Ghetto Wedding!!! (Y'all are Mean. :-D)

I am a former wedding crasher. Yes, I have crashed some weddings to be nosy & messy. *sigh* You've never been to wedding until you hear the gospel version All My Life by K-Ci & JoJo or see a wedding singer go rogue and makeup a song on the spot. And none of them started on time. I have a lifetime of laughs & memories. Until I can crash the weddings of celebrities, dignitaries or members of royalty, I will not be returning to the game. Time to crash up!!!  During that time, I became a staunch believer that people are going to have their weddings their way and that is okay. Once I saw this video circulate the interwebs (yes, bad slang) this week, my belief was tested and tried. Yet I still believe that  people are going to have their weddings their way and that is okay. Why? Because they still got married.

• The bride looks like a throwback to Thelma Fry in the series, Amen
  
• The groom has on a polo shirt and jeans
• The wedding venue is the courtyard of what looks to be public housing
• The minister is rather hilarious in his recitation of the 23 Psalms and during the vows & ring exchange
• The minister is also the wedding singer

It doesn't matter. This couple got married. Let's look at what didn't happen that is common at "better" weddings.

• No crying children walking down the aisle
• No inappropriate music being played
• The nuptial started on time (How do I know? Nobody is complaining about it)
• No fear that ex-lovers will interrupt the ceremony
• The temperature must be pleasant (No one is complaining about it)
• No guests arrived late (No grumblings from the audience)

Hey, I might have enjoyed this wedding. It had none of my top complaints about weddings, so I could have crashed this one. Oh I still would have had a few giggles at the minister like I have while watching this video. I hope a notary public is in the courtyard, just in case. But my lawn chair & I could have attended.

Not all weddings are everyone's style. People look at me funny at my " Alcohol-Free Happy Hour Style" reception idea. It will have a mashed potato martini bar,

 fruit kabobs,

mock-tails,

 line dancing,
and of course cake.

All the components at a happy hour event, I like without the liquor. Wedding will start at 4pm by 5pm the reception can start, by 8:30, 9pm everyone would have had a good time and went home and my husband and I can go and be married. That's what I want. My style is not for someone else. I am not a fan of drunk activities (fighting, vomiting, etc.). Can't party without booze, this will not be the event for you.  The wedding above is what that couple wanted. Thelma Fry reboot is married and I am not so, maybe she is onto something.

And that is the thing. They are married, point blank. They will always have their memories. Years later they might be sitting in their home maybe a mansion they can actually say to the children & grandchildren "We started from the courtyard but now we are here. Thanks to this viral video, they have proof. 

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Lies Told about Sex & the Sexless (I Blame Pop Culture)

Just got through watching “Virgin Territory. It’s a show on MTV highlighting the lives of willing & unwilling young people who have never had sex. I liked is so far. The first episode didn’t show any stereotypical virgins.  Stereotypical virgins are people that act like the main character of 40 Year Old Virgin

(Finally watched that crud of movie. I got the joke. Still not funny.

Romany Malco (Team Eye Candy) being in it didn’t even make me like that movie.).

Or the stereotype that Abstinent people — especially virgins — are expected to be prude, unattractive, homely, recluses who are probably asexual.

They had to reel me in first. The stereotypical are coming later in the season. *sigh*

Of course there were the friends of the virgins that think it is something weird about being an adult virgin. I’ll never understand people who feel like everyone should be having sex. I never had people tell me that before I had sex. Oh but when I decided to become celibate many years ago, many of my friends have made it clear that part of my life is weird as hell to them *shrug* Those attitudes are so annoying. Everybody tries to make sex like this glorious instant phenomenon. Few people tell the real sex story. Fewer people tell someone who isn’t having sex the real story. Pop Culture has a hand in this. Pop Culture has made it comfortable with those stereotypes because it has brainwashed a great portion of the population to believe that having indiscriminate sex is normal and adults who are celibate are not normal. It’s time to snatch its hand out the pot too.

1.     Sex is not good a first. Women let’s tell the truth. All these movies out here making it seem like fireworks and rainbows are lying. And men, let’s face it, the first time you are not lasting forever. I’ve heard the stories. Most of you guys make it to 5 minutes. Two movies comes to my mind that get the first time right. Those are “Love & Basketball” & “The Wood”.

2.    Some of people don’t care about the first time being special. Some folks just want to hurry up and have sex. Some folks want the bragging rights of sleeping with a virgin.

3.    Everybody talking about having sex, are not having the sex they lie about having sex. Trust me everybody is not doing it. That is what I liked about “40 Year Old Virgin” it exposed the co-workers for the sexless liars they really were. People love to make fun of the people they think they have one up on. In my experience, the ones that are having their own dry spells are the people that tease the sexless the most. It’s like since they feel they are having a problem, you have to be weirdo, also.

4.    There are many Famous people that are not having sex or waited before they got married. People love looking up to people.

·         Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon So, what there waited all of a few months to get married. They waited and are still married

·         Meagan Good and her husband DeVon Franklin’s marriage bed is not deviled.

·         Tamera Mowry and her husband Adam Housley decided as a couple to wait until marriage to have sex again.

·         Tim Gunn who is a fashion icon and on Project Runway is celibate.

·         Justin Bieber’s mom, Pattie Mallette, promised herself that she would not date again until her son turned 18, and would be celibate again until she was married.

·         Olympic (Summer & Winter) athlete, Lolo Jones is a virgin.

Yeah she can say some very rude stuff but she’s still not having sex.

5.    That leads me to my last lie. Sex doesn’t make or break you. You will not have sex and become a new person. Who you are is who you are. The beloved Beyonce’, who has according to pop culture reports lost her virginity at 23, seems to be a sweetheart. Umm didn’t she seem that way since she came on the scene Sex might be A stress reliever but so is exercise. If a person has a jacked up attitude that is on them. I was snarky before sex. I was catty while I was in the game. I am a smart-butt since I stopped. Ask somebody that knew me in all three stages. I have family members who don’t know I ever had sex but I bet they can speak on my behavior.

There was a virgin bride named Lisa (her dress was cute) on “Virgin Territory”. I know she wished somebody had been honest about sex before her honeymoon. I thought about her typing number 5. Spoiler Alert!!! She said it was nothing to write home about. I almost laughed when she said that. She comes back 9 months later and says how it got better and she would not change a thing. All this stuff that is presented about sex needs to be rewritten. The truth needs to be added.

Oh well to all of us non-pop cultured defined sexless people and those who secretly wish they could be us out there, the truth will be told one way or the other. Pop culture’s story is not the only out there. It knows it isn't and that why it feels it has to be shouted and constantly bragged about.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

A Roller Coaster Ride with This Week’s News (Don't Mind My Emotions)

I have been happily excited, sympathetically angry, and intensely sad this week. I don't know about you guys but my emotions need a break from all forms of news (pop culture, local, national, & international). I refused to turn my TV on this morning to get dress, just in case something else set me off.

Ok 1st a little personal good news!!! God Loves Me!!! It is July and the weather today was close to my approved weather range (Low of 65, High of 75).

I know soon I will be back wishing for an ice water IV but it was so nice today.

Let’s keep prayers and positive energy towards the families of the victims of MH17, witnesses to the calamity and all involved in investigating this tragedy. Yesterday my mood was drab and this was sinking it even further. Plane crashes are so horrible. A missile hit this one and that is worse. As I heard reports of people seeing bodies fall found the sky, I laid my head down to cry. The dead were from at least 10 countries with the majority, 189, Dutch. Some of the victims on board were prominent HIV/AIDS researchers and officials traveling to Melbourne, Australia, for the 20th International AIDS conference starting this weekend. The HIV/AIDS, the conference will go ahead as planned and will include opportunities to reflect and remember those that were lost.

Oh but this was not the only news story dealing with death that shook my emotions. Ok I will go on record and say I do not understand the high butt price tags on funerals. I have considered (still thinking) put in my files to be cremated when I travel from this world to the next. Well thanks to the Johnson Family Mortuary in Fort Worth, TX, I need my loved ones to be on alert in making sure whatever services are provided for my remains are carried out properly. 8 decaying bodies (2 being still born babies) left in their care for cremation. Five of the eight have been identified. These bodies was found by the landlord of the building that houses the mortuary. The property owner said he told the brothers to vacate the building two weeks prior because they were in arrears with the rent. He found the decomposing bodies Tuesday, but no workers. One body was a woman that had been there since April. One woman thought she had her mother’s remains only to be contacted that her mother was still at the funeral home. I get angry when I hear updates on this case. My heart breaks for the families. Operators of the Johnson Family Mortuary have been arrested and charged for several counts of abuse of corpse. Abuse of a corpse is a Class A misdemeanor. It’s punishable by up to a year in county jail and a $4,000 fine. Please let justice be served, please.

Okay let’s talk about some good news of the week. Okay Thor finally ticked his daddy off enough for someone else to be worthy to lift the hammer, Mjölnir. Thor will now be a woman. Her name and face will be revealed, this fall. Also, Sam Wilson a*k*a The Falcon will become Captain America. The 6^th Captain America had the Super-Soldier Serum drained from his system as part of an attack by the Iron Nail and become his natural age. Steve Rogers will be elderly. Falcon will take on the job in October and will serve as the full-time Captain America for the foreseeable future. While there have been other replacements for Rogers before, Wilson will be the first Black American to appear as the title lead in the monthly Captain America comic. So, you know the bigoted and “must stay the same” Fan Boys (some Girls) and movie-only Fans (who don’t know the real history) are upset. I am happy!!!

Let’s talk Thor. Number 1: That day had to come. These reason for this whole adventure was because Odin thought Thor needed humility. Thor is a privileged brat that need a few lessons  Also the fact, he has disobeyed daddy a few times. Just his coming & staying put in Asgard is an issue. Like many parents, Odin gets tired and has to show Thor some tough love. Number 2: The inscription of Mjölnir reads: "Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor."  Whosoever is the first word of importance. He is a word like some of the uses of man in the Bible. It is representative of mankind not gender. So why can a woman be worthy if she is the whosoever. The power is in the hammer. If a woman is creditable to obey Odin’s commands and accept the responsibilities, she can be Thor. 

Okay Captain American is easier. Where on the vial (maybe vials) of Super Strength serum, that has been in put several bodies, says it was for one race of people only? I’ll wait. As I wait for that racist dribble, let me say it again. I am excited. Time for some change.

I can't wait for Anthony Mackie (a member of Team Eye Candy) to wear the Captain America uniform in the movies, one day. *swoon*Oh gay comic book fans, watch and learn because when they make Batman (Only said his name because of a retweet quote on Twitter. Not my original idea) homosexual, the narrow minded are coming. Sad part is it is fiction. None of it is true. I didn’t know fake stories were limited to rules, too. That is a weird concept to even think about.

Some of best news other than God Loves Me, All the Time, this week is Weird Al Yankovic has a new album. If you ask me the best musical geniuses of music will probably be Prince at number 1 and Weird Al somewhere in the top 5. I love Weird Al Yankovic’s music. The topics he uses to parody pop hits are brilliant and hilarious. His latest, "Mandatory Fun" is playing in my ears as I type this post. Weird Al released a video of  five of his new songs on several pop culture websites such as, Nerdist and Funny or Die every day this week. My favorite is “Word Crimes”. That is the video at the beginning of the post.  As a hypocritical word Nazi (I will admit. I have grammar issue too. This post is probably full of them. But there are people in this world that need to be shaken silly for the stuff they type and say), this song is a refreshing belly laugh. Glad to see a famous person see it also. It think his parody make the vile song it is patterned after almost tolerable. He also has a polka medley of some of most popular songs in the recent past like “Call Me Maybe”, “Wrecking Ball”, and “Timber”. It is cute. Good to hear Weird Al Yankovic is back with some music. Music needs satire and he great at that.

So maybe next week, I'll be able not to be so sensitive to the news. I guess this week makes me seem not as impassive as I want to be. LoL Whatever, you guys know I wear my heart on my sleeve. That’s where it belongs.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Oh To Be a Christian Black Woman…

• My pastor drives a luxury car but the church is still paying on the mortgage since 1984.
• My pastor quoted a Chris Brown song in the pulpit but he’s divorced because of an affair.
• The choir director is gay but my church is marching in the anti-homosexual parade this Saturday.
• Oh, my pastor can preach a good word but have you heard him read?
•  My church got a new pastor and some of the singles members have already booked up the counseling sessions for the month.
• Ooh, the first family is so stuck up.
• Have you read that new book or watched that documentary exposing the church pimps. You know I bet they were talking about (insert the name of a popular minister you have heard gossip about). These church folks are brainwashed.
• (Insert a church name) was foreclosed. Sunday is their last service.

Woo!!! I typed those statements and had to break out the gospel. Talk about mind-numbing. So, how many times have you entertained conversations like this? Oh, I know my readers are not the ones starting these conversations. I’m guilty of listening to talk like such as this. I have even called a few ministers & a pastor illiterate. Forgive me, God. But talk like this is so harmful. We keep our mouths on the very institutions we attend. Also, talk about people we listen to tell us the truth.  It gives fodder to those who have all kinds of issues with the church, especially the Black church.

For every blog I have about me being a Christian or talking about church, I get 3 emails suggesting an anti-Black Christian article or a blog post, book, or movie exposing the Black church. I've learned not to take so much of it seriously. Many of it is by people hurt by “church folks” (there is a difference between church folks & Christians) and that is their way of picking a bone with the institution that is full of generalizations and statements based on hearsay and twisted facts with no solutions. I’m not saying any of it is or is not true. I know some were sent and some that just went. I just feel like I have enough sense to watch, fight, and pray for the ones God called.

Christian Black Women are constantly targeted to warn against the intuition of the church, especially the Black church. I get so tired of being called “Brain Washed”, I could cry.  To me, it’s like being told because I decide to listen to a black man (who is just a human as the other humans) tell me about God’s love in his way and decide to donate my 10% (that is mandated by God in the book of Malachi called Tithes) and more sometimes to a place that I expect to be a properly functioning place, I am Stupid. I am tired of the generalized accusations against the black church as a whole. Some make the stories true. I will admit that. But also there are Many, Many which are not. Is the church loving? Though the church speaks against things that are against the Bible, is it still loving as it should be to those who are living against what they are against? Are they issuing loving yet firm sanctions against wrongdoing? Does church function well with paying its bills and is charitable to others. When the church gets hit with hard times, does it have a workable program to handle those times? Is the church getting smart financial planning? People see the pastors driving luxury cars but have you asked the finance committee if that pastor even takes a salary from the church? Did he get the car as an anniversary gift or maybe saved his money and finally bought him a “nice” car? And that first family, that is “uppity”. Have you always been friendly to them or been seen by them being friendly? Oh but as soon they don’t speak… Who said that the first family is the most important people in the church?

I could have sworn God is the most important person there. If we focus on him, all the truths we need to know will be exposed. If we focus on God, we see the bad and the Good. When we focus on God, we don’t complain about faults, we uplift strengths to help the faults. I said we because I'd started writing this post to complain about those always bad-mouthing the church and I need to help them see the God I serve in me and be more understanding that many of those that complain are just as hurt and those they think they are helping. See I have to focus on God more, also. If We All focus on God, “pulpit pimps” won’t have anyone to pimp. As a matter a fact they won’t have time to pimp. People who are Anti-Whatever, won’t be so Anti-whatever. We are working on ourselves and trying to be better in God’s eyes and not trying better others by our “godly” standards. Anything people like to wag their fingers about won’t matter because We All are focusing on God.  Let’s just pray for more focus so this God we claim to serve can be seen. God is not man so he’s not wagging anything. The people who are so against the church won’t have anything to send me articles about because all they see is… I can’t wait for that day, too.

So, I challenge all of us instead of complaining when we see wrong in churches, I understand. Why would you pay tithes to a place that can't pay the light bill or to a man that is backsliding all over the place? Why be a member of a place that says a lesbian can't be over the church Boy Scouts but also didn't find out if the current leader is a pedophile. Pray about what should be said and/or done before you make a move. The statements about would not say if folks were praying about and not talking about it. 

Also to those who are against the church, especially the black church, what are your suggestions (other than don’t go to church)? Oh no, you are bold enough to complain, be bold enough to offer a useful solution or two. You can suggest that I am a mindless sheep following a wayward shepherd, leading me into a better mindset. I believe in God, his son, Jesus Christ, who died for me, and his essence, Holy Spirit, which he left to comfort me until he comes to get me, and those who believe like me to take us to live with him. The human part of me takes offense that you think I am dumb to let my free will participate in such things. But the God in me understands and prays for you to be just as understandable.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Courting 1301???

I know I've bored some of you guys with all these series about my screwy love life and criticism on Pop Culture. I know I have gotten away from giving you guys my snarky opinion on current events. I've not been without them but I post on my TL on Twitter. I forget many of you guys don't follow me there. Twitter does not have enough characters. Also, I did Twitter jail once and that was annoying. So you can give it a hearty welcome back with one I had to type this post out my mind.

Blame me having “The View” on in my background while I was working. The topic “Should Colleges offer a course in dating” came up. My mind started going.

So, an adjunct professor at Boston College is concerned about the Dating skills of students. She feels there is too much “hooking up” and not enough dating among college students. She feel like it’s a lost art. So in her course syllabus extra credit is available for any student who goes out on a date, subject to certain rules. It’s the student pays for the date and must make the request face-to-face, not via email or texting. The date can’t involve alcohol, kissing, or sex. This came about because a student asked her during a lecture about campus hookup culture, “How would you ask someone on a date?”. Other schools are going outside the classroom to address dating. Duke University’s Counseling & Psychological Services office ran “How to Be in Love” a series that helps students navigate falling in love, recognize “toxic romance” and analyze their break-ups. The counseling center at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign ran a weekly workshops this spring that included “being single and ready to mingle” and “uncovering the dating scene” as some of their subjects. Here are the articles if you don’t believe me.
http://college.usatoday.com/2014/07/09/would-you-ask-a-peer-out-for-extra-credit-schools-offer-dating-classes/

http://www.thecollegefix.com/post/18304/

Yes the “hook up” culture is on college campuses. (Wait let me say this to those who have never gone to college but can Always bad mouth college. Just because Some students are having casual sex (many safely) does not mean there are not going to classes and getting a good education. You did too and was not in school.)  It's not new. The culture was there when I was in college. I was never asked on a date by anyone I went to school with. I think the only date I almost had with someone on campus was a “Bachelor Bid” date that fell through big time. Oh they could flirt and make eyes at me. Oh there was one guy (I’ll call him Nickel, just in case some of the folks I went to UTA with, start wondering) that constantly gave me compliment on my looks. He never asked me out. Oh he could knock on my door and want to come in and watch TV (Umm no, that’s a booty call request in disguise. I was not that stupid & naive) but no date asking. I was asked out on dates by men who didn't go to school (Both universities & community college breaks) with me. Not that some they were not the same “just wanna hook-up” busters but they were making the effort to at least act like they trying to get to know me. I can't say Many of the ladies I ever associated with in college were asked out on dates. I might know one of them that asked a guy on a date. So yeah, the Art of dating is a Lost art form.

I actually think younger people (those in college or not) think “hooking up” is dating, these days Thanking Wikipedia for a definition, Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple. Dating is not hopping in bed (and any other places) and having sex only. That’s the definition of Casual sex. I'm not judging. I’m not in that position to do so. I’m just as human as the other humans. I’m just saying that Casual sex or hooking up is not the same as dating

I'm not totally against this concept of teaching Dating skills. I think that the skills should be taught before one graduates high school. But we know those skills are not being taught for various reason including, sheltering your children and just flat out not teaching children respectful advance social skills. TV and Movies do a better job than those who should be doing the instructing.  I think the colleges that are having seminars should continue as they are. It is probably taken out of the Student Activity fees and like all student activities it’s optional. Being extra credit for a Philosophy class is cute. But it’s not being taught on a wide spread forum.

I don’t ever want this to be a college course. Show me one Degree that needs Dating in its course work. Maybe the rudiments, trends or styles of dating for sociology or psychology degrees. We are talking the skills of dating or how to date not fundamentals.  I'm still miffed at all the 4 course hours of physical activity required when I was in school. Dating doesn't even fall under that department as elective. That’s a course the tuition would be supporting for a high probability of naught. Tuition is already too High to be taking superfluous electives. What  governing body of any College or University is going to let this course be added to the curriculum. And before you use the course, know that that is a Women’s Studies course, called Politicizing Beyoncé. Here’s the description: Beyoncé Knowles-Carter is known as many things: singer, songwriter, actress, performer, half of hip hop and R&B’s most powerful couple, even fashion designer. But few take her seriously as a political figure. This course will attempt to think about our contemporary U.S. society and its current class, racial, gender, and sexual politics through the music and career of Beyoncé. On the surface, she might deploy messages about race, gender, class, and sexuality that appear conservative in relation to social norms, but during this course we will ask: how does she also challenge our very understanding of these categories? How does Beyoncé push the boundaries of these categories to make space for and embrace other perhaps more “deviant” bodies, desires, and/or politics? We will attempt to position Beyoncé as a progressive, feminist, and even queer figure through close examination of her music alongside readings on political issues, both contemporary and historical. We will juxtapose Beyoncé’s music with writings on black feminism and the black female experience in the U.S. (and beyond), to attempt to answer: can Beyoncé’s music be seen as a blueprint for progressive social change? So that argument base is moot.

Again parents & guardians should be teaching these skills. It’s part of the advanced social skills they need when they leave the home to go out in the world. Oh some are but I've had conversations with some of the future citizens of the world. Some can't complete a conversations without mumbling and me asking them what did they say constantly (Sad part is there are some slightly older” (my age) people out there like that also). I’m going to guess knowing anything about proper dating skills is doubtful. Good job to universities, college & professors taking an interest social life of its students. Just don’t require any tuition money in that interest.

What do you think???

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Now If I Acted Like Miss Piggy… Yeah Sis, Bro, I’m Ok, but I Shouldn’t Have to Be

Want to know how Miss Piggy handles Catcalling & Street Harassment click Here 

Thursday, July 10 at 12 p.m. EST, News One will host a Twitter chat on Black women and street harassment. Follow the conversation at #YouOKSis on Twitter.com.

I get tired of people not understanding that Women, Gay Men and their bodies are Not a free for all, disrespectful playground. I’ll never understand when Street Harassment became the norm for vile and vulgar men & women (Yes, there are populations of lesbians are doing it women too.) to do. Grabbing somebody by the arm, saying “Say, Say. Give me those tens” is a gross form of how you should ask for a date. It’s even worse to call the person “Stuck up” or insults the person with profanities just because they don’t want to get to know you. They know enough. You are ignorant. Who wants to date anyone ignorant? Sad part is we've become a fearful population that if we complain, we are the bad guys. If we don't respond to these harassers with a “Yes” we are part of the problem. I’m tired of hiding my cell phone because I have to give some fool a fake number and just in case he call it to see if my phone will ring so I can feel safe. I’m tired of seeming like I might snap wild if you speak to me in public. This is crazy. Street Harassment is humiliating and can be dangerous.

To the men & women who are not doing it getting upset because awareness and discontinuing it is being discuss. You are not helping at all. Saying stuff like “If he was cute, it would be okay, “Not all Men are doing that”, “This is a Device from the White man to keep Black folks from dating”. Instead of getting upset, listen and help stop this heinous act. You know many that do it and not saying anything to them & continuing to hang with someone who does. You know that is a low-key way to say you agree. Many of you complainers have never had one discussion about Street harassment with a young man who does it or young women who has or might experience. How many of you have told a girl, you know about Street Harassment. Yet you can fix your mouth to complain or defend your right not to want to hear about it. Here is an article for you to read http://newsone.com/3033217/youoksis-feminista-jones-street-harassment-notjusthello/

I know about Street Harassment to well. I still remember when it was just referred to as “Cat Calling” (Which very gross and derogatory term in itself. And men have the nerve not to want to be referred dogs.) in Pop Culture. Miss Piggy experienced the “classic” definition of 1980’s Cat Calling. All she was trying to do was spy on Kermit and these construction workers (the "classic" face of Cat Calling) are interrupting her in a vulgar manner. Now days Miss Piggy would get arrested for going off. It's bad that as a child I understood what those guys were doing was wrong. Street Harassment happens everywhere. The street, grocery store, the mall, hallways of the middle & high schools, the paths of the local university (Yes, that group of guys standing around the front of the Science or English building always have something to say), bus stops, and many other places. The bus stop was where my worse encounter happened.

It was the first time I unloaded my pepper spray on anyone. I don’t drive. So I was waiting on the bus for my morning commute to summer school at one of the community colleges one summer. A car slowed down and the driver rolled down the window and spoke. Anything people know about me is I don’t answer to “Hey Baby”, “Say Baby”, “Psst (that makes me furious and has gotten some people cussed out)”, etc., or talk to people who want to converse from their cars or have grabbed my hand as I was walking by. The guy, who was Hispanic (It’s not just black guys but you knew that) said “Can I have your number”. I said “No”. He asked “Did I need a ride”? I said, “No, Thank you”. He said “Well fine then” and drove off. He made the block came back and said “Are you sure” I said “Yeah, I’m sure”. After that I thought he was gone. Nope, he was just getting started. He decided to drive around the block to taunt me 3 times before the bus came. I boarded that bus so quick and went to school. Hours later I’m coming home and I decided to get off a few blocks from my stop because the bus driver was taking his 15 minute break. It’s hot and as heck and low and behold here is the guy from earlier. He slowing down and I keep walking. He saying “Hey Baby. Give me your number”. I keep walking. He stopped the car and gets out and is walking towards me. I am 8 steps away from turning onto my street. He said “Look B-word. I’m talking to you”. I unloaded the Pep Squad on his face. This is the Pep Squad. 

 My sister gave this to me when I first went off to college. I took off to my home. I didn’t know if he saw where I went. I didn’t know if he would be back for me the next day. I stayed scared for weeks. I never saw him again, Praise God. Oh yeah, y'all know I stay in the hood, right. Where were the loitering fools around the bus stop and liquor store that day? Right there laughing at the encounter that afternoon. Nobody asked me was I ok or needed help. Matter fact I bet dollars to donuts, one of those guys probably asked me for my number prior to or after the incident. To them, I’m just a bougie chick that just went off that day. No, I was fed-up chick spraying for my safety.

All this because I said No. I said it was my worse. My worse was very extreme. It is not my only. I don't know any lady or Gay man that has not experienced this crap. Crazy part is is so common they may not even recognize it as wrong. 

What is wrong with No? No, First off, what was wrong with you approaching me with a “Hello, How are you”, away from your car? Then what was wrong with me rejecting you. I have the right to say No!!! I have the right Not to Fear for my life because I said No!!! Everybody has those rights. No One has the right to harass anyone for a date, though.

Yeah sister & brother, I am ok. But I really want People stop that. Cat Calling, Heckling for Dates all Street Harassment is wrong. It very disrespectful. Its cliché’ to ask but would you want anyone to do that to your mother or father? Don’t answer that because many of you don’t respect the well-being of your family members. It past just a "hello". It's past "you were just speaking" It is your speech that it the problem. It's disrespectful. It’s about respect. What is wrong with Respect???

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms

Dating and the Grieving Process

I love how my posts open cans of worms that I never intended to look at. A reader emailed me a few weeks ago asking since I was still posting entries on the “Not Interested in Dating” Series, Did that mean I was still on the dating market. If I was still on the market, that was very brave & bold of me to do so.  I told the reader that I would address that here, just in case somebody else was wondering that too.

I took myself off of the Dating Scene. I don't know when I will return right now. I said through the summer but actually, I have some emotional work to do. It’s a lot of variables including the dreaded “What If” and “Possible Absentee Explanation” variables, I have to look at. I'm still writing his letter. Dating will go on a “to do” list. And No (A Definite No) I will not announce when I come back. You'll see me when you see me.

Oh just in case you are wondering. I’m getting better. Having “Happy Tears” days. I just had one Sunday during church. “The devil’s Already Defeated” Slowly stopped me from talking about the hurt so much. It annoys me actually to discuss the hurt all the time. I’m hoping this should be my last post dealing with it for a while. I know I have one more Emotional hurdle to climb but that won’t come up for a while. So until then…

I learned that dating and grieving don’t mix for me around this time 10 years ago. My grandfather had just passed away in February. I had just met and had started “talking” to a guy, (that is now considered my worse boyfriend to date and we will call Barracuda for this post) a month prior. Common sense & Hindsight now say I should have cooled things with him in February. Nope, I let Barracuda become a comfort in my grief.

Let me give you the lesson now. Grief does not need a Bandage. Let it heal on its own.

I looked up and Barracuda (I have to give credit to my cousin, Clois for that name. LoL) was annoying me badly. The cloud of heavy grief had lifted and clearly, he was not making sense. Our dates were not of OutSpoken_Diva style. Was I really at basketball practice for a date? Did he just call me to chit-chat at 3 am on a weeknight?  Oh, he would say the most obnoxious statements in front of my family & friends. One of my favorite cousins while “sizing him up” at a party asked him why he liked me. He said, “Oh 'cause he's cute in the face and chunky in the waist”. He didn't laugh or act like that was inappropriate at all. I overheard that and cringed. Had he been acting like this the whole time? Yep, big time. And those are the ones I can tell you about here. Many friends at the time, including my BFF, thought I was just finding faults to break up. Eventually, they understood my concerns. First, I thought about entering the “Barely Not Cheating” mode. The only person that knew I was touching that mode was my friend, Pink Red. That took up too much time, so I scratched that. So, I decided to address my issues with him so maybe some resolution could be found. That didn't work. So by November, I went into “Dating, Just to have somebody around” mode. And I stayed there until I had to dump him because his obnoxious actions were ploys to hide the truth. That Truth got him to put on the “Bad Ex” list. The whole truth came out years later after I dumped him got him made the Leader of the “Bad Ex” list. No, I will not tell you “the whole story”. Only my mother, sister, and “Chosen Family” members know that one. And don’t guess because your mind doesn't think that way.  Let’s just say I relate to a few fictional characters in current literature.

Now with  Hindsight being 20/20, this could've been avoided. But I must have needed to learn this lesson with experience.

All I had to do was end things shortly after the funeral in February of 2004. And that is a decision I stand by. If the relationship I am in (if I’m in one) is Not “Serious” when someone close to me passes away, I’m ending it. Grief masks a person’s truth in dating. The mask hinders learning about someone.  My true self was probably masked also. Strangely enough, I was very patient & calm with him during that period. I was scaring myself so I know when I finally snapped I startled him, too. I don’t live life behind a mask. Dating is a part of life so I have to be fully visible while doing it.

One day I'm going to learn to say Yes & No answers to Yes or No questions.

Always, Talking to You in Adult Terms