My Childhood is Over...Goodbye to Andre'

Well I knew this day would come. I had to accept that my security pillow could not be fluffed anymore and I broke down and bought a new body pillow.

Andre Lester Hayward had been in my possession since I was nine. He was originally my brother's body pillow. Andre' was given to after his last back surgery he had when I was five. My brother never really liked it so I commandeered it. The pillow was cute and yellow and was my size. I loved laying on the pillow. It was like a cloud to me. Andre became my security pillow. . Andre has dried many of my tears. I have hugged him through many trials & tribulations in my life. He even endured the happy joyous scream of exciting news. Every sleepover & college I went to, he went He was right there. Don't asked me why I named him. You will have to find nine year old me and ask her.

I don't have the heart to throw him away. I am going to add him another pillow in another case. But that picture will be the last time my head directly touches that pillow.

The new pillow has arrived. It's pretty comfortable and I think it will keep my body aligned at night.

In tradition to that nine year old I will name the pillow. The name shall be Conrad Chase Hayward. Hope Conrad is as relaxing as Andre. Hopefully Andre is on my bed schooling him on my emotions.

Night Night Andre'!!!

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Women Hitting Men Discussions (I Blame Pop Culture)

 I don't understand people who can not Use Their Words in an argument. The first thing they do when they are losing is start hitting someone. Some folks act as those that is the only reaction they have.  Many of those are women. It behooves me that I live in a society that does not see these women that unjustly put their hands on men. It behooves me that some people don't understand the sentiment of statements of Whoopi Goldberg

or Stephen A. Smith. I didn't say I agree exactly with either Goldberg or Smith. Goldberg's statement doesn't stop the violence.  And I've already spoke about the Smith's

generalized rant in a previous blog. But I wholeheartedly understand what they are saying. I agree with the underlying ideas of what they have said. Smith tried but failed majorly.We need to confront and/or punish these women who think it is okay to hit men.They actually think they are immune to punishments & consequences.

Oh there is a culture of nasty little women that feel like because they are female and it is taught that a man can't hit a woman that they think they can hit a man and there will be no consequence.

Let me describe a situation. A man is late coming home from work. They had plans to play cards with other men & women in their home. His wife and he started arguing about his tardiness. The argument gets heated. The others are looking. The man suggests they go into the bedroom to discuss the issue. The wife says "I'm not going anywhere". The husband tries to proceed to the bedroom. She says "Where are you going? I'm not through talking about this". Then she pushes him in the head. He walks off and goes into the bedroom. She follows him and still wanting to argue. The guest are just sitting there discussing what they just witness. The wife is heard pushing her husband  and saying "What you want to hit me back".  Eventually the husband leaves the house to cool off.

Why did she hit him? What about the woman's consequences? She gets to hit him because he was late and she is mad and embarrassed. Nobody is going to stop her.

Sad part is society and pop culture actually protects her. A woman hits a man. If that man press charges on her. He is call a derogatory names like wuss & punk. Not a victim. Just like some of the people like the police officer in the video. So yeah, some of these guys snap and hit hit back or worse. Then, they go to jail. It's like a crazy Catch 22 scenario. Of all the double standards that are female favorable and it would be this grossness.

What is wrong with telling women not to put their hands on men? What is wrong with telling women to keep their hands & feet off of other people? Men are People too. My mother & grandmother taught me to keep my hands to myself. I teach my 18 year old niece & my eight year old nephew the same thing.

No Human has the Right to Hit, Punch, Slap, or Kicking another Human unless it is in Self-Defense or they are being legally paid to do so. Don't know how to fight without your extremities, Get Away from Each Other. If you  Hit, Punch, Slap, or Kicking another person, there should be lawful consequences.

Women are humans so, they do not have that right either. Pop culture has it wrong. Instead of attacking those who are trying their best to speak on and against this gross issue, they need help getting the message across.

Men shouldn't hit Women. Women shouldn't hit Men. Men shouldn't hit Men. Women shouldn't hit Women. People shouldn't hit People

Now I Said it!!!

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

The Dangers of the Generalization

What is a Generalization? It is a statement about a group of people or things that is based on only a few people or things. Most people learned about A and B, A is a "generalization" of B, and B is a special case of A, if and only if

• every instance of concept B is also an instance of concept A; and
• there are instances of concept A which are not instances of concept B

Okay let me make it more simple. An apple is a fruit but every fruit is not an apple. I learned that in elementary school. 

I said most people because it is apparent that with rise of people opening their mouths to give their opinions that are full of generalizations. The Latest Face of Generalization is Stephen A. Smith.

I read about his rant on “First Take,” the program on which he debates sports issues with Skip Bayless on ESPN about about the Ray Rice domestic abuse case & punishment. 

“In Ray Rice’s case, he probably deserves more than a 2-game suspension, which we both acknowledged. But at the same time, we also have to make sure that we learn as much as we can about elements of provocation. Not that there’s real provocation, but the elements of provocation, you got to make sure that you address them, because we've got to do is do what we can to try to prevent the situation from happening in any way. And I don't think that’s broached enough, is all I’m saying. No point of blame.”

 

I immediately looked just like he does when he hears someone else say something stupid. Yes, I believe Everyone should keep their hands to themselves. Men shouldn't hit Women. Women shouldn't hit Men. Men shouldn't hit Men. Women shouldn't hit Women. I believe everyone should defend themselves. I believe that Ray Rice's wife should not have hit him. I believe Ray Rice took it too far. I believe Ray Rice is only getting a slap on the hand with his reaction to his wife hitting him. 

But to say that a statement that could mean, women need to stop provoking men into abusing them, I don't stand behind that. Too many women are being abused everyday just because their abusers woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Stephen A Smith's statement was a generalization. A hasty & unsafe one at that. 

We all generalize and that is wrong. Black folks are poor and uneducated. Feminists are lesbians. White folks are rich racists. Illegal immigrants are Mexicans. Pastors only want their parishioners to marry other Christians only. Men want their wives barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Those are just a few I heard and read last week. I reposted this image on Facebook just last night to make a truthful point. 

That picture though true for some is still a generalization. Now clearly every woman does not stay in the wrong relationship that long. But many stay in the wrong relationship well passed the expiration date. Keyword is Some not All.

That is the problem with statements about a group of people or things that is based on only a few people or things. It unintentionally characterizes All and not the Some it only should define. Stephen A. Smith though he did state that Ray Rice was wrong and was justly punished should have made a statement that spoke to women who put their hands on men. His statement should have warned them that their are men that will retaliate in harsher ways than what they aggravated. A woman who hit anyone is exciting a quarrelsome issue.  His statement should not acknowledge anything about all women who are abused provoke their beating. Stephen A. Smith here is the lesson for you.

There are women who have been hit by men that hit the man first but all women who have been hit by men did not provoke anyone to hit her.

I think over the weekend Smith learned that lesson. He apologized on the air, today, Monday morning. 

"While elaborating on thoughts concerning the NFL's ruling versus Ray Rice following a domestic dispute with his then-fiancee, I ventured beyond the scope of our discussion by alluding to a woman's role in such heinous matters, going so far as to use the word "provoke" in my diatribe. My words came across that it is somehow a woman's fault. This was not my intent. It is not what I'm trying to say. Yet the failure to clearly articulate something different lies squarely on my shoulders. To say what I actually said was foolish is an understatement. To say I was wrong is obvious. To apologize to say I'm sorry, doesn't do the matter it's proper justice, to be quite honest. But I do sincerely apologize."

His most important sentence in his apology was. "Yet the failure to clearly articulate something different lies squarely on my shoulders". That is what happens when we generalize. We are not thinking while we are speaking. If we think before, while, and after we speak, our feet stay out of mouths. Slow down so you can use the proper words and stop being hasty in our opinions of  people and situations. 

Hey remember this rule A is a letter but All letters are not A.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

On this Day (27th of July) in 2011...

I have been blogging on here for 3 years. I had so many topics running around in my head and No one at the time to talk to so I started a blog on a site that seems not to be going anywhere (had blogs on Myspace & Curvy Chick before) anytime soon. I don't regret doing a blog. I've learned a lot about myself (highs, lows, and between) and you guys my readers. I plan to keep going maybe delve in the world of Vlogging one day, even. But as long as I think I have something to talk about or they shut down Blogger.com this is where I be.

To my readers, each and everyone of you. 

So here your assignment (FBF that comment on FB and others who like to text me what they think cause they haven't figure out how to comment (Love you..but, Comment on the blog I'll see & answer on there, I promise, even f you go Anonymous (and stop being lazy :-)) (If you're on the mobile site (you know viewing the blog on your phone) hit "post a comment" IPhone & IPad user read this link http://www.johnlarge.co.uk/2013/01/26/problems-posting-comments-on-blogger-from-ios-ipad-safari-and-chrome/ for help) for the comment box. Over the past three years, what have you learn about and/or from me? Also what was your favorite blog up to date. What topics would you like me to discuss?

I love you all.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Black Jesus...Am I Going to Watch It?

Some of the content of this post may seem obscene or offensive to some readers. Viewer Discretion is Advised!!!

So Aaron McGruder, creator of The Boondocks has made a new show called Black Jesus. Since I am a fan of the original Boondock cartoon, I was asked by a bud if I would be watching this show. Though I tip my hat off to him for the creativity, I can't support him in watching this show.

I'm not so staunch that I don't laugh at jokes that takes jabs at religion.  I get the premise, it's quite clever. I love how this trailer made me to wonder if the Jesus character really the Messiah or is me a man who thinks he is Son of God. I like that there is opposition to him being here. If there was opposing view when he was first on Earth, I know there will be some if he came to live here now The premise almost got me to watch the pilot. Thank God for this extended trailer. I can't support a show with a weed smoking, liquor drinking, profanity using Jesus character. And did the Jesus character throw up in people's faces that he died for their sins? Boasting to get his way? Even if this comes out to be a man who think he's Jesus, I still want him not to be so earthly. Lastly, why is Black Jesus so stereotypically ignorant? He couldn't be funny without the shuck & jive. Yeah, a fan of Tyler Perry said the Black Jesus character is a bit buffoonish for her taste.

According to Romans 12:2, the New American Standard version, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. If Christians, who are Christ like, are advised not to act like the world, why would this Jesus character come back to act worldly? I think it would be funny to see the hilarious calamity & misadventures of the current world with Jesus or someone who believes he is the Savior living here. I can some how awkward some of that could be. I just prefer my Jesus character to be delighted in shopping for fish & bread in a supermarket or wearing a few of the new fashions. I definitely can't envision him using his death, burial & resurrection as a means to take advantage. Even in the case of mental deluded person, some thing need to resemble the actions Jesus and not man.

So, that's my protest. I just won't watch the show. No signs needed!!! Just won't be getting Nielsen points from me. Let me know in the comments, will you be watch Black Jesus. Why or Why not?

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Ghetto Wedding!!! (Y'all are Mean. :-D)

I am a former wedding crasher. Yes, I have crashed some weddings to be nosy & messy. *sigh* You've never been to wedding until you hear the gospel version All My Life by K-Ci & JoJo or see a wedding singer go rogue and makeup a song on the spot. And none of them started on time. I have a lifetime of laughs & memories. Until I can crash the weddings of celebrities, dignitaries or members of royalty, I will not be returning to the game. Time to crash up!!!  During that time, I became a staunch believer that people are going to have their weddings their way and that is okay. Once I saw this video circulate the interwebs (yes, bad slang) this week, my belief was tested and tried. Yet I still believe that  people are going to have their weddings their way and that is okay. Why? Because they still got married.

• The bride looks like a throwback to Thelma Fry in the series, Amen
  
• The groom has on a polo shirt and jeans
• The wedding venue is the courtyard of what looks to be public housing
• The minister is rather hilarious in his recitation of the 23 Psalms and during the vows & ring exchange
• The minister is also the wedding singer

It doesn't matter. This couple got married. Let's look at what didn't happen that is common at "better" weddings.

• No crying children walking down the aisle
• No inappropriate music being played
• The nuptial started on time (How do I know? Nobody is complaining about it)
• No fear that ex-lovers will interrupt the ceremony
• The temperature must be pleasant (No one is complaining about it)
• No guests arrived late (No grumblings from the audience)

Hey, I might have enjoyed this wedding. It had none of my top complaints about weddings, so I could have crashed this one. Oh I still would have had a few giggles at the minister like I have while watching this video. I hope a notary public is in the courtyard, just in case. But my lawn chair & I could have attended.

Not all weddings are everyone's style. People look at me funny at my " Alcohol-Free Happy Hour Style" reception idea. It will have a mashed potato martini bar,

 fruit kabobs,

mock-tails,

 line dancing,
and of course cake.

All the components at a happy hour event, I like without the liquor. Wedding will start at 4pm by 5pm the reception can start, by 8:30, 9pm everyone would have had a good time and went home and my husband and I can go and be married. That's what I want. My style is not for someone else. I am not a fan of drunk activities (fighting, vomiting, etc.). Can't party without booze, this will not be the event for you.  The wedding above is what that couple wanted. Thelma Fry reboot is married and I am not so, maybe she is onto something.

And that is the thing. They are married, point blank. They will always have their memories. Years later they might be sitting in their home maybe a mansion they can actually say to the children & grandchildren "We started from the courtyard but now we are here. Thanks to this viral video, they have proof. 

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Lies Told about Sex & the Sexless (I Blame Pop Culture)

Just got through watching “Virgin Territory. It’s a show on MTV highlighting the lives of willing & unwilling young people who have never had sex. I liked is so far. The first episode didn’t show any stereotypical virgins.  Stereotypical virgins are people that act like the main character of 40 Year Old Virgin

(Finally watched that crud of movie. I got the joke. Still not funny.

Romany Malco (Team Eye Candy) being in it didn’t even make me like that movie.).

Or the stereotype that Abstinent people — especially virgins — are expected to be prude, unattractive, homely, recluses who are probably asexual.

They had to reel me in first. The stereotypical are coming later in the season. *sigh*

Of course there were the friends of the virgins that think it is something weird about being an adult virgin. I’ll never understand people who feel like everyone should be having sex. I never had people tell me that before I had sex. Oh but when I decided to become celibate many years ago, many of my friends have made it clear that part of my life is weird as hell to them *shrug* Those attitudes are so annoying. Everybody tries to make sex like this glorious instant phenomenon. Few people tell the real sex story. Fewer people tell someone who isn’t having sex the real story. Pop Culture has a hand in this. Pop Culture has made it comfortable with those stereotypes because it has brainwashed a great portion of the population to believe that having indiscriminate sex is normal and adults who are celibate are not normal. It’s time to snatch its hand out the pot too.

1.     Sex is not good a first. Women let’s tell the truth. All these movies out here making it seem like fireworks and rainbows are lying. And men, let’s face it, the first time you are not lasting forever. I’ve heard the stories. Most of you guys make it to 5 minutes. Two movies comes to my mind that get the first time right. Those are “Love & Basketball” & “The Wood”.

2.    Some of people don’t care about the first time being special. Some folks just want to hurry up and have sex. Some folks want the bragging rights of sleeping with a virgin.

3.    Everybody talking about having sex, are not having the sex they lie about having sex. Trust me everybody is not doing it. That is what I liked about “40 Year Old Virgin” it exposed the co-workers for the sexless liars they really were. People love to make fun of the people they think they have one up on. In my experience, the ones that are having their own dry spells are the people that tease the sexless the most. It’s like since they feel they are having a problem, you have to be weirdo, also.

4.    There are many Famous people that are not having sex or waited before they got married. People love looking up to people.

·         Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon So, what there waited all of a few months to get married. They waited and are still married

·         Meagan Good and her husband DeVon Franklin’s marriage bed is not deviled.

·         Tamera Mowry and her husband Adam Housley decided as a couple to wait until marriage to have sex again.

·         Tim Gunn who is a fashion icon and on Project Runway is celibate.

·         Justin Bieber’s mom, Pattie Mallette, promised herself that she would not date again until her son turned 18, and would be celibate again until she was married.

·         Olympic (Summer & Winter) athlete, Lolo Jones is a virgin.

Yeah she can say some very rude stuff but she’s still not having sex.

5.    That leads me to my last lie. Sex doesn’t make or break you. You will not have sex and become a new person. Who you are is who you are. The beloved Beyonce’, who has according to pop culture reports lost her virginity at 23, seems to be a sweetheart. Umm didn’t she seem that way since she came on the scene Sex might be A stress reliever but so is exercise. If a person has a jacked up attitude that is on them. I was snarky before sex. I was catty while I was in the game. I am a smart-butt since I stopped. Ask somebody that knew me in all three stages. I have family members who don’t know I ever had sex but I bet they can speak on my behavior.

There was a virgin bride named Lisa (her dress was cute) on “Virgin Territory”. I know she wished somebody had been honest about sex before her honeymoon. I thought about her typing number 5. Spoiler Alert!!! She said it was nothing to write home about. I almost laughed when she said that. She comes back 9 months later and says how it got better and she would not change a thing. All this stuff that is presented about sex needs to be rewritten. The truth needs to be added.

Oh well to all of us non-pop cultured defined sexless people and those who secretly wish they could be us out there, the truth will be told one way or the other. Pop culture’s story is not the only out there. It knows it isn't and that why it feels it has to be shouted and constantly bragged about.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms