Okay The Skin Tone Blog

If you want to know some of the most over argued topics I've ever heard, Skin Color within the Black Race is somewhere on my top 20 (natural/relaxed hair & working/stay-at-home moms are tied for #1) list. Boy, Massa did a number on us on the Ol' Plantation. It is 2012 and it is still can be a heated topic. It is unnerving for news or talk shows to have this topic on their schedule. But like a bad train wreck I watch them anyway. Maybe it the “Kum Bah Yah” in me to see if there is a different outcome

I'm not one who is color struck. I kind of wince at people teasing others about their skin tone. I don't believe "Two "light skins" can't be friends". I don't have mostly "dark skinned" friends so I'll be the cute "light skinned" friend. The first time I heard I was "light-skinned" was kindergarten on the black top and a "dark skinned" girl was rubbing my arm saying "Ooh you so light". I snatched my arm back. I thought it was weird that she was rubbing on me. Umm, can we say creepy? When I did, I hurt feeling and she then said "She think she's better than caused she light". I had no clue what she was talking about. As I got older I wondered where did she get that from. One day it clicked, like racism, it was taught to her at an early age. I feel sorry for people who grew up with Skin Tone issues.
I didn't always grow up in a family that talked about skin tones like that. It's was latere I've learned which older relatives have/had skin color issues. I don't know why because if you stretch just my mother's side of my family without in-laws and we look like a Gorgeous African-American Rainbow.

I try not to even jokingly tease people about their skin color. An ex-boyfriend turned best friend (who happens to be "dark skinned") learned the hard way. He called me a "house n-word" as a joke. I didn't take it as a joke and called him a "field n-word" as mean as I could. He learned then how I felt about those kinds of insults. I Don't like anyone being teased about their skin tone. It's Gross!!!

And before you say OutSpoken you're "light skinned" you don't understand how hard it is to "Dark Skinned" This is all easy for you to say. Well hurt "dark-skinned" people how many people “lighter” than you have you took your hurt feelings out on. Yeah, you guys have hurt other people in the name of skin tone also. I know because I was tease because others teased somebody else "dark skinned". Not going to call names. Not even tell y'all how I know this particular lady (girl back then) because she's kind of a popular person in some circles in my area of the country. But because she had to hear she was "Cute for a Dark Girl" or "That Black girl can... (almost slipped) she made it a point to refer to the color of my stockings (cafe au lait or nude) or me turning red or getting darker on the sun any chance she got. And other things that I will not talk about. Kinda screwed up and still hurtful to harp on. I never teased her about her skin color back (I didn't know how) (trust me I got her back one day and I went out with a BANG and she never bullied me again ). When my niece was born people was standing around raving and she said "But she so bright". By then I knew HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE. That's her cross to bear. Again I feel sorry for people who grew up with Skin Tone issues. But the "dark skinned" don't have the monopoly of being teased because skin tones. It's just more visible.

It's an issue I wish would die. There can't be a funeral quick enough for it. Trust me I will not mourn for it either. I'll wear my Fuchsia Suit with the gold buttons and my Gold Pumps and Holy Ghost dance on that day because I will be to glad to put it to rest. Might as well be fierce on that Happy Day.

P.S. Yes I used” ____-Skinned” to make a point.

Dating with Skin Tone Issues

The other night my close friend T.T. posted a fun question on Facebook, "What do you prefer your mate to be? Sweet suckable chocolate, smooth tasty caramel or creamy luscious vanilla? Taking about skin tone". My answer is/was "As long I can see the brown in their skin. No Extremes (light or dark) for me. Just my preference. My favorite Nice Creamy Peanut Butter. 8D I'm going to date one (of my favorite) One Day. Just One! That all! Won't know where I start and where he ends. 8D Then I'll marry the Mr. Chocolate that I attract. 8D ". The topic jarred this blog.

YES I have a dating preference and a favorite within my preference. Most of us who are honest do. Nothing wrong with that. What I think is Wrong for me to date, A Man with Skin Tone Issues. Oh I'm not talking about fair skin guys who Hate dating dark skin ladies or Dark skin men that think Fair skin women are ugly. Trust Me, I Don't Like that either and a BLOG about that is next. I'm talking about "Same Skin Tone" Hatred. For example a dark skin man that Hates dark skin women. Another example a fair skin guy dating a dark skin lady because she's a "Real Sister". Preference is one thing. Hatred and being Hurtful is another.

Why I won't date a man that thinks that way? 1) He has some hurting issues from the past that need to be healed. (Probably was teased earlier in life) And I don't date severe fragments of men. That issue is on the list. I will pray for you while you work through it but I will not date you. 2) I am not a JIF (the best peanut butter, in my opinion) colored trophy. Just like Some Black men who only date outside their race think they have some won a prize. Men who date their "winning" skin color feel they have Arrived, also. Just because Mr. Peanut Butter is my favorite to look at but I'm not hurtful to all the other flavors. Mr. Hershey Dark and Mr. White Chocolate can be just as tasty. For me to be nasty towards them, just makes the whole flavor profile distasteful. In non-food terms, It makes the race look bad. Just another example of lack of unity within us, African Americans. Check out the next BLOG.

Mr. Peanut Butter, if you are out there, I Will Not Date you or your pal Chocolate, best friend Vanilla, or cousin Caramel have if you Hatred within you. I will say this again, Preference is one thing. Hatred and being Hurtful is another.

P.S. No Food was eaten during the writing of this blog. *smiling* I'm not even hungry!!! Blame T.T. *giggling*

Why the name OUTSPOKEN_DIVA?

 I get asked that all the time.

Well Big Mouth B-word is what a past person in my life called me. LoL Who embraces insults? ME!!!

OUTSPOKEN_DIVA was originally my poetry pen. One day I'll share some it on here.
The story of the attitude behind the name is not as harsh. I've never had the chance to meet a stranger but I don't keep many friends. I have the ability to sit places and people sit beside me and yammer like I give a care.

It's started as a child in church when my mom would sit me beside "my peers" to socialize (not to social then) and they went on & on about stuff they wanted, who they didn't like, etc. I guess I look trusting to people. But it honed my opinion skills. Not something I like and by middle school I realized what to do with all this random craziness people say to me.
SPEAK ABOUT IT.
Well, OUTSPOKEN_DIVA's personality was born then.

70% of the time if I know about something, anything, I have an opinion. The other 30% I'm preparing one. Now do I voice it all times NOOOO just sometimes. *blushing* And never ask me for my opinion because you will get it.
THAT'S JUST ME!!!

You have NO Excuse

June is HIV/AIDS Testing Month. June 27th is Testing Day. Get Tested!!! Know Your Status!!! Walking around not knowing does not make you not have it. You're just ignorant with HIV/AIDS. No Excuses. Go to http://www.hivtest.org to find a testing site near you. On June 27-29 in 20 cities select Walgreens will doing testing also.

Sometimes when I post about HIV/AIDS or STD awareness it takes me back to a funny day during my undergrad years. My friends and I went into the semester health fair basically to pick up a pamphlet of two for an assignment or extra credit for a class. There were 4 others with me when we entered to the ballroom. A thin woman with a booming voice said

"Hey Ladies Come over here so I can hook y'all up"

The room got quiet from all the hustle and bustle of activity. It seem like everyone was looking at us My friends and I looked at each other. We look all around us. It was just us there.


"You by the door. I'm talking to y'all"

We walked over to the table. She was with the local HIV/AIDS clinic. She loaded us up with a zip lock bag each filled with various condoms, dental dams, and lubricants. Never knew a little baggie could hold so much.
"Now you have no excuse. And you make sure the Sucka put it on and put it on right"

I had never seen anyone so matter of fact & in your face about sexual protection. But somebody need to be. Her words have echo in my head (not because she was so loud) ever since. "Now You Have No Excuse" As much stuff is out to protect ourselves, why is HIV/AIDS and other STD still on the rise. We need to safeguard our bodies much better. Too many people that eat right, wash with anti-material soap, & wear gloves while they cook but catch a disease transmitted sexually every day.

Okay let me get off the soap box. Protect Yourself. Respect Yourself. Get Tested.

Birthday Confession

I have to admit behind the smiles and fun this was the hardest birthday to get through at times. Around April I realized my birthday was on the weekend. Then it hit me what weekend is was. I got sad. Father's Day & my Birthday with without my grandfather. But I shook it off. He's been gone 8 years. I've gone through my birthday & Father's Day without him before. Last time my birthday was on a Saturday it rain and I slept through it. Not gonna do that this year. I'm good. Made plans for Friday & Saturday nights with my friend who has a birthday a few days before mine. I was great until a cousin called with birthday wishes and said "Oh I remember your birthday was around Father Day" The feelings I pushed aside in April came down so hard. I got off the phone and went in my room and had to cry it out until I took a nap. Woke up and decided to own the grief and breathed through it until now so I can type this blog.

If you have not figured out by now. I am an Unshamed Nerd that can be very corny sometimes. A person who celebrated me being a corny nerd was my grandfather. One way he celebrated my personality was when my birthday fell on the weekend he would give me a Father's Day Card and I gave him a Birthday Card. Always the humorous kind. It was our special joke. Only one we could shared. My preteen & some of my teen years I celebrated my birthday out of town because I was attending a yearly Sunday School & Baptist Training Union Congress. Every Year a different city. Even one year at Midnight the church memebers belted out Happy Birthday while traveling from Los Angeles back Home on a dark road. It was so sweet!!! That year my birthday was on a Sunday and waiting for me was a Father's Day card and I brought my grandfather a Birthday card all the way back from California. The year I was away for Summer School during my Undergrad years. I mail him a birthday card and he mailed me a Father's Day card. Yep Nerdy & Corny. But Ours to Share.

I missed giving him a card this year. I missed recieving a card from him this year. Though tears had to fall I can smile knowing I shared that with him. Somebody out there does not have that. I think we should all find special memories of our loved ones and if the tears come let them fall Then wrap up in the smiles & special feelings they give because you know that they happened. Tears will dry but Smiles & Special Feeling Last Forever. Now I KNOW I'm Good. *smiling*

Newest "Threat" to Marriage

I am not talking about Gay Marriage. You should know my feelings by now. But since I have your attention let me speak about "Marrying Yourself" the "newest threat" to the institution of marriage. LMAO

I was watching Anderson one afternoon and he talk to two ladies who married themselves. Marrying Yourself is a declaration of being whole within yourself and taking away from society's placement of guilt on one being single and not married after the age of 30, 40, 50, etc. The ladies then added to their declaration a ceremony & reception. Both Ladies had different reasons for marrying themselves. It's a bit much for me but the reasoning I agree. Well, Anderson had in the audience a man from the "Marriage Project" and he felt like "Marrying Yourself" is a threat to the institution of marriage. I wish I was there so he could have seen me roll my eyes at His absurd self.

It is too many broken people marrying other fragmented people all because they just have to be married. People stay in physically & Mentally abusive relationships because they are married. People cheat on their spouses front, back and all sides possibly bringing home STDs, HIV, & AIDS but hey they are married.

How dare he say "Marrying Yourself" is a threat. Just another way to throw society's guilt on those who choose to be whole by themself and feel someone else completes them. I would so rather they have the fancy party celebrating their self-love than for them to be in the real threat to marriage "Broken Marriage"
Well to those working yourself to be or remain whole before marriage or those who decided to be whole by themselves, GUILTFREE continues to be a "threat".

Really, Ladies!!!

"I'm that Cute Bitch, tonight"
"Oh Hoe, You know I'll watch your kids"
"Ooh I don't hang with Females, they are messy"
"I got you a Cosmo, Slut"

Ladies, Tear each other down much?
When did the B-word or Slut become a term of endearment?
I thought a Hoe was a prostitute?
Fighting Words???

I know I am a tad Boughetto But I can not stand women referring to one another in such derogatory ways. It is so gross.
I am not B-word and my friends are not Hoes. We are Adult Women. We don't try to sleep with each other's bf, gf, or spouse. We are not jealous or envious of what someone has. We go out with our friends.
Recently I had to correct my high school aged niece on referring to some not likable girls as "them females". Not in my presence she won't. So now I see this language is spreading to our young. This has to stop.

How we expect men to not call us that crap when we walk around spouting like it's a proud title to be.
And I know some women are messy, nasty, skanky, & that will sleep with anybody's somebody. I know some men are messy also. Instead deleting a whole gender out of your Life, find men & women that are like you. If you are attracting messy people hmmm maybe...
I remember in college I first heard a lady say, "I don't have female friends cause Girls are messy" I was floored. I finally said "Hun, you are female are you messy? Find you some mess free girlfriends"

This madness has to stop. It's immature and drag the gender backwards. Before you let those rachet words depart your lips ask yourself would I want someone referring to me as... If your answer is not No.... Well... *sigh* Bless Your Heart