 15-year-old when she bolts town with a lesbian trucker named Mama Jane and lands a gig as a '40s-style chanteuse in L.A. With a little Hollywood stardust, she redefines herself and begins living the life she's dreamed of--until James, the rich golden boy she had a crush on back home, walks into her nightclub. Not knowing their connected past, James promptly goes gaga for the overhauled Davie, whose need for sweet revenge adds a welcome dark edge to a trajectory toward self-empowerment.
If you are a fan of John Hughes movies, this book will give take you right down memory lane. Davie is a hoot. Such an attention grabber. Totally relatable. The Then & Now section dividers were brilliant The In-Between Now & Then (The Amendment) bowled me over. It made me wonder what could have the late John Hughes do with such a nice book like this.  After rereading it, I have decided they should make this into a movie. I have the perfect actress, the Awkward Black Girl herself, Issa Rae. If you know her, tell her I said so. I totally see her in a Strokes T-shirt, with quick quips and an atonement list giving this character life. I don't know if she can sing but that is minor.

Donna Hill is one of my favorites in Romance. I was "Black Friday" shopping years ago and I saw this Diva, Inc. and thought "Umm this one sounds different. Let's get it". I read it in one night. I loaned it out (yeah a pattern I've ended) to someone and never saw it again. I rebought it used and like the taste of soda after Lent, I quickly knew why I loved this book described here.
Tiffany Lane and Chantal Hollis are bonafide divas in every sense of the word. They've also been Margaret Drew's best friends since they were children. Margaret has always been the plain Jane of the threesome, living vicariously through the exploits of her friends. But when Tiffany and Chantal head to Europe on an extended vacation, leaving Margaret to tend their apartments, Margaret decides to see how the other half lives. Co-opting their apartments, their boyfriends (current and past), their fabulous lifestyles, and Tiffany's very savvy pooch, Virginia, Margaret finally feels like she has found the life she has always wanted and deserved. But her double living begins to catch up with her and Margaret might soon be homeless, manless, and friendless all in one swoop.
The description only speaks of Margaret Drew's Diva friends but she has a grandmother that will keep you chomping at the bit and in stitches also. She reminds me of an old family friend, Ms. Dorthy (RIP). Margaret's Diva Journey is very hilarious. She is a true ABG. She is so bumbling it is pitiful. It has a very quick and straightforward ending. Now with the invention of YouTube and Web series, I could see this as a web show or maybe an indie film. I wouldn't want Hollywood to touch this.

Maybe I should go looking for more reading gems like these. I love them. These characters exist and I am happy someone sees our story and helps us tell it. So what books help tell your story. Let me know if you dare in the comments.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Black, Female with a Degree that will still Date Black Males without Degrees

I know that title for this blog sounds like a dating site profile description but after reading a Blog on Black Girl Nerds and watching a  Vlog by Tijuana Jackson (Please read and watch them Very good pieces) I think direct was the best approach.  Dang, that is like the longest sentence I have written. I am going to have to work on that. Well my mind is buzzing with my thoughts. So I had to get this out.

I think I am one of the few Black College Educated women that has never dated outside her race. (Here the  Blog to explain that) and not looking for my version of Jay-Z (Self Educated, Former Hustler, Business man in the day Street Cred Homie in the night).  And Yes, I date Black men who do not have a college degree. It is preferred but not a required. Everybody can't go to college. Everyone is not college material. There is nothing wrong for me to date a UPS man, a janitor, a bank teller, a butcher, a plumber, etc. Those are very legal, morally acceptable (that is required) and needed professions that don't required degrees. There are some nice men that work in those professions. Just like there are some jerks that have college degrees that I won't date. So to dismiss a man because of a professional status is not something I do.

With that said I will Not date ANY Man that thinks being STUPID, UNEDUCATED & DUMB is cool or acceptable.  I do NOT date AIMLESS men. The ones that think reading material is the back of the cereal box. The guys who like to "Convasate" and not "Converse". I don't care what your profession is one should want to strive higher in that field. If you are a low pay diner Cook, I hope you're striving to be a Sous Chef, then Chef, and then maybe write a cookbook or two or whatever. No one should want to stay low on the totem pole forever. I want a man with not just dreams but a man that is striving as hard as he can to achieve them. One maybe a truck driver and one day one may want to own a trucking business. What is one doing to bring that forth?

But the reality is many men who are Aimless, Stupid, Uneducated, Dumb and PROUD of IT are in the professions that do not required anything passed a diploma or GED. A sadder reality is that many are Black. They are other races also but I 'm talking about the Black guys. Even though it is a sad partial truth it is not whole truth. There are Black men in those fields who read books, go to workshops, and who are well versed & eclectic to converse with. Black women who want to date these kind of men have knock out the undesirable and see that these men because they are there. I've dated a few of them. So, I know they are out there.

As Always Talking to you in Adult Terms