Romantic Rapport (Answering Questions)

I promise there will be a glossary in the back of my memoir. Yes, please LoL at that sentence.

Q. You use the word "Romantic Rapport" a lot. Can you define it?

A. My basic definition is all forms of nom-committal dating. But you guys know I can't leave this at the basic meaning. It's my term for Dating. I don't particularly care for the current (since 2005) state of dating styles.

The current standard looks rather uber casual. No one asked for my opinion so, I deal with is out there. Well to match my over-analyzed thoughts with the "trends", I use the term Romantic Rapport. A rapport is close association of mutual respect & trust. Add that to a synonym for affection or fondness, you get a term created by my mind.

Could it be the time period between meeting & a committed relationship? Definitely Yes!!! It could also the description for an affectionate affair amongst friends. It is not limited to sex. All dates don't result in sex.

And all "dating" people are not having sex. Oh and it doesn't include pairs who are just having sex. Sex & Romance don't always function hand in hand. Booty Calls & Friends with Benefits are what I would call Sexual Rapports. That's not Dating, in my opinion that's just people having sex. Oh situationships, now that a romantic rapport. A messy one, but still under my definition. LoL

A non-committal bond of people that are attracted to one another. That how I will define Romantic Rapport. Yeah, that's it.

As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms

Sexless Misconcetions That You Refuse to Accept

I'm celibate and it's so effing unnerving the thoughts people have about celibacy & abstinence. Ok, this post has been a long time coming. But since Most times explaining "Me" to clarify assumptions annoy me. It's like wasting words that won't keep me out of the non-defining box another's thoughts of me created. Then there are the times explanation crushes the container I never fit. Maybe this post will crush a box or two. But it's on my heart to do it so, here it is.

Being a sexless adult is not a norm. Everybody wants to "get it in". So, people who choose to be abstinent & celibate, make people uncomfortable. That is because guilty attitudes about sex still linger in the hearts of people. People just don't understand my sex theory, "I am Grown enough to do so, I am Grown enough not to do so. I'm that kind of Adult"!!! Keyword is Adult. So, let's have an Adult discussion about being Sexless.

All Sexless Adults are Not Sexless for the Same reasons. All sexless people aren't only sexless because of oppressive, conservative religion. If that was the case explain why the numbers in those religions having sex seem to look like the outnumber the sexless. If that is the case explain the many that are sexless "spiritual" people. If that is the case explain the sexless atheist. Yes, I'm a Christian(the oppressive, conservative religion, people love to blame for everything) but didn't become celibate because I am one. I gave it all (including discretionary shopping, partying, reading fiction, listening to secular music (wait I did go to movies)) up so I could do some work on me. Everything but sex eased into a place after I did the work. Then one day, I looked up and I was living a full life without it. And that's my story. The Lord may have set me on a path but I won't say because I will never lie and say "I wanted to be closer to him". That's another person's story. Somebody may have thought sex is/was a distraction to a goal. So, guess what find out the simple reason why someone is sexless.

"All Sexless Adults' "end game" is Different". This is annoyance #2 for me. People love to think sexless people are waiting to have sex the first time or again. once they are married. Did they tell you that? Can you wait for them to tell you their end game? Some people are waiting for married to have it the first time or ever again. Some people will only have sex when they are in a committed relationship. Some people will have sex again when they decide to again. There are actually some adult virgins that have that same attitude. They are waiting for a right connection

.

"All Sexless Adults are Awkward & Goofy". First off, what is wrong with being awkward & goofy? Isn't life awkward & goofy? Do I need to give you a run down on all the people that are awkward & goofy that having sex? I can name somebody that is sexless that you guy don't think is awkward & goofy. His name is Tim Gunn.

"All Sexless Adults are Prudes". Personally, I know more prudes that are having sex than I do are sexless. I actually know a lady who stuck her finger in her ears and loudly sang "La-la-la" when the subject of sex came up. She was pregnant a few months later. Wonder what she sang while she was baby making? Sexless people do not deny their sexuality. I think the sexual ignorant are more likely be prudes. With sex in everyone's face, every day, I wonder how prudes still exists. Everyone has their limits but being a prude, I don't understand. I know a lot of fairly sexually educated sexless adults. They don't want to be stupid when they get to their end game. Some sexless adult are into self-pleasure. With so many masturbatory products out, one is probably getting very educated while they are looking for something.

"All Sexless Adults are a Conquest-able Challenge". *sigh* This is my annoyance #3. This is not just for the people one is dating. "Friends" & "Associates" that feel that the sexless need to get laid are on this list too. I had to set a "friend" straight before. Funny enough the person only had sex once in life so. Once I said "Catch up to my record then you can talk about me getting laid", I heard nothing else since.  Now, as for people that one dates it is easy to deal with the one's that don't want to be bothered. It's understandable to deal with someone who thought they could deal with your choice. But the ones that think they can change your mind are humorous & frustrating at the same time. I know from some who will "have sex we they decide to" most challengers could've had a shot but the dare turned them off. I feel like that was a test of protection from the immature.

"All Sexless Adults Judge Sexually Active People" Yep, it's my annoyance #1. I won't lie, if you think I will judge you, I automatically know you are guilty about having sex or you are judging me for not having sex. I try my hardest not to but it happens. It annoys me because no matter what I say, matter of fact, Don't Say, people think you are judging them for having sex. Umm, unless a sexless person says anything, They are not judging you. Trust me!!!  I have lost so many folks in my life for doing this. It's never the first accusations. It is the continual accusations or accusing actions. IT'S LIKE THEY NEVER HEARD WHAT I AM SAYING. Funny part is the sexual active judgmental folks have an "end game point" for the sexless and when the sexless' sex life doesn't match their point, they're going to judge them then, too. It's such a VICIOUS cycle.

But that is what these misconceptions are based on, Judgements. The old oppressive society judged those who freely have sex. The newly wanna be free society judge those who aren't having sex. Amazing to me, I thought the newly wanna be free would understand my sex theory, "I am Grown enough to do so, I am Grown enough not to do so. I'm that kind of Adult"!!! Maybe the wanna be free is still just want to be free. I'll wait for a Free Society where the sexually active & sexless can live their own lives, without judgement.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Having Sex on Your Last Day on Earth???

I watch Dish Nation every night. If I am going to watch pop culture gossip & news, I prefer a show that is making fun of it and not reporting it like it major news. Dish Nation is perfect for me. As you see in the clip the discussion turns to "What Would You Do on Your Last Day on Earth". One of the co-host said basically he would have sex with everyone he ever wanted to have sex with. The other co-host used humor to tell him what was wrong with his plan and suggest he chose another one. 

I thought it was just me that thought having sex with a desired person or people was a risky idea. Who said that person wants to have sex with you? Who says that person would trust that you were going to die? Can imagine having to go to the funeral just make sure that person was dead? Okay let's say the person or people says yes, what if  it's not all you thought it would be? It's not like you have all the time in the world to give them a do-over. 

If I knew I was going to die the next day, sex is not on the to-do list. Well, if I had a husband, it would be. But as a single woman, No, I other things to do. You guys know I would have to type one last post to tell you guys I died. I'll have it in the automatic schedule to be release. I'll have someone trusted to make sure it was properly released. Then it's off to Cheesecake Factory, Pei Wei, & Taco Bell, my favorite place to eat, to dine once more. Finally, assigning my prayer journal to my mom, sister, niece or nephew after I write in it one last time. Oh and also assigning certain personal items to to my friends. I would probably tell everyone I feel don't know I love them that I do. The last hours would me getting ready to leave this Earth. Only person who I want to get ready with is God. So, who has time for Sex. LoL 

But since we don't know, let's live our Best lives.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Weirdest Random Facebook Friend Request

Okay like everyone else after I wake up, talk to the Lord, contemplate my life and day, & get ready for the day, I check the net to find out what I missed while I was sleep. Lo & Behold did I got a random friend requests on Facebook, today.

Truth be told some of these
"Mutual Friends" also

Like most people the random Facebook friend requests I get are some random guys looking to date or screw me or kidnap me to sell me into sexual slavery (Sometime along with an inbox message. Oh those are really funny). I don't use Social Media as a dating site (It's for the people who know my biological name in offline land, that I want to be social with,) so all of them get denied. Crazy part is as bad as I dislike them, I always click on the profile to see what I can see before I deny them Facebook friendship. This one today had to be by far the weirdest one yet for me

I was expecting a face that more than likely belongs to someone of foreign descent or some geriatric sugar daddy (Yeah the "Bapti-Costal" look brings the deacons & trustees to the gate. LoL) for his profile picture. I'm a plus size woman there are some men I know I attract, whether I am attracted or not. This time I didn't get a face. I got this.

I'll protect the stupid.
(This Time)

What the heck? He has the unmitigated gall to make this is profile picture. I was so perplexed that he tried it. Does this actually work for him? Is there any woman this desperate & gullible to accept & meet this man. Do I want to know the chick that hits accept? No One can be this dumb. All I could do was screen shot this stuff. and get ready for the day. I had a client in an hour and my FB activity had nothing to do with them.

The person Facebook says
 I may know
(I don't)
will be protected.
They had nothing to do with this.

If you know Mr. Osaruyi, tell him to STOP!!!

That profile picture is not cute. He is Not fooling me. And I will pray for anyone that is fooled into being his Facebook friend. This is one of the reasons why I deny All random Facebook friend request. Too many dangerous weirdos in the world to let into mine. But I know I'm preaching to the choir. What was your weirdest social media friend request? Leave it in the comments below.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Lies Told about Sex & the Sexless (I Blame Pop Culture)

Just got through watching “Virgin Territory. It’s a show on MTV highlighting the lives of willing & unwilling young people who have never had sex. I liked is so far. The first episode didn’t show any stereotypical virgins.  Stereotypical virgins are people that act like the main character of 40 Year Old Virgin

(Finally watched that crud of movie. I got the joke. Still not funny.

Romany Malco (Team Eye Candy) being in it didn’t even make me like that movie.).

Or the stereotype that Abstinent people — especially virgins — are expected to be prude, unattractive, homely, recluses who are probably asexual.

They had to reel me in first. The stereotypical are coming later in the season. *sigh*

Of course there were the friends of the virgins that think it is something weird about being an adult virgin. I’ll never understand people who feel like everyone should be having sex. I never had people tell me that before I had sex. Oh but when I decided to become celibate many years ago, many of my friends have made it clear that part of my life is weird as hell to them *shrug* Those attitudes are so annoying. Everybody tries to make sex like this glorious instant phenomenon. Few people tell the real sex story. Fewer people tell someone who isn’t having sex the real story. Pop Culture has a hand in this. Pop Culture has made it comfortable with those stereotypes because it has brainwashed a great portion of the population to believe that having indiscriminate sex is normal and adults who are celibate are not normal. It’s time to snatch its hand out the pot too.

1.     Sex is not good a first. Women let’s tell the truth. All these movies out here making it seem like fireworks and rainbows are lying. And men, let’s face it, the first time you are not lasting forever. I’ve heard the stories. Most of you guys make it to 5 minutes. Two movies comes to my mind that get the first time right. Those are “Love & Basketball” & “The Wood”.

2.    Some of people don’t care about the first time being special. Some folks just want to hurry up and have sex. Some folks want the bragging rights of sleeping with a virgin.

3.    Everybody talking about having sex, are not having the sex they lie about having sex. Trust me everybody is not doing it. That is what I liked about “40 Year Old Virgin” it exposed the co-workers for the sexless liars they really were. People love to make fun of the people they think they have one up on. In my experience, the ones that are having their own dry spells are the people that tease the sexless the most. It’s like since they feel they are having a problem, you have to be weirdo, also.

4.    There are many Famous people that are not having sex or waited before they got married. People love looking up to people.

·         Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon So, what there waited all of a few months to get married. They waited and are still married

·         Meagan Good and her husband DeVon Franklin’s marriage bed is not deviled.

·         Tamera Mowry and her husband Adam Housley decided as a couple to wait until marriage to have sex again.

·         Tim Gunn who is a fashion icon and on Project Runway is celibate.

·         Justin Bieber’s mom, Pattie Mallette, promised herself that she would not date again until her son turned 18, and would be celibate again until she was married.

·         Olympic (Summer & Winter) athlete, Lolo Jones is a virgin.

Yeah she can say some very rude stuff but she’s still not having sex.

5.    That leads me to my last lie. Sex doesn’t make or break you. You will not have sex and become a new person. Who you are is who you are. The beloved Beyonce’, who has according to pop culture reports lost her virginity at 23, seems to be a sweetheart. Umm didn’t she seem that way since she came on the scene Sex might be A stress reliever but so is exercise. If a person has a jacked up attitude that is on them. I was snarky before sex. I was catty while I was in the game. I am a smart-butt since I stopped. Ask somebody that knew me in all three stages. I have family members who don’t know I ever had sex but I bet they can speak on my behavior.

There was a virgin bride named Lisa (her dress was cute) on “Virgin Territory”. I know she wished somebody had been honest about sex before her honeymoon. I thought about her typing number 5. Spoiler Alert!!! She said it was nothing to write home about. I almost laughed when she said that. She comes back 9 months later and says how it got better and she would not change a thing. All this stuff that is presented about sex needs to be rewritten. The truth needs to be added.

Oh well to all of us non-pop cultured defined sexless people and those who secretly wish they could be us out there, the truth will be told one way or the other. Pop culture’s story is not the only out there. It knows it isn't and that why it feels it has to be shouted and constantly bragged about.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Heels for Girls

Okay today on the ABC News actually I think it was GMA this morning; there was a story about the rise in availability of heeled shoes for young girls. Some shoes are even made for three year olds. The brand they mostly focused on was Steve Madden. They are critics out there that say the heels sexualize the little girls. My eye instantly rolled. Those critics tick me off.

If you have read any of my previous blogs dealing with children, you already know I am not a parent. I have a niece who is 17 and nephew who is 7. I have a Godson who is 8. I have several God nieces ranging from 4 to 12 and God nephews 6 to 10. So, I am around kids. I have seen the heels for girls. Actually they are not new. I think in the 80's a pair of my dress (church) shoes were low wedges. I just remember at age 8 being slightly off the ground when I was dressed up on Sundays. I don't see anything sexy about those shoes. People kill me saying those shoes sexualize girls. The shoes don't make them walk sexy. The shoes don't give definition to their calves or elongate the leg. They look like kids shoes with heels on them. I think people who think that are vulgar. The reporter showed a little putting on a pair of wedge sneakers. She said she felt taller and then commences to run around in them like any other pair of sneakers kids wear. Typical childhood behavior. So, what is so sexy about that?

I don't want to hear anything about pedophile look at young girls sexually because of the shoes. Pedophiles are sick. Some can look at a baby bundled up on a blanket and have thought. Pedophilia is about control. Girls & boys without heels on are getting molested and raped. So let's debunk that excuse.

I'm not saying that girls should wear them all time. I actually think the dress shoes should be worn for Pageant and Special or Formal Occasions only. A girl should not wear them to school everyday. The wedge sneakers can go to school but also she should wear regular sneakers also. Little girls’ knees and legs need a rest. And as for a three year in some heels, that is a bit much. Three years old children can barely walk straight in bare feet. I know they are falling down in heels. I think they should be at least school age when they wear the low heels.

Oh well, again I'm not a parent. But I know many agree with me that the shoes are not sexy. If they made those shoes in Adult sizes and sexy will not be the word that comes to mind. I get tired of every little innocent thing supposedly sexualizing children. If the girl is not dress as a prostitute, stripper, or porn star with a face full of makeup then I don't think she being sexualized. Pair those shoes with a cute cupcake dress with her hair in ponytail and hair ribbons and she'll look like Easter morning or the cutest flower girl ever been seen.

How Much Time to Take?

I've been watching Think Like a Man a lot lately. I just think Romany Malaco is so cute. I even added him to the Eye Candy list. (yes there is a list of handsome known actors, singers, athlete, etc to me for me) Well the last time I watched it last month I thought "Umm I wonder if anyone is following the 90 day rule? Has the use of the 90 day rule increased since the book came out? Has the use of the 90 day rule increased since the movie came out?

Then my friend T.T. asked on a FB group this question: Do you guys believe in the 30 day rule, waiting until marriage, one night stands, etc? What's your stance on this? a few days ago. Well this got me to thinking Umm time to post this to the blog.

I read the book when it first came out. I have a hardback copy. I'm an avid reader. I'll read anything once. There were many parts that were very helpful and then there were parts that I couldn't believe needed to be said. The 90 Day rule was one. (The reason why men cheat was another) All I could think was "Joan on Girlfriends had a 3 Month Rule and people thought she was goofy & crazy. Well, Well I guess Steve Harvey is goofy & crazy also. 3 months is 90 days." When the movie cam out I was happy they had a character that tried the 90-day Rule. It said to me unlike many movies Everybody is not hooking up all willy-nilly. Everybody is not sleeping with any and everybody. And some that are feel bad afterwards.

There is a previous post that alludes to my personal stance for My Life. So that doesn't need to be retold.
Go find it. Now my stance for people in general should not shock anybody. I feel any Adult having sex shouldn't until they've had a thorough talk with their partner. Take as long as needed. Past 90 days if you want to. There is way too much crazy out there. Physical health issues, Mental health issues, Emotional hang-ups, and Personal values are among the things that need to be discussed. Okay two examples. Woman who never has sex without a condom meets a man who hates to wear condoms. They need to talk and in the act of passion is not the time to talk or compromise. Man has sex with a virgin and he didn't know until afterwards. They needed to talk.

Now for the people who have One Night Stands. Know the One Night Stand Rules and most importantly Use Protection.

Every One having sex Know Your Status on All STD's including HIV/AIDS

So that my opinion. How do you feel? Did anything in the book and/or movie change your mind on any behavior

Too Much Emphasis on Sex

Today while straightening my grandmother's hair I was listening to a rerun of the Oprah
Show on her OWN channel. The show was about two 30 y/o ladies who were virgins  and
ashamed of to be sexually inexperienced. It was sad to me. Not because they were
virgins. As a celibate individual (YES a choice I call "Being Radical" I don't regret and a badge I wear as proud as my skin) that will never be something I would do. But because they felt like they were missing out on something in life. Because they felt like they are only people not getting the punch line of a joke. Of course it came out that they had underlying control & self esteem issues that were part of the blame. In my opinion, I blame society in part because they felt like they were less than because they were virgins. You see many movies & books about the poor virgin that NEEDS to get their cherry popped before it is too late. Too late for what? Vibrators and Dildos are is so many everyday catalogs I could scream. Levitra, Extenze, and ED medicine commercials are on TV before Prime time TV. On Halloween what kind of costumes sell the most? The list goes on & on. So it's no wonder these ladies thought it was embarrassing to be virgins. Even in my recent past I have learn not to discuss my celibacy with all my friends because some do not understand. Some one minute are praising me for that decision, the next minute think I'm crazy. Then there are some to suggest I "need to get some" but when I pay attention to their lives I realize they "need to get some" actually. One friend (whose only had "sex" once) I did tell that friend to catch up to my past then suggest that to me. I have not heard that suggestion anymore from that person's mouth. What is the obsession with sex about? Why is it everywhere? Why is it made to believe that if you're not doing it, something is wrong with you.? That was something I didn't hear on the show. No one ever ask the ladies were they Sure they even wanted to have sex. Somebody needed to have that kind of talk with them. Once they handle the control and self esteem issues, then decide to have sex there are heap of other emotions that come with that. Kinda of talk that teenage girls need to have before they have sex. Many of them are not being talked to either so why am I shocked. Maybe because there was a Doctor involved. But hey the goal was "getting them some" not making sure they look before they leap. They did help one to get know her body. That is a good thing. Can't expect somebody else to know what you like of you don't. I wish the ladies well. Hope they make a decision they can live with. And the shame of being 30 & a virgin is gone. Don't want the shame to cause them to have sex prematurely.


*Talking to You in Grown Up*

7 Ways to Glam Up the Walk of Shame???

Saw this article today 7 Ways to Glam Up the Walk of Shame and my reaction was Ewww. I am not a prude I know people have sex but why are they glorifying the "Walk of Shame". Umm that is SHAMEFUL. Pretty much need to say "How to be Cute after being a Jump Off". Walk of Shame is not something to be proud of. Let me be crass, if you Can't wash your butt at their place then umm...

I don't think some people understand the outcome of their decision. There toooo many diseases out there to be all willy nilly about casual sex. There's nothing Glamorous about catching an STD or HIV/AIDS. And amazing how this article never at least suggested "safe sex" How about an article on the Ways on Preventing the Walk of Shame. Like one tip being "Slow you hot tail down"

Well Hello Beautiful I think this article is down right ugly. Shame on You!!!