Sex Tapes to Relevancy (I Blame Pop Culture)

I had to view the trailer to one of the reality shows that makes me flee from social media when it is on TV because y’all want to talk shower rods & this show. (Umm who is the “human rat” guy? And when did Li’l Boosie put on that kind of weight?) Then because of autoplay on Facebook, I saw the sex tape (and the shower rod) trailer talked about on the Love & Hip Hop Atlanta trailer. Ok, the lady knows how to pick out sturdy shower accessories. She gets a thumbs up from me on that. Now what she does with the shower rod *sigh* is going to be mimicked by the freaky and her infamy will rise.

The first one I remember was Tommy Lee & Pamela Anderson. This was pre-internet and the media & gossip was all a buzz about it. It also received a healthy dose of shame. Then was the R. Kelly one that everyone claims to watch, said it was him, but… Let me stop let’s just say I’ll be bringing this tape up again in a blog about Rape Culture. Then the person who has become one the most famous names out right now because of a sex tape, Ms. Kim Kardashian. Honestly, I have never watched whatever she did with Ray J. It’s been talked about enough, I feel I don’t need to.

It is sad to me sex tapes get your name out there in Pop Culture. There are many. Some are leaked. Some are put out on purpose. I just don’t want young people to think sex taping is the truest way to stardom. It’s like sex tapes are the newest way to “sleep your way to the top”. No one needs to know how your personal “Home Depot mixes the Paint in the Bucket”. People need to know of all the sex tapes out there how many people have made it to relevancy in Pop Culture. The number is very few. Tommy Lee & R. Kelly was already famous. R. Kelly almost went to prison *sigh* because of one. Kim K has a reality show but is constantly reminded by the Pop Culture media how she got her fame. And as for this Mimi person, it’s not looking good for her according to talk among my FBF that watches the show. Seems like she is a bit of a liar when it comes to talking about this tape.

I’m no hypocrite because I am a hypocrite. Without sex tapes, the world would have never met The Golden Sisters. That’s them above viewing Kim K & Ray J’s tape. Those ladies crack me up. Sex Tapes do not. Let’s show the real damage that these things truly cause and stop glorifying them like works of art.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

"I Blame Pop Culture" (New Blog Series Announcement)

If you follow me on Twitter, Here, you already know how hard I am on Pop Culture. Pop Culture has defined everything in our lives and all of its definitions are not positive. I am sick of it and this blog series is me taking a stand.

When I say Pop Culture, I'm not talking just what is "Trending". Thanks to Wikipedia, Popular Culture is the entirety of ideas, perspectives, attitudes, memes, images, and other phenomena that are within the mainstream of a given culture, especially Western culture of the early to mid 20th century and the emerging global mainstream of the late 20th and early 21st century. Heavily influenced by mass media, this collection of ideas permeates the everyday lives of the society.  So basically, Pop Culture consists of the attitudes, customs, and beliefs that distinguishes one group of people from another that is appealing to the general public.

This will be an ongoing series. I'll spread my discussions out and not put them all out all at once. Topics will include:
American Dieting
Being Christian
College
Masculine/Feminine
Not Really a Nerd
Not Black Enough
Sex Tape to Relevancy
Rape Culture
Reality Shows
Romance/Dating
and many more. Also I will prepare you for me stating "I'm no hypocrite because I am Hypocrite". Pop Culture has made a one out of all of us. So while I'm discussing my issues with Pop Culture, I'll have to reveal how I was caught up in the hype of some of it also. Hey, I'm no hypocrite because I am Hypocrite. LoL

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

April is National Poetry Month (Poetry Corner)

Today, I was reminded that April is National Poetry Month.  I told you guys in the blog Why The Name OUTSPOKEN_DIVA, that OUTSPOKEN_DIVA was originally my pen name. I also said I would share some of my poetry one day. Today is that day. I will share 3 of them and include a short prose how they came to be.

1. Worthy of Price In undergrad at Lamar University, I had HATERS. Yes, I have those. I just don't complain about them like... One guy didn't understand why I didn't have low self-esteem because I was Fat. A couple of members of a sorority referred to me as "Dyme Piece" (that song was new & popular, then) because I thought, No Wait I knew I was Cute (I had a knack to dress up for no reason at all). And the list went on and on. By the time I learn any of this I was weeks from graduating, so I wasn't bothered badly. This poem was born one night after a passing some of my Haters.



Worthy of Price

Now, I know no one told You

That All Women

Should have "GREAT" self-esteem

But I know you thought

The One who covers her body

The One who won't wear makeup

The Fat, Big Boned, or Thick One

The Quiet One or Shy One

Did Not value themselves

PLEASE!!!

So What you whisper, you wonder why she think she thinks she is a "Diva or "Dyme"

Why shouldn't she

She May Think

Others can be the Dyme

But your Life isn't even the Down Payment for a Look from her

Infinity is her Value

Her price tag is Endless

Not to be Bought

Of her you can't make change

Everybody is so why can't she be

"Worthy of the Price"

© Copyright 2003

Praise and Worship Crush On New Year's Eve 2004, was the first night I went with my BFF named Football Nerd to the church we attend now. The church is a mega-church but for the first year we sat around the same people. That included a man whose worship for God was very attractive. New Year's Eve 2005, I figured out that the lady and the children with him was his family. Whoops!!! LMBO

Praise and Worship Crush

You caught my eye

Not with your looks

Not your style or dress

But with your Worship

Your Worship to the most high God

I was wiping my eyes of joyous tears

And I saw you go beyond the veil

You looked so peaceful

Like you were happy to be there

Like Worship is second nature

You Worship makes me want to join you

Join you in Worship, Praise, Glorifying

Our Mighty God

Who is this tugging on my blouse?

Oh Praise & Worship Period is over

I'm the Only one standing

Standing, Watching you Worshi---Sit down

Let me Pay Attention to Service

Instead of you my Praise and Worship crush

© Copyright 2006

A Whole Love Let's just say I don't believe in 50-50 in a romantic relationship. A man needs to bring all of him because I will be bringing all of me. Oh and this one rhymes!!!

A Whole Love

100 Percent

Love that's decent

Love that's Sweet

And truly Complete

Not Half and Half

Please, Don't make me laugh

Don't want Half your heart

But the Whole body part

Not 50/50

That's not me

A Love that is Real

Something I can feel

That's what's wrong with us

Can you, I trust

I have no clue

'Cause I don't have all of you

Only Whole men can come to the table

To help fix a guy, I'm no longer able

Only a Whole woman and a Whole man

Should be able to walk Hand in Hand

To give Love that is Whole

Will we ever be so Bold

© Copyright 2005

So, that's some of my poetry. Hope you enjoyed it. Maybe from time to time I might share more. Maybe a short story, sometime, also.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms



My Theme Song

Today on Facebook I saw a post that said “What is the song that describes you”. Oh all the songs I have on my Getting Ready playlist (Sacred or Secular) the only song that would come to my mind is the one above these words. It’s called “Nothing to Lose” by The Clark Sisters. It written by Elbernita “Twinkie” Clark, who is on the organ (Remember her name in June).  The main lyrics simply say:

I have walked in the rain
Like Paul, I have strained
I have even felt drained, Yes I Have

I have had a taste of sorrow
From the past I had borrowed
And somehow I always felt
That there was hope for tomorrow

Jesus, Unhooked the chains
And my Lord, eased the pain


And He gave me nothing to lose
But all, to gain

If there is ever a movie made of my life this song needs to be a part of the soundtrack. Matter of fact it is listed in this Blog as the closer. Why is it the closer? Have you ever had a Great feeling and thought wow one day I’ll feel like this forever? Well, when this like is over I believe we will get our just reward. Now if at the end of this life that is not the case I’ll eat crow then. But until then that is what I will believe and will continue to believe. Trouble can’t last always. All the no’s, the yes’s & maybe’s thAT turn in no’s, the heart aches, strife and hardships that everyone including ourselves cause can’t be forever. That song tells me I am not the only one that know there is hope in another day. That makes me smile through anything.

So if you ever hear me play “Southern Girl” by Erykah Badu, “Ebony Eyes” by Stevie Wonder or “Happy and You Know It” by Vickie Winans know that these might have me bouncing around relating to them but there is one song that keeps me going for the long haul. Yes, Ms. Twinkie Clark, God gave me nothing to lose but All, to gain.

So what’s your theme song? Tell me in the comments. And just because it’s not a gospel song don’t be shamed into not listing it. What describes you, Describes you and your story.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

The Personality Profile of OUTSPOKEN_DIVA

Okay a few blogs (This One) ago, I blogged as my "Churched Girl" personality, “Felicity” (she did a great job too) and I got a few emails asking if that is the only personality of mine I have named. My answer is NO!!! SOooo, I felt persuaded to talk about my “personalities”.

I believe we all have ONE personality that can be split into many areas. This is not the same a Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder. That is a mental disorder that is cause by trauma. We all do it. We all have “characters” that we “name” to describe our many ways to handle life. Some of us have alter egos. Some of us call it “the masks” we wear. I decided to name mine, that’s all.

The Ladies

Shelia Royce Williams: She is the “black only” lady. Often mistaken as the “strong black woman”, she is no non-sense but lovable. She is at all “Black only” functions, reads “only black” writings, listen to gospel, R&B, 80’s -90’s hip hop and some ratchet tunes. She knows how to booty bounce (twerk) and loves to line dance. Though she is black she truly despises “stereotypical n-words”.

Felicity: She loves the Lord with all her life. She is a Christian. People who use violence, meanness, vile behavior, and/or non-Christian behaviors to promote Christianity breaks her heart to her core. She is quick to stand up for true Christians. She loves to teach/debate folks on the difference between Christians and Church Folks. She is all about being a better person. She only listens to gospel, hymns, worship, Christian and inspirational music. She only reads the Bible, Christian Fiction,  and Bible based Self help books. She is so determined to be anti-world that she mostly has to be escorted by Shelia or Kelly as her protectors (You might have seen them with her). You can see her at church, funerals, gospel musicals or plays, or anywhere true Christians gather.

The Guys

Marshall: You never truly see Marshall. You do see his work through the others. He is the true brains behind it all. He’s the stereotypical nerd with no interest in hair care. Hair is always up.
Marshall is always reading and researching all that I do. So, he has no time to come out. He is a running fact totem. He is the Backbone to all the other personalities. I made this personality male because most my main childhood encouragers of my nerdiness were male (my grandfather, my uncle, and two of my great uncles) and no one never knew that.

Chad: My masculine side. All that is male in thoughts and actions within this woman is Chad. Sometimes called my comfortable side.
Anything that is not associated with being female, Chad gets the blame. Chad is one of my family nicknames and the only one that is not a feminine name.

The Ones I Killed Off (sort of):

Chan: Pronounce Shan was the most scattered brain, naïve, crazy part of my life. So much of my life at one time was under her control, I went by that name. She would do some of the dumbest crap I've ever experienced so, I killed her about 14 years ago. Only one of my best friends, TT, is still allowed to call me that and I will answer. I have introduced myself by her name in a quick thinking moment in the most recent years but not often.

Milk: Why does the victim always try to live? During life in 5^th grade, Milk arrived. She was a victim. She was super annoying & had the nerve to judgmental but I understood why. Shelia & Kelly tried to help her to no avail. Then Felicity suggested a few years ago to deal with the hurt positively and let her to sleep peacefully while doing so. So that is what I’m doing. She tries to wake up at times but Felicity goes in and sings her a soft song to soothe her.

So, this is the Personality of OUTSPOKEN_DIVA. Have you met any of them? I love them to death because I love me to death. Thanks to the good job, Felicity did, I might let the others do a blog by themselves at least once. But until then you get a whole OUTSPOKEN_DIVA blogging. When I do let another personality side blog, who do you want to blog next and on what topic?

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

My Dating Grey Areas (“Not Interesting in Dating” Supplement)

Me and my big mouth mentioned in this Blog, I was not trying to do a blog on "My Grey Areas of Dating". I received four emails, all from men, wanting to know my grey areas. Unfortunately, I know one of these guys will fall under 2 of these areas. So I decided to do it. I only have 3 types of guys that are under a yes, no, maybe, and depends on his situation category. There are called the Lite Black, Grey & Lite Grey areas. The closer it is to white, makes it more acceptable is to consider.

Bisexual Men: I know I said I date only Heterosexual men. Yet, I know someone married to a bisexual man so that gave me a chance to have an opinion to think on. First I was at a total No Way Jose. Then I met this guy that married a lady I know. He is attracted to both sexes but only dated women and he had a few friends that did the same thing be it with men or women. So bisexual men like him exist. So if you’re a bisexual man and Never dated or will date a man, I’ll date you. Yes, you guess it is the “Lite Black” area.

Fathers: As of last November I don’t know that I know any heterosexual & never married or legally divorced men that don’t have children. That guy got married. A man with children is a "Grey" area. I’ll date a man with a child or children but I have limits. And to help me decide my limits, I developed an equation. I call it the “Fatherhood Equation”. The limit result must not be greater than 3.  It goes towards your character for me. Since I have been made aware that guys who might be interested in me are reading this, I won’t reveal the equation. I will give out the variables involved. First, you must answer this question: What do you describe the woman or each woman that has borne your child or children? Ex-Wife, Mother of your Child, or Baby Mama are the possible answers. That determines if I even start the equation. Answer correctly (no hints and yes there is a wrong answer and) and then I need to know the following:

1.     Age

2.    Career or Job

3.    Number of Children (including soon to be born)

4.    Number of Women that have given birth to your offspring (Probably is answered in the starter question but just in case he leaves off someone by “accident”)

5.    Physical Time Spent with Children

Again the closer you are to 3 without going over the more likely I’ll date you. Yes, I do all this in my head in the “getting to know you” time. I work with equations for a living, it’s second nature to the run numbers.

Living with Your Folks: I love that meme. Okay, I moved back home after college and I’m still here. But I was needed. I told y’all that Here! So, I get it. That guy, I can date. Heck, some of you not living with your parents actually need to, as quiet as it is kept. Then there is the guy saving money on a house or at least a better place to stay and deciding to live at home for a little while. I might date him but only if he is helping around the house. He needs to be taking the slack off of his parents not be a burden. His mother can’t cook and have to wash the dishes. Father wash the car and the dude I’m dating is mowing the yard. He needs to also be chipping in on the groceries and food bill. I don’t date freeloaders, period. I will not be dating a guy who just lives at home without a reason. That’s the "Lite Grey" area.

Okay, those are my color-coded Dating Grey Areas. Proceed carefully.  No more, no less. If you were not described in this or any of the other blogs (New Announcement. Pastors, Ministers, and Other Church Leaders, Fashion Unequally Yoked, Chubby Chasers, Foreign Born, and Strippers) I might date you. I told you that it was easier & quicker to talk about who I will not date than will date. *smile* Okay all minds clear, Great!!!

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Not Interested in Dating: Strippers

What? Yes, that is the title. I told y’all this series was about good guys that I just can’t date. Stripping may not be a good job of morals but it’s is legal. I actually know and have known some very good guys that just happen to take their clothes off for a living in every portion of my life. One was a family friend. One I met at church initially. I had heard rumors but didn’t find out until I was at a Bachelorette party. One I was a fan of but met him officially at the mall because he’s a good friend of a friend. Many of us know a guy or two who does. So, put your judgmental fingers down and finish reading.

I am secure enough to know I am too insecure to date a male erotic dancer. Not because they are too good looking because all of them are not good-looking to me. I know for a shadow of a doubt I would always wonder, no worry about what he is doing. The job comes with drama, a lot of drama. I’m not a frequenter of male revues. More like a face-in-crowd type of fan. You see me when you see me. But I have paid attention to some of the patrons at Male revues when I am at one and some of those ladies are bothersome. Some of those ladies sit there at the show and after the shows and talk the dancers' business like it is their own (I blame me hearing the show gossip on the shows not ever starting on time *hint, hint*). Some of these women wait for the dancers by the changing rooms or outside the clubs and are willing to do whatever and whoever else is willing. Some of these ladies Lie, yes Lie about dating and sleeping with dancers. Let’s just say I don’t need the headache. I know that can be a possibility of all relationships but in my opinion, dating a stripper these issues seem to be more of a possible reality.

My next reason is a simple one. I don't want anyone I know to know what my man looks like. Here’s one of my dating rules. Never rave about or show off your man to your friends. I may not have friends that I think would sleep or try to sleep with the man I am dating. Oh but that does not mean they still won't think about him. If I date a male stripper, they not only get to think about him, it's all on display for them to see. That is not a conversation I would want to have with my friends. “Girl your man was slanging it wasn’t he”. Can we say, Awkward???

My last reason is I'm celibate. A celibate male stripper may be out there. I've never heard of such. I figure he would be talked about a lot. The Male Revue Gossips would have his business all in the streets. I'm celibate and you work in a profession that promotes sex. Umm, not going to touch that one. Leaving that statement as it is.

Male strippers, Performers at Male revues, Male erotic dancers, or whatever you call them are for looks only for the Diva. Good guys, for the most part, I mean all professions have their share of jerks, I just can't date them. God Bless the women that do, for they are emotionally stronger than me.

As Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms