Let me take my proverbial sigh, *sigh* because it's been three days and you all are running the "Racism According Paula Deen" into the ground. The media and the gossip hounds have taken off with this story. If you have been under rock, let me explain. Paula Deen and he brother Bubba is being sued by a former worker for harassment. Well in the lawsuit deposition Deen admitted to saying the N-word earlier in life and wanting to plan a "Plantation Style" wedding.
I am not taking up for Paula Deen at all. I am not saying Paula Deen is racist. I am also not shocked. Okay I got "my nots" out the way. I live in the South. Anyone born and raised before 1960 in the South, no matter race, gender, creed, religion and sexuality, I Automatically expect to say or do anything Racist, Sexist, Elitist, or Derogatory in public and private. As wrong as it is, it happens. There is a lady that works at the Walmart I shop at and she rolls the word Colored off her tongue like it is water. She has to be 80-plus in age. And her co-workers of all races just look at her like and roll their eyes. My grandmother can't understand why we are still not called Colored. She refuses to say Black or African-American. I have worked with quite a few 50 year old black women who call white people "Crackers" when they get mad. Oh and you know it's not Mexican, it's Mexcan. Oh and them Mexcans can't drive. I know many elderly men that refer to women as gals and have to get told off religiously for some sly and vulgar remark that was made.
It's not right but it happens. Paula Deen exists all over the South. I would give my last dollar away and say she lives all over the country. Paula Deen's comments were blown up because she is Famous. Yes, I understand Food Network severing ties with her. On top of the Diabetes controversy, it has become too much for the network to deal it. Its sad how something said in a lawsuit deposition could make news like this. Who even knew that she was being sued, until now? Well we all know now. There is no telling what else will come out before the end of it. At the end of it all, bet Your last Dollar, OutSpoken_Diva will be sick of it all.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
Friday, June 21, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
So Proud of My Male Cousins & Male Besties!!! Father's Day Pride!!!
I found this picture of my grandfather, my cousin D.D. and me. D.D is two years younger than me. D.D. is father of a daughter. D.D. is a great father of a daughter. All my male cousins are fathers. All male cousins are great fathers. I looked at this picture and those facts hit me like a light bulb. Amazing!!! My grandfather taught them to tie a tie. He took them shopping for proper suits. He taught them how to be gentlemen. Then I remember my uncle thumping D.D. in the head for not opening a door for me once. I felt bad for him. He was 6 and I was 8. He also thumped his sons also because I touched the door. I got fussed at too. Oh the Ladies First Lesson. My cousins are the same way with their children. One of my older cousins is now teaching his teen son how to wait before the ladies and children prepare their plates before he fix his plate during family buffet events. A lesson he learned many years ago.
Then I thought about the two men I called Best Friend. They both have children. One whose child doesn't live in our area, still co-parents him in another city, 4 hours away. When his son is in his custody during the summer and Christmas, he is very hands on with him. Teaching him to eat at the table, proper bedtime, and phone etiquette. I remember one Christmas night I was speaking with him and he caught his son restarting his game system after he told him to go bed. In a matter of moments, without raising his voice, he punished the boy. My other best friend, in my opinion is the Best Single Father That Ever Did It. He has sole custody of a son and a daughter. Yes, he is Mother and Father!!! I have never seen children adore their father like they do. Everything a mother, does my friend, LJ, has to do. Talks, shopping, check homework, he does it. He has to be good & bad guy. All by himself. I laugh sometimes when he asks the simplest questions about being a girl. You know for example socks vs. stockings. But he just wants to be informed and prepare for as much as he can.
So while, I almost wanted to weep for the loss of the Father Figures in my life, I can rejoice in knowing Great Fathers! I can actually say I have NO Personal Relationships with any deadbeat daddies. Some had fathers in their lives. Some did not. But all are great fathers. I can't even remember dating many deadbeat dads. Maybe one. Maybe that's a lesson I actually learned subliminally. Don't have relationships with men that don't take care of their families. My Father Figures were some crafty jokers. They slip that lesson in on me. A lesson well learned.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
Monday, June 10, 2013
Cheater Cheater *sigh* You Know the Rest
Oh Cheating! It has taken down so many people. Adultery can make some lose their jobs and relationships. It even has a "Reality" show. Everybody has an opinion about cheating but there is not a Set Definition on what it is. Some think emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. Some people think kissing is not cheating. Some think one is not cheating if one is not in a serious relationship. It's so prevalent, we even want to know why. We all want to be in the mind of a cheater. Everybody has an opinion but no definition.
There are no Levels of Cheating for me. An ex's cell called my phone and on my voicemail, I heard him make plans with another chick for later. I called him. Let him hear the message. Let him explain (lie). Then I broke up with him. He's been my ex from that day forward. I broke up with him just on his intent to cheat. Cheating is Cheating!
Anything with emotional, romantic or lustful implications, you have to do in secret with another person is cheating. If you can't share info about your relationship or rapport with another person with your mate or dating partner I think is cheating. If it's hidden, it's cheating. For example, Man has secret dinners with a co-worker. They talk about hobbies, TV, love, lust, feelings and emotions. They never are physical. Wife never knows about these dinners. I think is cheating because the same energy that should be reserved for his wife he is secretly sharing it with someone else. If it not a problem, then it would not be in done in secret. The wife would know her husband went out with his co-worker and he would tell to her about what they talked about. Also he wouldn't be sharing love & lust energy with that co-worker at all. Yes kissing is cheating. Explain how some woman had a STD on her lip that's not from not oral sex and passed that off to her STD free boyfriend. Umm YES, Kissing is cheating too!
Now why people cheat, I don't know. But until the "experts" find out they need to Truly define it. One can find out why a behavior happens until they know what it is.
So what is your "definition" of Cheating? Emotional? Kissing? Intercourse? What's the worse? Share it here in the Comments.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
There are no Levels of Cheating for me. An ex's cell called my phone and on my voicemail, I heard him make plans with another chick for later. I called him. Let him hear the message. Let him explain (lie). Then I broke up with him. He's been my ex from that day forward. I broke up with him just on his intent to cheat. Cheating is Cheating!
Anything with emotional, romantic or lustful implications, you have to do in secret with another person is cheating. If you can't share info about your relationship or rapport with another person with your mate or dating partner I think is cheating. If it's hidden, it's cheating. For example, Man has secret dinners with a co-worker. They talk about hobbies, TV, love, lust, feelings and emotions. They never are physical. Wife never knows about these dinners. I think is cheating because the same energy that should be reserved for his wife he is secretly sharing it with someone else. If it not a problem, then it would not be in done in secret. The wife would know her husband went out with his co-worker and he would tell to her about what they talked about. Also he wouldn't be sharing love & lust energy with that co-worker at all. Yes kissing is cheating. Explain how some woman had a STD on her lip that's not from not oral sex and passed that off to her STD free boyfriend. Umm YES, Kissing is cheating too!
Now why people cheat, I don't know. But until the "experts" find out they need to Truly define it. One can find out why a behavior happens until they know what it is.
So what is your "definition" of Cheating? Emotional? Kissing? Intercourse? What's the worse? Share it here in the Comments.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Put Your Shoes Back On!!!
Let me make this quick. It's heavy "Going Out" season for the Diva. Yeah, I socially hibernate or slack off during the cooler times of the year and hit is hard (well hard as I want it to be) in the Spring & Summer. I have a couple of events to go to in a few days so I am looking through the wardrobe and shoes. I start thinking about shoes for cute (I call them Sitting Shoes) and shoes for comfort for these events. 98% of the time shoes for comfort win. The rare time shoes for cute win trust me I have a comfort shoe waiting in the wings of the car or my clutch. Then I thought about the ladies who walk around social events without shoes on because their shoes are hurting their feet. I took a deep sigh. Walking around barefoot in public is not cute. It needs to stop. I just don't understand it. Once as a bridesmaid, I slipped off my shoes and I was standing there grossed out. (Not one of my cuter moments). Public floors carry dirt & diseases from other people's shoes. If it's a dance floor, it has dirt, diseases, sweat and maybe a wasted drink on it. Oh yeah that's what I want on the soles of my feet. Either wear shoes that are comfortable and cute (They make them. I own them) or get some roll up flats. There are so many versions of roll up flats out on the market for you to slip on for you not to walk around barefoot. Invest in them! I have seen so many women cut their feet, get their feet stepped on and even have their shoes stolen. I just want the public bare feet to stop. If I'm not talking to you share this with an offender of the gross phenomena
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
Friday, May 31, 2013
My Favorite Literary Awkward & Black Sheros: A Book Review
I am a total fan of Awkward Black women characters in fiction. I relate to them. You know the black chick that is not cool, maybe didn't get the best start in life and some way usually in a bumbling fashion she ends up with a great outcome. They are my imaginary heroes wait, no, sheroes. So I decided to reread two of my favorite books, 32 Candles by Ernessa T. Carter and Diva, Inc by Donna Hill. I was missing them so I decided to stop by and see how they were doing.
32 Candles by Ernessa T. Carter kept me company one summer/fall when my grandmother was rushed to the hospital then placed in a nursing rehab three years ago. My mother had just retired and was with my grandmother most days. I had lots of downtime at home with my brother. After reading a review in Essence Magazine & A trip to Walmart for grocery I picked this literary gem. Loaning it to my sister, my niece picked it up and I have not seen that copy since. I have a Kindle now and uploaded it there. Here's its description:
This debut novel of longing for family, love, and acceptance finds some interesting territory before settling too early into inevitability. Davidia Jones, a nerdy child of poverty, is abused by her alcoholic mother and is the subject of merciless taunting at her high school. But it's the "Molly Ringwald Ending" that guides this fragile 15-year-old when she bolts town with a lesbian trucker named Mama Jane and lands a gig as a '40s-style chanteuse in L.A. With a little Hollywood stardust, she redefines herself and begins living the life she's dreamed of--until James, the rich golden boy she had a crush on back home, walks into her nightclub. Not knowing their connected past, James promptly goes gaga for the overhauled Davie, whose need for sweet revenge adds a welcome dark edge to a trajectory toward self-empowerment.
If you are a fan of John Hughes movies, this book will give take you right down memory lane. Davie is a hoot. Such an attention grabber. Totally relatable. The Then & Now section dividers were brilliant The In-Between Now & Then (The Amendment) bowled me over. It made me wonder what could have the late John Hughes do with such a nice book like this. After rereading it, I have decided they should make this into a movie. I have the perfect actress, the Awkward Black Girl herself, Issa Rae. If you know her, tell her I said so. I totally see her in a Strokes T-shirt, with quick quips and an atonement list giving this character life. I don't know if she can sing but that is minor.
Donna Hill is one of my favorites in Romance. I was "Black Friday" shopping years ago and I saw this Diva, Inc. and thought "Umm this one sounds different. Let's get it". I read it in one night. I loaned it out (yeah a pattern I've ended) to someone and never saw it again. I rebought it used and like the taste of soda after Lent, I quickly knew why I loved this book described here.
Tiffany Lane and Chantal Hollis are bonafide divas in every sense of the word. They've also been Margaret Drew's best friends since they were children. Margaret has always been the plain Jane of the threesome, living vicariously through the exploits of her friends. But when Tiffany and Chantal head to Europe on an extended vacation, leaving Margaret to tend their apartments, Margaret decides to see how the other half lives. Co-opting their apartments, their boyfriends (current and past), their fabulous lifestyles, and Tiffany's very savvy pooch, Virginia, Margaret finally feels like she has found the life she has always wanted and deserved. But her double living begins to catch up with her and Margaret might soon be homeless, manless, and friendless all in one swoop.
The description only speaks of Margaret Drew's Diva friends but she has a grandmother that will keep you chomping at the bit and in stitches also. She reminds me of an old family friend, Ms. Dorthy (RIP). Margaret's Diva Journey is very hilarious. She is a true ABG. She is so bumbling it is pitiful. It has a very quick and straightforward ending. Now with the invention of YouTube and Web series, I could see this as a web show or maybe an indie film. I wouldn't want Hollywood to touch this.
Maybe I should go looking for more reading gems like these. I love them. These characters exist and I am happy someone sees our story and helps us tell it. So what books help tell your story. Let me know if you dare in the comments.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
32 Candles by Ernessa T. Carter kept me company one summer/fall when my grandmother was rushed to the hospital then placed in a nursing rehab three years ago. My mother had just retired and was with my grandmother most days. I had lots of downtime at home with my brother. After reading a review in Essence Magazine & A trip to Walmart for grocery I picked this literary gem. Loaning it to my sister, my niece picked it up and I have not seen that copy since. I have a Kindle now and uploaded it there. Here's its description:
This debut novel of longing for family, love, and acceptance finds some interesting territory before settling too early into inevitability. Davidia Jones, a nerdy child of poverty, is abused by her alcoholic mother and is the subject of merciless taunting at her high school. But it's the "Molly Ringwald Ending" that guides this fragile 15-year-old when she bolts town with a lesbian trucker named Mama Jane and lands a gig as a '40s-style chanteuse in L.A. With a little Hollywood stardust, she redefines herself and begins living the life she's dreamed of--until James, the rich golden boy she had a crush on back home, walks into her nightclub. Not knowing their connected past, James promptly goes gaga for the overhauled Davie, whose need for sweet revenge adds a welcome dark edge to a trajectory toward self-empowerment.
If you are a fan of John Hughes movies, this book will give take you right down memory lane. Davie is a hoot. Such an attention grabber. Totally relatable. The Then & Now section dividers were brilliant The In-Between Now & Then (The Amendment) bowled me over. It made me wonder what could have the late John Hughes do with such a nice book like this. After rereading it, I have decided they should make this into a movie. I have the perfect actress, the Awkward Black Girl herself, Issa Rae. If you know her, tell her I said so. I totally see her in a Strokes T-shirt, with quick quips and an atonement list giving this character life. I don't know if she can sing but that is minor.
Donna Hill is one of my favorites in Romance. I was "Black Friday" shopping years ago and I saw this Diva, Inc. and thought "Umm this one sounds different. Let's get it". I read it in one night. I loaned it out (yeah a pattern I've ended) to someone and never saw it again. I rebought it used and like the taste of soda after Lent, I quickly knew why I loved this book described here.
Tiffany Lane and Chantal Hollis are bonafide divas in every sense of the word. They've also been Margaret Drew's best friends since they were children. Margaret has always been the plain Jane of the threesome, living vicariously through the exploits of her friends. But when Tiffany and Chantal head to Europe on an extended vacation, leaving Margaret to tend their apartments, Margaret decides to see how the other half lives. Co-opting their apartments, their boyfriends (current and past), their fabulous lifestyles, and Tiffany's very savvy pooch, Virginia, Margaret finally feels like she has found the life she has always wanted and deserved. But her double living begins to catch up with her and Margaret might soon be homeless, manless, and friendless all in one swoop.
The description only speaks of Margaret Drew's Diva friends but she has a grandmother that will keep you chomping at the bit and in stitches also. She reminds me of an old family friend, Ms. Dorthy (RIP). Margaret's Diva Journey is very hilarious. She is a true ABG. She is so bumbling it is pitiful. It has a very quick and straightforward ending. Now with the invention of YouTube and Web series, I could see this as a web show or maybe an indie film. I wouldn't want Hollywood to touch this.
Maybe I should go looking for more reading gems like these. I love them. These characters exist and I am happy someone sees our story and helps us tell it. So what books help tell your story. Let me know if you dare in the comments.
As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Grooming My Man!!!
I just watched Steve Harvey and he did a segment on Male "Beauty" Products. Male Pantyhose, Male Polish, Man Makeup, Male Clutch, and Padded Briefs. The male clutch was the only thing that got a green light. It was a funny segment.
This made me think about the grooming habits of the guys I've dated and some I know and how they shaped my preferences now. I always see the questions about men's grooming habits and quirks. I think I like men who are "basic" metrosexuals
I refuse to date a man that does not lotion his body regularly. I grew up watching my grandmother put lotion on my grandfather's hands if he forgot right before they entered a public building. I have a cousin whose wife does the same thing. That was cool until I dated a guy that regularly forgot like that. Quickly that became annoying. Ashiness is a pet peeve for me. No one should not have to tell an adult man to moisturize. In the words of the viral sensation Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time for that". Once, I had a guy call me on the road on the way to pick me up for a date and asked would I bring a little lotion. Now that I can get behind. He was trying. On any given day, I'll rather a man smell like Original Cherry Almond Jergens and moisturized than he smells the best men's cologne and be ashy.
Sometime last year in the grocery my nephew asked me could he have a lip balm he was holding up. He was holding up some glitter Lip Smackers. I told him yes but not that brand. We were on the makeup aisle & he picked what he thought he wanted. This "macho" guy agreed with me by making a gay slur/comment, that pissed me off because that was not the message I was trying to convey. He was 6 years old. His lips were chapped. Glitter does not help that. Glitter is for cute not lip chap. We walked over to the medication aisle and I got him some cherry-flavored Chapstick and he was delighted. I have a friend who is adamant about his lips not being chapped. He will whip out his lip balm in a minute. Lip Balm is a Gay thing. No one wants to kiss a chapped lip. All lips need to be smooth and kissable.
No secret, I only date men with haircuts. Haircuts just look neater. Also In My Observances and One Experience men, with hair hide secrets better. That's another blog. So if he has a regular appointment to get a haircut, that's points in the hotness chart. I don't like beards but a man needs a mustache. Oh, and a goatee is sexy!!! Not a fan of hairless male lips. One of the main things I look for when I suspect the guy may be a girl (6:7 times been right (had to just ask her)). Body hair is a whole different issue for me. Hairy chest scares me. It's like extended facial hair. Wax that stuff off. Luckily, I have Never dated a man with a hairy chest. I am a friend and relative to quite a few with excessive body hair. I learned to "sneak and look" when a man has a few buttons unbuttoned on a shirt on what the chest may look like. I know Naughty, Naughty! Hairy Lips and Chin!!! Hairless Chest!!!
I think every woman interested in men has a level of grooming habit that is acceptable to them. Personally of those of the aforementioned products. I could fully accept the Male clutch (looks like a modern briefcase) and partially accept the polish and makeup (only in clear, no colors, and makeup only for the lips). I don't want a man to wear male Spanx(Manx) or guyliner either. That's just my preference. I told you "Basic Metrosexual" is my type.
As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms
Monday, May 27, 2013
Wait! It's Not That Bad!!!
I've been reading some of my past blogs. I know I tell people "My Life is an Open Book! Just make sure you're Literate enough to Read it!" I just hope my story does not make you guys don't think I had this harsh life growing up. I hope that was not the impression I am giving. I have a very Blessed life. I got a tattoo to symbolize just that.
Yeah I grew up plus size but I was well liked. I had many friends. I see people who were not plus size growing up and they have a hard time handling it and become depressed. I learn long time ago; this is the skin I am in.
I may have been horribly picked on in 5th grade but in 4th & 6th grade, I was an honor roll star. In 7th grade, I was became a member of the National Junior Honor Society. Oh yeah I went to a Magnet School. I watch TV shows and movies about people who went to a regular comprehensive high school and I know, Socially, I had it so easy.
I may have been a church nerd but I don't have a fear of public speaking because of the opportunities of given assignments to teach a bible lesson, being the Youth Announcement Clerk, and the welcome giver for several programs. Have you seen Raj on Big Bang Theory? His parents should have been members of my "foundation" (childhood) church.
No my father was not in my life but I've mentioned I had my grandfather, my uncle, and several great uncles as my father figures. These men are the reason I've never agreed to anything with a man (a boy in the past) unless "I Wanted To". They taught me how to carry myself and showed me how Men should treat women and girls. I am proud to say, “I have Standards".
Yeah, I write with my left hand and a person commenting on it gets on my nerves. But that book scholarship one semester felt better than me making some smart-butt quip. I where a relaxer and someone else have a natural but Thank God we have hair. There is some one out there wishing they had hair to relax or twist.
I am a Christian. For me the have been more good days than bad. God gets all the glory for it. And in my blogs I'm not complaining. Just hopefully being a cautionary or inspirational tale to someone that might be going or have been through something similar. A story to see that No everyday is peachy keen but most days are not rain clouds. Just sharing part of my story. Thanks for reading it as I share.
As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms
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| Miss Smiles!!! (Yes, that is a foot) |
I may have been horribly picked on in 5th grade but in 4th & 6th grade, I was an honor roll star. In 7th grade, I was became a member of the National Junior Honor Society. Oh yeah I went to a Magnet School. I watch TV shows and movies about people who went to a regular comprehensive high school and I know, Socially, I had it so easy.
I may have been a church nerd but I don't have a fear of public speaking because of the opportunities of given assignments to teach a bible lesson, being the Youth Announcement Clerk, and the welcome giver for several programs. Have you seen Raj on Big Bang Theory? His parents should have been members of my "foundation" (childhood) church.
No my father was not in my life but I've mentioned I had my grandfather, my uncle, and several great uncles as my father figures. These men are the reason I've never agreed to anything with a man (a boy in the past) unless "I Wanted To". They taught me how to carry myself and showed me how Men should treat women and girls. I am proud to say, “I have Standards".
Yeah, I write with my left hand and a person commenting on it gets on my nerves. But that book scholarship one semester felt better than me making some smart-butt quip. I where a relaxer and someone else have a natural but Thank God we have hair. There is some one out there wishing they had hair to relax or twist.
I am a Christian. For me the have been more good days than bad. God gets all the glory for it. And in my blogs I'm not complaining. Just hopefully being a cautionary or inspirational tale to someone that might be going or have been through something similar. A story to see that No everyday is peachy keen but most days are not rain clouds. Just sharing part of my story. Thanks for reading it as I share.
As Always Talking to You in Adult Terms
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