Don't Pat Me on My Back for My Basic Confidence

In no way, do I want to come off rude. But thanks to Pop Culture, I have to address Basic Confidence, the Plus Size Community & what the World can learn. Blame Dish Nation's coverage on Gabourey Sidibe not wanting anyone asking her "How are you confident". Read about it HERE. I agreed with Gabby and I am not shocked non-plus size people don't see the problem.

How many times have you ever thought to ask a positive behavior displaying non-fat person, why do they feel good about themselves?

Yes, I have had someone ask me that. It didn't feel good. I was in my last year at Lamar University. I was about to graduate. I had overcome a few doozies in life.

And I think I was a naturally polite until provoked kind of person. This popular guy that I never talked to before then, blog name Chaka was walking by me one day. And he said, "I see you're so positive. I mean you really have nice self-esteem, even with the way you look. How is that"? I was baffled & the only thing I said was a dry "Okay" and I walked away. But my reaction was not over. The rest of the time I was at LU, I hung my head down in despair whenever he was near. Yeah, I could react like a major jerk in my 20s. Now, I have a little more mature grasp on using my words & actions to express my feelings.

Oh yeah, let me describe Chaka. He was a non-plus size man suffering from albinism. Yeah just like me posting pictures of me at LU, me telling you that info after the story was on purpose. Are we, humans so conditioned to think that only humans that look like whatever is the standard preference of attractiveness? I would never ask that albino man why did he feel great about being popular despite how he looked.

Asking About Anyone's is Not the Compliment You Guys Think It Is.

Gabby was right. Would you ever ask Rhianna, Jenifer Lawrence, Idris Elba, or George Clooney, why are they so confident. If your answer is "You don't have to", please understand this. People who don't look like the standard preference of attractiveness have right to good self-esteem. Many of us use that right. Pop Culture's messaging tell you we don't, but exposure to more people in life will tell you a different story.

Having Good Feelings About Yourself is Not an Extraordinary Feat. It's Basic. And if Basics have to be Praised, What is Lacking in Life?

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Love Provides Air Conditioning

These questions are for my fellow BBWs & BMHs. Do you see a decline in date offers in the Spring & Summer? Have you gotten more "Hey Big Head" texts once the temperature drops?

This post has been a long time coming. The subject matter has baffled me for years. But recently during a work commute on the DART light rail, I overheard two younger-than-me ladies talking & this post had been birthed.
Right: Girl, F--- him. Bet he'll be in your face when it gets cold.
Left: By Big Girl season, I'll be busy. I ain't gon' want his a--.

All I could do was shake my heard & think, Is Big Girl/Boy Boy Season Real? I hope not. Please be a bad generalization based on their lives. But I see the memes & the tweets. Somebody believes in this.

I've known I live parts of life blessed, for a while. I've never been told, "You're Pretty For a Fat Girl". But I can not negate that many others in the community have been told that. Also, I've never dated a guy who verbally claims to have never dated a big girl before me. Either the dates plus size women exclusively or didn't have a type & dated across the weight board. So, I've never dealt with those backhanded compliments & situations. So, Big Girl & Big Boy season could exist and I legitly could never experience it. God, Life, Fate or whatever you believe in knows I won't handle that mess well.

If it does, Make It Stop!!! Fat Folks aren't the dating world's bed warmers. Get yourself another blanket, if that's the case. If one's attraction is not 365 days of a year, one is not attracted. And don't use sweat as an excuse. Love Provides Air Conditioning. Like has an oscillation fan. Lust at least a ceiling fan. And decency offers people a glass of ice water.

Big Girl & Big Boy season is backhanded. Fat folks don't have to get what they get when they get it. Eff That!!! Every Season is The Season to date a BBW or a BHM. Now run fetch me that glass of ice water, while I chill with the air conditioner, oscillation & ceiling fans running. I'm That Kind of Pretty Hawt And Tempting Lady.

*wink*

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

The Fat Girls Are Easy Rant

I have to give a slow clap to the internet. I didn't see as many insulting fat girl are easy pictures & memes as I thought I would. Most of them were repetitive. And hopefully more won't pop up. I know wishful thinking.

Cuffing Season is here. And there are these dudes are looking for warmth. My fellow plus size, fat, & big sisters, Watch Out. There are some guys out there who will only date us just to cuddle up once it get colder out. Yeah, it is "our season" to Netflix & Chill constantly. 

No, it should not be. Men like this are a part a culture that one of my favorite bloggers, CeCe Olisa calls Closeted Chubby Chasers. You can read about them HERE. And I agree with CeCe, we must stop this behavior by not being available for this type of behavior.

But we know where some of this behavior stems from. Many people believe that Fat Girls are Easy. Big Girls are so Desperate & Lonely that anybody can have sex with us.

Plus Size women are Not Discriminating in whom they let bed them. The self esteem of these women is so low that anything go with them.

Whoever started that myth need to be punched & kicked along with the people who believe it. There is even a slang term for going after fat chick to bang called Hogging. I can't make THIS up. Oh yeah, while the world was appalled at no N-words in SAE, there was plus size coed brought to a party just because so some jerk could score with her for being her size.

If anyone ask me (and they never do) the belief that fat people are weak individuals will live longer than racism & feminism. And because there are not many big people having healthy relationship seen in the pop culture media it is quite easy for the jokes & negative beliefs to slide into being a norm.

I've never subscribed into the notion, of course. I'm not saying I've never had low self esteem but I don't think I ever been with any man that only wanted me as his fat notch on his belt. But if there was one, I pray to God he never confesses. I'm flunking that test because I'm going in on his piggy butt. I like to think I have discernment for these type of people. Plus, I've never deemed myself as that hard up and I've been fat all my life. But I know it is sometimes hard. Compliments & flattery feels good. It should feel good to everyone. But liking flattery should make anyone think you are willing to give up the cookie to continue to feel good. 

Yet, masses believe in a desexualized version of this culture of people. Blaming the victims is easier than to tell the aggressors that they are wrong. That's why we have to believe we are not this dumb stereotype. I'll rather a man to get upset and tell me I am stuck up and call me all kinds of vulgarities than to allow myself to let him make me into a statistical myth. Let me see, I'm female and me rule us. I'm Christian and church girls are freaks. I'm single so, I'm lonely. And Fat girls are easy. Oh wait, I'm a black woman. I have an attitude. That's what keeps my legs closed. 

Wrong!!! Stop the Foolishness and Grow Up!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Boycott List Update (What I Wear)

Congratulations Target! You are off My Boycott List. I hope you left room for Revlon & Dolce & Gabbana.

From my favorite bloggers to friends, I've seen many rave about the newest Ava & Viv collection of in-store fashionable Plus Size offerings. Many are loving this maxi dress.

I haven't had time to shop it yet, but I will lift my boycott because I have heard not just favorable reviews on the clothing but that they are actually in All the stores. That was my gripe. I hate for brick & mortar stores to move certain sizes to online only. Again those who do such practices will Not get my money. Old Navy needs to talk to Target and get their act together.

But sad to say as I take one store off, I have to add a cosmetic company & a designer house. Revlon & Dolce & Gabbana have been added to My Boycott List.

If you follow me on social media, you knew that I already started my boycott on Revlon. Late December/Early January the news came out that Revlon's CEO made some very horrible statements about Jews, Blacks, & Americans
Revlon CEO Sued For Alleged Racist, Anti-Semitic And Anti-American Comments
Lorenzo Delpani, who is Italian, called Americans “dirty,” believes Jews “stick together” and he could “smell” black people when they walked into a room. He also hates living with Americans, believing they are “small-minded” and he can’t wait to return to a “real” country,” the lawsuit says.
The beauty company is standing by it's CEO. Well. I won't be standing by Revlon.

I like their products but my like is not worth fattening the pockets of someone with bigoted views of my race & my country. After I use up what Revlon products I already own, if they have not ousted their CEO, I will Not be buying any more. I just have one question.

Can he smell half of Halle Berry when she models for his companies' ads?

I love the scent Light Blue. I hate to know such dreadful ignorance is behind the making of it. Now, I am learning about Dolce & Gabbana views about gay adoption & in vitro fertilization.
Elton John Leads Boycott Against Dolce & Gabbana Over 'Synthetic Children' Remarks
You know I am not for or against gay marriage. I do know gay men who are against gay marriage. I know gay people who don't want children. I'm heterosexual and don't want to have children of my own. But Mr Gabbana's statements are repulsive. "We oppose gay adoptions. The only family is the traditional one." So, with some many decent & loving people wanting to take care of children, it is okay for children to be live in the foster care system. I don't understand why some places won't let single people adopt. Why is he against any decent person that would want to give a child a better life? Why is he limiting all the orphans in the world? Then if he was not repulsive enough with his stance gay adoption, he then starts calling people born via IVF "synthetic". "You are born to a mother and a father — or at least that's how it should be," "I call children of chemistry, synthetic children. Rented uterus, semen chosen from a catalog." Let me run down a few synonyms for synthetic,
artificial 
bogus 
dummy 
factitious 
fake
false
faux 
imitative,
mimic 
mock 
pretend 
sham 
simulated 
substitute
I hope one of Dolce & Gabbana's prized workers is a person born via IVF. I would love for Mr. Gabbana to see how real they are when he sees how the real impact those views can cause. And so much he knows all people born via IVF are not born in a "rented uterus" and from "semen from a catalog". Many are the children conceive from their mother & father with the aid of science. And to think being called a "Test Tube" baby was the worst insult I had ever heard when it came to the subject of In Vitro Fertilization.

People love to quote Scarface and say "Money, Power, Respect". Amazing how some of the people with Money & Power don't Respect the consumer until we Respect ourselves, snatch away our Money and show them our Power.
#BoycottOldNavy
#BoycottRevlon
#BloycottDolceandGabbana

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

In Those Jeans (What I Wear)

Mom Jeans Skit from SNL

I do Not like Jeans!!! You can't tell by my Saturday fashion choices this winter I feel like this but I do. 95% of my sweatpants are stretched out and I didn't buy new ones last summer. So, my choices for relaxed casual pants this winter are my jeans. But I am anything but relaxed.

Peer Pressure is the only reason why I even own jeans. Some how when I was a kid I bought into the notion that you are not American unless you own jeans. I actually own 2-4 pairs of jeans at a given time.
1. My Fat Pair: If I fit these jeans I am at least 2 1/2 dress sizes into a depressive state. If I can wear these jeans I am Too Fat for even my eyes. I keep them for weight management.
2. The Regular Pair: The jeans I wear the most. Some of mine probably looked like mom jeans but I don't care. They usually only go to the grocery store or NYE at church. Both events wear comfort in clothing is needed.

The reason I own Jeggings,
My Over-the-Knee Boots

3. The Jeggings: I bought some over-the-knee boots. I tried to wear them with leggings but my belief that leggings are Not pants is so great I bought some jeggings.
4. The Jeggings that Got too Big/Backup Regular Pair: Humblebrag: I lost weight and my original jeggings were too loose. They didn't look to bad on me so I wear them interchangeably with the Regular pair.

My issues with jeans are IMO, unique. People who complain about jeans never state my issues. I can find my fit, color, & shape. Those are not my problem. Let's start with comfort.
1. They are Not Comfy: Jeans are hot. I've already stated in the Pant post of this series that I try my hardest not to wear them in the warmer season. Jeans are a definite No-No when it is hot. I live in Texas and my legs sweat. Also have you ever got your jeans wet while wearing them. It takes them forever to dry. I learned that the hard way on a trip to Six Flags with my family. I also do Not stand on the Splashwater Fall bridge anymore because of that lesson.

My short legs in Jeggings

2. The Petite Plus Size Factor: Oh, an amusement park ride is not the only way I know about wet jeans. Like other pants I don't prefer jeans in the rain either. My hemming skills are not bad but sometimes I've missed the mark. I remember numerous of school days with cooled ankles because the hem of my jeans wet from rain getting to school. Yes, the fit and style are not problem. Wide legged, Carpenter cut & Boyfriend cut jeans look great on me. Fits my hips & thighs well. The problem that those styles that look good on me rarely come in Petites. And when they do All the short thick ladies rush to get them before I can get a pair. Jeggings get a pass because the extra length help keep my feet warm in my boots.
3 Jean Boners: That's the annoying bump in the crotch area of jeans that resembles an erection. Some people have that large protrusion in the genital area in other zippered pant but not me. I only have it in jeans. But it is something that seemly I am the only person weirded out by. It is the reason why All my jeans in middle school were elastic waist. I am a woman not a man. I like to look like it in All clothes.

My Regular Jeans

Yes, I was talking Only about the long pants. Denim dresses, skirts, capris & shorts are good. Denim pants a*k*a jeans are the devil. Can't wait until sweats get to clearance sections so I stock up. Titles like Rules to Finding the Perfect Jeans & I Found the Perfect Jeans get major side eye from me. When they make a real pair of Jeans that do Not feel or fit like jeans (Pajama Jeans still feel like jeans) then maybe, Maybe I'll be relieved.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Umm It's Halloween Time and Umm Walmart, That's Strike One!!!

Well it's Halloween time! As I was rolling my eyes looking at this years starter crop of distasteful Halloween costumes (ebola costumes, child as Ray Rice, some chick as a used sanitary napkin) Monday morning, many distasteful Walmart articles kept popping up.

Walmart's Website Features a Section of 'Fat Girl Costumes'

Market Report: Walmart Features Horrifying Selection of “Fat Girl” Costumes

Seemly it was up for a few days before Monday. Twitter was abuzz about it even days after.

So, I decided to look myself. Because surely not Walmart being gross in labeling the Plus Size. Then I saw it with my own eyes.*sigh*. Walmart had to get their first "Plus Size Hate" strike. I had to join Twitter and tweet along. 45 minutes later after I saw the section, it disappeared from the website. 

Walmart apologizes for 'fat girl' costumes

Here is an article about the apology HERE.  It is disgraceful that it was on the website. Like I said before in a previous BLOG, the plus size can take there money somewhere else. If Walmart keeps this up, it will be on my boycott list that already includes its competitor, Target and Old Navy, As much money I give Walmart... Get it together Walmart!!!

I'm going to say because it is Halloween, somebody in the web developing department or some hackers thought it would be a laughable Trick or Treat joke. I mean, It's Halloween in America where blackface and deadly diseases an acceptable costume. So making fun of fatties is okay. Be it Halloween or not, fat people are fair game to joke about anyway. Oh it's wrong to make fun of  anyone because of their age, race, creed, gender, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability, marital status or socioeconomic status. Someone's body type or weight is a free for all for humor and taunts, always. Not funny, jerkwad!!! I hope all involved who thought it was okay for it to be on the website lose their jobs.

Even with that gross mishap, it is still Halloween time. I've been invited to a Halloween theme revue & a Halloween party by sister's friend whose birthday is that day. For safety sake I'm not going to the Halloween revue. Some revuer grab me from behind and scare me and get punched in the costume shorts. Plus all the Tootsie Roll & Sucker references will get old real quick. I do wonder, If Revuers wear costumes on Regular revue nights, Do they wear their regular clothes on stage for Halloween? LoL But I might go to the party.

I plan on being a cowgirl with lollipop stained lips.
You know, I look like I've been eating candy all night. LoL If not I'll pass out candy to the few trick or treaters we have until 8pm and then I'll watch the 1986 classic, "The Worst Witch" (the clip above) and anything else Halloween (fun, non-scary) related. 

Are any of my readers celebrating Halloween (or All Saints Eve, Neewollah, Hallelujah Night, Harvest Night)? How are you doing so? Let me know in the comments.

Well if I don't talk to you on October 31st, Happy Halloween!!!

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Main Shopping Plus Size Issue (What I Wear)

I love Chastity Garner. She is one of my favorite fashion bloggers.

I love her book, "The Curvy Girl's Guide to Style". It is a Must-Read. Last week, she released an open letter stating she will be boycotting Target stores for their lack of plus-size options in their designer collaboration sections. HERE is the letter. Of course, some think her boycott is petty. Some that are plus size, also. I saw one lady say “You can't get upset because they don’t want to make larger clothes”. *sigh* It’s not about forcing designers to make plus-size clothing. It is about inclusion and respect.

I, a plus-size shopper will not shop in places that act like their plus-size clothing is a secret. I’m not talking about stores that don’t sell plus-size clothing. They don’t bother me because I know where they stand. Everything I wear is not plus size. I wear a 7-1/2 Medium shoe. I can’t get and will buy a shoe anywhere. I’m talking about stores that say they sell plus-size clothing but you can’t just walk into their stores to purchase anything plus size. You have to go online or to their outlet stores only to purchase anything plus size. Old Navy was the first retailer that lost my dollar. They moved their plus-size line out of its stores to their website only. This

dress I bought in 2009 or 2010 is the last anything I bought from Old Navy. Yes, I, An Avid Online shopper will not shop at a store that has physical stores, that will force me to only shop online. The store H&M has Never seen any of my money. Maybe it is my area but the only place that has the plus-size line is the H&M outlet store. So, why does a store with more than online shopping options do that to a section of clothing buyers? They claim that their plus-size consumers were for the most part purchasing clothing online or in the outlet so that is why they only sell those lines in those places. Doing acts like this says to me that these stores want Fat Folk’s Money but Not in Their Stores. I may be wrong but that is how I feel. Well since, my clothing is not welcomed in the stores, those stores are not welcome to my money. Stores like these have even made me research every store that announces that they are starting selling plus-size clothing to see if that is in-store & online purchases or outlet/online only. If a store does not respect me enough for me to be seen in their store purchasing items, they don’t respect me.

I understand Ms. Garner’s plight. It won’t be hard for me to join her boycott, I’m not a major Target fan. It’s never the first place I think of when buying anything. Why should plus-size styles be limited in their stores? Like I said it is about respect. When the male underwear section is bigger than the Plus Size section, that is not respect. But if they won’t respect pleads for acceptable designer wear then make them respect the $$$$ that they will be missing from their stores

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Just Want a Maxi Dress *whining* (What I Wear)

Pimps aren’t the only people having a rough time. It’s hard out here for a short plus size diva like me. It’s a lot you don’t see in pictures. I’m just 5’2”. I have short legs, torso and arms. I also have a Medium B Width foot.  Shopping can get sometimes frustrating to me.

For the 5 years in a row, I have fail to find many affordable sleeveless Maxi dress (sleeved ones look like muumuus IMO) in petite plus size. I did find one this year. Sounds like one somebody heard my cry.

I’ve yet to find a cap sleeve shirt that does not fit me like a short sleeve. See this dress with my attempt to shorten the sleeve. (This dress gets a lot of wear)

Still Not as short as it looked in the ad. I gave up trying to wear short skirts in high school. Since I have a big bust I use to pull my tight knit skirt under my bust to shorten them. Now I’m too old to wear my skirts that short.

Let me also talk to shoe industry. Can a lady with a B width foot but a wide leg get a well-crafted fashionable comfortable heel or boot? Any shoe (mostly boots) that I own that is made for plus size women are stuffed at the toe. They are too wide. I know I could go to all the other stores and get any shoe I want and I do. But I like getting my shoes from Plus Size retailers because the shoes is better crafted for a larger frame. This is one of the few B width shoe bought from a Plus Size retailer I own and was from the internet not an in-person store.

I just want to dress like everyone else and be able to pay for it also. It‘s bad enough that plus size clothes cost a little more than average. (I saw a Petite Plus Size Maxie Dress for $98) It’s already bad enough the fashion industry is very slow to understand that the “Big Girls” don’t want to dress in geriatric wear.  I just want someone to understand the “squatted” ladies are here and we want to look nice too. Don’t tell me to just get it tailored. Sometimes that cost almost as much as the item. Oh well back to whining. “I just want more than one sleeveless. Maxi dress”. LMBO

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Problem with the Queens' Slanguage

There is no secret I hang out with a few gay people. I hang out with anyone who seems fun to hang out with and I can learn from. Okay I'm beating around a bush. The best way to say this is to use the show “Will and Grace.” There are two gay men on the show, Will and Jack. I don't prefer not hang out with the "Jacks" in life. They say things and have actions that bother me. Not the stereotypical flitting around, snapping fingers, and switching that is seems to be a synonymous. I mean taking offensive language and acting as though it is okay. I mean the "they are the end all to be all" attitude. It bothers me. I don't hang out with heterosexuals that behave this way and I will not hang out with homosexuals that do it as well. What you think you are celebrating is Very Insulting. Your celebration is based on stereotypes.

I would love to blame Perez Hilton for this blog. “Inside every gay man is a fierce Black woman!” Then after getting school about offensive language by Black Twitter, he in turn said got upset and compared Black women to Hitler. Yeah, he didn't get it but do we expect a person whose claim to fame is to gossip and out people to get it.  I would love to blame Woman who like Men who like Men for this blog. They should tell them “Umm not Cool” at some point. I can't blame RuPaul’s Drag Race for this blog. I love the show but this past episode, Season 6 premiere, made me want to throw a shoe towards a few contestants. Let’s another one say “Fish” or any of its types or “Okaaay”, one more time. The blame lies with me and anyone else who feels this way, for not saying something long time ago. We knew it bothered us and instead of avoiding the problem, it is the inferno that it is. Let me start with my Top 5 issues.

5.    All dowdy dressing Women, no let me say people, do not need a Fairy Gay-Mother to teach them to dress. They need someone to who has fashion understanding to help them. Your sexuality does not qualify to tell someone how to dress.

4.    All Plus Size women are not to be compared to other Plus Size Divas, especially the ones that can Saaang. (This goes for Churchy and wanna be Churchy people also (Tamela Mann, who seems like she is a nice lady, is not my cousin. )). I just stop giving Martha Wash side eye because in high school, there was a man I did my dietary intern with that said I reminded him of the “Classic Disco Diva” every day. All I did was make food trays and wash dishes. I wore scrubs like them and if I got a break, I was doing my homework. I can't even sing. It is not the compliment you think it is.

3.    All Plus Size and Dowdy women, heck women period, don’t make “Good Hags”.

We all are not “Sisters in the Discrimination Struggle”. That woman you have stereotyped maybe a homophobe. Meet her first before making her your next BFF based on a look and an action.

2.    “Fierce Black Woman” is not a compliment. It is a mythical stereotype that was produced by pop culture by its overuse in television (reality & scripted) and movies. She does not exist. She is a caricature. Perez Hilton, I’m sorry but a stereotype lives in you. All Black Women do not act like that all the time. Please don't let pop culture fool you.

1.     Using fish and all its variation to mean Feminine infuriates me. Referring to things that are feminine as fishy is gross. One does not need to be a rocket science to know where that comes from. That is nasty. Are you saying being feminine is revolting? Please stop that. Also Okaay or Umkaaay belong in the 90’s, leave it there.

This blog is No Tea, No Shade but something I hope people can learn from. People like to say words may or may not hurt but they can get you or your feelings hurt. It’s just like the F-word that cause all kinds of controversy surrounding Isaiah Washington & T.R. Knight of Grey’s Anatomy fame. I didn't know that word was offensive until then. I grew up thinking it was cuss word but not thinking it was as unpleasant as the n-word for Black people. This blog is to get those who have these attitudes, thoughts and use these words and phrases to know it is not okay. A homosexual man reading the beginning probably didn’t like me calling folks “Jacks”. If that offends anyone, I do apologize. The gay men I know will tell you they have to fill in the blanks or give me definitions when I express my frustration with this topic. God is working on me and I hope he is working on you too.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms