My Ideal First Date

I don't know what I have been wasting my first date thoughts and time on but it gets tweaked now. Ok, to pass the time working on paperwork, budgets & blogging, I listen to podcasts & web-based talk shows. I am listening to one about the latest X-Men movie, now. Well, this weekend I was watching/listening to a show and ideal first dates came up. One of the guests described a breakfast date. Well, my mind started swirling with one question. When asked what would I like to do for a first date, why have I never said, Let's go to brunch.

I reduced going to dinner for a first date, some time ago. If dinner must be the first date, it has to be on a Friday, probably at a dinner & a movie theater, and the date must end by 8 pm. I'm not for that nightcap then too tired to drive and the foolishness it brings. The night is young. He's not too tired to go home. Plus, dinner dates have a lot of pressure on them. Most times I am tired and now I have to put on nicer clothes and pay attention. Breakfast is not a good time for me because I am not a morning person. Most days, I spend before 9 am not talking. If I am at home, my family of all adults is sleep. I get paperwork done or I am traveling to meet the client. If I have a client before 9 am, they are just dropping off their packets. So, many of my first dates are during the afternoon around lunchtime. And if it is during the week unless it is a holiday or we are both off, those are rushed and very direct. So, brunch is actually perfect for a date.

I love brunch! I go to brunch with family & friends a lot. I mean like I have more pictures & check-ins on Facebook at brunch.

My Bestie Boo, LJ got us ladies these shirts
That's TT & Love and didn't want to ask them permission to post the picture
LoL

Brunch has a much more casual, easygoing vibe. Especially a Sunday brunch, I probably been to church or at least watch an online service, so I am probably is a very good mood. Oh, and if the guy is a guy that goes church at the traditional 11 hours, there are brunch spots still serving until 3 or 4 pm. Brunch is casual without feeling frugal. There's a novelty to a brunch date that you don't get with dinner. Very few branches are expensive. I wouldn't dare suggest an extremely expensive place for a first date, That is gross.

Most restaurants that serve brunch, the food feels familiar without being dull. Also takes away from me, an omnivore (eat a balance of animal & plant-based food) to judge a possible carnivore. I mean who can turn down fruit salad. LoL If things are going well, we have time to hang out walk the meal off at a park or a mall. Alternatively, if things aren't going well, having important errands or a 3 o'clock service at church (so churchy) doesn't sound like an outlandish lie. And again unlike dinner, it is daylight. The chances of the guy wanting to make out or hook up are lessened. It is early enough for him to go home.

So, when I get asked to pick a date & time to go out for the first time, I will start suggesting brunch. I blame society's dating culture on blocking my view from a brunch date. I am enough of a society girl, why let it dictate when & where I go on a date. Now, I want some fruit salad.

 As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

I Ain't Got No Type! Well With Physical Size Types, I Don't

Now that you are finished dancing to the Rae Sremmurd tune in your head, let me tell you that trying to find images for this post really sickened my psyche. If you would be be so bold to do an internet search for thin men, skinny men, big men & chubby men, you will understand my frustration. People will body-shame anybody. *sigh* Human bodies range from as thin as a Bic mechanical pencil lead to as curvy as a Hot Wheels track to as wide as an empty Cheeto bag. Nobody deserves to be body shamed. Body Shaming is Cruel & Gross and it Needs to End!!!

If you ever ask my bestie boo, LJ who he thinks is my type, he will tell you, Cedric the Entertainer as Cedric Jackie Robinson in The Steve Harvey Show is my type. And invariably, when he sees a short, dark skin large man around our vicinity he will say, "There's goes your type". Once there was a waiter at a restaurant, that was not our waiter, that fit that description. Again he was not our waiter so, why did he bring my & no one else's plate? LJ was cracking up. When we go dancing, he gets to laugh to his heart's content. Many of these guys have placed themselves between us and our other friends to dance near me during line dances. I would've thought it was a coincidence too had I not seen a couple of them ask him to scooch over so they could get between us to dance. I know it is crazy. Even crazier part is these men never ask me out. I guess they just want to be near "The Diva".

Honestly a man's physical size doesn't factor in my preferences. Other than body-builders, I think I've dated all the male body types across the board.

I remember the first "big" guy I was attractive to was singer Gerald Levert. But I haven't really cared about body type since 1997. I dated the first of a few large men I've dated and didn't think twice about it. He was a good guy, Somewhere around 2004, I didn't even become ashamed about describing the guy I was starting to date then. When my friends asked me what did he look like, his description rolled off my tongue like I said his name.
Contrary to what television & movies tell us body size is not an indicator on behavior.

A very thin guy referred to my mother as a b-word and kept calling me all day because he unemployed and broke

A man that is skinny was the ear I cried into when my mother got sick. He still calls to see how she is doing.

When Nev Schulman offers me a job for the TV show Catfish, it's because of an average or dad bod guy I dated. Hey, I don't go out on any dates without doing a little intel since that guy.

In the first Rom-Com post, that guy was a momma's boy that is now someone loving husband. He is is rather muscular and built.

Large guys dominate the Good Ex list. They are also on the Bad Ex list, also. And all of them are Not dateless, sexless or shy either.

That's part of my story. If other women or men look at the body types of the people they date or have dated, their story will probably differ from mine. And that's okay. ♫I ain't got no type. A good man is what I like.♫ We all should be striving to find good people so we can be good to them.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Men Who Flirt and Make a Move (Attractive Characteristics to OUTSPOKEN_DIVA)

Time for me to give a *slow clap* to the men that will flirt and then ask for your number and/or a date afterwards. I am so tired of honing my flirting skills at this point at life. Oh, my flirting skills are on point. I know the difference between being flirting and being polite.

A male strange opens and hold the door for me at a restaraunt. I say "Thank You". He replies "You're welcome". He's just being polite & gentlemanly. (Side Note: If the lady Never engages you at the start or at least after she said "Thank You" at the door, STOP)  Nothing more, durn sure can't be less.  But if that same male stranger says, "How are you"? Then I in turn say "I'm good. And yourself"? And he says, "Great, now that I've seen you". Now, we've hit the compliment & flirting zone. Okay if he leaves it there, I am cool. Leave a compliment right there and move on. But he keeps small talking while waiting on the table and/or he is sitting near and says "That meal almost looks as good as you" when it comes to the table. He is no longer just being nice, he's full on flirting. I 'm cool with that. I might flirt back or blush & smile. (Again If she didn't respond to your previous attempts, this can make you look thirsty. She'll think you are harassing her. Read her body language, fellows.)  Now, here is where my frustration may begin. End of the evening, he or I are leaving and he doesn't make a move. This is when I feel like I am sharpening my flirting skills, yet again. Most people would think I could have slipped him my number, if I was interested. And to these people I say, "I will not". He initially approached me. Why am I finishing his courtship job? If he was so interested, he should see it all the way through.

*sigh* The story of my life for the past two and a half years. I'm so tired of being flirted with without being asked out in the end. It's so old, now. Remember little buddy from the big box store by my sister's house (His story is HERE), I have decided he's just a nice guy at this point who saw a friendly face way across the grocery section (I was in canned vegetables when he approached me that night. He works in Frozen foods) to have conversations with whenever he see it, now. But it's not just him, trust me. My friends and colleagues have similar stories.

This is why I salute the men that see their flirting engagements all the way to date and/or number. Some of you guys don't get how unnerving it is to feel like your conversational time have been wasted. That is breath I could've saved. I don't understand doing all of that then not want to further engage with the person past that point. Were you bored or lonely and just wanted someone to entertain you? Are you married or dating someone and decided not to deceive this woman. If that is the case, Thank You!!! You guys can't be shy. I mean hello, you've done all this verbal teasing so, how can you be bashful.? Don't be like one of the guys in the video getting upset in the end because the lady flirted with another guys. All that time wasted and you could have already had a phone call and plans for a date by now.

Oh Gosh, Am I the Real Pied Piper of hopeless dudes? I might be okay with be being single, not married but I do date. I mean how else will my future husband find me. We have to go on at least one date.

I have a theory. With the dating rules being screwed up & shallow at this point, too many guys feel like they don't have to follow through. Many of these guys chase women to the point right when they think they can flip it and they do. "Oh well if she is interested in what I put out there, she come chase me" Like they are testing our worth. Sorry bucko, that is only some women that fall for the ol' switcheroo. Many of us are leaving you high and try as you are leaving us.

Again I understand the difference in being polite & flirting. Polite is asking me if I knew a certain brand of laundry detergent is good. Flirting is you & I at the sample counter and you offer to "buy" me dinner. We laugh and then introduce ourselves to one another. Now,  I would expect that before we leave the counter you would ask me out. Am I expecting to much?

And to the guys who flirt and do make a move, take this hat nod in stride. I like what you do and sadly it has to be a part of things that catch my attention. But I am still watching for a shoe that might drop.

The dude in my last blog posted flirted and made a move that was was really aiming for me to just be a one night stand/weekend fun chick. It's just the next move, not sing  "To be Loved" loudly time.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Rom Com Love Life (Bridesmaid Edition)

Hey guys! Yes, I'm home from Wedding World.

The wedding was great. Intellectual Diva made a beautiful bride. She married a dapper dude that we've officially welcomed into the UTA clique. Oh, and I made a Beautiful bridesmaid. And as good as I looked I still had to get a lesson I must add to my Rom Com Love Life files. If you didn't know about my Rom Com Love life, go read THIS and come back.

I learned the jerks in movies that looked to hook up during a wedding do exist. I mean like the guys in the movie Wedding Crashers.

Yep, I seemed to be the prey. But did I fall for the trap?

This is not my first time being a bridesmaid. I was at the weddings of  Bestie Boo & Pink Red.

I had a crush on Bestie Boo's brother and he is now married to the woman he brought as a date.

I was attracted to the groomsmen that I walked in with at a Pink Red wedding. He was attracted to me. We talked on the phone for a while but we were not compatible and that was that.

But the guy at this recent wedding was different. I have to say had I never decided to be nice and make small talk I probably would not have been the prey.

Ok met Ridge* on the shuttle to the venue. He was loud & cranky. Plus his partying rep preceded him. Ok at the venue, his name along with mine & most of the groomsmen was a part of some "Name Shade" from the Wedding Planner. I think my attitude was written on my face. Well, when we were paired up with the groomsmen, the groomsmen gave me a nickname to diffuse the situation.

On the ride back to the hotel, he was still talking too much. Well, he pointed out WhatABurger and was raving about how good it was. And I opened my mouth & said: "Oh, I forget you guys aren't from here". And it was a flirty ride after that. SMH

Ok after the shuttle back, Bestie Boo & I did the errands the mother of the bride asked us to run before the BBQ. Got back and I was going to the elevator and here comes Ridge from the pool.

     He asked, "Are you going to help dry me off"?

     I replied "No, nature is doing a great job"
 
     "Oh, that was cold". Where did you guys go?"

     "Ran some errands for the bride's mom"
 
      "Oh cool. Duty Calls"

      The elevator gets to his floor & he says, "532"*

      I said, "Ok" But thought "No, it's just after 3." Then it hit me before I got to my floor, he was calling out his room number. SMH

After that, I didn't come in contact with Ridge until after the ceremony. I walked in with another groomsman. Well, after the grandparent’s candles were lit they moved them behind him & me. So, he & I joked about not getting burned. Then once in the foyer, we high-fived each other for not getting burned. LoL On the way to the bridal dressing suite, I felt hands on my neck & back.

I heard "Alright for not getting burned". It was Ridge.

I removed his hands and said "Stop, Drop & Roll" and went on.

Alright, reception time, since I was 1st in line, I had time to get some Advil for another groomsman, & me and my "dancing shoes".

So, I was taking my foot pic and here he comes with a flirty foot comment. So, after we ate we were grouping up discussing & taking "Met Them" pics and he gets close and said, "We can do more than that tonight if you want". The cameras are then flashing. Smile & Pose for the frame. I didn't get to take pics with the others because we hit the dance floor.

So, Bestie Boo & I were leaving the hotel. Most of our guests & the bride's aunts were still there having breakfast. So, we are waving bye, Everybody stops and he is still waving and pouting.

      I said "Bye Ridge"

Now if he was for real, he would've seen that I was waiting for Bestie Boo to bring the car around so I was in the foyer for a moment. He would've come talk to me & seen me off.

And if I thought I was through with Ridge... My fellow bridesmaid & college friend, Macy* texts me saying "Your boy was looking for you. He said nobody ever came to 532". I texted back what happened when we left.

     She said, "I thought a**holes like that only existed in the movies".

     I said "Me too. But lessons learned. Jerks are real."

Oh well, lesson learned. And as you see I didn't fall into his "easy to see" snare. You don't get this old and not know a thing or two. Maybe he thought I was dumb & country. Maybe he thought I was some desperate chunky bridesmaid. Who knows? Who Cares? Oh well, his bad!!!

Makes me wonder if this entertainment phenomenon is real, will my future husband have a Hangover plot on his way down the aisle??? Lord, let that not be in your will. LoL

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

*Names & Room Numbers have been changed*

Update (10/8/2015):
Oh, we are FBF, now. But that was just in case the headquarters pictures I am in. You will be surprised the pictures & videos still popping up. Just got a video via email from the groom that he had just received.

Oh, this is for you who didn't read between the lines. #GetOutMyInbox No, I never went to Ridge's room. We were tired!!! It was after 2:30 am before I even took a shower. Plus, let's tell the truth. I was nothing but Wedding A-word to him. Oh and the obvious, that weekend was about my friend marrying her love. 

Gold Teeth (Not Interesting in Dating)

I've never been attracted to men with gold teeth. I don't understand getting them. It's not a symbol of luxury because I know several poor people with gold teeth.

In my opinion, is takes away from the beauty of a man's smile.

I love a man's smile. My uncle taught me you can tell a lot about a man by the way he takes care of his teeth. If what is in his mouth bothers you, what is coming out will not be heard. They can also be very distracting. I grew up with a man in church who could sing very well. But as a child, I would miss most what he was saying, because I was watching him lick is gold every few lines.

Now, before people who know me in Offline Land come for me, let me say a few things. Yes, I am related/have been related to people with gold teeth. You've not lived until you have an older relative who gets gold in their dentures. Yes, I one of my friends has a gold tooth. I also am not going to ever date her. Keyword is Her. And Yes, I have dated a man with gold teeth. Actually this guy is on the "Good Ex" list. He is probably the leader of the pack. Again the keyword is Ex.

I would Never date him again. His gold teeth is probably a very, very minor reason. Growing into different people over the years is the major reason. He didn't have gold teeth when we first started dating that mid-summer. He mentioned that he wanted gold teeth and thought I was dissuading him into getting them. I blame my passive aggression. That issue needed direct bluntness. In October, he came by my place to show off his new accoutrements. I didn't handle it well. I felt like he messed up the smile that I Loved.

We almost broke up right then behind his gold teeth. Keyword is Almost. We broke up later behind less petty reasons. At 20 years old, you almost break up behind gold teeth. Today, I'm most definitely breaking up with a man who gets gold teeth. Matter of fact, when he says he want to get some, I am telling him I will break up with him if he gets them. What is wrong with having natural looking teeth?

I know the reason all people who gold teeth was not a cosmetic one. Some people lose their teeth for various reasons. But even to them, why gold? What about getting the cheaper silver (Oh, gold is Not cheap (dentist office or black market)) cap and save for porcelain or ceramic (That can be strangely higher than gold). But that is their mouth and I don't have to kiss them. Yes, the ex had good oral care when we dated.

Sorry Mr. Goldy, we won't be dating.

You should've invested in Lasix.  It's just my preference, that's all. We can know each other. We can be good buds. Oh trust me, there is a lady out there for you.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

A Reading Man (Attractive Characteristics to OUTSPOKEN_DIVA)

Memes could totally sum up my feelings about Men that Read. Yet, I will type out some words to go along them.

I wish I would meet a man in a bookstore. Heck, I wish I would meet a man in the book section at Walmart. Oooh, he would purchase my books in order for me to give him my number. Yeah, I know wishful thinking. But that would be Epic!!!

Football Nerd used to get me books. Matter of fact he bought me one of my favorite books as birthday gift.
When I got a Kindle, he had me make a list of books. A few days later, I got some of those books for download. After that it became his thing he did. Actually a couple weeks before he left this world, he emailed me some books. * no tears* I've learned he liked giving people books. Books are Totally Great Gifts!!!

But what is just as hot as getting a book as a gift, A Man That Reads.

A man who reads books, journals & newspapers is the bee's knees to me. They have things to talk about that I can learn about. Most men I've met that read usually don't read some of the same genres that I do. So, it intrigues me what his thought processes is like. Oh, I know he's a thinker because no one can truly read without thinking.

Men who read are also curious. They will ask questions and usual don't assume. I knew a guy who read a book about a lady who had emotional problems caused by her husband. He asked he a few "Can a Man make a Woman lose her mind" questions. I knew a few guys who read "50 Shades of Grey" and that started a few discussions on bedroom expectations.

And of course men who read have a nice vocabulary. I don't mean a man who knows how to uses big words. I mean a man like the guys like in my previous post in the series. Reading is one of the ways we learned grammar as children. Reading as an adult helps keep those same skill working. Trust me, I've been there.

Sad, there are various studies that say women read more than men. I wish it was a equal. And men (and women), if you don't read don't bother anyone who does. Non-readers are some of the most judgemental people I know. It is why I limit all my interactions with them.

So, if you are interested in me, read something more than your social media timeline. When you finish reading, come discuss it with me. I'll be around to listen & learn. Maybe we'll know each other long enough for you to read to me one day. Yes, that is a Relationship Goal!!!


As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Oooh, He Talks Real Good (Attractive Characteristics to OUTSPOKEN_DIVA)

The stereotypical Male voice is very sexy to me. Tones ranging from Brad Garrett to James Earl Jones make me swoon.

But a deep voice can be just that, A Deep Voice if he doesn't speak or communicate well. Now a man who speaks grammatical English, that doesn't mumble or say uh, huh, nah mean, and other slang all the time make my head turn around everytime. Especially a Black Man.

That's how I met my "little brother", BJ. Nothing about him was/is attractive to me. Matter of fact I had wrote a narrative about him while just looking at him months before meeting him in the dining hall at Lamar University. (I wasn't far off once I met him.) Then at lunch one day with others I heard him talk. I stared at his mouth like whatever he was saying was gold. I made him a little uncomfortable. I explain that I liked Black men who spoke correct grammar.

It is appealing to hear speech like that because I can understand what they are saying. I know what they mean, I don't need urban dictionary to have a conversation with these men. I don't have to ask him to repeat that because what he said is clear. When a man says, "Hello! How are you?" when he approaches me I know to reply "Hi. I'm fine and yourself". He and I can converse.  I honestly don't know what to say to "Say, Say, Baby, Uh Uh Say". That guy must want to conversate. And contrary to what the Webster's dictionary will accept, I Never want to conversate with anyone.

A man who speaks "Proper" let's me know that this guy and I have at least one thing in common. 65% -80% of grammar class was learned. Whether we have anything else in common, at least I know that in the end I will be able understand what he said.

I know a man's diction says nothing about his character. Trust me I know some men that speak well and and are very gross people. I also know some very nice guys that speak a lot of slang.  

If they ever let me have my way, mumblers would be be sent to a talking rehab as soon as I hear them talk. Speak up or you can go to jail. Mumblers drive me batty.

So hats off the those sexy talking men out there.

I know what you are saying. And how you are saying it is hot. Come talk to me sometimes. Conversation Only!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms