My Dating Grey Areas (“Not Interesting in Dating” Supplement)

Me and my big mouth mentioned in this Blog, I was not trying to do a blog on "My Grey Areas of Dating". I received four emails, all from men, wanting to know my grey areas. Unfortunately, I know one of these guys will fall under 2 of these areas. So I decided to do it. I only have 3 types of guys that are under a yes, no, maybe, and depends on his situation category. There are called the Lite Black, Grey & Lite Grey areas. The closer it is to white, makes it more acceptable is to consider.

Bisexual Men: I know I said I date only Heterosexual men. Yet, I know someone married to a bisexual man so that gave me a chance to have an opinion to think on. First I was at a total No Way Jose. Then I met this guy that married a lady I know. He is attracted to both sexes but only dated women and he had a few friends that did the same thing be it with men or women. So bisexual men like him exist. So if you’re a bisexual man and Never dated or will date a man, I’ll date you. Yes, you guess it is the “Lite Black” area.

Fathers: As of last November I don’t know that I know any heterosexual & never married or legally divorced men that don’t have children. That guy got married. A man with children is a "Grey" area. I’ll date a man with a child or children but I have limits. And to help me decide my limits, I developed an equation. I call it the “Fatherhood Equation”. The limit result must not be greater than 3.  It goes towards your character for me. Since I have been made aware that guys who might be interested in me are reading this, I won’t reveal the equation. I will give out the variables involved. First, you must answer this question: What do you describe the woman or each woman that has borne your child or children? Ex-Wife, Mother of your Child, or Baby Mama are the possible answers. That determines if I even start the equation. Answer correctly (no hints and yes there is a wrong answer and) and then I need to know the following:

1.     Age

2.    Career or Job

3.    Number of Children (including soon to be born)

4.    Number of Women that have given birth to your offspring (Probably is answered in the starter question but just in case he leaves off someone by “accident”)

5.    Physical Time Spent with Children

Again the closer you are to 3 without going over the more likely I’ll date you. Yes, I do all this in my head in the “getting to know you” time. I work with equations for a living, it’s second nature to the run numbers.

Living with Your Folks: I love that meme. Okay, I moved back home after college and I’m still here. But I was needed. I told y’all that Here! So, I get it. That guy, I can date. Heck, some of you not living with your parents actually need to, as quiet as it is kept. Then there is the guy saving money on a house or at least a better place to stay and deciding to live at home for a little while. I might date him but only if he is helping around the house. He needs to be taking the slack off of his parents not be a burden. His mother can’t cook and have to wash the dishes. Father wash the car and the dude I’m dating is mowing the yard. He needs to also be chipping in on the groceries and food bill. I don’t date freeloaders, period. I will not be dating a guy who just lives at home without a reason. That’s the "Lite Grey" area.

Okay, those are my color-coded Dating Grey Areas. Proceed carefully.  No more, no less. If you were not described in this or any of the other blogs (New Announcement. Pastors, Ministers, and Other Church Leaders, Fashion Unequally Yoked, Chubby Chasers, Foreign Born, and Strippers) I might date you. I told you that it was easier & quicker to talk about who I will not date than will date. *smile* Okay all minds clear, Great!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating: Strippers

What? Yes, that is the title. I told y’all this series was about good guys that I just can’t date. Stripping may not be a good job of morals but it’s is legal. I actually know and have known some very good guys that just happen to take their clothes off for a living in every portion of my life. One was a family friend. One I met at church initially. I had heard rumors but didn’t find out until I was at a Bachelorette party. One I was a fan of but met him officially at the mall because he’s a good friend of a friend. Many of us know a guy or two who does. So, put your judgmental fingers down and finish reading.

I am secure enough to know I am too insecure to date a male erotic dancer. Not because they are too good looking because all of them are not good-looking to me. I know for a shadow of a doubt I would always wonder, no worry about what he is doing. The job comes with drama, a lot of drama. I’m not a frequenter of male revues. More like a face-in-crowd type of fan. You see me when you see me. But I have paid attention to some of the patrons at Male revues when I am at one and some of those ladies are bothersome. Some of those ladies sit there at the show and after the shows and talk the dancers' business like it is their own (I blame me hearing the show gossip on the shows not ever starting on time *hint, hint*). Some of these women wait for the dancers by the changing rooms or outside the clubs and are willing to do whatever and whoever else is willing. Some of these ladies Lie, yes Lie about dating and sleeping with dancers. Let’s just say I don’t need the headache. I know that can be a possibility of all relationships but in my opinion, dating a stripper these issues seem to be more of a possible reality.

My next reason is a simple one. I don't want anyone I know to know what my man looks like. Here’s one of my dating rules. Never rave about or show off your man to your friends. I may not have friends that I think would sleep or try to sleep with the man I am dating. Oh but that does not mean they still won't think about him. If I date a male stripper, they not only get to think about him, it's all on display for them to see. That is not a conversation I would want to have with my friends. “Girl your man was slanging it wasn’t he”. Can we say, Awkward???

My last reason is I'm celibate. A celibate male stripper may be out there. I've never heard of such. I figure he would be talked about a lot. The Male Revue Gossips would have his business all in the streets. I'm celibate and you work in a profession that promotes sex. Umm, not going to touch that one. Leaving that statement as it is.

Male strippers, Performers at Male revues, Male erotic dancers, or whatever you call them are for looks only for the Diva. Good guys, for the most part, I mean all professions have their share of jerks, I just can't date them. God Bless the women that do, for they are emotionally stronger than me.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating: The Foreign Born

I think this is my second to last installment of this series. One more that will get me talked about by a Pal but I’ll deal with it. Anybody else I won’t date enters in a "Grey" space that include living with parents and fathers. Grey Spaces take too much time to explain. Not trying to explain but watch somebody ask.

Okay I can trace my family’s lineage comfortable to the beginnings of the Reconstruction. Three of my great grandparents were children or young adults. My maternal great grandmother wasn’t born until the 1890’s. So, if your family was not in America by the late 1800’s, at least before WWI, I’m not likely to date you. I prefer American men. I won’t say I’ll never date anyone not born here. But the chances are 90%, I won’t.

I know I attract men from Africa, the Caribbean, and Mexico. I’m a BBW and I’m aware of their preference to my size. Yet nothing annoys me more than immigrants dissing American culture. I didn’t choose to come and stay in America. Yet, there is a population of immigrants that seem to always complain about American life. I want to say so badly, “Then why are you still here”. The most annoying of the complainer population are the guys who want to date me. Let me hear “If you were in my country” one more time I am going to scream. I’m not in your country. If I was in your country, I would Only be visiting. I never want to live anywhere but the USA.

I remember a few years when I found out my mother thought I was going to bring home someone of foreign decent one day. I laughed for hours. She learned then I don’t date non-Americans. It was when the movie Phat Girlz came out. The movie made me want to weep because I know there are American women out there who think the only men they can attract are non-American. That is heart breaking.

If I ever attract one that doesn’t constantly complain about the USA, I’ll date one. I understand loving your country but don’t disrespect the one you are currently living in. Let me leave that statement right there because I almost finish it with something mean. I like my men Made in America.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating: Chubby Chasers

I know you read the title and said but Diva you’re plus size, how could you not date guys in to plus size women? Umm preferences and attractions is one thing, fetishes are another.

Chubby Chasers are people who have a Fat Fetish. Fat fetishism is the strong or exclusive sexual attraction to overweight or obese people. As well as traditional attraction, the topic also incorporates feederism and gaining, where sexual gratification is obtained via the process of gaining body fat. Fat fetishism also incorporates stuffing and padding, whereas the focus of arousal is on the sensations and properties of a real or simulated gain (Thank You, Wikipedia). You’ve seen them on talk show in extreme forms, over feeding women to make sure they stay fat (That is called Leblouh or gavage. It is the practice of force-feeding teenage girls and including girls as young as five, in areas, where obesity was traditionally regarded as desirable). Extreme or not, I think they are kind of weird. Ok wait the one I encountered was weird.

A month or so after I graduated college, I was leaving a job interview and this rather handsome & intelligent guy approached & spoke to me with interest. I gave him my phone number. He called later that night as he had promise. He was Christian, American (this will be my next blog stay tuned), & gainfully employed. His “Baby Daddy Equation” (another blog topic) score was 2. It was under 3 so, I was good with that. So, we were planning a first date to the State Fair of Texas. Open spaces and as close to my house as possible are important on the first 3 dates. Then he said, “Yeah that’s good. Not a lot of healthy food at the fair. Get you a few corn dogs, a turkey leg, a funnel cake, a candy apple, some taffy, and some cotton candy.” I said “You mean or not and. Because that’s a lot of food”.

Then he said “No I meant and. Gotta get your weight up. I’m a Chubby Chaser. I like my ladies big, big”. I know I had the craziest look on my face because I felt like I was in a crazy house at moment. He kept talking describing his perfect woman and she was much bigger than me. He said something about Weight loss surgeries were the “trick of the devil”. Then he started describing all kinds of sex acts he wanted to do to my “rolls” I finally fell out laughing out of nervousness and told him I was no longer interested. We’ve never spoke since. I went to the State Fair with my friends and only had a turkey leg and some lemonade, I think.

I know I am not some men’s cup of tea.  

I also know I’m many men’s glass of wine. If you ever go out with my Bestie Boo, LJ and me, he can pick out the men that he feels are my type (they all seem to look like Cedric the Entertainer in the 90’s). Sometimes he’s right and has gotten displaced during a line dance so they can be near me. That is Preference. Fat Fetish is if those guys continually send over plates of happy hour snacks to me at the table and are no longer interested because I got up to dance. I’m no longer sexy to them, I guess. That is crazy. I’m more than just a plus size woman. If I lose weight I will still be me. If a man cannot love, heck just like me because of my weight, he Never liked/loved me. I understand preferences, I have some.

So if a man only wants me because I’m fat and I have to stay that size or get larger, I will never date him. I want a man who wants me at my best. Weight gain or Weight loss does not measure a person’s sexiness. No, I won’t date a guy that’s not into plus size ladies. That is stupid. Like asking for heartache. But I don’t have to date a guy just because he loves me heavy.  Especially one who gets his jollies because I am that. I have a better self-worth not to be some freaky-deaky toy. Sorry Chubby Chasers, this chubby lady is not interested in you.

You creep me out. Go chase another one.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

The Skin I'm In

Hi! How are you guys? I just woke up. I did wipe the rheum (sleep mucus or sleep crust) out my eyes. As you see I have oily skin. I've talk about what I put on my face and nails in the form of cosmetics. But I have not talked about how I take care of the skin I put all that stuff on. I don't wear makeup everyday but I take care of my skin daily. Let me wash my face and I'll can get started.

Okay, that is better. I can start the day. I can't stand my face to be so oily feeling. Not so shiny now. Since I was a teenager, people always asked me what I put on my face. Until 7- 8 years ago, I said nothing. Because other than an occasional Stridex pad or Sea Breeze in the summer this is what I used.

Yep, that is bar soap, alcohol, and oil free lotion. On lazy nights, I still use this. It was effective for the most part. Then I realized I was getting older and I now use this.

With the face system is Avon Mark Face Primer. If am leaving the house, I wear that or Mary Kay's Oil Mattifier for little more protection for oil & shine. . I use this amount

all day long on my face and neck. It also tightens the skin some. That is important because Black don't crack but it does sag.

Okay lets talk skin. Moisturizing is important. Being dry or ashy is a No-No in my book. First off, we all need to drink Water.



Dry Skin, Combination Skin, Oily Skin all needs water. Water helps to replenish skin tissues, moisturizes skin and increases skin elasticity. Also lotion is important. It helps conditions and soften the skin. Skin that flakes, cracks, or itches does not look or feel good. Though oily my body still needs lotion. Lessens the itchy for dirt from all the day to day activity. My basic lotions are mostly oil free except the cocoa butter.

When I cook & bake I burn myself a little. And I have nasty way of falling & scratching my skin. Cocoa Butter softens the scar and helps them to fade. Plus I love the way it and Original Jergens smell. They have dual uses as lotion and perfume sometimes.



No worries, soon that hand will like this one

 Okay I mentioned hands and that brought my mind to the feet. *deep sigh* I think feet are the most neglected body part that can be seen. Have you seen some people's feet? They can disgust you. These are my feet.  I can never seem to take a pic with both in the shot and they look normal. I tried to take a picture of my heel but that was "head over heels" hard. LoL Once a month, after a bath, I take my Ped Egg (a pumice stone will work also)

Open that puppy up

and take the dead skin off the bottom of my foot. Then I apply some foot lotion on

and don on some socks for at least an hour. Smooth feet made in the privacy of your home. Nice looking feet is not just for the pretty of it. It helps your foot wear fit properly. The rubbing on lotion works out the kinks and stretches the muscles that have tightened after activity. Cracked heels will bleed and hurt if skin is not softened. Hey take care your feet. If you are like me if my feet hurt, my whole body hurts. Who actually likes pain? I don't.

So this the last installment of the makeup/beauty series. Hope they helped someone out there. If you are interested in more I have a Pinterest page that contains boards featuring my makeup and nail looks. Check there out Here .

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms 



Book Title Help!!! Help Me, Please!!!

I used to love "Really Rosie" as a kid. I read the book first. Nickelodeon showed the “movie” all the time when I growing. I never saw the musical. But “Belieeeeve Meee”, I think I would have loved it. Gosh, if my age is not showing, I don’t know what is.

I remember when I took up reading as a hobby. After doing a stint (a grading period LoL) in “Chapter 1” (remedial reading resource) in the 1^st grade all because the teacher couldn't read my hand writing (Back in the good ol' days when it was thought that messy handwriting indicated...), I decide I didn't like people thinking I was stupid. A feeling that I have never shook. I threw myself into reading.

I wish I had made a list of All the books & stories I read as a child. I remember quite a few Plots but for the life of me don't remember the Titles. *sigh* Child OutSpoken_Diva didn’t know the importance of making lists like Adult OutSpoken_Diva does now. I have looked and looked at “Classic Children’s stories list. Came up with the same stuff mostly. But all is not a frustrated lost. I need you guys help. Maybe you guys read what I read what I read as child. Maybe you guys might remember the titles of what I read. Maybe might jog your memory. LoL

1.     A very disruptive elementary class gets a shock when their teacher is not in class and they get a stern substitute that makes them change their behavior. The teacher comes back and the class is forever well behaved. At the end, a mask resembling the face of the substitute is hanging in the teacher’s closet.

2.    A soccer player wants to improve her game. At home her parents are more concerned about the birth of her new sibling. She then gets some mysterious help in form of a note in a hallowed out egg. This goes on for weeks until the girl improves. She finds out it was her soccer coach all along.

3.     A boy refuses to sell chocolate for the school. His defiance trickles down to the other students. It also ticks off the school & the “secret" school gang.

4.    Girl decides to run away. Takes her little brother because he has money. They end up in a museum. The museum buys a statue that may not be real. So they go find the lady who sold it to the museum and they learn great things from her.

Though my hand writing is still not legible as many, my aptitude for reading is good. Reading has saved my life many time. Every time simple words don’t come to me in a conversation, I know that means turn the TV and Internet off and let the books pour into me. Thank you guys in Advance for your help!!! This should be fun.

Oh wait!!! Are there any plots (child, tween, teen, adult) of books that maybe I can help with? Leave them in the comments below.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating: The Fashionally Unequally Yoked

Ok in this installment I focus on the way I like the men I date to dress. I am a little picky. There are some things an Adult man should not wear, in my opinion. And thanks to this week’s Things I Learned This Week or TILTW, I am not alone in some areas. So start with shirts.

Undershirts as Shirts  Living in the inner city, I see this lot. It makes me frown. It is an undershirt. It is meant to wear under your shirt to protect your shirt from body sweat. If you wear this in public, I won’t date you.

Polo or Polo Style Shirt is Your Only Casual Shirt with a Collar

Okay this opinion started when I started going to a more discriminating type night spots with dress codes. I heard a former friend and his friends feel relief or worry if somebody did or did not wear a Polo style shirt. That befuddled me so I asked what the fuss was. They explained it has a collar. I understood. I was under 25 and they were too so fashion options were limited. Fast forward 8 years and I started going out with the 25 and up crowd and that still some guys only collared shirts. Back to being befuddled. There are more shirts with collars that are not polo styled. Here are some examples.

Only Owning Tee Shirts Self-explanatory! Not dating you.

Alright bottom wear is very easy to say.

Sagging Pants What is wrong with wearing your pants correctly? Pants pulled up over your butt is how they are supposed to be worn. This is a Male No-No.

Point blank. If your pants don’t look like this,

I will not date you.

               

Male Skirts I just can’t. Something gross and creepy about it. Kanye West & Omar Epps might wear underwear but Mr. Pervert just wore it for “easy access”. It’s enough men that go commando with pants…. And I’m not going to finish that statement

Shoes Yes I have a slight opinionated preference on a man’s choice of footwear.

Sneakers I know it’s a male thing to wear. But when I hear a man complain about wearing these

 and especially these.

It tells me he spends an enormous time in these.

 I like men with footwear balance.

If You refer to You Dress Shoes as Church Shoes It is weird to hear an Adult man say that.

Children say that term. Either way it scream volumes to me about your life.

Sock & Sandals
I don’t get it.

 It looks uncomfortable. No you can’t have my number. Make it stop.

Okay these opinions are based on casual wear for men. Unless a man is wearing a dress suit that screams another decade or time period,

 

 

 

 I have no true opinion on Dress wear for men. I know shocking.

Sorry guys, I prefer my man to dress mostly like Ellen than Little Wayne.

 

 

 

 Oh, BHM's (Big Handsome Men) you don't get a pass. Dress like this

and you can converse with me. It’s just what I am interested. A lady just has a preference. *wink*

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms