Talking Will Be Talking (Answering Questions)

So, here is the thing about the question and answer posts, you have to send questions for me to answer. But those who asked was I ever making another Q&A post, here is one for you.

Q: I saw you say that you were fighting the urge to talk about a pastor named, John Gray. Why?

A: *sigh* It hasn't even been a full year of being a pastor, and a lot of personal issues have come up for The Grays.  When John Gray said his wife, Aventer "birthed" him on a talk show and wife got very upset at any criticism, I had a feeling there was more to the story. And it has been. An expensive car was bought as an anniversary gift.

Now, there is an admission of infidelity on his part and the lady may be pregnant. And his wife standing at church blaming the devil for her husband cheating on her. *sighing again* I know a loving wife shouldn't publicly admonish her husband. But what she did, looked foolish in my opinion. The devil did his job, her husband didn't do his. I actually wish The Grays step down and do the real work for redemption & family healing out of the public's eye. I think that would show true Christian leadership.

Q: Do you believe the Gillette ad for men to better men was marketing or impact?

A: Time will tell why Gillette made the ad that strongly encourages the ending of toxic masculinity. When we see that Gillette start mentoring programs & also give to positive existing programs that are teaching boys non-toxic ways to manhood, that will tell the True intent.

Alright, all of you who ask me for my definitions of terms that I use in the dating world. You won't have to wait until I write a memoir for a glossary for these particular words. Some rap/ BHM model guy who sent me a follower request on Instagram(IG) had this on his page.

It is such a Godsend. Since high school, I thought these terms were universal. Oh well, study, understand, and use them correctly in your lives. Your rapports & relationships would love you for doing so.

Ok, that's all the questions & answers. Please remember these type of posts can only exist if you guys send me questions to answer. So, send them to C.OUT.SPOKEN@gmail.com and I will answer what I can, as I can.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!!!!

I Got the Tea(OUTSPOKEN_DIVA'S Favorite Recipes)

I am a tea drinker. Coffee smells great but tastes like poison. Cocoa is delicious but too high in calories to drink all the time. Soda is high in sodium and I am constantly trying to kick that addictive monkey out my life. Tea is a perfect balance. I like hot tea. I like iced tea. Oh, I am a Texan and hate sweet tea. I like my iced tea sweetened and with lemon.

Y'all can keep those dark glucose water experiments that keep being served everywhere. My favorite flavored tea is Peach. The best tea at a restaurant is Wendy's Honest Tropical Green Tea. I think Celestial Seasonings tastes the best, yet I am not a brand loyalist to any tea company. Recently, I was asked by my cousin, Janette(blog name) & her friends for tea recipes and this post idea was born.

My life with tea started young. My grandmother was a part of a garden club and her church's mission society. She hosted & went to many teas. Sometimes the grandchildren were with her and we learned to conduct ourselves in tea party culture. We also learned how to prepare teas. My favorite tea I learned was Friendship Tea. It is a very tangy tea. I liked the non-instant recipe better than the instant. That is the one I will post. But both are simple to make.

Friendship Tea

Ingredients

• 1 tbsp Lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1 orange pekoe tea bag(black tea)
• 2 tsp sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp orange breakfast drink mix(I've used Tang)

Directions:

1. In small pot combine water, lemon juice, cloves, cinnamon Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove pot from the heat.
2. Add the tea bag and let steep for 5 minutes. 
3. Add the sugar & orange drink milk and stir to dissolve.
4. Serve hot.

He is probably the most consistent man in life. My cousin, D.D. introduced him because our favorite Star Trek commander, Jean Luc Picard hung with him. Earl Grey is a smooth & comforting black tea. His bergamot & orange notes hug me so tight. And when I turn him into a latte, it is like he is using the milk as a blanket he is wrapping around me with both his arms.

London Fog Latte
Ingredients

• 1 earl grey tea bag
• 1/2 cup hot water
• 1/2 cup milk(I prefer 1% or unsweetened vanilla almond)
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
  

Directions:

1. Add hot water and tea bag to a mug. Steep for a few minutes or until desired strength is reached, then discard the tea bag.
2. While the tea is steeping, add milk to a microwave-safe jar that comes with a lid. Secure the lid.
3. Vigorously shake for a minute or until the milk foamy. Remove the lid. 
4. Microwave the uncovered milk until hot, about 30 seconds, and the foam will separate from the milk and rise to the top. Use immediately.
5. Add sugar and vanilla extract to the mug, stirring until dissolved. 
6. Pour the frothed milk on top, spooning the milk foam to top. Serve while hot.

Oh "I Don't Drink Tea" readers I didn't leave you out. I don't always drink tea as tea. And the best way to not-drink drink it is as lemonade. I rarely drink at coffee & tea spots but I will admit they have some very creative & tasty drinks. I had Lavender Tea Lemonade once one summer and I had to create it so I could have it at home. I am a fan of the calming effects of lavender. Hot tea with lavender helps me to sleep. In a cold beverage, it does soothe my anxiety and nerves during warm & hot weather.

Lavender Tea Lemonade

Ingredients:

• 6 cups boiling water
• 4 lavender tea bags(I've used Yogi)
• 3 cup room temperature water
• 2 cups sugar
• 3 cups lemon juice plus 1 lemon, thinly sliced

Directions:

1. Pour the boiling water over the tea bags in a heatproof container and let steep for 5 minutes. Remove the tea bags and allow the tea to cool.
2. Combine the sugar with the room temperature water in a measuring cup or bowl and stir until the sugar dissolves to make a syrup.
3. Pour the lemon juice into a vat or large pitcher, add the syrup and tea and stir. 
4. Add the lemon slices.
5. Chill for 4-8 hours to let the flavors develop, then serve.

So, that's my tea on tea. By the time I post this, I may be drinking a cup of tea. Tea is less caffeinated than coffee. I'm told it is reducing my risk of stroke and heart attack. I just know I like tea. And it seems to like me back.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

I Survived Y'all Watching Surviving R. Kelly

It is horribly sad to me that it took a docuseries to finally open more eyes to R. Kelly the abusive pervert. It is horribly sad that many only watched the docuseries as gossip fodder. It is horribly sad some still use his song titles to make nasty jokes. It is horribly sad there are still defenders for R. Kelly.

I didn't watch Surviving R. Kelly. Like watching movies about slavery & Jim Crow, I knew it would be very triggering for me to do so. I also knew even if I fled social media (and I did), hot spots of it would still land on my timelines that would further prove why I shouldn't ever watch this docuseries. Yeah, I "saw the tape" those years ago via Limewire

and because I don't believe in the "Fast Girl" narrative, I had to purge myself from my fandom of R. Kelly and any of his music. I used to love Reuben Studdard's "I Need an Angel" & I found out who wrote the song. Well like The Clark Sisters song said, "I've Got An Angel" to help not to be a fan. I now refuse to separate the music from the man.

But if this docuseries help you to understand the pain of the victims of R. Kelly's abuse, I hope you understand it is not just supporting his work that is proof you understand.

.

• The "Fast Girl" narrative promotes abuse.
• Believe Any victim's claim of abuse enough for you to at least investigate and call the police.
• Stop sweeping the true stories under the rug. Call the authorities. Get these victims some Real help. And petition to make stronger and tougher punishments.
  
• Know that adult/child dating, "romantic", sexual relationships are wrong. If you know an adult still trying to date teenagers, why do you still know them?
• Stop bringing up when will Woody Allen, Harvey Weinstein, or Catholic priests will get docuseries. Do they need one for the masses to believe them? You know that answer. Surviving R. Kelly is because the masses didn't believe the "controversy". Only a few did.

And you have now survived my hot take on this matter.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

It's a New Year (OUTSPOKEN_DIVA's Favorite Recipes)

It's that time of the year for people to reset the clock on their lives in some places that need turning around. Some called the process, New Year Resolutions. Some people say, "New Year, New Me". Whatever you call it I just hope " Learning to Cook" or "Teaching the Young People in My Life to Cook" is on that list of things to do. Matter of fact, since this word is on trend, I CHALLENGE You to Learn to Cook and/or Teach a Young Person to Cook. Not cooking is a common issue in my line of work. Yeah, there are healthy ways to eat out but they are null & void if you never eat healthy in. And the children are being affected. Yes, the kids get underfoot but bring them in to learn to cook. Their future depends on it.

The recipes for these posts are healthy updates to traditional New Year's Day recipes for wealth & luck. I feel they shouldn't only be eaten on that day. People talk about eating more non-animal sources of protein. We encourage the masses to eat leafy greens daily. Yet, we only eat a spoonful of peas once a year and our leafy greens are boiled out of their nutrients.

I love black-eyed peas with snaps beans. But like the rest of the canned foods, I don't love the high amounts of sodium & aluminum. Well, I was lucky to have found this recipe.

Black-Eyed Peas with Snaps

Ingredients

• 1 lb shelled black-eyed peas, or 3/4 lbs dried, soaked
• 6 c vegetable broth or water
• 1 large onion, diced
• 1 Tbsp garlic, minced
• 1 Tbsp dried parsley
• 1 Tbsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp celery powder
• 1/2 c cut green beans (fresh or frozen)
• 2 Tbsp butter or margarine

Directions

1. In a large saucepan bring water, peas, onions, beans, seasoning, and beans to a boil. Save butter or margarine until the end.
2. Reduce heat and cover. Simmer on medium-low heat for 1 hour and 30 minutes or until peas are tender and liquid starts to thicken. Taste for seasonings and add salt if desired.
3. Just before serving, add butter or margarine and stir well.

Gentrified greens & cabbage recipes don't mean they won't have meat in them. We saw those pork pieces in the infamous Neiman Marcus greens a few years ago. But boiling them to death in salted fatted pieces of ham or bacon is still a horrible way to eat them. Yeah, that's not a recipe for Prosperity I want to use.

Healthy Fried Cabbage

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 teaspoon poultry seasoning
• 2 medium carrots, cut into matchstick size
• 1 medium cabbage, chopped
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon Cayenne pepper
• 1/2 cup water

Directions

1. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat.
2. Add onions, garlic, thyme and cook until onion is soft about 2 minutes.
3. Stir in carrots cabbage, paprika, onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne pepper and salt
4. Add water, cover and cook for 10 minutes or until cabbage is tender and serve.

Vegan Sauteed Collard Greens

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 pounds collard greens, chopped
• 2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 2 garlic cloves
• 1 tablespoon canola oil
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice, or to taste.

Directions

1. Heat oil in a large saute pan over medium heat. Cook garlic, stirring often, until golden, about 3 minutes. Stir in red pepper flakes, and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.
2. Stir in collard greens
3. Reduce heat to medium-low. Add water & lemon and steam, covered, until greens are just tender and evaporate about 10 minutes. If greens are ready but there is still water in the pan, raise heat to medium-high, and cook, uncovered until completely evaporated.

All adults need to know how to cook

and eat in manners that help maintain a healthy life. It all comes with education and willfulness to learn.

So, do OUTSPOKEN_DIVA a favor. Take the Challenge! Learn & Teach about food, whenever you and while you can

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Well, Well 2018

I told folks on my social media accounts on how I treated my timeline like a social experiment this year. In 2016 & 2017 I saw many posts that caused me to wholeheartedly believe in the popular saying, "If It's Not Direct, Don't Respect". And that resulted in how I interacted on social media in 2018. In 2019, my behavior will tell the results. I started to discuss that here, but that seemed overkill. Plus, nobody cares about what I do on social media aka SoMe. So in this blog, let's talk about some of the various "interesting" things I experienced in 2018.

I finally found a "crazy bride" whose actions I agreed within 2018. Here you will read about a Bride kicking guests out of her wedding for not following one rule. Extreme Bridezilla behavior took an L this year. I was one of those handing out those Loses here on this blog. But these guests were wrong and should not have attended. I only gave her 95% of my agreement. Had to dock her for documenting her actions on Reddit. "We" didn't need to know about it.

I had to end a quick dating rapport in the latter part of the spring. I really wasn't that broke up about it. And as I was bopping to my favorite trendy song, "Nice for What" by Drake, my favorite 2018 song came into my life via a web show soundtrack.

I love "Almost Cried" because nobody is angry, begging, or crying. One of the best lyrics said, "I just can't lose no sleep, I got sh*t to do today". They gave it that good college effort, but they together didn't work and it was ok. A breakup song, I could relate to. And the singer, Rob Milton gave me an ❤ on Twitter when I said his song was my jam.

Oh, and I guess I sinned against the dating gods, somewhere. My old behind got a "Merry Christmas" text this year during Christmas dinner. I had been blessed over the years not to get those. Glad that dude said who he was.

#sirwhydoyoustillhavemynumber

Honorable music mention my favorite member of Dru Hill, Jazz. He had a nice love single that came out this summer called All Your Love. It's so good, I've seen a few line dance videos to it. Check out the song HERE and enjoy the melodic goodness.

I mentioned web shows and I thought about my fandom of some web show networks, blogs, podcasts & celebrities had to decrease. A few of them showed themselves to be quite problematic. By the time Fan, Con failed & the Non-existent community(that I am still a part of) was "blamed", I was tired.

By then I found out some of my faves were involved fraud, lying, deception, backbiting, rape, sexual harassment, & domestic violence in their personal lives. And I not just talking about Hollywood, but indie creatives also. There were all these web series, blogs, & publications that weren't paying their staff & guest columnists. Weirdly, enough none of that was exposed until the explosions happened. I questioned my fandom to the point of tears that flowed like the tea that was steady being spilled. Some confessed, took time away, and came back. Some are still hiding. I pulled my interactions back from a few & some I flat out walked away.

Speaking of tears, if in 2018 and you my dear didn't take any "Me Time", "Mental Health Days", "Self Care Moments" or whatever the trendy people call it, Bless Your Heart!!! And don't mean that in the snarky Southern way. I want God to wrap his arms around you and have you rest for a moment. I had to do some serious work to diffuse from the toxic ways of this world. It was warranted and I'm glad I got what I needed.

And yet through it all, I got to check something off my Bucket List. I got to do some Casual Cosplay at a con. I did a blog post about it. Read it HERE, if you haven't. I am so proud that I did it. I can't explain the feeling I felt when people recognize me as Penny Proud. I felt like I did it something right. Every time I see the photos, I see that young Black, fat, nerdy, awkward girl with little money that didn't see her in mainstream media's coverage of cosplaying. I hope one day a future me-like young one sees my pictures and be inspired to do cosplay too.

2018 wasn't the best, but it could have been so much worse. I limped into it achieving a decent mood. I'll leave it with minimal scarring but still pressing toward the goal of being a better person than I was the previous year. The only goal I know I can constantly work on daily, monthly, & yearly.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms!

How to Bust Your Lover

This probably should've been titled "A Lady-like Influence". But that didn't sound as interesting. Oh well, listen & read anyway.

My favorite in the jazz music genre, Nancy Wilson passed away recently. I grew up listening to her music. As I got older, her music gave me a blueprint on how to handle love like a lady. Because face it I grew up being a good girl not always successfully relating to the dating world. And for 75% of my love life, I've acted like a lady. No matter how the dating rules change, I handle romantic rapports with as much regal decorum as possible.

But it's that 25% where life's stories get interesting. I've only had to do the breaking up in one of my committed relationships. Most of them mutually ended or somebody was ghosted. So, I just knew I would handle it like the song featured, "Guess Who I Saw Today" by Ms. Nancy Wilson. It's one of the songs she gained her notoriety with and it's one of my favorites. I "studied" the lyrics as a teenager. Well one morning in my mid-20s, my then boyfriend's infidelity evidence was in my possession. If you know me or a long time reader, I've never snooped on a lover yet the needed reasons to break up are always provided to me. I called him and he didn't answer. When he did, I started out mild.

Him: Hey Baby Girl.

Me: Baby Girl is Dead.

Him: Do What?

Me: I have something for you to hear.

The rest of the straight to the point story is obvious. My sister said briefly she heard me say, "It's over you bastard" from two aisles over. *sigh* I was not supposed to get loud on the phone in the grocery store. But I had to end his foolishness right then. Hey, it was not my fault. He should have answered the phone when I was calm.

Don't Confront Your Lover Like Outspoken_Diva. Bust Your Lover Like Nancy Wilson.

Maybe the next time a situation that calls for some Nancy Wilson wisdom, I will remember my studies. Like if I ever have to fight another woman for a man. I want to remember the lyrics to "You Can Have Him" and not fight. Or if somebody asks to quantify my love for my man, I need to say,

"My love has no beginning, my love has no end

No front or back and my love won't bend"

from her song, "How Glad I Am".

I have to hold onto my studies because Ms. Nancy Wilson, "There Will Never Be Another You". You were the song stylist we needed to keep balance to life and love. Rest Well, Lady.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

I'm Sorry Your Granddaddy Had Two Families, But...

This post should have been made a long time ago. If you know me personally, you know the statement "Your Granddaddy Cheated on Your Grandma and They Stayed Together", grates my nerves. It is the cheater's motto if ask me. One day I'm going to do the research and find out the percentage of the granddaddies that actually committed adultery. My grandfather didn't cheat on my grandmother. First of all, no extra aunts and uncles came up at PauPau's funeral. Second, many men testify to/tease about his faithfulness to Granny. Third, after a stay-at-home wife, five kids & bills were taken care of, his ability to financially afford to cheat was low. That woman would've had very low standards. But I know/ have known quite a few grandfathers & grandmothers that did cheat. Some of the spouses stayed, some didn't.

But what grates my nerves is the fact this phenomenon is flounced around like it is a righteous act. Your granddaddy cheated and your grandmother stayed and kept the marriage & family together. *deep sigh* I want those of you who have bought into that belief to look at your family. Do you know if you can freely date anyone and not worry if that is your sibling, cousin, aunt, or uncle? Have you ever wondered why your great aunts & uncles talk to your granddaddy like he ain't crap?

Ever wonder why your grandparents don't sleep in the same bedroom. Have you ever seen your grandfather grocery shop and have to separate the groceries at the counter by household. Oh, I knew a man who had to do that. Wife was in the hospital, his other woman was working, and the shopping had to be done.

And what do you think that did to that man's bank account? Oh but all you knew was Maudea stayed. Grandmother may have had to have a hysterectomy. Do you know some of those surgeries are because of STDs brought to wives by a philandering husband? Have you ever considered your grandmother's feelings? Do you know if she ever wanted to leave PopPop? Go ask your beloved Meemaws, if you can. I Dare You!!!

There was also a time people got married at 14 years old. And women had to go to a Red tent during their menstrual cycle. And men were the only ones in the family that worked. And fathers gave up their meals for their children not to starve.

Face it! All of you that believe that statement just want to justify cheating! And that's the best B.S. you can come up with. Where is your grandmother with a switch to tan your tails?

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms