Don't Pat Me on My Back for My Basic Confidence

In no way, do I want to come off rude. But thanks to Pop Culture, I have to address Basic Confidence, the Plus Size Community & what the World can learn. Blame Dish Nation's coverage on Gabourey Sidibe not wanting anyone asking her "How are you confident". Read about it HERE. I agreed with Gabby and I am not shocked non-plus size people don't see the problem.

How many times have you ever thought to ask a positive behavior displaying non-fat person, why do they feel good about themselves?

Yes, I have had someone ask me that. It didn't feel good. I was in my last year at Lamar University. I was about to graduate. I had overcome a few doozies in life.

And I think I was a naturally polite until provoked kind of person. This popular guy that I never talked to before then, blog name Chaka was walking by me one day. And he said, "I see you're so positive. I mean you really have nice self-esteem, even with the way you look. How is that"? I was baffled & the only thing I said was a dry "Okay" and I walked away. But my reaction was not over. The rest of the time I was at LU, I hung my head down in despair whenever he was near. Yeah, I could react like a major jerk in my 20s. Now, I have a little more mature grasp on using my words & actions to express my feelings.

Oh yeah, let me describe Chaka. He was a non-plus size man suffering from albinism. Yeah just like me posting pictures of me at LU, me telling you that info after the story was on purpose. Are we, humans so conditioned to think that only humans that look like whatever is the standard preference of attractiveness? I would never ask that albino man why did he feel great about being popular despite how he looked.

Asking About Anyone's is Not the Compliment You Guys Think It Is.

Gabby was right. Would you ever ask Rhianna, Jenifer Lawrence, Idris Elba, or George Clooney, why are they so confident. If your answer is "You don't have to", please understand this. People who don't look like the standard preference of attractiveness have right to good self-esteem. Many of us use that right. Pop Culture's messaging tell you we don't, but exposure to more people in life will tell you a different story.

Having Good Feelings About Yourself is Not an Extraordinary Feat. It's Basic. And if Basics have to be Praised, What is Lacking in Life?

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Understanding The Greatest Love

My grandmother's flowers are coming in.
A pretty symbol of the holiday.

It was actually Palm Sunday when I started this post. I saw a long time family friend post on Facebook, "Are you in the Hosanna crowd or Hater crowd". It's refreshing to see my Favorite Holiday being broken down for anybody to understand. Because it is more than Jesus dying on the cross & rising on three days. There was a week-long path he took to get the bright & powerful day.

I never truly appreciated anyone breaking down a portion of the path until one fateful evening while I was in school in Beaumont, Tx. I was hanging out with my college buddy, blog name will be Little Lady or LL. LL lived in town. We were at her cousin's house, which was right next to the United Methodist church she attended. Some of the parishioners were gathering, LL remembered that they were having a Maundy Thursday service and decided to go with me in tow.

Please Note: This is only time in life that I have ever blindly attended a church. God had to have a plan because I usually at least have a researching conversation.

Maundy Thursday, is the Thursday before Easter, observed in the Christian Church as a commemoration of the Last Supper. It was a very enlightening service. The pastor taught from the subject, "How Would You Talk to Jesus at the Last Supper". Would we be able to notice Jesus's demeanor?  How focused would we be on what he was talking about? What do we say to Jesus?

He brought groups of twelve to sit as the disciples and talk to a cross with a crown of thorns on it at the head of the table. We all "talked" to Jesus with the pastor being in the last group to finish his lesson.

Think about it, Jesus was stressed that night. He knew what was coming for him. This was his last Passover meal with his friends. He knew one of them was going to betray him. He also had to tell one that he will deny knowing him later.  It was more than just a last Passover meal. Calvary was coming up and it was weighing on him.

And that lesson stuck with after that night. LL & I used to tease one another about what we said to Jesus that night. It is one of those bonding moments we have. She sometimes reminds me of social media when Maundy Thursday is coming up.

Oh, the road to my favorite holiday is fascinating to me. We love the "He died on the cross and rose on the 3rd day with all power in his hand". But that, not all this Greatest Love Story. Adding deeper understandings to the whole story, made me Love it even more.

Happy Easter!!!

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms

Just Pay and Stop the Debate

I see this topic often. I didn't even know gender roles & societal norms could influence such arguments like this one. This was never a dating lesson discussed in my home. This was never a gender role lesson for me growing up. Yet, the answer is common sense to me. I'm talking about the topic, "Who pays for the date? Him, Her, or Dutch?".

1st off unless a couple is at least eight months into a committed relationship(You should be close enough to make plans together & know a few one another's financials)

or have this discussed before going to the outing, Dutch is Never an option. I've never been asked to "Go Dutch". I hope I never experience that on a date. How do you invite someone, somewhere and expected them to help you foot the bill?

My answer is Him or Her. It depends on who asked who out. Who requested the date? That's who pays. I'll never open a door in the presence of a man, but if I asked him out I pay the bill. And I have several times. I remember asking Stumpy, the Worst Boyfriend Ever about his birthday plans. He had none.

So, I took him to Cheesecake Factory. He questioned me about the bill and I just chuckled. He didn't invite me to celebrate with him. I took him out, why would I expect him to pay? If a guy asks me out, I expect for him to pay. Oh, I make sure I am quietly prepared for some foolishness, but I don't expect to pay for that date.

This is another reason why I don't go on dates before at least having 2-3 telephone conversations. And hey, if you're unsure and/or want to go Dutch, Ask!!! Believe it or not, people tend to answer with the tone of their voice.

Like I said, I wasn't taught this. I was schooled to watch his eyes, teeth, & shoes. I also was taught to not act like an opportunist & to order the priciest stuff on the menu. But I had to figure who pays for a date on my own.

If I'm "wrong" and someone can find and discuss with me some factual evidence(not Googled societal norms on manners) on why I am, be my guest. I'm always ready to learn.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!

Oooh, An Updated Web Series List

And to think I got into web shows in order to ignore popular "reality" show chatter. I've never watched a scene of Keeping up With the Kardashians, but I never knew my web show view would be like my TV viewing. But here I am.

Let's start with some new titles.

Avant-Guardians:

The guardian angel of the future 3rd black president is sent to God-mandated therapy.

Keloid:

A supernatural suspense drama focused on a mother and son’s journey to get his new supernatural powers under control, and hide from a past that haunts (and hunt) them.

Loosely Exactly Nicole:

MTV's Nicole Byer is living the Hollywood-Adjacent dream. She hilariously deals with humiliating auditions, unpaid electric bills, friendship ups and downs, and the battlefield of dating.

Now, time for the shows that I have covered before.

Everything I Did Wrong in My 20s:
Every Episode is so profound. It is Season 4 and it still My Favorite Web Series of All Time.

Giants:
Malachi, Journee, & Ade are still battling their inner demons the best they know-how.

Makeup & Breakup :
Season 2 and the old lesson pop up. Are you ready for your real feelings to come out?

And here is my current list, good people. Don't forget to click the title of the show to get to it. And until these gems change or new one pops up...

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!

Eh, Not So Good (Answering Questions)

Time to be bad and get on some nerves along the way.

Q: Why are you against being called a "Good Girl"? You seem pretty good to me.

A: Thank you for the compliment. You mean it. LoL For me, "Good Girl" is not a young female human that does nice things in the world".  Life's experience has made me not see that term as a compliment, all the time Yes, it has protected me from some heartache from time to time. Yet, it still doesn't feel good to hear it. The "Good Girl" term is very annoying & lazy term to describe me.

People who do so, use it as an total sum description based on only a few experiences with me in one or two places. And when you total anything up, having to add more later is such a problem. I understand if we were dealing with a grocery bill but this is human life. People who have summed me up as a "Good Girl" are always surprised & say some of the rudest stuff when they learned more about me that doesn't fit the box they put me in. They feel like you've been lying to them. Like you told them to write you down as such.

The first time I heard someone say, "Oh now, she wants to tell it" was when I decided to be annoyed with, "Good Girl". It wouldn't bother me so much, if it wasn't for the fact that people are stupid enough to tell me that they slapped this crown on me & it pains them to take it off. Like I'm not human enough to live my life like all the other humans. Oh well, that's a hurt they have to writhe in. Because hey if living my life is wrong, I won't be right.

Don't forget to send all questions to C.OUT.SPOKEN.DIVA@GMAIL.COM. I will answer them as well as I can.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!

Neither, Issa Black(Answering Questions)

You guys send me questions, so I have to answer them.

Q: Are you a feminist or womanist?

A: Unpopular Opinion but I don't identify with either passed their basic founding principles. I am a Black, Christan, Educated, Heterosexual, Left Handed, Non-Married, Plus Size, Short Woman, with Relaxed hair & Lighter Melaninated skin that agrees with equal respect & fairness for all.

Feminism & Womanism have great principles as their foundations.  Yet, both of those can be very exclusive, ignorant(lack of knowledge) and non-bridging in their radical work. Including some things I identify as.

Q: You've said you don't wear all-black to funerals. I don't like all-black, either. What do you wear as alternatives? What won't you wear

A: Any shade of Blue, Brown, or Grey are my safe alternatives. During the spring & summer, I will wear white with dark accessories to funerals of family & friends. I refuse to wear red or animal prints to funerals. Even as accents, I think those are kinda gaudy.

Q: Did you have a "Hoe Phase"?

A: Almost said, who didn't, but I thought about some names and changed my mind. Yeah, I had one, early in college & quick. Which is fornunate because when I see 27+ year olds in one, I feel like they're holding onto their youth or trying to live life real quick.

And because people sum me up with the "Good Girl" stereotype, I could do mine peacefully on the low. Funny part is mine also looked as goofy & random as Issa Dee on the show, Insecure. But it's life and life is too be lived.

As you see, if send your Questions to C.OUT.SPOKEN.DIVA@gmail.com, I'll answer them. And I promised to give it a full OUTSPOKEN_DIVA opinion, that you seem to want.

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!

Alright

It is Okay to be Fine, Alright. I don't mean "I'm Fine", but I'm still hiding my true feelings. I mean Fine like "I'm not happy or sad". I've been wanting to talk about this subject for a while. But life wanted to give me a pop quiz before I posted anything.

Recently, I was at home by myself for the 1st time. My mom had to take my grandmother to a regular physical checkup. I used to live by myself in my later teens & early 20s. But in my family's home and that was not possible. Someone had to be home to stay with my brother.

He couldn't be in the house by himself. That would be neglect. Now, he's not here and I had to start thinking about certain sounds & tasks that were actually not just rote but also comforting. My brother being in the house really was Home to me. It lightly had come up in conversation and Momma said she would just go to sleep. I can't sleep then. I also don't like working before or during doctor appointments, because family history has dictated that things can change quickly. Oh and I am working on less distracted living and I don't view TV before the noon news. The appointment was at 10:30 am.

The day came, we put Granny in the vehicle, & they said "We'll call on the way back". And I said, "I'll be Here" and I walked back inside and lived. Of course I wasn't exuberant but I wasn't in sack cloth and ashes until my folks got back. I really was okay with being home alone. I went on with my day as if others were here. I was okay, aright, & fine.

I think we put so much emphasis on thinking about being happy or sad, no one knows how to be fine. It is probably why the possible follow up questions when we say, "I'm okay". It is probably the reason some church folks say, "I'm Blessed & Highly Favor" instead "I'm Alright, this morning", like I do. It's okay to be Fine.

The adverb, Fine means to be in a satisfactory or pleasing state of being. Fine is feeling Okay. You're not in a great or horrible state. You're somewhere in the middle.

Feeling great is optimal, but I like being fine. It gives my feelimgs a chance to build up to great. Feelings are not into climbing from the bottom. Ok feelings still have a little lift to them. Things aren't best, but they are not the worst. Being Fine says that everything is alright. Alright!!!

As Always Talking to You In Adult Terms!!!